Just to say, the chapter after this will most likely be the last, but there will be a sequel, maybe three sequels if all goes to plan. So the points that I've put in this story aren't as pointless a they seem. The Mickey/Jenny thing, for instance. This is very much a story about feelings, the other story's will hopefully have some action in them.
Daddy's girlChapter nine
"Ow!" The Doctor turns to look at me, a pained look spread over his features. "That hurt!"
"Sorry," I mutter, distractedly, as I wrap another bandage around his chest. That's where his worst cuts are. He may have healed up much better since arriving on Jack's field, but it still causes him pain even to stand. "It's your own fault, anyway," I inform him as I press too hard again and his face contorts.
He ignores my statement, choosing instead to take a better look at the TARDIS around him. "You fixed this place up well," he says aloud, nodding to the fixed wiring and almost-good-as-new control panels. Even the medic room, the one we were in now, had been hit badly, and repaired by me and a bit of help from Jack and Mickey "You always were better than me at that. I'm always saying Jenny, you're a natural-"
"Don't!" I interrupt him suddenly, unable to take any more false praise. "Please, just don't". He nods in submission as I finish off on re-applying his new bandages, careful now not to hurt him. "And I did fix I up well. No thanks to you".
He sighs as he pulls his shirt back on. "Ok!" he cries. "Ok, I'm sorry. Right? I shouldn't have left, but I had to".
"Oh, you had to, did you? And leaving me behind, I suppose you had to do that as well?" I ask, sarcasm dripping from every syllable.
"Yes, I did," he tells me sincerely. "I know you can handle yourself, but this time was different. I couldn't risk you getting hurt".
I give a contemptuous snort to the last part. "Like you'd care".
"Stop it!" it's his turn to snap. I jump at his sudden outburst, not because he's interrupted me, but because of the fierce anger backing it up. He glares at me for a moment, and then suddenly relaxes. "Sorry," he says, his shoulders drooping. "Sorry".
I shrug, turning away. "Whatever. I was only saying the truth is all. Suppose you can't act like you love me all the time".
"Oh for Christ sake Jenny, I don't hate you!" suddenly he's all anger again. And once more, it seems to leave him. His face becomes pained; without warning he walks over and wraps his arms around me, burying his face in my shoulder. "Please Jen's, don't. Don't say that. I love you; you're my daughter, you're everything that matters to me".
"Apart from her," I remind him, pulling away pulling away from his grip. "You'd rather her than me".
He stares down at me for a moment. Once more, fierce anger, "NO-I-WOULDN'T!" He shouts, and then becomes calm again. He grips my shoulders. "Jenny, I loved your mother. I will always love her. But I have to move on." He swallows; his voice is beginning to choke with emotion. "Please, hate me for what I did, god knows I'll never stop hating myself, but don't believe that I'd rather her than you Jenny, because trust me. It's not true".
I stare at him. His words have no hint of lie in them, and yet after fourteen years, there's still something to stop me believing him.
"So why can't you be happy?"
He blinks in surprise. "What?"
"When mum was alive, you were always smiling. Why aren't you like that now?" my own voice is starting to crack now, I need to blink back tears. I can't remember a day I've cried so much in all my life. "If I'm all that matters, then why can't you be happy with me?"
His eyes become wide. He shakes his head, speechless. "No," he mutters. I ignore it.
"Why do you need to distance yourself so much?"
"No…" he mutters again. He turns away from me and runs for the door, although it must be killing him with those injuries. I shout after him anyway.
"If you love me so much, why can't you just be glad you've got me?"
Silence.
I sigh and shake my head, drying my eyes as I do so. When did this get so wrong? When he left, when he returned, when I found those letters, when I came to Jackie's…
Jackie!
Shit! How long had it been since I'd ran off? Ages, anyway. A couple of hours. She'd be worried. I run back to the control room, a good six corridors down. You learn to run a lot in this life. I grab the doors and fling them open. Jackie's waiting outside, sitting on the kerb. She stands as she sees me and you can visibly see the relief flooding through her. "I was worried!" she exclaims. "I waited…"
"I know," I smile apologetically, in spite of everything. "Sorry, he woke up".
Her mouth drops open comically. "He what? When? How? You didn't give him tea, did you?"
"No," I say. "Tea is for a neural implosion, this was a complete neural shutdown".
"…I see," she obviously doesn't but I don't say anything. She glances behind me, as though expecting to see him there. "Can I talk to him?" she asks, for some reason she's nervous. I shrug.
"Need to find him first. I kind of confronted him and he kind of ran off".
Jackie tuts and rolls her eyes in an ironic manner. "Typical! Men eh?" We both laugh, just a little bit. "You alright?"
"I don't know. Been better," I don't want to talk about to her right now. Instead, until I find him again, I'm curious about something. But I don't ant to ask because I'm not so sure I want to know. "Jackie?" I ask, quietly. "What happened when he came back?"
For a second, she looks like she's going to tell me, but then she shakes her head. "I'm not sure this is the best time, sweetheart. I'm sorry".
I shrug like I'm not that bothered. I know that in this case, there's no point in arguing. I'll just need to bring it up some other time. "Ah well," I say, turning back to the TARDIS. "I suppose I'd better go and find my dad".
Coming home
I eventually stop after I run for what feels like miles. For all I know, it is, it's hard to tell in this place, it goes on for ages. I used to get lost. But the TARDIS would lead me back.
Why I'm running…it seems like I don't want to answer her questions. It's not. It's that I need to get some space to work things out. Maybe I am sort of running away. But I'll come back.
I always come back.
And I come back for her. Always. Because I can't leave her permanently. And she's hurting because of the first time I left. When she was just tiny.
The fact is, she doesn't know. She thinks that I was halfway there, when I realized it was impossible. She thinks she's something I have to live with.
Truthfully? I didn't get anywhere near where I planned. And the thought that it was impossible to bring Rose back anyway didn't even strike me until much, much later, well after I decided not to go through with it. After I'd come back.
I
I came back because I love her.
In the end, he didn't go anywhere
Jenny. Her name is Jenny.
His eyes closed as he stood, his back to the control panel. They'd de-materialized, but he hadn't set in co-ordinates yet. Co-ordinates to save Rose's life.
And prevent their child's.
This should be easy. Five minutes ago, Rose versus Baby, it was clear who would win. But now, she wasn't some nameless, faceless thing, she was Jennifer. She had a name.
A name Rose had given her.
Rose must have known she was dieing. She must have, but she didn't say. She only told him the baby's name and said goodbye. Surely, she would have wanted help or something. But she gave up. She left him.
Or maybe she knew there was no point. Maybe all that was important to her their was that her baby was alive and ok. Rose…wouldn't want to live, if it meant their baby never existed. That they were never in love.
What was the point in having her back if they couldn't be together? With their relationship, she had the best time of her life. As a result, she was dead. If he made it so they never got together, she'd live, but he couldn't love her. Maybe it was better this way. All he'd ever wanted was for her to be happy.
What would Rose want him to do now?
She'd want you to go back to the Estate, he thought. She'd want you to look after the baby she left behind.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. To his surprise, he was crying again. He wiped away his tears quickly. "I'm so sorry I let you down. I let our child down".
Sighing, he turned back to the control panel, setting the co-ordinates for London, Earth. Two weeks after he left.
Time to go home.
The next chapter may be quite short and just drawing it to a close, before the epilogue. Thanks to everyone for reading!