Author's Note: I am so sorry for the long update. It's just that I was planning on writing this chapter last Tuesday; but then I found out that I had to pack to go out to my uncle's for a week. So I didn't really have time to write this until now. I have decided that I am going to update this story every Thrusday from now on. That way I know that I have a deadline. I've also started a new story called 'Anger and Confusion' it's going to be a darker fic than this one; but it will still be H/D!!! Anyways, back to the story!

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Chapter 8

Painful Truth

It took a few minutes for either of the young boys to have the energy or strength to talk. Once they had both recollected themselves they realized what they had done and how they were still lying with each other.

"Get off me Scar-Head!!" Draco barked at Harry.

"You're the one on ME!!" Harry screamed back at the Slytherin. Draco immediately got off of Harry and they both grabbed their pants. After they had both pulled on their pants, Draco looked over at Harry, uneasily.

Draco noticed the uneasy silence and wanted to end it; but he just didn't know what to say to the Gryffindor. He liked what they had just done, but he just couldn't believe what they had just done. He had just given the boy who will not die head; and he liked doing it.

"I…um…Harry…"Draco started to stammer into the awkward silence between the two boys.

Draco looked over at the half naked boy sitting in the grass beside him. They caught each other's eyes and just sat there gawking at each other, for quite some time. Draco could feel something, but he didn't know exactly what it was that he was feeling. Just looking at Harry made him feel giddy and happy and warm all over, something that the Slytherin was definitely not used to feeling. It scared him, but at the same time he never wanted the feeling to end. Whatever that feeling was, he hoped that was feeling Harry the same way.

"Um…Draco? Why exactly did you want me to meet you out here? I mean surely it wasn't just to do, well to do…this." Harry said trying to get rid of the awkward silence, that still rested between the two boys.

"Harry, why do you think it wasn't about this? I mean you don't mind that we did, do you? I know that I don't regret it." Draco said teasingly.

"I…um, well no I don't mind. It's just that we came out here to talk. Didn't we?"

"Well then start talking."

"About your journal…"Harry started.

"What about it?" Draco asked defensively.

"Well, I read some of it."

"Yeah, I figured that one out." Draco sneered, "What all did you read?"

"I only read six pages." Harry said uncertainly, not wanting Draco to get even more upset with him.

"Which six pages Harry? You're going to have to be a bit more descriptive than that; there are over 1000 pages, so which six are you talking about?"

"Well, I read the first two, two in the middle, and the last two."

"So, then you know." Draco said looking up into Harry's eyes.

Harry noticed that Draco's eyes were full of pain and hurt. It was a sight that really shocked the Gryffindor. He had never seen the silver-eyed boy show any kind of emotion, and here he was just letting Harry see right in to him. To really see Malfoy as Draco Malfoy.

"Yeah, I know." Harry said so quietly that Draco almost didn't hear him.

"Harry, could you not tell anyone about what you've read? I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me and I don't really want anyone to know about it." Draco started to plead. He hoped that the Gryffindor wouldn't tell, he needed him not to tell.

"I won't tell, Draco, I promise."

"Good, I don't want anyone else to know." Draco stated, "It's bad enough that you know."

"What's so horrible about me knowing?" Harry questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know, it's just that, well. I don't like it when people know me so closely that they can use it against me. I mean come on Harry, you have enough info right now to blackmail me for the rest of my life at Hogwarts."

"Draco, only you would do something so cruel." Harry could hear Draco mutter something to himself. "What was that Draco?"

"I said, no actually. It's my father that would do something cruel. I'm not like him, you know. I don't want to be a Death Eater or anything; its just, that I have to be one." Draco said dryly before looking back down at the grass.

"You know, Draco. If you ever need to talk or anything, you can always come to me. I may not know exactly what to tell you back, but at least you could talk about it. That way you wouldn't have to keep it all in."

"Potter, you wouldn't understand the first of it."

"Try me."

"Try you, Potter? Like I'm just going to start pouring my soul out to you of all people." Draco sneered.

"You'll come to see I do have a certain charm about me, Malfoy. Besides, why did you want me to come out here if you weren't going to talk to me of all people?"

"I, well, okay. I guess I did want to talk to you." Draco said uncertainly.

"I'm listening, feel free to start when ever you want to."

"Okay. About my father…"Draco started but just drifted off.

"It's okay, just take your time, Draco." Harry tried to soothe.

"I don't know how to put it. I mean I love him and all because he is my father; but after all that he's…he's done. It's just not, well, the same. I don't know how to put into words all of the shit that he's put me through. It's mad. I mean, he's locked me up in my room for weeks at a time, he's beat and cursed me so many times I don't even know how I'm still living, he's bashed my head in doors, sometimes after he's done he'll just leave me there he won't give me any potions or anything he'll just leave and not care if I lived or died, it's like some kind of sick game with him, he likes watching me suffer, one time he left me chained to a chair for a month! I just can't help but to hate him. I just want to see him die sometimes. I just want him to suffer, for all of the pain that he has caused me.

He says that I deserve it all. That I've been nothing but an ungrateful bastard. But how could I be anything but that! HOW in the fucking hell could I be grateful for what he's done!!! I don't get! He used to complain to me when I was younger, before all of this how much he hated his father; all because his father had beat him and put curse on him! I don't get it if he hated his father because he used to do that; then why is he doing this to me! I mean before he started raping me, he, still was beating the shit out of me. I can remember once when I was like 9 or 10, he made me go outside on Christmas when it was 5 degrees outside. The worst part about that was that he made me go out there with only my pyjamas on. God it was fucking cold.

I can remember him bring me back inside after I had passed out. I remember him yelling at me about how weak I'm am and how I will never amount to anything. I mean I don't know one other person who's gone through the shit I have. I hate him, but I hate myself more. I mean I let him do this kind of stuff to me for years before finally standing up to him. I mean I still lose the fights with him, but at I know I did fight. It's better than just letting him. I fucking hate him mostly because he knows I won't tell anyone about it."

"Why don't you tell anyone?" Harry interrupted the young blonde.

"I don't know, too much pride in myself I guess. I don't want anyone to know that I have a weakness; I want to at least seem strong on the outside when really I'm falling apart on the inside. Plus, I did tell. Well, once. I told my godfather. He tried to help me, he talked to my father about it, and he tried to convince my father that I should stay with my godfather for a while. Which in the end father just got pissed off at me and beat me half to death then locked me in my room for two weeks."

"Oh, I see."

"No you don't see, Potter. Nobody sees. You couldn't possibly understand even half of the shit that I've been through. Nobody could. How could they? Everyone else goes off and lives their happy little lives. You know what? I, Draco Malfoy am jealous of the Weasel. I just don't understand him! I mean he has a perfect life, a great family, really great friends, he knows who in the hell he is, the only thing he doesn't have is money. It's insane. I just wish that for one fucking day that I could have that kind of love he has.

Honestly, I would give up all of my money just for one full day of happiness. That's the one thing that money will never be able to buy me, happiness. I can't let him no that kind of stuff, I can't even let my friends know. That's another reason why I just keep my mouth shut. If I keep my mouth shut, nobody has to know. Nobody can get in, nobody else can hurt me. I don't want people to get in; I want to stay strong. I don't know what I'm trying to stay strong for, I don't know why I want to keep living but I do, at least for now anyway. I don't know how much longer I'll want to though."

"Draco you don't mean that. You, you, can't want to, you don't want to kill yourself or anything, do you?" Harry asked not really wanting to know the answer.

"Well, yeah, sometimes. Actually, I think about it everyday. Sometimes, I just want the pain to end, forever."

"What about when you're with Pansy? You wrote that it makes the pain go away."

"So you read about that too. And it does. Just not permanently. It only goes away for a little while. It never stays gone. I want the pain to go away and stay away. I don't want to feel it any more. I don't want to feel anymore. I hate feeling; it just makes me feel weaker and weaker. I want to be able to shut the world out and not ever let anyone in, ever. I used to be able to, but I can't keep acting anymore, but I need to push everyone out."

"Draco, you can't keep pushing people away. That's what's making you weaker. Trying to keep everything inside. It doesn't work; you'll just end hurting yourself or losing your mind. Trust me, I've been down that road. Trust it's a long, lonely road, too. You can't keep everything in; you eventually have to let somebody in. If you don't, well, then, you're as good as dead."

"Yeah right, what would you know. What kind of pain have you went through? Tell me, Potter? What kind of pain could the famous Harry James Potter have gone through?"

"What kind of pain have I gone through? Let's see, my parents were murdered, I had to watch Cedric die, I had to watch my own godfather die. I never felt one ounce of love until I met Sirius. I have never got to meet my parents. Yes, they were around when I was a baby; but I still can't remember them. My aunt and uncle, well that's a whole other story. I've never had one friend until I was 11. Even though Ron, Hermione, Lupin, Hagrid, and Dumbledore are my friends; they still keep stuff from me. They think 'I'm too young to handle the truth.' But HELLO!! It's my life, my future that they are all talking about, and yet they don't think I should know what's going to happen.

I've had to battle with the dark lord. The whole wizarding world looks up to me to kill the sick bastard. The whole wizarding world thinks I'm completely nuts but yet they all still love me. Everyone always has this little image of how the boy who lived should act and they get all upset and angry if they disagree with how I live my life. Even when he's not around and he's not doing anything I still dream of what he does. I still see all of the people that tortures, I still wake up from nightmares of watching Cedric and Sirius die. In the end either I will die or Voldemort will die.

I can't tell my own best friends anything otherwise Hermione will get worried and act all motherly and Ron will get pissed off because 'I always get to do everything.' I can't lose at Quidditch otherwise all of the Gryffindors will hate me. Most of my teachers well, mainly Snape absolutely hate me. Every single person I meet already knows more about me than I do. It's completely mad, I have no clue who I am, but everyone already knows who I am. I don't know Draco, I have no clue what kind of pain have I gone through? Your right, the poor little Gryffindor can't feel pain. Oh I forgot only you suck up Slytherins can." Harry sneered at the Slytherin.

"I…Harry, I didn't." Draco began to stammer.

"I know you didn't. Nobody does. Not even Ron and Hermione."

"It's…just. You're one to talk about keeping things in. Potter, why don't you tell anyone?"

"Because I know that no one can understand me. You can't understand pain, unless you've felt real pain. And neither of my best friends have ever felt real pain."

"I agree. I guess that's one of the reason I let myself come down here and talk to you. I know that you've felt pain; I know that you have hurt before. I can tell because I can see it in your eyes; your eyes Harry give away everything your thinking. I knew that you would be able to understand to some degree. I just needed someone to talk to. Someone who, I don't know, I guess trust with my secrets. And who better than my worst enemy?" Draco started to tease. "I guess I'm not the only one who has a secret. Maybe I won't feel so cut off from the world now."

"You know, you can always talk to me. Whether you think I'll understand or not. It's not like I have a lot better things to do. I usually just end up in my bedroom by myself thinking of Sirius. So, I'm always here if you need to talk, about anything." Harry said as he grabbed Draco's hand. He started to run his fingers over Draco's wrist when he felt something. He grabbed Draco's wrist and looked at it. "DRACO!?!?! When…, why…, why did you do…?"

Draco ripped his hand out of the Gryffindor's grasp. "It's nothing, Potter." He replied fixing his gaze on the grass.

"NOTHING!?! DRACO, look at me!! I can't believe you did that!"

Draco raised his eyes and silver eyes met emerald. "Look, it happened last year. I hated it; I hated that year so much. Father was going on and on about you and Voldemort. He became more violent last year, he beat me even more, and anything that he used to do he made it 5 times harder and rougher. I hated that Umbridge bitch. My friends didn't really like me anymore, they were all going behind my back and talking about me. Snape was the only person I had to talk to.

So, I just snapped one day. I went to the prefects bathroom, took out this dagger my father bought me, and just wanted to end it all. It just felt so good, cutting myself like that. All of the pain disappeared. I could feel, Harry!!! I could feel myself dying. I loved the feeling; I just wanted to die. I really did. The world around me started to become darker, and the last thing I could remember was Snape finding me and shaking me, trying to make me get up."

"I still can't believe that you tried to do that." Harry said quietly.

"It wasn't the first time." Draco said flatly.

"What do you mean? Have you tried it before?" Harry asked in shock; he couldn't believe that the Slytherin had tried this more than once.

"Well, yeah. Once in the second year during Christmas break."

"So, that's why you stayed at school?"

"Not exactly. At first it was just to get away from my father, but I don't know. Sometimes I just get so distraught that I want to kill myself. It is a bit mad."

"Not really. I mean, well, I used to cut."

"What!?! Famous Harry Potter cut himself?"

"Don't call me that and yeah." Harry replied meekly.

"Why?"

"Last year, I kissed Cho and completely hated it. I hated her. But mainly it made me hate myself."

"You kiss Cho, so you hated yourself? Sounds kinda lame Harry."

"It isn't like that. When kissed her I realized that I wasn't straight. I guess you could say that I'm still somewhat in denial."

"I realized that a long time ago. I don't mind the fact, if people have a problem with me it is their problem, not mine."

"You said something like that in your journal."

"Ah, I forgot." Draco said, then started to question Harry more, "So besides reading that I'm bi, I fuck my pain away with Pansy, and my whole thing with my Father, what else did you read or see?"

"I well, saw the page where you had the, um, picture of you and your Father. And the part aboutyouthinkinofmewhileyourshagginpansy."

"What did you say?" Draco said while staring at Harry, whose cheeks started to turn a slight pink colour.

"I said I read the part about you thinking of me while your shagging Pansy."

Draco's face immediately turned a crimson colour after hearing what had escaped from the other boy's mouth. Draco looked over at the Gryffindor, whose face was just as red from the embarrassment. "I, I didn't know you read that." Draco started to stammer.

"It's nothing, really, Draco."

"I don't know why I thought of you or anything. It just, just kind of appeared in my mind."

"Draco, really, it's okay. I don't mind that you thought that. Stuff happens."

"Stuff like that doesn't usually happen to me, Potter. I don't usually go around thinking of shagging my worst enemy."

"So, am I still your worst enemy?"

"I, well, you see, no. You never really were. I was supposed to hate you, but I never really did."

Both boys sat there in silence. Neither knew what you say to the other. Not that either of them didn't want to talk to the other. Harry let out a suppressed yawn. It was then that both boys realized that they should probably be heading back to their own dorms.

"Potter?" Harry glanced up at the Slytherin, as if signalling for him to continue. "I, um, I think we should go back to our dorms. I don't really want to be caught out of my dorm to late. Snape will give me hell, if he finds me."

Both Harry and Draco grabbed their shirts, threw them on hastily and made their way back up towards the beautiful castle known as Hogwarts. When they had reached the Entrance Hallway, they said their goodbyes and started to walk off in different directions. Draco turned around and ran back over to the Gryffindor. Harry turned around, he could he someone running behind him, Draco.

When Draco reached Harry, he began to talk but he couldn't finish what he was about to say. He was breathless from running after the Gryffindor; he took a mental note that he should work out a bit more. Instead of using words like Draco had first planned, he did something else. He reached around Harry's neck pulled him close and kissed him. Electricity flowed through both or their bodies as their lips came into contact once again. Harry grasped Draco and pulled him closer to himself, trying to deepen their kiss.

Harry shoved Draco up against the hall wall. Draco moaned into Harry's mouth, causing Harry to smile. Draco grabbed Harry's arse trying to pull him closer to himself. When they finally pulled away from each other, they both had a warm smile on their usually sad and cold faces. Harry looked up into Draco's usually cold silver eyes that were now swimming with emotion.

"Draco?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't stay a stranger, okay?" Draco leaned in once again and kissed the raven-haired boy once again. "Was that a yes or a no?" Harry said teasingly. Draco leaned in and kissed Harry very forcefully and strongly. "I guess I'll take that as a yes."

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A young boy was lying in his bed staring at the ceiling waiting for someone to walk into their dorm. He didn't know why he was worried, it's not like the guy had never stayed out late before. But something just didn't feel right. Most of the time if he was going to stay out late he would tell at least him or Hermione. It just didn't seem like Harry.

Then again, Harry hasn't really been acting like Harry. Well, not since Sirius had died. Ever since then Harry has been doing stuff he never would have done before. Harry had been well, reckless ever since he died. Harry just didn't seem to care anymore. It seemed like Harry cared about whether he even lived or not.

Ron didn't usually act this way towards Harry, it's just he had a bad feeling about something. He felt like Harry was probably doing something that he wasn't supposed to. Ron hated that feeling, he hated feeling material towards Harry. It was after all, Harry's life and if he wanted to say out late and do shit he wasn't supposed to; it was absolutely none of Ron's business to tell him that he shouldn't do it.

Ron rolled over in his bed, shut his eyes, and tried to go to sleep. It didn't work. His mind kept going back over to thoughts of Harry and why he wasn't in the dorm by now. He didn't want to think of why he might not be in there, but the thought just kept crossing his mind.

I hope he hasn't done anything stupid or got himself hurt or anything. Because if he has, I'm going to be paying hell from Hermione. She acts like he's my responsibility and that I'm the one who should make sure the 'Golden Boy' doesn't get hurt. I bet he's out shagging somebody, or out lying in the Quidditch Pitch drunk. Then again he's probably in the common room passed out on the couch. Nothing to worry about. I just wish that he would stop disappearing on us like that. One second he's right behind you the next he's gone.

Just then the door to the 6th year boys' dormitory flew open, and in walked none other than Harry James Potter. Ron noticed something about Harry that he hadn't noticed in a long time. Harry was smiling and he looked rather goofy, his hair was even more ruffled than normal, his clothes were messed up as though they had been hastily taken off and then put back on, Harry's eyes were glowing with excitement, he seemed somewhat relaxed. Since Harry's shirt wasn't buttoned up all the way he also noticed that Harry had a few love bites on his collar bone. Ron instantly knew what Harry looked like, Harry looked like he had been shagged.

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Author's Note: Thank you to all of you who reviewed; it really means a lot to me. Sorry once again for the long update. Remember, I will be updating this story every Thrusday, so look out for it!! Again, I also have a new fic out called 'Anger and Confusion.' If you have the time go and check it out! Anyways, hope you enjoyed and please, please review!!!