One
"Because I spent 12 years putting you first, and the day I finally decided to do something for myself, you didn't just stop treating me like family, you started treating me like a stranger. And for your information, that is a thousand times worse than if you treated me like your enemy."
She storms out, fury coating her skin. She's angry and hurt, her hands shaking from the adrenaline of confronting him. There's the taste of fear and regret mixed in as well, wondering if maybe they've been broken forever, that this really is the end of their weird and complex relationship. But still it felt good, letting it out, throwing those words in his face. Harvey had been acting like he was the only one wounded by what happened, the only one hurt, and she couldn't take it anymore.
She doesn't realize he followed after her until she hears the file room door close behind her. She'd been hoping for a moment alone to compose herself but instead she turns around to find Harvey standing there, angry and tense, his body seeming to vibrate with words he's trying to keep locked in. Just like he always does.
"You're the one that made us strangers. You're the one that left," he eventually growls at her, apparently not done with their fight, looking to have his say now that she hadn't given him the chance to earlier in his office.
"No Harvey, you did that by acting like a child because I made a decision that was best for myself. I stopped working for you, I didn't leave." She thinks maybe she should have left, but deep down Donna knows relocating down the hall was as far as she could manage to separate herself from him and the humiliating truth simmers her anger further.
"You left us."
"There is no us, Harvey. You made that perfectly clear."
"Only after you did it first all those years ago."
"Are you fucking kidding me, you're gonna blame all of this on that!" Of course he'd find a way to put the blame on her.
"You told me I wasn't allowed to think about it, or talk about it. I was just following the rules Donna," he sneers at her, the final words dripping with condescension.
"Oh because you're so big on rules."
"You tell me I'm not allowed to have you and then you abandon me just because I did the right thing and followed your own fucking rule." Harvey's jaw clenches around the words.
"You don't want me Harvey, you just want to fuck me like every other woman you meet." She doesn't know if she even believes her words. It would be easier if that was all this was.
He raises an eyebrow at her.
"I think you're forgetting I've already fucked you."
The truth, the instant flashback of memories, of sighs and groans and gasps, of naked flesh and whipped cream, slaps them both in the face, and when the words stop, the pulsing, electrified tension in the room makes its presence known, swirling around them, swiftly turning anger into desire.
It happens almost instantly, their bodies pulled together like magnets. Harvey's lips are harsh, forceful, delicious, as they crush against her own, his tongue demanding entrance. She pulls at his hair as she opens to him, their bodies pressed together, his quickly growing erection a solid heat against her stomach.
Harvey's hand pushes up under her dress, kneading her ass, then travels further down between her legs, his fingers rough over her clit and her legs buckle at the touch.
Fuck.
Donna knows they are about one minute away from him being buried inside her.
She wants it so bad. Kissing him isn't enough, she wants more, craves it with every atom of her being. But she can't let him fuck her, no matter how badly she wants it, she just can't go there, have that, then lose it again. And she doesn't want him to have it either.
But still she desperately needs more, and it's that desperate overriding desire that has her dropping to her knees and yanking open his pants. She bites back a moan as he springs free in front of her eyes, not wanting to give his ego a boost by showing appreciation for his dick.
He's rock hard, already fully erect, and when she wraps her hand around him his skin is scorching to the touch. She strokes him firmly, squeezing the head as her other hand comes to cup his balls, applying just enough pressure to let him know she's the one with all the power and control in this moment of recklessness.
She wants him and to do this, so fucking bad, but that hasn't simply erased her anger, instead lust and desire fueled by rage and hurt proving to be a potent mix.
She sucks on the head, flicks her tongue over the slit before taking him deeper into her mouth, baring her teeth to graze along his shaft with each upward movement, Harvey's initial moan turning into a hiss. She sucks him hard, almost violently, one hand clenched tight around the base, the other digging her nails into his ass. Harvey reciprocates, tugging at her hair, thrusting his hips against her lips to sink deeper down her throat. It's wild and rough and crass and she's getting off on it so much she thinks she might nearly come without being touched, vividly aware of the wet heat seeping between her thighs.
She loses herself a little as she blows him, the taste of him on her tongue, the feel of him moving over her lips, the onslaught of a hundred different emotions that had been building and building for weeks now, only to explode in a manner she never could have expected, but maybe should have.
She pulls away as soon as she feels him start to come, granting herself just one small taste before ripping him free from her mouth. Denying that additional level of intimacy feels like a punishment for them both. He spills down her wrist, hot and wet, feeling like regret.
"Donna," Harvey says gruffly, uncertain, dazed, but yet still somehow sounding a touch defensive. She feels exactly the same way, confusion over what just happened making her head spin. Giving into temptation is no way to fix what's broken between them.
She stands, watches his face as she utters her next words, sees them hit the mark with an equal feeling of guilt and satisfaction.
"Just pretend this didn't happen. You're good at that."
Two
"You're saying you're coming back to me?"
"Yes."
It's done. She's coming back. Back to his desk, back to him. Nothing has ever felt more right, more exactly like what she was meant to do, but at the same time feel more confusing and terrifying. Because nothing has been resolved, nothing has really changed between them. They haven't discussed why she left and what he said before she did, what happened that day in the file room. All of it still remains unspoken.
Mike's arrest has given her an easy out, a way to return with her head held high, to even pretend that she was making a sacrifice for the greater good, though deep down she knows it had only been a matter of time. She was coming back regardless. She needs to be next to him and Harvey needs her there as well and all the rest, all the cloudy, confusing, unanswered questions will just have to remain that for now. They both need to be able to breathe again and she can only do that by his side.
Harvey stops her with his hand on her wrist as she goes to leave, tension instantly flaring in the small amount of space that exists between them.
It's there again, just like it was in the file room that day months ago. The same, but different. Need. Desperate, overwhelming need. But there's no anger or hurt this time, rather the polar opposite. They're reunited, a team once more. It's relief and joy, excitement mingled with anticipation. And it's intoxicating.
Harvey is staring at her, swallowing her whole with his gaze and she just knows he wants to fuck her. She can see it bleeding out of his irises and in the set of his jaw and from the way his fingers twitch on her wrist. He wants her just as badly as she wants him, but she knows if she lets them go there, there's no going back to normal ever again for them and now is not the time.
There's too many lives hanging in the balance for them to fuck up this confusing, complicated thing between them yet again, when they've only just moments ago finally righted the ship.
And yet that doesn't stop her from leaning in.
She kisses him, slow and soft, letting her lips melt against his. Harvey returns the pressure, tongue gently parting the seam of her lips as he explores her mouth. It's slow, but intense, the complete reverse of their last kiss, as a fire starts to build steadily inside her.
Harvey's hand finally frees her wrist, moving to clutch at her waist, pulling her into him. She can feel him hard against her stomach and god just like before she needs more. He's like an oasis in the middle of a desert, every element of her being craves him. Not everything, they can't do that, but there's a thrill in her blood knowing she's coming back to him and she wants to acknowledge that fact somehow.
With a final swipe of her tongue across his lips she drops to her knees, face to face with the evidence of Harvey's own arousal. Last time she did this it was like a battle, something raw and painful, a release of all the hurt and anger in the form of her mouth on him. She wants to replace those memories now with something less crushing.
Harvey gazes down at her, heat radiating out of his eyes, desire rippling through his three piece suit clad body, as she unbuckles his pants with shaky fingers. Shaky from pure undiluted desire coursing through her veins.
She pulls him free, thick, hot, already nearly fully erect, stroking her palm along his length, letting herself really enjoy the feel of him, the sight of him, like she didn't allow herself to last time. She runs her tongue across the head, tasting him. Harvey shudders and she feels powerful, knowing she can turn that man to putty with just her touch.
She drops kisses down his length, runs her tongue from root to tip and then envelops him in her mouth. She takes her time, wanting to enjoy the moment before it gets tucked away forever in memory. She licks and sucks and strokes him, teasingly building him up close to release and then slowing back down. She wants to drive him wild, wants to make this unforgettable in his mind, and her own.
Her knees hurt, her throat burns, lips tingling from being stretched around his size. Her clit is throbbing, begging for relief, but it all feels too good, too decadent, too erotic, to bring to an end.
Eventually Harvey groans her name like a plea, the sound running down her spine and that's what makes her finally push him over the edge, taking him in deep, sucking hard as her fist works his base.
Harvey tugs at her hair, a warning that he was about to come but she just sucks harder, keeping him buried in her mouth, wanting him to finish on her tongue like she didn't allow either of them to enjoy last time. Her mouth soon floods with his release and she swallows, relishing the intimacy of the moment.
Harvey pulls her to her feet, his eyes glazed over from his orgasm, jaw slack, clearly struggling to recover and all she can think is how good it feels being able to do that to him, to blow his cock and his mind so well he's left reeling. He bruises his lips with hers, kissing her deeply, tongue sliding against hers almost aggressively.
As he kisses her he runs his fingers down her stomach and over her mound, making direct contact with her swollen clit. She whines loudly at the touch, unable to hold it back, her whole body trembling.
"Harvey," she murmurs, forcing herself to pull away. She wasn't planning to let things go any further than this.
"Why not?"
"I think it's better to leave things here. Smarter," she amends, even though she knows she hasn't been using her brain all that well up to this point.
He frowns, looking like he strongly disagrees.
"We can't get distracted now, Harvey. There's only one thing you should be focusing on."
Mike. Not her or them or what any of this means in the long term. Going further, doing more tonight, it'll leave them both distracted. Both by the unanswered questions and by the overwhelming need to do it again and again that she knows it will unlock.
He sighs, long and loud, but then finally nods. She kisses him one final time, then leaves before her willpower shatters to pieces and she lets him take her to bed.
The next morning she meets him at the elevator and they share knowing smiles as they walk side by side down the halls. They're back together and finally she can breathe again.
Three
She's being reckless.
Maybe even a little bit insane.
But the idea has pulsed in her brain all morning and she wants to do this.
It's not like it's really that surprising that her mind would go there, not after recent events. Even Donna is well aware this can't become a thing she keeps doing, the temptation is all consuming. She can even justify it this time, pretend that she's doing something selfless, something for the greater good, instead of it really just being her desperate, aching need to do it again cloaked in the disguise of a good deed.
Harvey called her last night, late. He didn't talk about the case and she didn't push him, letting him chatter away about random topics like the movie playing on his tv and the new bagel shop he found, but she could hear the panic filtering through every attempted causal word he spoke. He was floundering in a way he never usually does.
Harvey didn't do nervous. He always believed he could win and so as far as he was concerned nerves were pointless and unnecessary. But this is different, this is Mike's life, his own life, and everyone else's who was in on their dirty little secret. His nerves are on clear display and that makes Donna nervous in return, because she worries that despite what he says otherwise, Harvey truly doesn't think they can win, and if he goes into the courtroom today already defeated, they're guaranteed to lose.
He needs something to snap him back into focus. To take away the nerves and stress and the panic. Something to clear his mind and remind him that he's unbeatable, that he's the best closer in this city, that he's Harvey Goddamn Specter. And she thinks she knows just the right thing.
"Donna, what are you doing here?" Harvey asks with a frown. His lack of sleep is evident, shadowed under his eyes like a bruise and there's so much tension running through his shoulders she thinks he might give off an electric shock if she touched him.
"You need to be on the top of your game today."
"Did you come here to tell me something I already know?" Irritation ripples over his tone, showing he's in no mood for a lecture or teasing or whatever else he wrongly thinks she's here for.
"No. I came here to make sure that happens." Steps into his space, feeling the air immediately charge at their proximity. "We have a tradition, remember?"
"Did you bring the can opener?" Harvey asks, glancing down at her empty hands.
"I was actually thinking today calls for something more along the lines of our original tradition," she says slowly, reaching out to softly, but determinedly drag her finger across the seam of his pants.
"Donna.." he growls, wary, confused, even as his eyes darken and his cock twitches against her hand.
She leans into him, presses her lips to his ear. "You need this Harvey. Let me help you," she murmurs seductively, grazing her teeth over his lobe as she runs a hand down his chest, cupping him again, and she can feel any resistance beginning to dissipate.
He groans, covering her hand with his, and for a second she thinks he's going to push her away, but instead he presses her palm firmer into him, making her feel him hardening under her touch. "Yeah, maybe I do," he agrees, voice low and gravelly.
She drops to her knees, quickly pushing down his pants and boxers, and takes him in her hands. After a few starting strokes he begins to expand and she replaces her hands with her lips, bobbing her head as he swells to full size in her mouth.
She works his cock, sucking on the head, flicking her tongue over the slit, her mouth watering from the taste of his pre cum. She peppers kisses along the length, fondles his balls, sucks him in deep, driving him crazy until he groans, his fingers twitching beside her face and she knows what he wants.
Leaning back on her heels, she meets his eye, his heady gaze enough to make nearly moan. "Show me just how good Harvey Specter really is," she purrs, dragging his hand into her hair, making it clear that she was surrendering herself to him, giving him ultimate control. He needs that, needs to feel like he's the one with all the power again, after having everything feeling like it's spinning wildly out of control.
Take back control he does.
Harvey fucks her mouth, hard, dominating her body, one hand fisted tight in her hair, the other pressed to her cheek, guiding her lips around his cock as he slides in and out. He alternates between shallow, fast thrusts and deeper, slower thrusts, testing her limits further each time. She takes him all, eagerly, despite the hardwood floor beneath her knees and ache of her jaw and the burn of her throat. Her body is electrified by the submission of her position, by the connection of doing this with him again, by the taste and feel of him. She's getting off on receiving just as much as she is on giving.
He comes hard and fast, without warning, spurting thick and hot down her throat as he lets loose an almost feral groan, like he's expelling all the fear and doubts and the stress of the past few weeks. Like he's remembering just exactly who he is, and that's someone who wins. Doing that to him, giving him what he needs, it makes her feel powerful beyond comprehension.
She can see it in his eyes as she stands up, the instant shift in focus, the determination, the sheer masculine power radiating out of him. He's ready now.
"I only do that for winners," she pants, wiping her thumb across her wet lips, sucking off the last of his taste. "So go and win."
"How can I not after that?"
"Exactly."
Confident that he was now in the right frame of mind she gives him a nod and goes to leave.
"Thank you Donna," he calls, soft and coated in emotion, as she reaches the door.
"My pleasure," she smirks at him with a wink.
They are unorthodox, unusual, complex. No one would understand this, they'd think she was a whore or that he was somehow taking advantage of her. But she doesn't care. They are what they are, and maybe one day she'll be brave enough to truly explore what it all means, but today, today she's content with this.
Four
It's not desperation, even though she can feel it heavy in the air. Not even bribery, a bid to keep him with her by showing him what he could have.
She thinks maybe it's goodbye, just in case.
Donna isn't even sure how it happened. One minute she was at her door telling Harvey to have faith, just like she has in him, and next he had her pressed to the wall, his lips insistent on hers, tracking down her jaw and throat, his hands moving over her body. They come to rest on her breasts, and even through the thickness of her sweater, her nipples hardening under his touch. She moans softly into his mouth, and he rolls his hips into hers, letting her feel the effect on his own body.
She's so tempted to take it further this time. The line has already been well and truly obliterated in recent months, and the trial is now all but over. There's nothing really stopping her this time. Except if he changes his mind, if he takes the deal, it will break her so much more to have had him in her bed and her body one night, and locked behind bars the next.
Still she guides him back through her apartment, back to her couch. She straddles him, losing an innumerable amount of time just kissing him, memorizing the feel of his lips on hers, the perfect way they fit together, the taste of his tongue. She moves to his throat, tugging open the buttons of his shirt, pressing soft kisses to his skin as she inhales that distinctive Harvey scent deep into the recesses of her memory. Just in case.
Harvey tugs her sweater up over her head and she lets him, because even if she's not going to allow this to go all the way, she knows he needs more as well. She can feel it in the way his fingers shake as they touch her, as though he's absorbing every bit of her he can get, like he wants the impression of her body to be left in his fingerprints.
He buries his face between her breasts, kissing, sucking, sneaking his tongue underneath the lace of her bra to circle her nipple. She gasps loudly, unable to stop herself from grinding down on his lap and god it would be so easy to just surrender. To pull her underwear to the side and sink herself onto him, let the desperation they're both feeling engulf them.
So instead she slides herself down his body, positioning herself between his thighs, the evidence of his arousal prominent before her. She frees him, takes him in her mouth, and even though she's already done this three times before recently, it feels so entirely different, the intimacy of the moment unlike anything she's experienced before. Harvey watches her and she watches him, eyes locked as she blows him. His fingers brush softly against her cheek, tender, gently moving her hair aside when it falls forward around her face, one hand holding it back, keeping his view unobstructed.
He holds her gaze the entire time, and it's intense and erotic, until she feels him start to come in her mouth and his eyes slam shut, head falling back and it feels like he's trapping away the images and the sensations and the memories behind his eyelids.
She tucks him back into his boxers, slides up the zipper of his pants. A silent explanation that things aren't going any further.
"I should go," he says, the words gruff and raw.
Panic drips down her spine, having watched him lock away the moment they just shared, panic that he's already made the choice she never wants him to.
"Don't take the deal," she suddenly begs, unable to stop herself. "Promise me you'll wait for the jury." She had told herself she wouldn't make him promise, that she wouldn't demand that commitment from him, that she would ultimately leave the decision in his hands.
But she can't. She can't stomach the thought of losing him, of not having him in her life. She would fall to her knees and beg if she knew that's what it would take to keep him with her.
Harvey bends, cups her face in his hand and kisses her slowly, achingly soft.
"Goodnight Donna," he whispers over her lips and then he leaves.
She doesn't miss the fact that he failed to promise her, fear setting like ice around her heart as she hears her door close behind him.
Five
"To trouble."
She's thinking about trouble alright, trouble that ends only one way.
Harvey is staring at her. He has been all night, ever since he handed her a drink and their fingers brushed together and she had to swallow down a moan just from that simple touch. His eyes are hot and hungry on her, eating her alive. She feels trapped in his web, the office, the people, the conversation around her, all of it fading into oblivion, her body throbbing under the constant presence of his gaze.
She's wet just from him looking at her.
He looks so good, slouched back in his chair, the first time she's seen him relaxed in weeks. His sleeves are rolled up, tie loosened, the slightly rumbled casual look driving her wild. Even the shadowy bruise on his cheek stirs something primal low in her belly.
The fact that he's here, safe, and not locked away in some cell is making her feel more emotions than she can possibly name. She wants to cry and scream and shout and fall to her knees. It's joy and relief, the crushing weight of fear finally removed from her shoulders. She didn't lose him.
Her heart aches for Mike and for Rachel, but she cannot deny the selfish truth that she's glad it's Mike and not Harvey behind bars.
Especially when he's sitting there staring at her like that.
Harvey's fingers flex along his thigh and Donna feels like her throat is almost constricted for how aroused she is. She wants those fingers on her body with an urge that is almost uncontrollable.
Finally everyone else heads off, leaving the two of them alone in his office, and anticipation is thick in the air. She knows that tonight isn't anywhere near over for them yet. She knows something is going to happen.
"Thank you for calling me out on my bullshit tonight, for making me stay," Harvey says quietly.
"I was just telling you what you already knew."
He slides closer to her on the couch, tilting his head at her.
"You always know how to do that. You always know what I need."
His eyes are boring into her and she doesn't miss the double meaning of his words. Harvey's hand tentatively comes to rest on her knee, his palm warm on her skin, the sensation radiating out through her body. His fingers begin to stroke softly over the skin of her inner thigh, sliding a little high when she makes no attempt to stop him.
"I know things have been confusing between us lately. I don't really know where we stand at the moment, but I really want to take you home tonight."
His voice is low and rough, filled with intent and she almost moans out loud, her arousal peaking, spilling over, cutting free the final strings of her decade of self denial.
She doesn't know what's happening between them anymore either, if she truly ever did. Everything has been in a flux since that night in her apartment and if she's honest with herself she's come to realize that Harvey had a point all those months ago in the file room.
She was the one who put up walls and boundaries and rules. She was the one that said forget, ignore, even though she knew she never would. She thought she could protect them both that way, that they could truly just be colleagues or friends. She really thought she could not want him that way, that if she just put it out of her mind that she could just not fall in love with him.
She failed on all parts.
Because they're not just anything and they never have been and she doesn't want barriers anymore. She's done holding back the water, she's ready to just let the dam break and see where everything washes up. She doesn't actually have any answers, but she's also not saying stop anymore to things that she wants. And what she wants right now, more than anything, is for him to take her home.
So she looks him right in the eye as she gives him the only answer possible. "I'd like that."
They leave a trail of destruction through his apartment. Clothes, shoes, underwear scattered in a path from his front door to his bed. It's frantic and hurried, but at the same time it's not, because she still wants to feel everything, do everything.
This time when she drops to her knees, when she takes him in her mouth, slides his head over her tongue, they both know it's only a prelude, foreplay, not the only course they'll be indulging in tonight.
Harvey soon tugs her to her feet, kisses her lips and then lays her down on his bed, spreads her open and devours her. He consumes her, licking, sucking, flicking, making her whine and clutch at his hair and then she's falling apart, quick and hard, crying out his name that he silences with his lips on hers and his cock sliding inside her. Her eyes actually roll back in her skull as he hits deep, filling her perfectly.
"Fuck. Harvey." She doesn't even know what she's saying, but he seems to take her words as a request because fuck her he does. It's hard and fast and messy and indescribably good, finally letting themselves indulge in the thing they've always wanted.
The first round merges seamlessly into a second, slower, softer, allowing them to absorb and enjoy the sensation of their bodies joined together.
She almost wants to scream or cry or yell thinking about how she's denied herself this for so long. How even recently she let herself cross the line repeatedly, but still withheld this final step from them both, explaining it away with failed logic that it was the right choice. But being here in his bed, being with Harvey like this, it could never be wrong. This is the place she's always meant to be.
They go for hours, quenching themselves of every drop of what they've denied themselves for twelve long years. Rediscovering every inch of each other's bodies, breaking down every last barrier between them, physically and emotionally.
Dawn is breaking over the city when Harvey leans up on his elbow beside her and looks at her with soft eyes.
"We can't keep doing this and pretending it doesn't mean anything," he says quietly.
"Do you want it to mean something?"
"We both know it already does."
The admission feels like a weight off her shoulders. They're both done denying the truth.
"Then what happens now?"
He studies her, like he's trying to find the right answer on her face. He brushes his thumb over her swollen, well kissed lips, tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. Then he smiles and leans down, whispering the answer into his kiss.
"Everything."