Standard issue disclaimer: This is not mine except for the original bits that are, and written purely for the enjoyment of myself and others. The thought that I'd make money of it is just laughable.

Those who are easily offended should refrain from reading. These characters talk, think and behave like adults.

Rangeday

chapter 16

"I had a great afternoon. Never figured you for going to the zoo," she smiled, punching the lift button.

He watched her as she bounced on the balls of her feet and gave her a small smile.
"April is the best time of the year."

"I liked the baby tigers best. Hard to think that something so cute will become a huge tiger. And the little giraffe trying to figure out what to do with all those legs."

She stepped out of the lift and waited for him to unlock the door to his apartment.
"So what did you like best?"

He slanted her a hot look while he closed the door behind them.
"You watching the baby tigers."

She felt herself blush. She hadn't managed to convince him to eat an icecream, so she had made sure he knew how much she enjoyed hers. The baby tigers had been cute, but she'd stayed there so long because there was a breeze to cool down her face.

It had been a good day; time spent together with nothing exploding and nobody getting shot. Quite unusual, really. She sat at the bar while he got out a wok pan and put it on a high flame. Ella and Louis had gone out for the evening, but Ella had left behind the chopped-up components of a good wok meal.

Stephanie rested her chin on her hands and watched him cook, smiling because every now and then he'd look at her, seeming tempted to come over and kiss her, and then the cooking food would draw his attention back to the stove.

"So, do I get icecream for dessert?" she teased. "Or chocolate mousse?"

Before she realised it he was facing her from across the bar, his hands on her upper arms, hauling her closer while he leant in. His eyes were dark and she thought that the way he looked at her might just melt her bones.

"You're playing with fire, Babe," he murmured against her lips.

She sucked air and desire washing through her, hot and demanding. He didn't move, and she couldn't. Suspended in the hormone-charged force field between them. She wanted to be in that amazing bed with this amazing man right now, and there was no reason why that couldn't happen. Her legs were shaved. Rex would be fine until tomorrow. The perfect opportunity to stay the night… And to make sure that there wouldn't be lot of sleeping on the to-do list. Her eyes glazed over at the thought of it.

"Ranger—" she drew in a deep breath, suddenly aware of a new smell. "The food. Ranger, the FOOD!"

He snapped out of whatever had a hold on him and let go, grabbing the wok and shaking the food, cursing under his breath. The beginning of a burning smell dissipated and they both heard her stomach rumble.

Ranger shook his head with an unrepentant grin.
"You're a hazard to my brain function."

"That better be a compliment."

He caught her hands to the surface of the bar with one hand and turned the wok burner down with the other. Then, not letting go of her hands, he walked around the end of the bar to end up behind her, melded up against her back. Well, some of him melded. Other parts pushed against her, insistently. Was that her favourite part pressing against her backside? She arched her back a little to make sure. Ranger gripped her wrists a little harder and pressed himself against her.

"You'd better believe it," he said in a low voice. She felt herself sweat in select places. Then all of a sudden he let go, going back to the stove, turning the flame back up, leaving her flushed and off-balance.

"You—you—"

She put her hands flat on the countertop and took a few deep breaths, trying to get herself under control.

"The food, Steph, the food!" he taunted, his eyes gleaming wickedly.

"Good point," she managed in an almost normal voice. "I'm really hungry."

Damn skippy.

Once she managed to force her attention to her appetite, the meal was very good. They ate at ease, the tension shelved for now. That made her grin. After dessert they could get it back off the shelf.

"Ella was thrilled when I said you'd eat over," he said when they were done. "I think she's been experimenting with her icecream machine."

"Ella has an icecream machine?"

"The secret of eating well is to make the cook happy," he flashed a small grin. "She promised me this would be something we'll both like."

"I'm curious now."

It turned out to be icecream made of, well, a smoothy. Strawberries and orange and banana, with some yoghurt, frozen into a deliciously smooth icecream.

"Ella is a marvel," she said amidst appreciative little sounds. "This is amazing."

She watched him take a spoonful. God, he was sexy when he didn't use the blank face. She put another spoonful into her mouth and then moved over to kiss him. He caught an arm about her waist and pulled her sideways onto his lap, and they shared a delicious, icecream-flavoured kiss.

"Mmm," he said when they finally broke for air. "I think Ella is getting a raise."

She laughed and he chuckled and she closed her eyes briefly, feeling the vibration in his chest and willing this moment between them to last forever. Right now, right here, she could believe that loving him wouldn't prove a painful mistake.

She startled when he slid an arm under her legs and stood up, lifting her effortlessly and carrying her to the huge sofa. He sat down with her in the corner, so she could lean against the armrest. He reached over to undo her shoelaces and take off her shoes, so she could nestle her feet onto the couch. Then he laid a kiss on her that made her forget everything around her, even her own name. His hands were on her back and side, rubbing in a slow rhythm that seemed to scorch her skin. A fire blazed low in her stomach, and she dimly wondered if that loud, fast thudding in her ears was her heart, and if he could hear it, too.

When they had broken apart and she just sat there in a daze of lust, he caressed the shell of her ear with his lips.
"Tell me about Rangeday," he whispered.

She grasped around for her powers of speech and then suddenly realised what he'd said.
"You already know about Rangeday," she said, sounding breathless. He settled a hand on her belly and began to rub slow, hot little circles.

"Not everything…" he said low over her ear, his voice husky. "Tell me everything."

She felt her insides turn to quivering jelly. When he was like this, he could ask her anything. He was irresistible.
And he knew it.

Just a moment now, a small but insistent voice said from the back of her mind. Is he actually using this as an interrogation? And did you just think he could ask anything, while you still can't ask him anything?

Stephanie mentally squashed down her raging hormones and drop-kicked the resulting mess firmly into the corner of frustration and anger. She closed her eyes and took a long breath. Her heart still hammered like she'd been for a run.

"Boy, you're good," she said then. "Almost had me there."

His face lost its expression and his hands stilled.
"Babe?"

"You know just about anything there is to know about me, but this one, ONE thing that you miss details on, boy that must bug you like nothing else. Meanwhile," she took his hand off her stomach and dropped it, "I still don't know a thing about you and I can't even ask you."

He was silent for a long moment, measuring his words perhaps. She was about to continue, getting into her rant now, when he said:
"Why can't you ask?"

"What's your daughter's name? Where do your cars come from? Where were you when you were gone earlier this week?"

His face hardened and the warmth drained from his eyes. Something small and fragile crumpled inside of her and she struggled to her feet, shoving his hands away. He stayed where he was, eyes fixed on her as she paced.
"What brought this on?"

"You did!" she heard her voice rise and embraced the anger. It was better than the bitterness welling up in her throat. "You did! With your secrecy and your silence!"

He didn't say anything, so she continued.
"You know what? I've been psyching myself up for a week to ask you that! You've actually trained me to NOT ask you questions, because I know this is the reaction I'll get, and I don't want you to feel that I'm intrusive, so I don't even ask anymore!"

She waited for him to say something, get into the conversation… argument… whatever. To give some sort of reaction. He just sat there, watching her blank-faced.

"I don't understand what you want with me if you don't want me to know you. Am I supposed to just happily kiss you goodbye when you leave to do God-knows-what in God-know-where? Well box me up and mail me to Somalia, but that just isn't going to fly. Don't-ask-don't-tell is NO basis for a relationship!"

His voice was cool when he finally spoke.
"What do you want to know?"

"I want to know the things you usually learn about a person in the first month that you know them. The things I want to know, I shouldn't have to ask for!"

He said nothing. She threw up her hands in exasperation and growing anger. Was he just waiting for her to calm down so he could go back to kissing her or something? Did he not see a problem in any of this? Did he not care? She suddenly felt painfully alone in this 'relationship'. At least with Joe they had both been invested in what was going on. She had thought Ranger was willing to make space for her in his lifestyle, but come to think of it he'd never actually said that. Did he expect her to just adapt herself to his life?

"Sometimes I feel alone while you're right here," she whispered, desolation momentarily overtaking anger. "You once told me that I had thirty percent of Morelli. I'm beginning to feel like all you'll ever share with me is five."

He stood up and seemed to want to reach for her, but his face was still blank. It was scaring her a little, and she sidestepped him, needing some space. She continued pacing, restless, wishing he would give her some sort of reaction. Some indication that she wasn't alone in here, that it touched him, too.

"And then I remember what you said… about being an opportunist, and being back in my bed if Morelli was out of it." Her voice wavered briefly at the memory. "Is that what's happening now? Is this a new way to get into my bed? Because if we keep going on this course, all this will ever be is a convenient arrangement between fuckbuddies, and that's never going to be enough for me!"

Anger flared in his eyes, and she almost wished he'd yell, that he'd grab her, that he'd give her some idea of what was going on inside his head.

Instead all she got was a cold, measured
"Why do you think of that night as a mistake?"

"Because I felt something with you there!" she yelled, back to full volume. "Because for one night, it felt like you were willing to share more with me than your body, and then you left without looking back, and it made me feel cheaper than I've ever felt!" she rubbed at her forehead, turning away to look out of the window. Her voice dropped. "Even cheaper than after Joe and the Tasty Pastry," she continued. "At least back then I had the excuse of being young and stupid. Seems only the first part has changed since then."

She was aching, craving to hear about his reasons. Why he'd wanted that night in the first place. What it had been for him. Why he'd left as he did. What, if anything, was different now. But it was silent in the room, and after a long moment she saw in the window reflection that he turned and walked into the kitchen.

Well, that was it, she told herself, feeling more alone than ever. You gave it a go, anyway. Had some nice times. Better leave now.

She picked up her shoes and coat and quietly walked out of the apartment. The lift was there, and she stepped into her shoes while it rode down to the garage. She felt strange, numb. Probably she'd want to have a cry later, but right now she didn't feel anything.

It was over. Her short-lived attempt to have something like a relationship with Ranger was over before it had even really begun. She'd wondered what it was like to be with him and now she knew. It was impossible.

The sight of the Hilux evoked mixed feelings in her. Her car… but it carried his stamp. For a long moment she wished for her trusty Accord, all hers. She'd ask Al for the bill of the revision and pay it back to Rangeman. Then she'd go to Vinnie and get back into bounty hunting.

The engine growled to life and she sighed in relief. In a moment she'd be gone. Maybe then the ringing in her ears would lift and she'd find some air that had oxygen in it. She let the truck roll up to the gate and held her badge in front of the chipreading box that controlled the gate. It beeped, and the little light blinked green in recognition, but then changed back to red.

The gate didn't open.

She tried again, cursing softly, and was met with the same results.

No way this is happening.

She hauled out her cell phone and dialled the control room. Woody answered.

"Open. The. Gate," she gritted without greeting, having no doubt that he was watching her on camera and knew what was going on.

"Sorry Steph, can't do. The boss—"

"Really likes his BMW, I believe," she cut him off. "I can see it here in my rear view mirror, gleaming prettily. And when I throw this thing into reverse and step on the gas, it won't look so nice anymore. What will it be?"

"Shit Steph, it won't be on my head." Disconnect.

She put the car into reverse and just when she was ready to back it up, the passenger door opened, to possibly the last person on earth she wanted to see right now. She looked away, not wanting him to see how hot her face suddenly felt and how close she was to tears.

Ranger climbed into the passenger seat and closed the door. He sat silently for a long moment, and then she heard a soft clinking and felt something hard and cool touch her hand. Glancing down she found it was a bottle of Corona, a slice of lime in the neck. Accepting without really wanting to, she put it to her lips and took a swig. From the corners of her eyes she saw him do the same, a pensive look on his face.

I want to go home, she wanted to tell him. Open the gate and let me go.

But she didn't. They sat there for long minutes, silent, drinking. The Hilux was still idling, but she left it, not sure if he was going to say anything, not willing to let go of her chance for a quick get-away. What did he want? More silence wasn't going to change anything. She waited him out, sipping her beer. The bottle was nearly empty when he heard him let out a long breath.

"I hate when I yell. I hear myself do it and I sound just like my father."

She glanced at him, but said nothing. Wasn't about to do anything that might make him stop speaking. He rubbed at his jaw.

"Man, we were little shits as a kid, my brother and me. Always up to something. My father wasn't a bad man. He just didn't know how to deal with us."

She had no problem imagining him as a little hellraiser.

"Then during my marriage…" he paused a long moments, seeming to struggle for words. "Alicia had a hell of a temper. And that was before I learned to control mine."

She had no trouble imagining that, either. It wasn't hard to see that his time in the Rangers had played a huge role in making him the man he was today.

"We had these… fights. Screaming matches. The baby crying in her crib. The neighbours calling the police because they thought we were killing each other."

He glanced at her, then back at the windscreen, not really seeming to see anything.

"One of those times I realised that I sounded just like my father, and that I never wanted to make someone I cared about feel like he used to make me feel. I doesn't…" he trailed off, started again, "It doesn't mean that I don't care."

She nodded slightly to acknowledge his words, recognising this confession for what it was. He was opening up to her, though it clearly wasn't easy. He was trying to give her something.

"Will you come back upstairs?" he asked, sounding just a touch uncertain. "To talk for a while?"

She wondered if that meant that he would actually tell her something, or if they'd end up in his bed and this evening would never be mentioned again. No, that last was what happened when she was with Joe. Ranger was thorough. Maybe he realised that something had to change. He was trying to talk to her. Maybe this would make a difference.

Maybe it won't.

But if you don't go, you won't find out.

"Okay."

She backed the Hilux back into its spot and got out, noting that he waited until her feet were on the ground before he got out himself.

He didn't say anything in the lift back upstairs, and she fidgeted with the empty beer bottle, unsure of what would happen now. Why he didn't say anything anymore. She had just gone off at him like a screaming harpy and pretty much called everything off. How did you continue a conversation from that point on? Not something she had experience with. With Joe there were usually a couple of weeks between these occurrences.

She startled when his hand suddenly folded around hers, and he winced at that reaction, but didn't let go. His thumb stroked the back of her hand, stilling the nervous fidgeting with its calm warmth.

"It's okay, Babe," he said softly. "Let's just wait until we're not on camera."

Good point.

He let them in and took the bottle from her hand.
"Want another one?"

Better to have a vaguely clear mind about this.
"No thanks."

She stood around awkwardly while he filled two glasses with mineral water. Where to sit? The armchair? That might send the wrong message. The sofa? She still wasn't sure what kind of talk this was going to be, and the sofa might be closer to him than she could handle.

"God, it kills me to see you like this in my house," he said softly from the kitchen entrance. "So ill at ease."

Is this your house? She wanted to ask. Is this your home?

"I was trying to decide where to sit," she said instead, mindlessly.

He nodded as if that made sense to him, handed her a glass, and then walked past her to sit in the far end of the sofa. Leaving it up to her to decide where to sit. She stood uncertain for a moment, then settled down at the other end of the sofa, half turning to look at him. She noticed that she was still wearing her coat, but left it. Depending on how this conversation would turn out, it might save time later.

"I'm sorry, Babe," he said after a long silence. "You've been… hurting… and I didn't even realise."

She didn't have anything to say to that, so she said nothing. He didn't seem to expect it, anyway.

"God, I don't even know where to begin…" he rubbed at the bridge of his nose and then took a deep breath. "I've only ever had one relationship before now, Babe, and that was my marriage. Which I fucked up in spectacular fashion."

He seemed to expect a reaction from her, but when she didn't say anything, he continued.

"In hindsight I was way too immature to even try for something so serious, but she was pregnant, and we thought we were doing the right thing. All the women since then.."

She closed her eyes, not particularly caring to hear this.

"…what I had with them was purely physical. I never wanted more than that. I thought I would never want more than that."

He paused, glancing at her.
"Babe, what I'm trying to tell you is that I don't exactly have a lot of experience in building a solid romantic relationship. That doesn't excuse me, but maybe it explains some things."

She nodded, but didn't say anything. Now he was talking she wasn't going to distract him with comments or questions.

"That night… I'm not proud of how I ended up in your bed, Babe. I wanted it, more than ever, and I was convinced that at that moment, you did too."

That almost sounded like a question, and she nodded to confirm his thought. He sounded vaguely relieved when he continued.
"But by the time—" he shook his head and started over. "I didn't sleep at all. When you finally slept, I just lay there and watched you. I'd never done that before, never wanted to do that before, with anyone. I didn't sleep because I didn't want to miss a moment of that night."

"You ran out," she said, grimacing at how small and hurt she sounded. "That morning. Without even looking at me."

"I know, and I can only apologise for it. The alarm went and I… I just wanted to stay. And that— I panicked, Babe, and I fled."

She sat there watching him, speechless.

"I don't have any experience with this kind of relationships Babe, but I— I want to learn, if you'll give me the chance. I want to learn to make you happy."

He glanced at her, but she couldn't think of anything to say, and he continued.

"I didn't realise that you needed to know those things because you didn't ask, and I've never been the information-volunteering kind." He gave her an intense look. "It's okay to ask, Babe. I don't think you're intrusive."

"That's okay for some things," she acknowledged. "But if you want me in your life, you're going to have to show me in. I'm not going to push you about things. I figure; you want me to know something, I'll know. And if I don't know something..." like where you live or when your birthday is or who your family is and what you want with me "then that's because you don't want me to know."

"Babe..." he stared at her, and she thought she saw something of shock and... disbelief? "You're not making this easy."

"I'm not trying to. It isn't easy. And if you don't want to do this... then I need to know."

His eyes were hardening. "Let me get this straight. You want me to tell you Every. Single. Detail. about my life, unless it's something I don't want you to know?"

It kills me when you look at me like this.

"Yes. No." I don't know! "Not that literally. But I want you to share yourself with me. You already know me, and I want to feel like I know you..." she put a hand over her heart and clenched it into a fist, trying to put the indescribably into words and failing, "really know you. And if you can't do that—" her voice was faltering with the thought, and she sniffed and carried on, forcing the words out, "-because your life still doesn't lend itself to relationships and you just don't see that changing, you need to tell me now, because then we're just not after the same things and—"

She hadn't even noticed him moving, but he cut her off with a kiss. It was gentle and brief and it stole all of her air. When he backed off, he settled down to sit next to her and just looked at her for a long moment. She blinked, trying to force back tears.

"There isn't much I wouldn't do for you."

She cast her eyes down, the contact too intense.

"I know you don't want to hear that right now," he fitted his hand to the side of her head, rubbing his thumb along her cheek. "-but I need to know that you know that."

He made it sound as important as breathing. Maybe to him it was.
"Okay." Small voice. It sounded like the 'but' in his speech was imminent. Still no tears though. That was good, right?

He seemed to struggle for words for a long moment.
"I can't give you all the answers. And of what I can tell you, I can't tell you everything right now."

She started to say something, but he cut her off.

"But I'm going to try. Not tonight, from now on. Can you give me that chance?"

She stared at him, trying to understand what he was saying. He wasn't going to answer all her questions right this moment. Well, that would have been too good to be true. But he seemed to genuinely understand that he needed to share more of himself if this was going to work, and he seemed willing to do that, or at least try to.

Truth be told, she hadn't exactly done her part in helping him with that, either. Had she honestly expected him to just tell her, in between scorching hot kisses, 'by the way, my birthday is august 11 and my mother is called Mari' ?

She put her hand over his where it was still cupping the side of her head, and leant in to brush her lips over his.

"Yeah," she whispered. "But only because you've got a great ass."

His eyes widened, and then his head tipped back and he let out a full-throated laugh.

To Be Continued

As always, comments very welcome!