A/N: Thank you everyone for the lovely reviews, messages and well wishes. I consider you all friends, and I want you know that it is ok to talk.

If I can ever offer a listening ear to any of you, please do not hesitate to email me.

WARNING: Please note that there are certain subjects and statements in this chapter that some readers may find upsetting.
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Chapter Six

I think the most beautiful thing I had ever seen was when two little birds sat on my window ledge cuddle together to hide from the snow.

They must have been young and unfamiliar with the whole flying south thing. Either that, or their mom had left them, and they were lost. They only had each other, but that was enough.

I didn't have anyone standing with me as I looked in the mirror. I was in my bra and panties, my hair tied up in a loose ponytail and my nails were chewed to the bed. Cana and Levy sat outside waiting for me to try on the little dress they had thrown in my direction, but I just took the time to stand and stare.

To say that I looked different would be a lie. I looked the same as I always had. I wasn't particularly fat; however, I would hardly describe myself as being skinny.

My hips were curvy, and I had cellulite. I had bruises on my knees that I could never remember the cause of, and no sign of a thigh gap.

I suppose none of it really mattered in the end though.

When I was a little girl I remember I would stand in front of the mirror and imagine what I would be like when I grew up.

I had always envisioned success and purpose. A loving family – untied and healthy and alive. We would have a dog, and maybe even a rabbit or a fish, and we'd be whole. No cracks. No missing pieces. We'd be happy, and our minds wouldn't be broken.

The impatient groans and giggles from Cana and Levy spurred me to move; the skimpy pelmet mimicking as a dress long forgotten. I ran a hand along my stomach and caught sight of the tiny crimson dot on the front of my underwear that I had been so desperate to see.

Pulling my panties down to my knees, I found a fresh tissue in my purse. It wasn't a lot, but that little speck was enough to make my heart slow down from the marathon it hadn't even realised it had been running.

If only it had made the pain stop.

I looked in the mirror again, and I looked the same as I always had.

My hips were curvy, and I had cellulite.

I had bruises on my knees that I could never remember the cause of, and no sign of a thigh gap.

And I was right.

None of it really mattered in the end.

. . . . . .

It had been two weeks and three days since that night outside the liquor store, and only four since I had last seen Natsu.

I found missing him strange.

But I did, and no matter how much I didn't want to, I couldn't stop.

Summer break was nearly over, and I was going to be starting college in the fall if Edolas didn't take me. Aquarius had threatened to cancel our extra practises indefinitely if I didn't start putting the effort in, and I couldn't find it in myself to tell her that I truly didn't care.

So, I would go, and I would dance, and I would go home and forget about it until Monday rolled along once again.

And I smiled every second of the way.

Aquarius hadn't forgiven me fully for cancelling on her that Monday. I could tell as she hadn't given me a moments rest since I arrived. Part of me wondered if she had known I had been at the party that night, and an even bigger part of me wondered if she had witnessed my escapades.

My sins.

I wanted to be sick.

"Keep your leg straight, Lucy," she barked, arms crossed. "At this rate you can clean Edolas' toilets for a living."

I threw myself into the music – eyes closed and body heaving. Bent underneath the weight of a fictious passion that overruled mind, body and soul. It was my desperate plea to an unforgiving world to grant me my heart's desire. To finish me. To put me in the ground or throw me into the wind and just let me end.

Cease to exist.

A request for something more than death.

I could feel it rise within me. A scream or my demise, I wasn't sure. But I kept dancing. I spun and twirled and leapt and swayed on every note that filled the room. And Aquarius didn't stop me.

But I couldn't take it, and I staggered to a halt. I ignored her as I tripped to the wastepaper basket, and I silenced her when I threw my guts up into it. And when I cried she knew.

"Lucy?" She gently called, coming to my side as I fell to my backside and howled. "What is it?

I couldn't answer her. I just grabbed at my hair, elbows resting on my knees, and broke. And for a second it was like every ounce of pain had its moment to escape.

Kneeling beside me, Aquarius wrapped an arm around me as I screamed. A growl which had birthed from my chest, clawing its way up and spilling out.

She hugged me tighter.

"It's ok," she cooed, her cheek resting against my head as my hands released my hair and clung to her. "It's ok."

"I'm sorry!" I finally confessed. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so, so, sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry –"

But it would never be enough.

Pulling away, Aquarius forced me to look at her through bloodshot eyes, her hand holding my face with authority and tenderness.

"Listen to me, Lucy," she said, firmly. "You are loved."

The tears didn't stop, but she carried on.

"Your dad loves you. Your sister loves you. Mavis loves you," her eyes were glassy, but she didn't break contact. "I love you."

Still holding on to her, my hair sticking to my face, I felt my voice return.

"Aquarius," I began, my lip trembling. "I think I've made a mistake."
. . . . . .

I sat in the car as Aquarius ran into the drug store.

She had insisted that no one would have thought any less of me if I were to go in and buy the test myself, but I didn't want to, and she didn't force me.

Aquarius had been married for seven years, and her and her husband still didn't have any kids. I couldn't help but wonder if that was by choice or not, and if it wasn't, if they would want mine instead.

I didn't want a baby.

When that little spot had appeared in the dressing room, I thought my fears had been settled. But nothing had followed it, and my fears had grown to a bitter realisation that I may very well become a mother whether I wanted a baby or not.

It was dark outside, and I sat with my hood up, the headlights from each passing car causing me to bury myself as deep into the seat as possible.

Maybe Natsu would want a baby.

Maybe he would disappear for good if he didn't.

I sat with my phone staring at his number for the longest time. He was number two in my favourite contacts list; my mom's number still being number one.

He very rarely answered his phone, but I wanted to hear his voice nonetheless.

It rang three times before jumping to voicemail.

"Hey, Natsu's phone. Leave a message and I'll get back to ya!"

BEEP.

"Hey," I began, softly. "It's me . . . just giving you a call to see what you're up to – um – could you give me a call later? O-or not, it's fine – um – I'll. . .I'll be here. Okay – um – bye."

Aquarius climbed back into the car as I hung up.

I hadn't seen her leave the store, but she smiled, fixed her jacket and held out the small bag to me with a confidence that I needed.

I took it slowly, unable to look her in the eyes.

"You know, I never meant for any of this to happen," I practically whispered. "I really didn't. I just. . .I needed to feel something other than death. Something more than loss."

Reaching over, Aquarius took my hand, squeezing it until I looked at her.

"Lucy," she said. "You have gone through more in the past six months than most of us have in our whole lives. So, why are you tearing yourself apart for meeting a boy and escaping for a while?"

"I just. . .I miss my mom, Aquarius," I said through my tears. "So much, and she would be horrified at what I've become. At what I've done. All my life, I've been everyone's good girl. . .and now look at me."

Taking both my hands and holding them tight, Aquarius was silent as I broke down.

"Lucy," she called out, drawing me back. "People will always think what they want about you. If you've slept with one guy, they'll walk around believing it's hundreds. If you're a virgin, I can guarantee you, they'll make out that you have a new guy every second day. You can't change that."

I hiccupped. "I know."

"Have you ever taken a pregnancy test before?" She asked, redirecting the conversation to the matter at hand.

I shook my head.

"No," I answered, honestly. "I tried to do the dandelion test a few weeks ago. I ended up flushing the leaves in the end because I couldn't bring myself to look at them."

"Dandelions aren't going to help you, kid," she said softly, reaching out and tucking some hair behind my ear. "Do you want me to stay with you while you take it?"

"I want nothing more."
. . . . . .

When I was younger, I remember watching a film about a planet colliding with Earth.

I remember how frightened it had made me back then. I would lie awake at night, looking out the window from my bed, terrified that I would see its approach before it wiped us all out.

A cataclysmic dance of death with the heavens.

Back then, my mom had always said that if I was ever afraid, then I was just to look up; for the God who hung the stars in the sky, and who knew each of them by name, also knew me and all my fears,

Finding out I had a baby growing inside of me had been more terrifying than the prospect of a planet hurtling towards me in the end.

I no longer feared death.

Instead, I lay in the grass looking up at the stars and beckoned it. I prayed that the moon would fall from the sky; that the planets would align and save me the trouble of finishing it myself. I prayed that God would see me and have mercy. That He would take the life from inside me and give it to someone who wanted it. Someone who would love it and care for it more than I ever could.

The grass was cold, and I didn't know how long I had lain there by the time my phone rang.

When his name flashed up, I almost didn't want to answer.

But I did, because he deserved more.

"Hey, Natsu."

And in the end, maybe he would want a baby.

"Yeah, everything's fine."

And maybe he wouldn't.

"We just. . .need to talk about some stuff."

And maybe the moon would fall after all.
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A/N: Hey guys, so I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it touched on certain topics that some people may find difficult to cope with, and I am so sorry for any upset that may have been caused.

If anyone would like to chat, please don't hesitate to PM me.

xoxoxo