Prologue
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Rain cascaded over the window pane's of Mamoru's apartment, creating a curtain of water that obscured the lights of Tokyo. Glistening, they flickered like stars inside the glowing nebula of city lights. I held my breath as I felt him come into the room behind me.
"It's okay, Usako," he whispered. "It's alright. You're safe now."
Coming up behind me, he trailed his fingers down my shoulders, his gentle hands grazing my arms slowly and seductively. But I felt the urge to pull away. This touch was familiar-one I wanted so badly once—one that drove me to a thirst I had never felt before in my life.
That was then. This is now. How do you tell the man you love about...about…
"I thought you were gone forever," his lips brushed my neck, the hot air sending a shiver down my spine. "I thought you were never coming back."
"I…" my voice caught in my throat, burning against my tongue. Heat rose from my core and through my chest and into my cheeks, and I closed my eyes while leaning back into him. Wasn't this what I had fantasized about for years, being here in his arms? Instead I felt a pang of guilt. What I wouldn't give to just have that feeling back.
"It's been a long time," Mamoru said quietly, his lips hovering right above my ear. "You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to. He was probably so cruel to you. I can't imagine the pain you must feel."
Pain is a funny word. I thought I used to know it. After all those years spent as a Sailor Scout, I endured it over and over again. But it had been years since any monster or foe had reared their ugly head, years since I graduated high school and moved on with my life. For so long I had been waiting for Mamoru to finish medical school and do his residency, patiently waiting for the day that we could finally be together as one.
That dream was shattered the day he came for me, the day he took me. All that was left of it were broken pieces spread over the floor like discarded memories. He walked all over them, danced on them as if they were minor inconveniences for him to overcome. I still can see the look in his eyes...
"I'll love you forever, you know," Mamoru's voice was soft and sure. Sincerity was always Mamo's strong suit.
But I had a taste of something stronger than forever, something more tantalizing and insatiable than I had ever felt before, and I couldn't bring myself to admit it. What started as a stream of doubt fed into an ocean, and the waves of realization consumed me with every selfish drink of water I took. I was swimming in a rip tide and didn't care that I was drowning.
And now, I was here, washed ashore and drying without the current pressed up against me.
"I know," I responded softly. "I know."