Usagi

I could feel him kissing me back. He leaned into me, urgent and wanting, bringing his other hand to my face. His tongue danced on mine and the fire in my belly began to roar. His teeth grazed my bottom lip and a moan escaped me, vibrating against his skin, drawing tight a string of pleasure that ran through me.

But suddenly, the moment had passed, and the realization that I was kissing Dimande in the middle of a darkened wood made my stomach turn.

Quickly I pulled away from him and my eyes fixated on his. He was shocked. He searched my face, drenched in confusion. Was it the fact that I had kissed him in the first place? Or was he hurt that I had retreated after being the one bold enough to make a move? I took a deep breath and steadied myself, pressing my hands to the ground and rising.

Reaching out my hand, I offered him help to stand.

He didn't say anything to me, but took my hand in his, rose from the ground, tilting his head quizzically at me. He took a step back and he opened his mouth to speak, but instead he closed it, gave me a side-eyed glance and finally looked away. Brushing himself off, he turned his attention to the damage he had been dealt.

"Very strange," he said so quietly it was almost under his breath. "Very strange, indeed."

Was he talking about the kiss or the creature? I tried to pace my breath, but my body had been struck by lightning, and it was taking everything in me not to let the feeling roil my skin. Shaking his head, he turned back to me and watched me as if waiting for me to speak.

"What's strange?" I said breathlessly. Dimande blinked and then cleared his throat.

"The monster," he said, his eyes washing over me. "The monster was strange."

"Oh." My heart sped up again.

Rubbing his temple, he let out an exasperated sigh. The space between us felt painfully large. In one moment, we were in one another's arms, passion taking us over, and the next we were acting as if we were perfect strangers. I stood there, awkward and flustered, trying to figure out what to do next. Before I had the chance to speak, Dimande took a step forward.

"Are you sure you still want to come with me?" he asked. "Back to the castle?"

Our agreement had been clear: If he offered me safe passage to and from Earth—and back again once this was all over—I would help him with the crystal. Now, though, the monster had shaken him. I could see it in his eyes that he was questioning his choice to involve me in this, and watching his expression flicker from worry to determination made me feel somewhat sick.

Maybe it was a mistake to go with him despite my promise. The wiser part of me knew this was a horrible plan, one bound to cause much more pain than it would serve good. And yet, another part clashed with it: The naive notion that he was in trouble and he needed help, and I desperately wanted to serve him.

A feral rush of emotions bathed me in a brilliant gold. I had only one taste of it—of him—and I wanted more. I knew it was wrong, I knew it wasn't wise, but this feeling had a stranglehold on my weak heart, and there was nothing I could do to stop myself from barreling down this path.

So I took his hand and I let him lead me back into the darkness.

Dimande went right to his room after we returned, and did not emerge until much later. Rubeus and I had already sat down for dinner at the gilded table when he joined us, black circles under his eyes and looking white as a sheet.

He did not speak to either of us, and while Rubeus seemed content by his silence, I was not. Everytime I tried talking to him, even if it was as innocuous as commenting on the food, he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, his face constricting in frustration. So I stayed silent, picking at my food and waiting for the meal to end.

Dimande stood up from the table with a jolt so forceful the plates clamored and wobbled. Rubeus didn't even look up to watch him, but I did. He threw down his napkin and headed back toward his room, and I quickly got up from the table and followed. Not even a few steps from the table, he turned to look at me and scowled.

"Where do you think you're going?" He said grimacing. "I hope you don't plan to follow me."

I didn't like his attitude for several reasons. Rudeness aside, I was here doing him a favor, granting him the chance to start his life over again, and he had the audacity to speak to me as if I was inconveniencing him. I scoffed and crossed my arms.

"Excuse me," My voice was thick with indignation. "I didn't realize my presence here was bothering you so much."

"You can leave your sarcasm elsewhere," he sneered. "I don't have time for this."

Was this the same man who tried to save me this morning? The same one who I had kissed-and who kissed me back?

"Then you'll make time," I said sternly. "Because I have a few questions for you."

He took a deep breath and his expression changed. While he was still straining against himself, twisting from the inside out, he at least dialed back his death stare.

"I'm sorry," he rubbed his temples again, kneading his finger against the side of his skull. "It's been a long day. Ask your question."

I cleared my throat and stood a bit straighter, letting my hands cascade over the silk fabric of my gown.

"When will I meet the wizard who needs my powers?" I said. Dimande closed his eyes and grimaced.

"Tonight," he said. "I'll come get you when we've convened. For now, go finish your dinner and allow me to prepare for his visit."

Quickly, he turned on his heel and charged toward the stairs. He didn't give me a chance to respond, or to even absorb the fact that I was meeting this stranger in a matter of hours, and I thought about following him for a second. Watching his body slog up the stairs made me think otherwise. It was as if the tension he was feeling was wrapped so tightly around his soul that his body, too, coiled.

I retreated back to my seat and found Rubeus still at the table, his fork slicing through the most decadent chocolate silk pie I had ever seen. He took a mouthful and smiled as the chocolate folded onto his tongue.

"It really is delicious," he said, still chewing. "Divine."

I nodded and looked down at my own dessert, which—like all other things in this castle—had magically appeared. The dynamic between Rubeus and Dimande was hard to pinpoint. At first, I figured they were as they had been when I first met them: Rubeus acting as sort of minion to Dimande. But now, it seemed like something had shifted. Rubeus had told me Dimande was well intentioned when we had first reunited, but since then I had never seen them interact or really even speak.

Meals together were cold. Icy glances were exchanged. Polite conversation was the only type of talking the two ever engaged in. It made me wonder if there was an undercurrent of hatred, or possibly distrust, that ran through them.

"Rubeus," I said. His eyes flicked up to me as he licked a bit of errant chocolate from his bottom lip. "Have you met the wizard?"

"Pitre?" he responded. Pitre. It was the first time I had heard his name. "Odd little man. Can't say I like him very much."

"Why's that?"

Rubeus shrugged. "After what happened with Wiseman, I tend to not trust random demigods who promise the world."

I nodded. A wise choice.

"And," he continued, plunging his fork into the chocolate and spearing a raspberry. "I was content just staying in the River, to be honest."

"Then why did you agree to come back?"

"Agree?" Rubeus laughed. "I did not agree. Cajoled would be a better word, bamboozled even. The truth is, even if the Black Moon Clan somehow finds a new home, I don't think it will be the same."

Despite all my time with Dimande and his people, I had never once really thought about what the Black Moon Clan was like before Wiseman.

"What do you mean?" I asked Rubeus carefully.

"Before Wiseman, things weren't great, but they weren't bad," Rubeus said, putting down his fork and leaning back into his chair. "We lived on Nemesis, we had a society. We were banished from Earth and Crystal Tokyo, where the world was full and alive, but we still had one another. It wasn't as if we were completely cut off from love or life."

He shifted in his seat and went silent for a moment, looking up at the ceiling for a while before continuing.

"When you live on a planet fueled by darkness, it's impossible to not let a bit of it sink into you, and Wiseman took advantage of that." He let out a sigh. "Dimande did what he thought was right. He wanted the lushness of life on Earth because he loved his people and he believed they deserved more. The problem with that, though, is that the easiest way to get 'more' is to take. Building a better life requires much more discipline and time."

"Why were you banished to Nemesis?" I asked.

"We weren't banished," Rubeus corrected me. "Our ancestors were. As for the why, it depends who you ask."

"I doubt Queen Serenity would've banished you for no reason," I started.

"Ah," Rubeus quickly interrupted. "Of course she wouldn't."

A wry smile formed on his lips. He took a glass of wine in his hands and swirled it around, watching it and chuckling to himself like he had heard a private joke. I remained expressionless.

"Queen Serenity," he mused. "A scion of love and justice. A benevolent ruler to all."

"Isn't that what she is?" My tone was sharper than I wanted it to be. I was defensive, and for good reason: Queen Serenity was, in some ways, me. She was a future reincarnation of me, a symbol of my destiny. Talking ill of her meant taking a jab at me and I felt unfairly targeted.

"Benevolent rulers, Usagi, are benevolent to their people," Rubeus said. "They do what it takes to quell the malignant parts of society that tarnish the greater image. Utopia is a fallacy. There never was-and never will be-a perfect world. Wherever goodness is evilness is always there to meet it, and no matter how kind or caring a ruler, they are never completely absolved of making brutal decisions.

"Queen Serenity is perfect because she keeps the bad out. She's created Crystal Tokyo where things are good and fair and bountiful, but her society still has free will. So what do you do with those who turn to a more unsavory life? Do you help rehabilitate them? Do you give them a place within your society and give them the tools to succeed? Or do you hide them away and then use them to perpetuate the fantasy that you're the savior your people don't deserve?"

His words burned. The Queen and I were one, his criticisms of her were indirect criticisms of me. I stiffened in my chair and watched him take another long sip of wine.

"I don't mean for this to sound unkind," Rubeus said, his eyes catching mine with an intense sincerity. "I mean this for you to understand. Prince Dimande was a ruler, too, and he was put on Nemesis as a means of control. It was easier for Serenity to keep us all there than it was to integrate us into society so Dimande did what he felt he had to do. It was unfortunate that his plans were hijacked by Wiseman."

"So evildoers should just go unpunished?" I said sharply. "Should we just allow evil to take place?"

"A better question would be: Who is the arbiter of good?" Rubeus shot back. "You're beginning to understand that good and evil are not so cut and dry. Our ancestors may have done wrong, but why are we punished? Because we share their blood?"

"You took the dark crystal—"

"What else were we to do?" Rubeus was shouting now, his face growing red. "We were banished there, Usagi. We didn't have the luxuries of Earth—we wanted the luxuries of your world. And the only thing holding us back from all of it was the mere fact that we had been born to the wrong people."

He slammed his fists down on the table, making the glasses clang against one another. It was so forceful I jumped in my seat. His red eyes burned with intensity and he bore holes into my skin, his face blending fury with sadness.

"The past doesn't always dictate our present, just as our future is never set in stone," he continued. "And if we're never allowed to deviate, time becomes a collar that chokes. Would you allow yourself to be strangled, or would you do anything to change your station?"

"I would," I desperately replied. "And I know Queen Serenity would too, Rubeus, you have to believe that if she knew she would try and help you."

"No, she wouldn't."

"But how do you know?" I didn't even recognize the sound of my own voice. "There has to be a way to make her understand."

"Trust me," he said angrily. "She knows exactly where we went, and she did not come to save us—and that wasn't an accident."

He swiped his wine glass, brought it to his lips and emptied it, slamming it back on the table and wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. He shook his head and stood back from the table, resting his hand on the back of his chair while he gave me an icy glare.

If what he said was true, his characterization of Queen Serenity was not completely unfair. She had cast them out in the first place, and after their battle in the present, she was not allowing them a chance of redemption. Their desperation was palpable and for the first time since agreeing to help Dimande, I was certain I was doing the right thing.

They had been pariahs of the past and I would help them build a better future. They did not deserve to be chained to a destiny that they had no hand in picking.

Rubeus backed away from the table and headed toward the entryway. Before he left the room, he turned over his shoulder and gave me one last lingering look.

"The salon. Twenty minutes." He said firmly. "You will finally meet Pitre."