Standard disclaimer: This is not mine except for the original bits that are, and written purely for the enjoyment of myself and others. The thought that I'd make money of it is just laughable.

Those who are easily offended should refrain from reading. These characters talk, think and behave like adults.

Extra note: I have a series of shorts that play in this plot, but don't fit within the structure of Rangeday itself because they have different point of views. These have found a place on as a seperate story called 'Rangeday EXTRA'. You can find it on my index page.

RangeDay

Chapter 8

It was Ram who rang her doorbell the next morning. He'd brought the shopping bags she had left in the wrecked car. She told him to sit and drink coffee while she tried to minimise the bruise on her forehead.

Not much she could do with the lump, but the bruise at least looked smaller and less extreme. Well, for certain values of less. It was still a glaringly obvious dark purple area on her forehead, after all. And it was Friday. Not that she was in the mood to go out with the guys anyway. All her muscles felt sore.

"You okay?" asked Ram when she came out of the bedroom in RangeMan black.

"Sure. Is it really horribly visible?"

He looked at her with a frown.
"You mean the bruise? I was talking about that screaming match you had with the cop yesterday."

"Oh. That."

She saw him grimace.

"If my wife had a car accident like that and I yelled at her…" he said. Then stilled. Seemed to decide he shouldn't get involved in this. She was thankful.

"Joe and I are… different."

He nodded in acknowledgement, tersely. Threw the remainder of his coffee down the sink and walked into the hallway so she could lock her door.

He was quiet on the way to the office. Not zone-quiet, Ram was usually quite animated while driving. It was a I-think-you're-wrong-and-I'm-trying-to-stay-out-of-it kind of silence. Yesterday Tsuy and now Ram. Both were… objective people, mostly. Neither of them had a particular reason to want to influence her love life. Maybe that should tell her something.

"Okay, spit it out," she finally sighed. "I promise to listen."

As expected, he didn't pretend not to understand her. She'd grown to know him comfortably well, over near-daily gym sessions.

"If that had been me and my wife, I would be staying with my brother right now."

She nodded in acknowledgement, not sure how to react. He continued:

"What worries me is that you don't even seem shocked. Leaving aside for a moment that you were also in the wrong—" she opened her mouth to protest and he cut her a look. "You don't seem to find anything wrong with the way he reacted to the fact that you just had an accident which was not your fault."

She let that sink in for a moment, unsure where he was going with this. Ram glanced at her and let out a long sigh.

"My wife would kick me out of the house, and she would be damn right too. She deserves better than that. She certainly doesn't deserve to be yelled at because some idiot drove into her."

Not liking where this was going. Uncomfortable thoughts. Time for denial.

"I know Joe didn't mean it like that—"

"You promised to listen."

That was true.

"So I'm thinking, maybe Stephanie thinks she deserves that reaction, you know? Maybe somewhere deep down she feels that this Morelli is justified in treating her that way."

They were both silent for a while. Stephanie thinking that this was an extremely uncomfortable line of thought. Did she think she deserved it? What she wanted was someone who just held her when disaster struck, and supported her. Helped her make things right.

But the Burg was strong. He's a saint to put up with her, it whispered. I can't believe what she's put him through. All this, and he's still prepared to marry her.

She couldn't even remember all the cars that she had scrapped since she started as a bounty hunter. It was amazing that he really did still want her. And Joe had been worried, and she'd reacted wrong, and tempers had taken over…

"The driver of that Lexus was yelling at you," Ram's calm voice cut in. "Does that make you angry?"

She remembered the snot-nosed guy. Couldn't have been older than twenty. Jersey girl indignation rose to the surface in an instant.

"Yeah! HE was wrong, backing up without looking. I was just driving by!"

"So you don't know him, but you don't think he had the right to yell at you?"

Uh-oh. She could feel where this was going and it was not a good place. She squirmed in her seat and was relieved to notice they were almost at the office. Maybe if she stalled…

The gate opened and Ram parked the car. When she reached for the door the automatic locks clicked. He gave her a stern look. No getting away.

"Okay, no…"

"But you're… involved… with Morelli and you don't seem shocked or angry that he yelled at you."

She fixed her eyes on the dashboard, having no answer to that. It was true, and when he put it like this it felt insane. She was more angry with a stranger for yelling at her than with Morelli, who wanted to marry her. Wanted the whole have, hold, love and cherish deal. How could he promise her that when this was his reaction when she got into an accident?

Worse, the moment she'd seen him in front of her she'd expected him to yell. Had wished he hadn't turned up.

The doorlocks clicked open.
"Something to think about," Ram said kindly.

She couldn't concentrate on her work. She'd exhausted her network on the three files Ranger had given her, and was reading them all over again. Well, she was trying. Her eyes kept unfocussing.

"Hey Bombshell," Bobby poked his head around her cubicle entrance, startling her. "You wanna come along to the gym?"

Was it twelve already? God, and she still had nothing on these files. Not on RangeDay either. All she had was a million conflicting thoughts raging around her mind. Maybe a little exercise would help.

"Sure, I'll be there in fifteen."

Ranger was out to inspect an account, so the 7th floor apartment would be empty. That was good. She wasn't sure if she felt up to facing him right now, not while she kept seeing herself toe-to-toe with Joe, yelling. Not while his arms seemed like the perfect place to run to, to hide in.

She opened the door and the apartment felt like a haven, peaceful and welcoming. She mindlessly began to change into exercise clothes.

She loved Joe. Or at least, that's what she'd always thought. And he said he loved her, wanted to marry her.

Then how came they couldn't seem to find any respect for each other? How come that the only time they made each other feel really good was in bed? She'd put it down to temper and dangerous jobs and being Italian, but that couldn't be all of it.

Could she really imagine spending her life with Joe and be happy with it? The answer prompted her to lean against the wall and let herself sink to the floor. No. She'd looked at him with the almost star-struck idea of him she'd had when she was sixteen. She had never really let go of that idea, of wanting him so badly she would have given up anything to be with him.

Now he wanted her. What just hadn't caught up with her across the years was the realisation that just because she had wanted him, she wasn't obliged to still want him.

Truth was she'd known this for a while. She loved the thought of loving Joe. The thought of marrying and having a family was appealing whenever life got difficult. The nice, safe existence where no skips threw disgusting things at her and where no sickos latched onto her… it was an escape thought.

Except that of late she had grown better, and needed that escape thought less and less. Instead of appealing it become stifling. And instead of the man she'd like to marry some day, Morelli had become the man who wanted to stuff her into the Burg housewife mold and cut off any bits that didn't fit, like cookie dough. Like her strange profession and her oddball friends and her desire to fly. And she wasn't prepared to go without those things.

That cold truth made her cry. Joe had been such a large part of her life for so long that the idea that it was never going to be anything tore at her heart. She grabbed a large towel from the nearby pile and hugged it to her chest, crying until she didn't have any tears left.

She didn't know how much time had passed when the housephone rang, but she couldn't be bothered to get up and answer it, so it didn't matter. A minute later her cellphone chirped. She stared at the display and sniffled, trying to pull herself together. It was Ram.

"Hey, are you going to come down?"

He sounded gentle, like he wouldn't be twisting her arm if she said no. Unlike normally. Ram was her exercise enforcer.

"I'm…" she stifled a hiccough, "sorer from yesterday than I thought."

He seemed to understand what she meant.
"No problem. We'll see you after lunch."

"Ram?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," she said, hoping he understood it wasn't for letting her off the hook with the exercise.

"You're welcome," he answered, and hung up.

She took a long shower in the luxury of Ranger's bathroom and decided that it was time for the pro-active approach. She'd call Joe and speak to him tonight. She knew this time it was serious. It was really over and that thought saddened her, but somewhere it also felt like a relief. She could stop trying. Maybe in time she could also stop feeling guilty.

RangeDay, now that was another problem all together. Tsuy might have had a point with the suggestion to move away from specific company-outing activities. They were all booked full, so she had to think of something else. The Go Game had been so attractive… but then again myself she could use the elements of that for something else. Except that would be a hell of a lot of work. Or maybe a new company… except that it was hard to find those unless you had a connection to put you on their trail. Oh well.

First things first.

"Hey Joe," she talked to his voicemail. "Can I come over tonight? I'll bring pizza."

It had taken her only a moment to decide she didn't want him to come over to her apartment, and she certainly didn't want to do it in public. The Burg would know soon enough. If she went to his house, she could control the end of the conversation. If it degenerated into yelling, she could leave. Plus, she got to see Bob. That was always a plus.

The rest of her day passed in a haze. She found some clues in the three files Ranger had given her and rang some friends to follow up on it. Nothing definite, but some ideas did come back to her. Hopefully enough to satisfy Ranger. The Friday afternoon meeting was boisterous as usual, but she wasn't in the mood and kept her mind on business. Ranger noticed, and Tank, but they let her. She was thankful.

After the meeting ran to an end she excused herself and made for her cubicle. She wouldn't go to Joe until 7:30 or so, but she had to get out of here, that was for sure.

"Babe."

She jumped and cursed herself, ready for the aware-of-your-surroundings lecture. She'd been growing agitated with the prospect of facing Morelli tonight and hadn't been paying attention.

He watched her steadily from the entrance of her cubicle. Blocking it. Uh-oh, she was definitely cornered and she didn't know if she was up to keeping it together just now.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she said on a sigh. "Just peachy."

She gathered her things and turned to him to leave. He was still blocking the exit.

"I eh.." she made a nervous gesture, "kind of want to go home."

He stepped closer and she felt frozen on the spot. Was he going back to 'applying pressure'? She told herself to get the hell away but couldn't find the strength. He could always break through all of her emotional defences. Annoying, but something she'd come to accept. And she was tired from all the turmoil of the day.

His hands came up to the side of her shoulders, holding her very gently in place. Instead of kissing her as she'd half expected, he inspected her forehead, and she realised he was looking at the lumpy bruise.

"That must be tender," he said softly. His voice washed over her. She felt her eyes drift shut and her resistance slip. Right now, nothing would be better than to bask in his strength for a little while.

He leant in a little, their bodies touching just slightly. She let out a long sigh and just allowed herself to drift for a moment, soaking in his warmth.

"If you need help with Range Day…" he said softly, his lips just barely brushing her forehead. "You'll tell me, yes?"

She gave a tiny nod.

"Giving us all a challenge is not important."

"kay…"

God, he could be sweet when he wanted to be. So sweet in fact, that she could feel the first signs of an irrationally emotional tearfest coming on. And that just wouldn't do.

"I need to go." Before I cry all over your shirt.

He brushed a feathery kiss over her forehead and released her, stepping back and out of the way.

"Have a good weekend."

"And you," she replied, slipping past her and him of the door with a wave to the crew on deck.

Once down in the garage she come to a halt. Car! She smacked herself in the forehead and hissed with pain because she had momentarily forgotten about the lump.

But wait a moment, there was a familiar weight in her coat pocket. She fished for it – pack of gum, Tasty Pastry napkins, bunch of empty batteries, hair elastic, nylon riot cuffs… keys! Drawing them out she found one of the Explorer key sets. She strongly suspected those had not been there when she put on the coat, she'd have heard them jangle. Ranger must have slipped them in there just now. The sneak. The thoughtful sneak.

In the end the confrontation with Joe turned out to be a lot less dramatic than she had imagined. He opened the door for her and she saw in his eyes that he knew why she was there.

Bob stormed at her and almost bowled her over in his enthusiasm. In the split second before he jumped up she stuck out the hand with the pizza and Joe caught the box before it fell prey to the undiscerning appetite of the dog. She spent a happy few minutes petting and cuddling the dog. He was squirming and whole-body wagging and generally very happy to see her. She finally became aware of Joe watching her with a sad look on his face.

"This is goodbye?"

It was a question, but it really wasn't.

"Yeah," she confirmed finally, her voice soft. He already knew.

"Wanna a beer with your pizza?"

Okay, so he was still willing to share it. That was a good sign, she figured.

She reviewed the conversation when she was in bed, staring up at the ceiling. She felt… sad. But also lighter. And guilty for that last sentiment.

They'd sat down on the couch with the beer and pizza, Bob sitting between them looking hopefully from plate to plate. She'd looked up at Joe and seen in his eyes the same resignation she knew was in her own.

"What made you decide?" he asked after a long moment.

"Something a friend said," she admitted after a moment.

"The Yatsumi girl?"

She shook her head.
"Someone who doesn't know you, and doesn't really know me either."

"What did they say?"

"He asked if I thought the other driver had the right to yell at me."

She saw Joe's eyes darken as he extended that reasoning. Then he sighed.

"Rookie cop was tagging along to me yesterday. I went back to my car and he gave me this look…"

He took a long pull of his beer.

"Like… I don't know. Just made me realise that we can't keep doing this."

"It's not working for either of us," she agreed, amazed at how much easier than imagined this conversation was going.

"Time to step off the emotional rollercoaster."

They ate in silence, contemplating a future with 'them' definitely over. Stephanie found it incredibly difficult. He'd been part of her life for so long, and for so long she'd always believed they'd eventually end up together.

She finished her pizza and put the plate on the ground, for Bob to lick clean. Joe saw and his lips quirked in a half-grin.

"We went in opposite directions, you know." He said after a moment.
"Years ago I saw you looking around my house with this… look."

"I was thinking you needed a cookie jar to make your house really homey."

"Yeah. And I told you to not get any ideas."

She nodded, remembering keenly. It had been quite a strange morning.

"Probably about the only time you ever listened to me. Now I'd kill for you to look around my house that way."

"But I don't…" she said, knowing he knew it. "That's not what I want anymore. Maybe I never really wanted it, just thought that I was supposed to want it, or something. I don't know."

He put his plate away and pulled her into a hug, pressing his cheek against the top of her head. She let out a deep breath and just held him for a moment, feeling sad about the future that would never happen.

"You have to go fly, Cupcake," he said softly into her hair. "I don't want to stop you any more. Or you're going to be just like your granny when I die. I never want you to feel you have to catch up on life."

She sniffled a little, her eyes wet.

They were wet again now, in the darkness of her own bedroom, and tears slowly ran down the side of her face. Today was the end of something big, and that made her sadder than she'd expected. The end of the world as she knew it. The end of her image of the future. She'd have to think of something new to fill all that space ahead of her.

On an impulse she grabbed her cellphone and hit the speed dial. Then lost her nerve. God, it was late. Early. He might be angry that she woke him for something stupid. It was answered before she could lose her nerve completely and hang up.

"Babe." He sounded like the phone had startled him awake. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. Sorry," she stumbled, realising he thought she was in trouble. "Didn't mean to startle you, I just… I'm sorry, nevermind."

Before he could say a word she disconnected, feeling worse than before. Jeez, here was this man who kept looking out for her and the only thing she did in return was to wake him up in the middle of the night just because she felt like talking. She'd heard rustling as if he was sitting up in bed. Did she get into trouble that often, that he expected the worst news whenever she called?

And now she'd hung up on him. After waking him. Good going, Steph. Real good going. She thumped her head back against the pillow a few times and sighed.

Her cellphone rang. She opened it and then didn't know what to say.

"Babe." His voice was thick with sleep and irritation. "Don't hang up on me."

"S-sorry, I—"

"—if you're gonna wake me in the middle of the night, the least you could do is talk to me for a while."

To be continued

There! It's kind of a slow chapter, but I did think this needed space so she could work through it. Guess this is a 'growing up' chapter. As always, feedback of all sorts if very welcome.