30Kisses Theme Ficlets
Robin/Raven
By Kysra
Theme #16 (invincible; unrivaled): Ash
He wakes up sometimes, mask on and sweating, and hopes it was all a dream. His eyes scan his room, blotting out the one aspect that confesses reality, before his feet take the silent trek two doors down the hall.
Her chamber is death-still and dark. Empty.
Like him.
Standing there, he remembers slowly and wishes he wouldn't. All this time, he believed he had saved her from a life of lonely helplessness when, in fact, it was her that saved him from himself. She was a steadfast reminder of what he aspired to while simultaneously proving herself as his most reliable friend.
We have a bond.
And that bond, cut so recently, tortures his mind. Having to think of her in past tense (as Cyborg and others have constantly coached him) threatens to tear down walls he never knew existed. It is ironic that, in her absence, he is discovering her for the first time.
His memory is filled with ghosts of thoughts past. When he first knew her, when he first began to care, he would lay in bed and wonder. What will she look like when she dies? He had not yet begun to think of her as invincible, as the capable, unrivaled Black Witch of Jump City; and it was several months into their partnership, into their friendship until he scrounged up the courage to watch her sleep. Her complexion had always been so pale, ashen, deathlike. Sleep and moonlight only seemed to darken the shadows beneath her eyes and hug the corners of her mouth, and in those moments he could believe she was fully dead.
It made him cold then. It freezes him now.
She died in her sleep - or that's what he tells himself. His usually sharp, agile mind can not contemplate, register, nor recall the pool of blood they had found her twisted body laying in. It is easier to paint violet the red and dark the white tile of the bathroom floor, to smooth her brow and straighten the lines of her body into a calm repose.
Leaning against her door, he closes his eyes, praying it was all some drug-induced hallucination as it had been when Slade's powder had infiltrated his mind. She had saved him from himself then, just one of the many by her hand. The memory he hates most is the one made three days ago when they commended her to earth. It will always be his great regret that she never let them close enough to know how her death would have been treated in Azarath.
Her hair had been cleansed and neatly spread, framing her pixie face, a few stubborn strands dusting her lips. She looked as she did when asleep - calm, quiet, still - only garbed in her leotard with her cloak spread over her like a blanket. On her fingers they had placed the rings she guarded so religiously - Azar's rings. He remembered wondering if Raven now dwelled with her old mentor, if she was happy as she couldn't be with them, alive.
The four of them, the remainder of the once complete Teen Titans, had lined her casket with flowers. There was a combination of yellow Zinnias, Fir, and dark crimson Roses from all Raven had touched - few as they numbered; and there were the Orchids from Starfire, Heather from Beastboy, pink Carnations from Cyborg, and blue Hyacinth from him(1) . . . All of the flowers had been suggested or nominated by him.
He touches dry lips with a dry tongue as he remembers kissing her cold mouth good-bye, and wishes - again - that this were all a dream. He would wake up, and she would as well, and he would protect her from whatever nightmares had caused her to exit the dream.
But he is weighed down by the reality of her dark, empty room; anchored by the lingering scent of flowers in the air; trapped by the haunting feel of freshly turned soil against his palms; and haunted by the taste of her still burning upon his lips.
A flavor of hidden tears and too many if-onlys. A flavor of longing and savored death. A flavor of endings and lost beginnings.
The taste of fresh ashes and love known too late.
(1) A hold-over from "Connotations" - Flower meanings are! yellow Zinnias, Daily Remembrance; dark crimson Roses, Mourning; Fir, Time; Orchids, Mature Charm; Heather, Admiration, Solitude; pink Carnation, I'll Never Forget You; blue Hyacinth, Constancy. Interpret as you will! (I already have my own XD).