Sandringham – Christmas 1997
Charles closed his eyes as he leaned back in one of the tall back leather chairs next to the large hearth fireplace in the Great Room, the firelight dancing behind his eyelids in the darkness as he breathed slowly and Diana appeared in his thoughts again.
His breathing became shallower as she closed the distance between them in his mind, then closing her eyes, leaned forward – so close that their nose touched—then rested her forehead against his, breathing his scent as he breathed in hers.
After a few seconds, Diana turned her head and let her right cheek rest against his, then pulled back and brushed her lips slowly across his…
"Gotcha!" Anne whispered soft and precise from behind her brother as she suddenly tapped him lightly on the shoulders and pulled him out of his thoughts.
Charles breathed out in surprise and opened his eyes, sitting up in the chair as Anne came around it and took a seat on the ottoman in front of him.
"Oh…" Charles smiled softly, trying to hide the sadness he felt, "Its you."
But, he could never hide anything from Anne, never fool her, even when they were children.
"Seems Mummy was actually right for once, you are glumdrum tonight," Anne observed, cocking her head in concern as she looked him up and down.
Charles smirked
"I guess I am…a little," he admitted, looking down to his folded hands for a moment, then looked up to her again and tried to change the subject, "When did you get here?"
"About an hour ago," Anne replied, stretching her legs out and leaning back on the heels of her hand, "The children are with Mark until tomorrow and the house felt rather like a tomb."
Charles nodded, knowingly
"Not that it's much more exciting here…" Anne scoffed, then smiled, "I should have just stayed home with the dogs."
"Were you expecting Gan to be leading a Conga line when you got here?" Charles mused
"Not exactly," Anne chuckled, "But, I figured it would be a bit livelier—music, alcohol, Christmas crackers…something. Instead, I catch Mummy and Papa heading up to bed with the children and find you sitting alone in here…" then she looked around as she continued, "What are you doing in here anyway? It's much warmer and more private in your rooms if you want to throw yourself a pity party."
Charles nodded to a small pile of children's toys arranged on the coffee table nearby
"Gift wrapping."
"Gift wrapping…" Anne mused, raising an eyebrow, "Alone…in the dark? By firelight? God, you're ghastly."
Charles smirked
"Interesting," Anne observed, now studying the coffee table, "I'm pretty certain William and Harry are past the ages of Teddy Bears and art supplies for Christmas—"
"No, they're for the children at Great Ormond Street," Charles interjected, now absentmindedly twirling the signet ring on his pinky finger, "Wills reminded me a couple of days ago about it, so I popped over and pulled some names off the wish tree and went shopping."
"You went shopping?" Anne inquired with a raised eyebrow
"Well...my private secretary went shopping," Charles admitted
"Ahhhh…" Anne smiled, trying to hide her amusement
"Well," Charles pointed out, " I did pick out the wrapping paper."
"It's… nice…" Anne nodded, still trying not to laugh
"What?" Charles asked, a smile cracking his own lips
"Nothing!" Anne laughed out loud now, holding up her hands defensively
"Anyway," Charles continued, his face softening, "The boys wanted to hand out gifts again this year. And I thought it would be good for them to, especially in light of all that's happened, to do something that…"
Suddenly he trailed off and swallowing, looked again in to the firelight
"You know," Anne said softly, sitting up and trying to meet his gaze, "it's alright to say her name."
Charles closed his eyes in pain, but didn't respond
A few moments of silence passed between them before Anne spoke
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, her eyes concerned
Charles turned back to her from the fire and she could see in his eyes that the flood gates that were ready to open.
Before he could open his mouth, Anne sighed and stood up, "Right! Well, before things get too emotional in here, I need a drink."
Charles gave a small smile as he watched Anne start toward the liquor cart on the other side of the room
"What can I get you?" she asked over her shoulder
When she made it to the cart and looked at him expectantly, he gestured with his right hand index finger and thumb, indicating bigger "I'll have a whiskey…" then smaller, "and a whiskey."
Anne raised an eyebrow, then smirked as she set to work making the drinks and, after a few moments of clinking and shuffling on the cart, held up a tumbler of whiskey for Charles' approval of the amount.
"How's that?"
"Fine... if we were in Utah" he said pointedly
Anne laughed out loud as she put the tumbler down on the cart and reached again for the whiskey decanter, "Message received!"
After she had filled the glass a little higher, Anne replaced the decanter and brought over the drinks, clinking the glassed together to Charles' amusement before handing him his whiskey and reclaiming the ottoman in front of him with hers.
When they had both taken a drink, Anne rested her glass on her knee and studied Charles for a few moments before she said, "I got a call from Andrew Parker Bowles yesterday—"
Charles looked down into his glass as he interjected icily "And what did the dandy Prince of Gloucestershire want?"
"He wanted to know if something happened between you and Camilla, "Anne replied, measuring her words carefully, "He seemed rather upset for her sake. He says that the two of you—"
"So now he cares about her," Charles scoffed as he twirled the glass, "That's rich."
"Charles," Anne asked, ignoring his comment, "When was the last time you saw Camilla?"
"What does that matter?" Charles replied as he brought his glass to his lips and took a drink
"I'd say it matters," Anne continued, amazed at the words even as she spoke them, "Because your muse's husband is concerned about the status of your ongoing affair with his wife. Something, apparently, has put her out of sorts with you two—"
Charles pointedly sighed and looked away
"Charles?" Anne insisted
When he didn't say or do anything, Anne leaned forward, "Charles!"
"September!" Charles suddenly cried out, turning back to his sister, "Alright?! I haven't seen or talked to Camilla since September!"
Anne's eyes widened, "September?"
"Yes," Charles replied, taking another drink to fortify himself, before pulling a face and continuing, "The boys have needed me…it's been a busy year for the Prince's Trust….and I can't seem to…."
Charles swallowed and shook his head
"I can't seem to…." he tried again, before he trailed off
Anne's eyes softened
"It's alright to grieve for her Charles," she whispered
Charles closed his eyes in pain at her words
"She was your wife for fourteen years, the mother of your children, and no matter what the pitfalls of your relationship with her, I think that there was a time that you actually cared about her, loved her even—I honestly don't think that you would have married her in the first place if you didn't—"
"I did love her," Charles suddenly interjected
"I know…" Anne said reassuringly, then took a drink, "Even Mark and I had that in the beginning…"
"I loved her at the beginning," Charles whispered, looking over to the fire again, "And I loved her at the end. I think I even loved he in the middle, when we were so angry at each other and trying to hurt one another…..I just...I still loved her…"
Anne was stunned into silence as she watched Charles bring his whiskey glass silently to his lips again as tears welled behind his eyes.
"Charles…" she whispered sympathetically as she leaned forward and put her free hand on his knee
Charles closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the chair
"I just realize I should have told her, that's all…" he said softly, "just once, I should have found the courage, before she died, face to face..."
Anne took in a breath, then sat back and placed her glass on the floor next to her
"You should tell the boys" she said quietly
"What?" Charles asked, opening his eyes and studying her in confusion
"Tell them you loved Diana. That you always loved her. You cant tell her, but you can tell them. Given all that's happened between the two of you, I think they'd like to hear it."
Charles let out a slow breath, then smirked sadly and nodded
"I wish I could say the same about my husband…" Anne whispered, looking toward the fire now herself
Charles eyes softened as he sat forward, wanting to comfort her, but knew that their father's Battenberg blood in her would refuse to let him as always.
Sadly, since they were children, the comforting has always gone one way-her to him.
"You know, all our lives, I never thought I'd envy you in anything, Charles…" Anne said softly, "I've always been able to hold my own, as you well know…"
"I know," Charles confirmed, not sure where to look, so he cast his eyes down at the drink in his hand
"Diana told me something once, about five years ago, when things were…well you know…"
Charles nodded as he remembered very well. 1992 was the Queen's 'Annus Horribilis'…and it was for the Wales' marriage, too.
"We'd never been close, so I will say that her confiding in me was rather a shock," Anne said as she turned, reached down and reclaimed her drink, then turned to Charles, "But I think she knew we were close and that if she couldn't say it to your face, perhaps she thought I would tell you..."
Anne sighed, a tinge of jealousy in her voice, "The thing is...she still loved you, too, Charles."
When Charles didn't respond, she took a long drink from her tumbler, then said, "Honestly, I think she would have gone back to you if you had asked, but I think it was because she loved you, that she finally let you go and gave you the divorce. She knew that Camilla was what you truly wanted all along. Love doesn't always equal happiness...I think the marriages of three of the Queen's four children have proven that quite clearly."
Charles closed his eyes and brought his free hand to his mouth as Anne watched a single tear stream out of his right eye and down his cheek.
Anne took a deep breath and finished her drink, then after she swallowed said, "Diana wanted you to be happy. So, my advice to you, brother, is grieve for her... then, when you're ready, go back to Camilla. And find that happiness."
Charles leaned back in his chair and let out a heavy breath, not saying anything.
Anne sat for a moment, studying him, then stood up and placed her empty glass on the fireplace mantle before turning toward the center of the room, where the presents still lay on the coffee table.
"Well…I'd say that's enough of this drull pity party," she said, nodding toward the gifts as she started walking toward the center of the room, "Shouldn't we get to wrapping those? Come on. Ill help you."
Charles watched after her for a moment, then downed the rest of his drink, wiped under his eyes, and stood, also placing his empty glass next to hers on the mantle.
He then followed her to the coffee table, where he sat down on the sofa on one side of the table and Anne took a seat on the floor on the other side.
Silently, Charles picked up a roll of wrapping paper and scissors as Anne perused the gifts before her, choosing the first to wrap.
Then, suddenly, she picked up a box with a doll in it and stared at it incredulously with humor and a little disgust.
"Oh…my…" she finally mused out loud, "Do you think that…" Anne stopped and read the tag assigned to the gift out loud, "Cecily…." then she turned back to her brother and flipped the box so he could see the doll through the little plastic window, "Do you think Cecily knows that the Barbie she asked for this year is dressed like a dominatrix?"