A/N: Thank you everyone for the feedback for chapter four. It really is much appreciated and I'm sorry it has taken so long for this chapter to come out.

I've been quite ill recently and have been in and out of hospital quite a bit. Things aren't back to normal, but I'm slowly getting there. I love writing, but unfortunately, I have been too exhausted to put words down and it is so frustrating because I am constantly having new stories come to mind and I am desperate to write them down XD

But for now, please enjoy the latest chapter. . .

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Chapter Five

I was going mad.

Slowly and painfully mad.

I didn't get out of bed on the Tuesday. Or the Wednesday. On Thursday, I lay atop the comforter staring at the ceiling for hours, my eyes trained on a tiny spider in the corner.

I imagined that he was sitting mapping out his route for the day. Each dip and turn on the speckled surface just another inevitable part of his journey.

His whole world consisted of my age stained ceiling, and if I wanted to – if I truly wanted to – I could snuff it out in a whisper of a breath.

But he was just a spider.

When he woke up that morning, tucked tightly away in his corner, it probably never even crossed his mind that he could so easily be wiped off the face of the earth within a few hours.

He may have had a wife and a thousand spider children, but Death wouldn't have cared.

He was just a spider.

And my mom was just a mom.

And Death hadn't given two shits there.

When Friday finally rolled along, I got out of bed. I got showered and dressed, and I went down stairs to the kitchen for breakfast. I smiled at Mavis, kissed my father on the cheek and mocked Ashley for texting once again, and – most of all – ignored the glances they had shared with each other at my presence.

When Friday finally rolled along, I stepped back into the real world.

I hadn't spoken to Natsu since the party. He tried to call me a few times, but I didn't answer.

We had known each other five weeks. I counted. Five weeks, and it felt like a lifetime, and in that short lifetime I hadn't learned one thing about him.

Sure, I knew the basics. I knew he was tall. That he was sociable. I didn't know what his favourite colour was. I didn't know how old he was. I didn't even know his last name. And it sickened me at just how far my morals had flown.

But still, I knew him better than anyone.

I had promised Bisca that I would babysit Asuka that night. I wanted to walk, but Dad had insisted on driving me. Personally, I think he was worried that I'd walk out the front door and never return.

I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind.

We sat in silence most of the ride, Dad trying to fill it with the odd cough. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, the faintest intake of breath every few seconds indicating that he wanted to talk to me. I just looked out at the passing trees and pretended I didn't know what he was doing.

It was easier that way.

When we pulled up outside I couldn't look at him. I grabbed for my bag, reached for the door and raced towards my escape. But he stopped me dead, a gentle hand on my elbow drawing me back.

He wasn't looking in my direction. He was just staring at the steering wheel, sadness dancing in his eyes. Unwavering and unashamed.

I knew he missed my Mom. How could he not? I knew he saw her lying there. I knew that full morning played out in his head liked it did mine. Like a movie stuck on repeat, jumping and replaying that one scene over and over and over and over and over…

"Luce?"

And over.

The tears were silent.

And so were we.

And it was enough.

. . . . . .

"Lucy, do you have a boyfriend?" Asuka asked as I pulled her dampened hair into a ponytail.

I didn't answer her straight away. Instead I let out a silent sigh. It had been like this all night. Any minute that passed by with silence and she felt that she had to fill it with an awkward question. But she soon asked again, turning to look at me with her sweet innocent smile and I couldn't stay irritated for long.

She didn't know my mixed-up life.

I prayed to God above that she never would.

I thought back to the party – or what I could remember of it – and I saw her standing there amongst the crowds holding her little teddy bear. And she didn't belong. Then I saw me. Little five-year-old me. Scared. Crying. And she didn't belong either.

Asuka didn't have to know that shame. But that little five-year-old was forced to.

And I was sorry that I did that to her.

"Lucy," she ground out with urgency, snapping me out of my daze as she stood in front of me, hands on my shoulders. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

She shook me, and I smiled. A real smile.

Poking her in sides, she squealed, collapsing into a little ball of laughter as I grabbed her and drew her in for a bone crushing hug.

"No," I began, "I do not have a boyfriend."

Pulling back and pushing a loose strand of hair from her face, she grinned. "Do you love someone?"

"I love you," I smiled, kissing her cheeks. "Lots," kiss, "and lots," kiss, "and lots."

She laughed again, and for a second, I could feel that small flicker of familiarity spark up in my chest and fill me from head to toe.

A spark of joy.

"No," she giggled again, pushing me back to look at me. "Do you love a boy?"

I thought of Natsu and his smile.

I thought of the party. I thought of our first meeting and in the Camaro. I thought of the time he came in to Gildarts. I thought of the night where he held me while I cried. But most of all, I thought about the look I his eyes every time he saw me.

"No," I answered softly. "I don't love a boy."

A sadness overcame Asuka at that moment and I felt it too. She looked at me as if it was the most heart-breaking news that she had ever heard, and in her short life, it may very well have been.

"I hope you love someone one day, Lucy," she said, placing a tiny hand on my cheek, wiping away a silent tear I hadn't even realised had fallen. "You have a lot of it to give."

My breath hitched, but I smiled, kissing her on her forehead.

"It just lets me love you more," I whispered.

. . . . . .

I didn't like sticking around too long when Bisca and Alzack got in. Usually I'd be offered tea and toast and a ride home, and despite my want to leave quickly, I would normally hang around for at least another hour listening to stories of their adventures and sweet confessions of love to each other.

Tonight, I didn't.

The sun had gone down for the day and it was late, but I didn't want to go home yet.

I didn't really know where I wanted to go.

I walked around the streets with my hood up despite the days heat still clinging to the air, and for the first time in forever I looked up. The sky was clear, and the stars could be seen for miles, and it was beautiful and peaceful, and I wanted to do nothing but dance under them and bask in their brilliance.

They made me smile.

I decided to take the long way home. The road that would take me past Gildarts. Dad didn't like me walking it alone at night, but the stars would keep their watch.

Gildarts Liquor Store sat on the edge of town overlooking the old corn fields. Farmers hadn't been able to harvest a single thing other than weeds for the past few years and over time it had become a little desolate. It was like a different corner of the world, but still, I couldn't keep my eyes away because the stars shone brighter and the earth was still.

I didn't notice his car at first but that could have been because I wasn't expecting to see it. He sat under the burned out street lamp that stood by the permanently empty newspaper stand, fingers drumming on the steering wheel and eyes ghosting over the empty street. He looked elated when he eventually saw me, like I was a figment of his imagination that he was happy to see just once before I vanished into thin air.

Eyes never leaving me, he climbed out the car, his hands burying deep into his pockets once he had kicked the door shut.

"Natsu?" I questioned, never moving from my spot "What are you doing here?"

He looked embarrassed. Like someone had held his underwear up for everyone to see. "You haven't been answering my calls and I thought maybe you'd be working tonight."

It was a simple answer, and the only one he could give.

Shifting on the balls of his feet, he slowly walked towards me, a panic in his eyes.

"Have I done something, Lucy?" Scratching the back of his head he stopped within inches of me.

He looked sad. That same sadness that had danced in Asuka's eyes.

With the only smile that I could muster, I wrapped my arms around him, laying my cheek against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat and the comfort it brought was indescribable.

"No, Natsu," I sighed, "you haven't done anything. I'm sorry I've not spoken to you."

He was hesitant at first, but eventually he wrapped an arm around me, his grip tight and wanting.

I didn't want to have sex, but when he took my hand and led me to the car my heart dropped because I knew I wouldn't say no either. But he stopped, instead turning and perching on the hood of the Camaro to look out at the fields.

I knew I must have been staring too long, because he motioned for me to join him while taking a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it.

I didn't know he smoked.

"The fields aren't as lonely when you have someone to look at them with," he said, blowing a cloud of smoke into the air. "Y'know, when I was a kid, my brother and I would ride our bikes out here every Saturday. There used to be a small creek over by the far corner – behind the trees – and we would go swimming from dawn until our mom would come out looking for us. Every week she would act like she had no idea where we had run off to."

His smile was bright, and I couldn't draw my eyes away from him because he was beautiful.

"Are you close to your family?" I asked, enjoying listening to his voice.

Taking a draw from his cigarette, his eyes turning to the ground, he shook his head. "Nah, Zeref kind of went his own way after high school. I don't really know what he's up to now."

Crossing my legs, I picked at the corner of my nails. "What about your mom?"

He was quiet but looked up to the corner of the field.

"I think, maybe she got tired of looking at the same creek every Saturday," he answered softly. "Maybe she wanted to go and see the rest of them."

The smell of his cigarette was pungent, and I think he used it to hide in the cloud, but I still took his hand and held it tight.

"Natsu," my voice was quiet, timid like a stranger's. "What are we?"

He looked at me, and I could tell that he didn't know what to say. He was silent for the longest time, but he wasn't restless.

He just held my hand.

"Do you know that little flicker of light you see between the trees? The one that guides you home after you've been lost in the woods for a long time?" I nodded. "Well, I think we're each other's flicker, Luce."

He didn't look at me, and I couldn't tell if it was because he was ashamed or if he felt he didn't need to. But I wanted to look at him. I wanted to see him and the raw vulnerability that I had never witnessed before.

Hand on his cheek, I turned him to face me.

His hair was getting longer. It fell into his eyes more now than it did when we first met. His eyes were dark and hooded, and I wondered just how much sleep he had had over the past week.

But he was still beautiful, and I didn't ever want to think otherwise.

Leaning in, I kissed him. Soft and gentle and filled with something deeper than want.

And he kissed me back just the same.

Maybe it wasn't love tonight.

But for tonight, it was enough.
. . . . . .

A/N: Well guys, I hope you liked this chapter and I hope you all liked seeing a slightly more vulnerable side to Natsu. Really, he is just as vulnerable as Lucy in some ways.

Once again, your words of encouragement mean so much, so please leave a little review to let me know what you thought.

If anyone has any questions or would even like to chat, just pop me a message.

Thanks lovelies xoxoxo