Chapter Thirty: The Past

"What… is this?" Sora asked, shocked beyond belief. Within the castle doors was the borough of the Radiant Garden, frozen in time with unanimated people. Small shards of light were raining down upon the people, who seemed happy and content.

"This must be…" I said to myself, looking around. Despite the people's happiness, everything seemed …off. A familiar presence was about us… I couldn't place my finger on it, though.

"What?" Riku asked.

"This is before the worlds were splintered," Sora and I said almost simultaneously. "Yeah… this must be in the past."

It is, a familiar voice rang around me. This was ages ago when the worlds were still one.

"Senka," I said. "What are you talking about?"

"Roy, we just killed Senka. Who are you talking to?" Riku asked me.

"Senka's…" I began, but was interrupted.

"Senka's spirit is still around," I told them. "I can hear her."

"Me, too." Sora told me. "What is this place?"

This place… is a place I made so that I could reflect on all that happened so many years ago, Senka's voice said. It is a place constructed of our memories: my memories from ages past, and your memories from ages recent.

"It's based on our memories? What memory is this?" Riku asked.

My earliest memory… my memory of the worlds before they were splintered.

"So, this is the world in its true form?" I asked.

Yes… and it is the world you shall restore, if you have strength enough to defeat the darkness.

"But you defended the darkness! You're the one who controlled so much of it, we were nearly overwhelmed even in our transformed states!" Sora shouted.

I would say you were overwhelmed… if it was not for those Light Crystals you carry, you would have certainly lost.

"Enough of this idle banter. What is this supposed to show us?" I asked.

My past… the past of Xehanort… your pasts… your futures… they all tie together.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sora shouted.

Look around you. See the people? They're happy, even though darkness lies all around them.

"But… the darkness didn't come until people became selfish and wanted the light all for themselves!" Riku said.

Did you earnestly believe darkness was born of men? Foolish dark knight…

"Darkness is eternal. It's no more finite than light… which means it's endless," I commented.

The hitokiri is right… darkness existed long before the worlds were splintered. It existed even then, in the time of so-called 'purity.'

"So then, something must have been diverting the darkness from the hearts of men," Riku said. "Something… or someone."

Exactly. Something to divert the darkness from the world… someone to keep the darkness away. A sieve…

"You, Senka. You were that sieve," I said.

You never cease to amaze me, hitokiri. Yes, I was that sieve.

"You guys… let's find Senka. If this is her memory, she should be around here somewhere," I said.

"Yeah… let's find her," Sora said. We proceeded to search and search, but could find nobody resembling Senka. So, in the end, I knew where she must have been.

"Guys, we'll have to close the doors to find Senka. Once we do so, there's no going back," I said. Sora and Riku both accepted that. I closed the doors, and on the inside was…

"A little girl. But she looks like Senka," Sora said.

"But she looks so innocent," Riku commented of the little girl. "Nothing like… Senka…"

Do not judge people based on their appearances. That is me.

"So, then… something sealed away the darkness that was within her. That much darkness would build and overflow," I said.

Exactly. Go into the next room, and there you shall find more truth.

We proceeded into a door that had appeared before our eyes. The inside looked similar to the Crystal Fissure. There stood an older Senka, probably in her teenage years. A man was also there… his hairstyle and face seemed oddly familiar… it was silver and long, with three odd spikes. He was also wearing a long, black coat…

The two were embracing. They must have been in love.

"That's… Xehanort, is it not?" I asked.

Yes. That is Xehanort.

"How's that possible? We're in the distant past, aren't we?" Sora asked.

Just because this is the past, it does not mean people you know will not be here.

"So, what are we looking at?" Riku asked.

The first wound in destiny.

"Wound… in destiny?" Sora asked.

"A wound in destiny. Like me… I suppose this means Xehanort had the ability to affect the destinies of everyone and everything, as well," I replied.

Yes. I expected no less from the hitokiri… Xehanort was also a wound in destiny. He was different… after that day.

"That day?" Riku asked.

Nobodies existed long before Heartless. I… loved Xehanort. He was one of the warriors of the world… back then, everybody had a Keyblade.

"Except you," I said.

Still more wisdom. Yes, everyone had a Keyblade back then. And I was ridiculed for not having one. But Xehanort accepted me.

"You loved him… and he loved you. Something happened that day," Sora said.

Xehanort was meant to die in that fight against some Nobodies. But so strong was his will that he, like the hitokiri, broke the chains of fate. That rippled across everything.

"And, in the end, somehow splintered the worlds," I said. "Something didn't empty the sieve… that led to overflowing darkness."

And with the overflowing darkness, a great battle began… one that all adults would perish in, save three.

Another door appeared. I opened it and stepped into the Keyblade Graveyard I had visited two years ago. A dust storm was kicked up, and in the crossroads stood three knights, each holding a unique Keyblade and the Keyblades of Light, Darkness, and Twilight. There was also a silhouette of someone… a woman, in the sandstorm.

"Xehanort… and two of his allies," I quickly concluded.

Wisdom beyond words. Yes… that was Xehanort in his last stand against the darkness.

"But Xehanort always fought for the darkness… and Xemnas fought for the twilight," Riku said. "Why would he stand against it?"

I… was overcome with the darkness that had welled up in me. After that happened, the connection between the worlds fractured. People became selfish. They fought this pointless Keyblade War, and in the end, only three were left standing.

"Xehanort and two of his allies," I said. "They survived and challenged you."

Yes. They stood and challenged the Darkness of Eternity, and despite their best efforts, failed. But even overcome by the darkness, I could not kill Xehanort.

"So what did you do with him?" Sora asked. Another door appeared.

Go through that door and find out.

Riku pushed open both doors simultaneously, and we stepped through the narrow doorway. On the inside was a pod room… the same one we had visited near the beginning of our journey. Senka stood in front of the pod, looking at a sleeping Xehanort.

"You erased his memories? Why would you do that?" Sora asked.

Why did Naminé erase your memories?

"What?" Sora asked.

"Your memories were altered… changed, Sora," Riku said. "Naminé… Kairi's Nobody, messed up your memories two years ago. You had to sleep in a pod to regain your true memories… and your true self."

Yes. But I did not change Xehanort so that he could regain his true self. None of his memories had been altered before I placed him in that pod.

"So why did you erase his memories?" I asked.

I am not entirely sure… maybe so he would love me as I was, maybe for no reason. It matters not. The important part is that I saved Xehanort.

"But that was probably hundreds… maybe even thousands of years ago! How did you keep yourself alive, let alone Xehanort?" Sora shouted.

I do not still live… not truly. My consciousness, freed from the darkness, is showing you the truth. I kept Xehanort and myself alive by slowing down our metabolic rates to almost nothing.

"So what happened that set all the events we've been faced with over the past three years in motion?" Riku asked.

I cannot show you… none of us were there when it happened. Suffice to say, Xehanort one day broke out of his capsule. I then hunted him down with Nobodies, but he was as resilient as ever, despite lacking his Keyblade. He somehow made it to the Radiant Garden.

"So why didn't you go get him?" Sora asked, slightly furious.

I could not… otherwise, the Radiant Garden would have been plunged into darkness. And, even after so long, I still held some respect for the once-proud center of all worlds.

"And the rest, they say, is history," I said. "We know the rest of what's happened. So what else do you have to show us?"

I cannot show you anything you do not yet know… except you, hitokiri. But that is for later.

Another door appeared in front of us. I shoved it open and found myself on the Destiny Islands beach. But something was different… the water was purple.

"This is when… I fought Xehanort's Heartless…" Sora said, trembling slightly.

Is this how Xehanort met his end? I expected someone… a little taller to do the job.

I looked around a little to see Sora, Donald, and Goofy teaming up against Xehanort in frozen animation.

"That was a tough battle," Sora said. "He was awfully strong… but I'm way more than strong enough to beat him now!"

But why did you fight him?

"To save Riku," Sora answered. "He had already saved himself, but was stuck in the Realm of Darkness. I had to get him."

As good a reason as any to fight. You were fighting for your friend.

"Yeah," Sora said. Another door appeared. I shoved it open and found myself in the Realm of Nothingness… the place where Sora and Riku had dueled with Xemnas. They were fighting, once again, in frozen animation.

"Xemnas," Riku said, a hint of disgust in his voice.

Why did you fight Xemnas? All he truly wished for was to give the Nobodies hearts. Was that so wrong?

"No… but he messed with everybody's world to get there! And he wanted to make some sort of empire… he used his own, artificial Kingdom Hearts!" Riku shouted.

Can you say you would not have done the same thing in his position?

"That's…" Riku trailed off. "I… he… it was the right thing to do!"

You cannot haphazardly justify your actions. The right thing to do varies from person to person. Remember, not all Nobodies are what you would call 'evil.'

"What's the point of all this?" Riku yelled, very frustrated.

You must decide that for yourself.

Another door appeared. Sora shoved it opened, and I found myself in my most nightmarish moment… the moment Charon killed Amy.

"Don't show me this!" I said, turning around. But I couldn't escape it… the door had disappeared.

This was your most desperate moment, was it not?

"I… I can't face this… even now," I said, terrified.

You failed to protect the last of your friends. You failed to defeat Charon. You failed to save your world.

"That's… not true…" I said, trembling. "I… I saved the world."

Believe what you will, but know the truth. You were never meant to defeat Charon… never meant to live as you did after your clash with him.

I turned around, still trembling. It was the moment I had clashed with Charon, sending me into the Realm of Darkness for the first time. Amy was lying on the floor in a bloody mess.

"Roy… I never knew…" Sora said.

"This is what your other journey was like? It's… horrible…" Riku said.

"That's…" I said. "Thanks, guys…"

I am not showing you this so you can gain sympathy. You must understand why you opposed Charon, and more importantly, why you broke the chains of fate.

"Why? I did it… for vengeance. Or was it justice? The two seem to be interchangeable in this situation," I said. "But more than anything I did it for justice."

Justice…

"Yeah," I said. "I did it for them… for her… and to save the world."

That sounds like vengeance.

"It might be," I said with finality.

And now, it is time for you to part paths.

Two doors appeared before us; one on the left, one on the right.

Roy will take the right door. Sora and Riku shall go through the right.

"What's different about them?" Sora asked.

The door on your left will show you the rest of the past as it has happened. The door on your right will show you the future that was meant to be.

"So, which door are we going through?" Riku asked.

The dark knight and the hero will go through the left door. What lies beyond the door to the right… is something for the hitokiri's eyes alone.

"We can take anything Roy can!" Sora shouted.

You cannot handle such carnage and despair. What was meant to happen…

"Okay. If we've got to, let's split up," I said.

"But look, Roy. Look how far we've come," Sora said. "We can't split up now."

"We have to. I've come too far to not know what all this is about," I said.

"All right. I see your heart's set," Riku said. "Come on, Sora." He and Sora walked over to the left door, then shoved it open. "Be careful."

"I will," I said as they walked through the door. I went over to the right door and pushed it open.

I cannot stay with you any longer, hitokiri. My consciousness will fade away soon… you are on your own from here on out.

"Senka?" I called out. "Senka!" No reply.

"So I'm really on my own," I said, shoving open the right door with both hands. "Well, then, time to get to the bottom of this mess," I said to myself, stepping through the doorway…