RangeDay
chapter 2
"Sure, Tank will go with you."
She stared at Ranger, thinking he must have one hell of an employee-insurance plan. He didn't turn away from her when he spoke again.
"Tank, got a problem with that?"
She cut her eyes to Tank, who was slouched in a chair eating an apple. The large man flashed a toothy grin at her stunned expression.
"Sounds like fun."
"See, Babe? No problem."
She looked from one man to the other and shook her head in disbelief. Here she'd been wondering how the hell she could talk one of the guys into going with her to class and now it turned out Tank was practically volunteering. All the guys had been ribbing her on how they wanted hazard pay if they were going to work with her, and now… She'd never understand these men.
Probably they just liked keeping her off-balance.
Friday. Another day at the office. She'd been pondering at the company-outing thing for two days now. Had googled until she hoped never to see another minigolf, volleyball or picnic ground website. The more active side of the spectrum seemed to contain things like survival tracks, abseiling, white water rafting and paintball again. What was it with men and paintball anyway? You'd think crawling around in the forest trying not to get shot would get old. Apparently it was fun if being shot didn't mean being wounded or dead. Or so Ram and Bobby had claimed.
She needed some outside input. Maybe Connie and Lula would have any ideas, and even if they didn't it'd be nice just to hang with the girls for a while. Since the news had come out that she'd be organising RangeDay she had become subject to a lot of attention and prying questions. Probably the book would open soon and she'd have to take paranoia to new levels.
Ranger had made it clear to the guys that his office was off-limits and that her phone and computer account were not to be touched. Not that that helped much when everything in the building was seen and heard and recorded. She'd have to get mail sent to another address to really be consistent. Her home address was out – Ranger had already indicated that he liked a challenge as much as the rest of the men. If she wanted to keep it a surprise, she'd need to outmanoeuvre him.
She found herself rather liking the idea of outmanoeuvring Ranger. And… if she couldn't do it in the sneakiness department, she couldn't do it at all.
"Hey girl! How ya doin' in the BatOffice?"
She laughed and plonked the bag of donuts onto the desk.
"Going well, just wanted a change of air." She bit into a Boston Crème and started to explain her predicament.
"So ya wanna do something cool, but not girly," Lula summarised.
"Yeah. Something that won't have me standing by the sidelines, you know? I don't want to be office-girl."
"Maybe you should start by thinking of things you could do?" Connie suggested.
"I thought of that, but there really isn't anything I can think of that I'm good at that they're not better at, AND that isn't girly."
"Girl, you gotta stop thinking like that. 'Course there's things!"
"Like what?"
Lula opened her mouth, but stilled. Her lips moved silently for a moment.
Stephanie hung her head. "That's what I mean."
"Why is it so important to keep this secret, anyway? You could just have a poll in the office and pick the most favourite activity."
"Because it'll be paintball. And I don't want to go paintballing with those guys."
The other women nodded. They couldn't fault her for that.
"And I want it to be a surprise, something really cool. Something that's worth all the anticipation. I don't want there to be a betting book on this day and then have it turn out a disappointment." She blushed. "Is that weird?"
"Hell no!" Lula grinned. "I'm gonna wrack my brain trying to think of something for you. You're gonna impress the hell out of Batman and the merry men."
She ran into Morelli in Tasty Pastry. Talk about shared history at this place. He pulled her to the side and gave her a full-body hug.
"Good to see you."
"It's good to see you too, Joe."
She untangled herself and stepped back before her body started to make the decisions here. His eyes were very soft.
"I miss you, cupcake."
She missed him too – he'd been a part of her life for so long it was strange to only see him like this. Strange not to be aware of what was going on his life, and strange that he wasn't up on hers. But she didn't want a discussion right now, so she settled for a smile and a:
"How's Bob?"
"Why don't you drop by more often to see for yourself?" Because it was far too easy to end up in bed with Mr. Best Buns in Trenton. Not that she was going to tell him that.
Remembering her epiphany in the Japanese restaurant, she smiled at him. "Been busy. Can I borrow him to go running some time?"
He looked at her in utter shock.
"You? Running? What's gotten into you?"
She saw in his face that he expected the answer to be 'Ranger'.
"Just my new regime. Lots of exercise and no complications."
"Complications?"
"Men."
"No men?" Suggestive grin. "You're never going to keep that up."
"I can, and I will, and I feel great." Take that, Morelli. I have control over my hormones. Sometimes.
"Sure, cupcake. Pick Bob up anytime you like. And let me know when you fall off the wagon with that no-man thing."
Joe walked off with a grin, and she tried not to feel sad. It only confirmed what she already knew about their relationship. The sex was great. Without the sex, what was between them was… unreliable. If he knew he wasn't going to get her into bed, Morelli wasn't even that interested in seeing her.
She picked up the donuts and walked out to the black Explorer she'd borrowed. Well, the joke was on Morelli. She'd sworn no oath not to have sex – had just decided to back off from the men in her life until she made sense of how she felt about them, and they about her. And part of the puzzle had just started to resolved itself.
There was a hole in her life, but was it a Morelli-shaped hole or just the space he left when he stepped back?
"Steph, can you help me with—"
She held up her hand to stop Hawk from walking in further. He grinned and mimicked walking into an invisible wall. She turned off the monitor and stacked the various brochures she had in front of her, putting them in a drawer.
Hawks eyes were fixed on the stack and snapped to her when she closed the drawer. It made her smile inwardly. Hawk was a new recruit, a big Cherokee man with milimetred hair and a solid build. Now and then she'd find herself completely entranced by the easy grace of his motions.
"Yes?"
"I tried searching for medical records but I must be doing something wrong, I'm not getting anything."
She gave him a hard look, but he radiated honest sheepishness. She'd explained this to him the day before.
Hmm.
She got up and followed him to the cubicle he was using. He was still favouring his right leg. Plopping down in the extra chair before the computer she concentrated on the search application on screen.
"So how's the organising going?"
She made a non-committal sound, not looking up.
"You pick out an activity yet?"
"Hey Steph, you want coffee?" Lester stuck his head around the cubicle wall. A look passed between him and Hawk.
"Yeah… please…" she kept her eyes fixed to the screen, wondering if they'd grow more obvious if she didn't answer to the fishing.
"Ah, I see. You used colons instead of semi-colons in your search request. Here, this should work." She hit enter and spun her chair to face him.
"I could swear I specifically mentioned this when I explained it to you yesterday."
At that moment Lester came in with coffee, handing it over but staying in the entrance, blocking it.
"Made any decisions about RangeDay yet?"
Great, she was being tag-teamed now.
"The book running yet?" she replied.
"Boss said you told him paintball was out."
"I'm considering options."
"So paintball is not out?" Hawk.
Man, how hard was it to understand that she wasn't going to tell them?
"I'm so not having this conversation."
She got up and made for the exit. Lester didn't move out of her way.
"Unless you want hot coffee over your shirt I suggest you move out of my way," she said sweetly. He flashed a wide grin and stepped aside with an exaggerated 'feel free' gesture.
"Thank you," she said, feeling a little snarky. If she wanted to do this well, she'd have to think seriously about a strategy to keep her plans secret. If they couldn't get anything out of spying, they'd probably nag at her until she inadvertedly gave something away.
She'd never have to do strategy before. Something to consider over the weekend.
Friday late afternoon was office hangout time. The weekly evaluation at 5 PM often ran over into a beer-and-pizza session. If there was no job scheduled for the evening that session didn't seldomly relocate itself to Shorty's when the dayshift came off and contractors took over for the weekend.
"Hey Bombshell, are you coming along to Shorty's? I'm driving tonight."
She smiled at Tank. The designated driver was a new thing. Tank and Ranger had introduced it to avoid irresponsible driving.
"Sure, but only if everybody shuts up about RangeDay."
Tank just laughed. Lester, on his fourth beer, cried out in disappointment from the other side of the room.
"Damn it Steph, there goes our plan to get you sauced and pry all your secrets out of you!"
"Lester Santos, let me warn you right here," she called back. "if anyone uses alcohol to fish details out of me, I can assure you that RangeDay will consist of minigolf and karaoke!"
From the sudden silence and stricken expressions around the room she figured she had struck gold with that threat.
"Not minigolf!" Ram groaned.
"Maybe bowling," she smirked. "Or a nice motivational speaker."
Ranger looked pained. "You're twisting the knife, Babe."
Oh yeah, and she was loving every second of it.
"Sensitivity workshops? You know, with roleplays and stuff?"
A collective groan.
"We give in!" Lester called, slamming his fist onto the table, making the beer bottles jump. "Friday afternoon, or any occasion where Steph drinks alcohol, is off-limits for investigations. Agreed?"
Everybody nodded. Ranger gave her a 200-watt grin. She leant back in triumph.
"Bring on the margaritas, I say!"
The men laughed and they all trooped out of the meeting room, Stephanie as one of the last. Suddenly she was stopped by large hands over the side of her hips.
"You're getting worryingly good at negotiating, babe," Ranger said softly over her ear. She repressed a shiver. "You found the leverage and used it."
"Well there's this professor who taught me a thing or two…" she said on a smile, still giddy from her victory. She leaned back a little and felt him take a deep breath, his body starting to lean against her – then he seemed to remember about keeping space. His hands removed themselves a little reluctantly, and she squeezed her eyes shut, wishing that she knew if the rush to her stomach was relief or disappointment.
His hand ghosted her shoulder and he leant in for the briefest of moments.
"Proud of you…"
She smiled because there was real pride in his voice, and willed her body to relax. God, it felt good to be that close to him. It was good that he was willing to give her space, because even with her new-found self control she didn't think she'd be able to resist him. And nice as it would no doubt be, it'd complicate the whole affair just when it felt like she was starting to untangle the mess of her feelings.
Ranger's habit of advancing emotionally, and then just when she began to feel there might be something there, to retreat again – it really wouldn't help her sort herself out. He'd do the nicest, caring things for her. Then he'd remind her he didn't do relationships. Better to back the hell off than to get burnt by that again.
She was sad about what she'd realised about Joe and her. She did love him, in her own way, and she was pretty sure that Joe also loved her – in his own way. It was just that those ways seemed to be incompatible.
His love seemed to confuse caring with holding too tight. With a burg life like his mother lead. He either seemed to let things with her too loose, or hold them too tight. And she could never work out where that balance should be, either. She wanted him to hold her close, but when he did she felt restricted. Push and pull, like an eternal cycle, a never-ending tango.
Life was great. She loved her life. This drink tasted great too.
"I love margaritas!" she proclaimed, raising the glass high in the air. This got a round of cheers from the guys, and she felt herself grin so wide her face was in danger of splitting. She loved the guys. Big handsome men who looked out for her and most of the time acted like brothers – what wasn't to like?
Ranger reached out and put a tall glass of mineral water in front of her. She took it without thinking and took a sip. Tasted strange just after a margarita. Would ensure that she'd last the evening instead of being ill or passing out. That sort of thing was embarrassing enough as it was, doing it amidst the merry men while they were on their 10th drink would definitely provide them with amusement for the next ten years or so.
She'd figured out that if she drank a glass of water between every real drink, she'd be pleasantly snockered without loosing control, her dinner or her consciousness. Then she'd told Ranger and Tank about it, just in case she forgot about it. And, nice as they were – or rather, nice as they could be – they cheerfully enforced it.
Ranger had been nice about a lot of things lately. And usually Ranger was only this nice if there was something in it for him. Mercenary. Opportunist. He used those labels with pride. Sometimes his actions had felt… different… but it was still a difficult thought to shake. That fateful morning-after conversation stood seared into her brain. She couldn't help running everything he did through the filter it had created.
"Hey, what're you getting out of this?" it shot out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Damn drunken blabbermouth of hers. He looked at her, presumably waiting for her to explain. She gestured at the glass of water.
"Getting out of the glass of water?"
"Errr…" Yeesh, couldn't he keep up? "Out of… out of… being all nice to me."
His look was intense but unreadable, and held her eyes for what seemed like a long time. Then Bobby called something from the other end of the booth and he broke contact to answer. A shiver crept down her spine.
Forcing it away, she focussed her attention on a story Lester and Bobby were telling with much shouting and arm-waving. It made her smile to see them so relaxed. She sat back and let their energy surround her, for once not feeling pushed toward the centre of attention.
"You're falling asleep, Babe."
"No I'm not." She didn't open her eyes, trying not to shiver at his warm breath over her ear. "I'm just enjoying listening to you guys."
"We're all getting ready to leave."
Shit. Well okay, maybe she'd been dozing off a little. Cover, Steph. Cover.
"Well okay, I'm ready to go home too."
Grin from Ranger.
"I'll drive you."
Uh-oh. He didn't look like he'd forgotten her earlier comment. Still that intense look in his eyes. She wondered if he'd actually speak to her during the drive or if he planned to talk at her place. More uh-oh. Better not encourage him to come upstairs, or she'd fall off the wagon with her plans to sort herself out before she tackled the complications with the men in her life.
She operated on automatic as she wished everybody a good weekend and got into the Porsche with Ranger. He looked at her for a long moment and then rolled over the engine.
With a flash of alcohol induced clarity – how rare was that? – she realised that she wasn't really sure what she wanted from Ranger, but another one-night-stand wasn't it. No matter what her hormones said.
It would no doubt be wonderful, and afterward she'd feel worse. Best not to go there at all. It was time to be in control. Wonder Woman was in control, right? Probably Wonder Woman wasn't led around by her hormones.
Tsuy's voice sounded in her head.
'The best way to appear purposeful is to be purposeful. Take stock, decide where you want to go and how you're going to get there, and go for it.'
They had been talking about navigating streets and difficult situations at the time, but really, the advice applied to her entire life. And so long as she didn't know what she wanted, she was going to stay where she was. Figuratively speaking.
That was it. Attitude. Out with Doormat-Stephanie and in with Wonder Stephanie. Did Wonder Woman ever drink a couple of margaritas before she came to this kind of enlightening moments?
to be continued.
I'd love to hear anything you have to say about this story.
Cheers,
Arwen