I look at her office door and inhale deeply. I went to it and knock.

"Enter."

I open the door and look at her. She sees me and snorts. She shakes her head and folds her arms. I went inside and close the door behind me.

"So, tell me, have you kissed already?"
"No, just an occasional hug, but more for support than anything else."
"Yeah, it mostly starts like that. I can see how he looks at you."
"Penny…"

She holds her hand up and stands up. I went to her. I sit down on a chair at her desk and watch her. I wait until she sits down as well. She sees my expression and sits down.

"Baby, you got to understand something."
"No, Penny, I know, I do understand, I know where he's coming from."
"I don't think you do, as soon as he has you in his grip and you both had sex, he will move on. He'll leave you heartbroken. He can't commit or bind himself to anyone. You've got no idea how much I had to deal with all the women he has been with."

I inhale deeply and look down. I close my eyes.

"Look, I really like you very much. I have seen both your feelings growing. I want him and also you to be happy, but he can't make you happy. He's not capable of doing that. Besides, his father has strictly forbidden him, and he has told me to keep him in check about it."
"I see."
"I know you're smart, Baby, so if I were you now, I would try to get over it and forget it before it's getting worse."

I get where she is coming from, but she clearly is ignorant, and I think she deserves to know the truth. I think about how to start telling her. Then I came to an idea and look back up at her. I see her not smiling, and folding her arms.

"You're a great friend, Penny, I can see how much you want to protect him and all the women too."
"I know him my entire life, Baby, I love him like a brother, so I know how to handle things when I see them."

I nod but hold my hand up. She looks at my face and I start to smile at her. I see her getting confused.

"This is not me trying to defend anything, okay?"

She does not answer me, but I see her waiting for me to go on.

"You've seen his smile, right?"
"Which one?"
"The one he has when he looks at me."
"What do you want to tell me, Baby? That he only smiles like that at you?"
"Yes, exactly that, I know you don't believe me if I say that, but it's true. Think about it, have you seen him smiling like that at anyone else, even you?"

I see her thinking, trying to remember if she has seen that smile more often. I know she cannot. No one can because it is his special smile for me alone. Not only do I know that, but his father knows too.

"I know his father had forbidden this, he has told me not to fall for his trap either."
"So, you know, but you do this anyway."
"I had a talk with Ron right before lunch."

Penny snorts and shakes his.

"No, it was not to tell him that I want Johnny. He wanted to talk to me, he wanted to tell me about that vague period from Johnny when he was eight."

I see her expression changing. I can see she is getting curious, and she moves a little closer to listen to me. I inhale deeply.

"I know you can't keep secrets for him, I mean, he's your best friend, but please promise me you don't start about this. Ron has told me that he wants to tell Johnny about it himself when he feels that Johnny is ready to hear about it."
"It will be hard, but I promise."

I start to smile and give her a nod. I am so happy to know she is such a loyal friend. I do not mind if she judges me all the time, as long as she keeps supporting Johnny, because that is what friends do. I do not have many friends, and no best friend, I have been bullied at school until Justin became my boyfriend, but enough about me. This is about Johnny.

"When Johnny was eight, Ron walked in on an affair from his ex-wife, it was the first he caught her."
"I know that, but I didn't know it was back then already, I thought it was later."
"He tries to protect his son at all cost, you got to believe me, he loves Johnny so much he would die for him to keep him safe, and he risked his life at that moment."
"What do you mean?"
"He told me that he had a fight with her, it became physical, she stabbed his leg when he stopped her from getting Johnny."

Penny gasps and holds her hands over her mouth. The same reaction I had. It just shows how much we care about the Castle men. God, that sounds good for real.

"She wanted to take Johnny away. Ron prevented that, he eventually got away with Johnny. They fled the house."
"Has he told you where to?"

I nod and look down. I know she is curious.

"Has Johnny told you anything about his father's private dance sessions?"
"Yeah, the private sessions is what thrives this department. I'm doing them now because he doesn't trust Johnny to do them."
"I know, but has Johnny told you anything about his visit to my grandparents?"
"He has talked about them a lot, he seems to like them a huge lot. He likes your parents a lot as well. He told me he feels accepted."
"Well, he is, my family loves Johnny. Ron had given my grandparents private dance sessions for their fortieth anniversary about a month before the happening."

I see her straightening her back a little as she keeps looking at me.

"When they fled, the first thing that came into his head were my grandparents."

I see her astonishment growing. I inhale deeply as I think about the conversation and about the picture.

"My grandparents took them in, and they stayed there for a month. My grandfather called the doctor to care for Ron's leg. My grandmother made sure a room was ready for Johnny. This month is the vague period from Johnny."
"So, Johnny can't remember anything about that at all."
"Not sure, he told me he had a feeling of coming home when he stepped inside my grandparents home last week. He said he had a familiar feeling, a warm feeling."

Penny thinks about what Johnny told her and nods as she tries to puzzle pieces on the right places. I keep watching her, I see her becoming curious about something.

"Were you born already?"

I knew she would ask that. I give her a nod.

"I was not yet twelve months old, just a little baby, my sister was two and half."

I see her starting to smile. I start to smile as well.

"My father wasn't at home at that time, he had business to do in Houston. Ron told me. My mother, however, she went often to her parents with my sister and I."

I can see her being curious again.

"He told me how Johnny wanted to play with my sister and her dolls, but that she didn't want to because she didn't want to play with boys."

Penny starts to chuckle about that, making me giggle.

"That's the first."
"I know right? But it's typical my sister, she has always been like that."
"And you?"

I keep smiling as I see her face.

"I was on Ron's arms when Johnny came to him and looked at me. He told Ron and mom that I was the most beautiful baby he has ever seen."
"Probably the first too."

I giggle about it. She sees my face. Then she inhales deeply.

"He wanted to hold me, Ron and mom helped him to hold me. That smile…"
"What about it?"
"He started to smile like that ever since that moment and only when he looks at me. Ron has a picture of Johnny holding me in his arms, he showed it to me. I saw the smile on the picture, it's the same smile you see when he smiles at me."

She starts to frown about it. I can guess what is going on in her mind. This is a lot to take in, it was to me too. She looks at my face as she is thinking. I stand up.

"I know Ron told you to keep an eye on his son. But I want you to know that he told me that he's giving Johnny and me the green light if something would be happening between us."

She is standing up and coming closer to me.

"And do you want something to happen?"
"I'm in love with him, but I know you've seen that already. He has changed and you know that too. We both can see it."

It is the first time that I admit to anyone, including myself, that I am in love with my boss. Yes, I know I wrote before that I love him. But you can love a person in different ways, you know. Saying it out loud to someone confirms that my feelings are real. And it feels liberating. I know I did not want to risk my job, I actually do love my job, but I do not care about losing it any longer if I would start a relationship with Johnny. Believe it or not, I want that relationship, even if I have to give up my job for it.

"What if he hurts you?"
"I would like to see how it goes, I don't want to think about the worse case scenario. Penny, please, I know you protect him and keep him in check. You're his best friend, and I want your permission."
"It's not my place to give you permission, Baby, but I can see that you love him. I just hope that you won't get hurt. You deserve only the best, you're a great person and I really like you."

I smile and we hug shortly.

"Thank you."
"Thanks for telling me this, Baby, and I won't stand in your way."
"Thanks, Penny, now I need to fix something. I'll see you at the demonstration."

She nods and I leave the office. I close the door and inhale deeply. I am glad I have done this.

Now I need to find Johnny and tell him I want that date. I am not sure what is coming over me, but I want to let him know that I want him, and I do not want to let him get away. I went to the dance room and look inside. I see him sitting down and he is crying.

"Are you okay?"

He looks up and quickly dries his tears.

"I'm okay, Baby, don't worry about me."
"You're making me worried now."
"Please don't, I don't deserve that."

I went to him. When I am close I sit myself on my knees in front of him. He sits himself straight. I lay my hands on his knees and he looks at them before he looks at my face. I smile at him, and I look in his eyes.

"Johnny, I want that date."
"But dad will kill me, you heard what Pen said, she had reminded me of what he said to me when you came to work for me."
"And I can see you try to live up to your father. I can see you're changing. You want to change."
"I want to be a better person, like you."
"And you will be, in fact, you already are."

He snorts and shakes his head. I move myself closer. More between his legs. No, I am not going to do that, reader, I can guess what is in your mind. He did not move away. I take his hands and I look at them. They are so soft and refined. He is watching me. I look back up at his face. I can see him swallow once. I keep smiling as I keep looking at him.

After a few moments he begins to smile too. Now, that is what I am talking about, the special smile. Penny came to the room and peeks inside. She sees his smile as well.

"Johnny."

I whisper his name.

"The last three weeks has been amazing. I never felt so good in my entire life. I know this sounds strange, but I loved every moment of us spending time together. Even the argues."

He scoffs, but he sees I am serious. He takes a deep breath.

"I treasure the moments that you shared your secrets with me. This afternoon with lunch, it felt so good. Please, tell me you felt it too."
"I did, Baby, but it makes things complicated."
"It doesn't have to be that way."
"You don't know my father."
"I think it's time you have a good talk with your father. I think you both need to clear things up."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't tell you."
"Did he told you something?"
"He did, but he asked me not to tell you, he wants to do that himself."

He looks away while he thinks. I see his frown and his expression. I let a hand go and push a few hairs back. He turns his head back to me as I let my fingers run over his frown. He inhales deeply.

"Please, for the rest of the day, try not to think about it."
"I'll try, Baby."
"Let's have dinner, you promised me a date."

He chuckles softly as he can see I really want that date.

"I got something really good in mind."
"Ali's Snack Bites?"
"Now, you're getting way too addicted to my version of the mini durum."

I giggle about it. He rolls his eyes when he sees my face. Penny turns away and inhales deeply. She walks away while she thinks about what she just has seen.

"You got really good taste."

He chuckles about it and his hand went to push my hair behind my ear. I bite my lip. I stand up and he looks at me. I lean in, and I know this is quite a bald action coming from me. I give him a kiss on his lips this time. He close his eyes and holds his breath. I look at him with a smile and he slowly opens his eyes.

"I'm going to finalize the day. Will you make sure you take the records with you?"

He nods. I smile again and went to the office. He is looking after me inhaling deeply. He stands up and takes the records. He walks to the door when Penny came inside. He looks at her and he sees her smile.

"You look way too happy, Pen."
"Johnny."
"What?"
"I had a talk with Baby, a really good talk, and I've seen you two just now."

He inhales deeply and looks at the records in his hands. She grabs him into a hug.

"What's this good for, Pen?"
"Go for it."
"What about dad? I thought you needed to make sure nothing would be happening."
"Talk to your father, like Baby said."

She let him go and he looks at her face while he thinks. Penny takes the records.

"I'll take them with me this time, so you can just think about the date with Baby."
"Thanks, Pen."
"Don't thank me, someone told me that if you love someone you should go for it."

He sighs about that. He knows that he was the one who has told her that when she was going to have that date. She smiles at him and gives him a kiss on his cheek.

"Now, in my case, love was a really strong word. He was totally different from what I first thought."
"I'm sorry to hear that, he seemed a nice guy."
"It's okay, I'll find someone one day."

He smiles at her.

"In your case, Johnny, I think you found the right person for you. Please don't hurt Baby."
"I don't want to."
"Enjoy the date, okay? And I see you two at the demonstration."
"Thanks, Pen, for your support."
"I'll always support you."

He grabs her into a tight hug. She chuckles and pats his back.

"You're killing me."

He let her go and she looks at his smile. She can see it is indeed not the same smile as he has when he looks at me. She had hoped she could proof me wrong on one thing, but she realizes that I know him at least as good as she does. She got a little jealous feeling washing over her.

"You're okay?"
"I'm fine, go and have a good date."

He gives her a kiss on her cheek and walks away. She looks after him and inhales deeply.