Ok, this chapter is really short but then next chapter is longer and it's about Grissom. Please enjoy. The song is I Would Have Loved You Anyways by Trisha Yearwood.
Sara sat on the floor of her living room. Various things laid around her, photo albums, a stuffed animal, books, and hand written letters were a few of the things Sara was looking at. All of these were things that reminded her of Grissom. She had finally given up on him. She would always love him, but she made a vowel to herself that she would find someone else who she could love.
If I'd've known the way that this would end
If I'd've read the last page first
If I'd've had the strength to walk away
If I'd've known how this would hurt
She held the stuffed sea turtle he had given her while they were in Boston. She pulled another letter out of an envelope that had been torn open long ago. Although Grissom left without a proper goodbye, he always wrote letters to her. While most people send emails, Grissom was still old fashioned. He always said that an email is impersonal while a hand written letter means so much more.
Dear Sara,
It's been a while since we've talked. I just thought I'd send you another letter, hoping you might write me one back. Again, I can't blame you for being mad at me after what I did to you, but you have to understand that I meant what I said in that letter; I love you, Sara.
Please write me back, I miss you. I wish you had come out for the summer; I wanted to take you to Maria Del Ray, where I grew up. I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me, but I really do love you.
Grissom
Sara had no tears in her eyes as she folded and placed the letter back in its envelope. There were around 300 in all, he had written her for nearly 3 years before he gave up. She hadn't wanted to speak to him after he left her alone all those years ago. It was only after an unexpected pone call 6 years ago that she finally agreed to see him, to help solve a case.
She hated the way he found his way back into her life, but she couldn't quit him; she loved him too much. She hated herself for never writing him back, if she had maybe things would be different. She hated that she loved him so much. Right now she hated everything.
She loved the way be smiled at her, loved the way he was always there for her, the way he protected her from witnesses, the way he leaned over her shoulder to look at the computer screen in front of her. She loved the way he had his hair cut, the way he looked in a suite, the way his blue eyes sparkled. She loved the way he let her run with a case, the way he defended her against Ecklie, the way he was always there for her.
She loved more things about Gil Grissom than she hated. She simply hated the way she had burned his so many years ago, though. She had asked for a second chance, a chance he never gave her. She knew she didn't deserve a second chance, and no way in hell did she blame him for not giving her one.
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway
She opened another letter, hating herself even more. He wrote about the new members of his team, Nick and Warrick. He told her how intelligent they both were and how they made an awesome team when they worked together.
Sara spent hours reading letters and smiling back on the great times they had had through out the years. She remembered how he had spent days outside, watching a pig decompose after she had told him about the nightmares she kept having about Kay Shelton. He had taken her home after she nearly got a DUI. Had held her as she cried about her family and about her awful childhood. He had been there for her through the good times and the bad; she wished he could be here for her now.
A tear escaped her eye, making its way slowly down her cheek. She let another tear fall; she thought they would never stop. She had this pain inside of her, this pain she had carried since he left her alone back in Boston. She wanted to be back in his arms, back in his heart. She missed how he kissed her, how he held her, the way he held her hand, the way he loved her.
It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on the vine
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time
Sara thought back to a day they spent together after his class one day.
He had asked her to walk around the city with him. He took her to the North End, the Italian neighborhood. They spent the day eating wonderful Italian food and taking in the sights. They held hands, feeling like kids again.
Late that night they walked around campus in a comfortable silence. Sara had never been as happy as she had been at that moment. Her life was perfect at that moment. Just when she was about to say thank you, he stopped walking; she gave him a questioning look. He took a step toward her, pulling her close to him. They were standing near a tree and Sara soon found her back to it. The kiss was passionate but at the same time intense. Sara pulled away first, taking a deep breath.
Grissom smiled at her. "Thanks for coming with me today."
"Thanks for asking me, she leaned in to kiss him.
Sara sniffled, snapping out of her flashback. She wanted back what they had at Harvard. She had been punishing herself for never keeping in touch with him after he left. She had only dated a few guys since him, nothing ever got too serious. She had even gone out with Nick, but even he knew it could never work; she loved another man. She knew Grissom played a part in getting her her first job in the San Francisco Coroner's Office.
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway
She sighed as she began placing all of the letters and photographs into a medium size box. When she finally finished placing the letters and photo albums into the box, there was just one item left. She still held George, her stuffed animal turtle. He was large, around two feet long and around 8 inches wide; he had slept with her since Grissom had given him to her. She knew she couldn't pack him away; he was the last part of Grissom that she had to hold on to.
She wiped her tears away; she had never been one to cry, especially in one day. Grissom made her feel this way, when she thought about him her emotions were haywire. She remembered the times when he used to sneak her a smile at a crime scene or the way he would pass her notes during one of Ecklie's meetings; it had been their special thing. Now it was strictly business, no fun, no play. They no longer passed notes during meetings, no longer impressed the new officers as they completed each other's sentences at crime scenes, no longer took their brakes together, no longer spoke about personal matters.
She missed those times. She wished she could go back in time, change things. She would have smiled more, went out more, loved more. She would have written Grissom back, forgave him for leaving, she would have kissed him the first time she saw him in Vegas.
And, even if I'd seen it coming
You'd still've seen me running
Straight into your arms
Sara picked up the box, carrying it to her hall closet. After doing so rearranging, she managed to fit it on the floor beside of her vacuums. She took one last look at the lonely box before closing the door.
She had quit Grissom, for good this time. No more asking him out, no more stolen glances in the break room, no more secrete thoughts. She was going to move on with her life, find someone else who made her happy. It was finally over for Sara. It was time to start anew.
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway
Please don't hate me too much for any mistakes in this, I didn't read through it. I'm really tire and my eyes hurt do bad I can't see my screen anymore. So please leave me a review, telling me if you liked it or if it didn't make sence and I need to change it. Thanks, and remember, the faster I ger reviews, the faster I'll post!