Blue skies
Dean's eye lids snap back, the death rattle abruptly cuts off and he gasps, choking the second oxygen hits his starving lungs. Staring up at a grouping of white clouds dancing across a pale blue sky, he realises there's no pain, the sharp sting in his back that had been sending the rest of him numb inexplicably gone. Dean loses himself in the feeling of calm that fills his being, until a cool breeze brushes against his cheek, bringing with it the scent of springtime which sparks a distance memory. Rising slowly, using his elbows to prop him up in the dirt, Dean looks around and as the fuzziness in his sight recedes, a field of pink and blue flowers comes into focus-
He's in a meadow.
Not just any meadow. The meadow. A place where he left a part of himself once, what seems like a whole other lifetime ago. The windmill is behind him, to his left. There's a narrow brook to his right, the trickle of water flowing over rocks a sound that soothes his racing heart even now.
"Dean."
A shadow falls over him at the same time his softly spoken name reaches his ears. Dean freezes, feeling his composure slipping, he screws his eyes shut tight.
It can't be him.
"Dean?"
The hallucination pushes, tone harder, almost demanding. Dean wills it away, muttering not real, not real, not real…under his breath.
"DEAN!"
One eye snapping open and sneaking a peak reveals the shadow looming over him is in fact a solid mass, human in shape wearing dark pants, a tan trenchcoat and around his neck, a loosely knotted blue tie.
"Cas?" Dean is on his feet within seconds. "No. You're-"
"Not dead." Cas finishes testily, looking as rumpled and grumpy as ever.
"How?" He shrieks, unable to prevent the hope rising inside of him, despite knowing exactly what it'll do to him in the end.
"Doesn't matter how." Cas cuts him off, tone bitter. "What were you thinking?"
Cas' words barely register. He's standing in front of him, talking to him, being frustrated with him and it's the most beautiful thing in the world.
"Is this heaven?" Dean looks around, hopeful yet hesitant.
He knows he was dying, the sheer amount of blood pouring from around the nail wedged in his back saw to that. Getting shanked by a blood sucker was a stupid mistake, one he never would have made…before. He remembers his final moments; Sam was there and despite the sorrow written in every line of his brother's face Dean also remembers he wasn't scared. As endings go, this wasn't his favourite, not by a long shot, but what exactly did he have to live for? His job was done.
"It's only been six months!" Cas yells, voice higher than he's ever heard it, "what the hell Dean?!"
Registering the hypocrisy, Dean's face hardens. "Me 'what the hell?'" he rears back, "what about you? Aren't you supposed to be the one trapped in the empty for all eternity because you were stupid enough to make a deal?"
"It wasn't stupid." Cas growls, looking utterly unrepentant. "Getting killed by a common vampire after you saved the entire world is stupid."
Dean's completely given up on the idea this isn't Cas. No monster, demon or angel could replicate so sincerely that level of hypercritical bullshit, not even Lucifer.
"Shit happens, I guess." Dean mocks, grabbing Cas by both arms and shaking him like a baby's rattle, "you made a DEAL Cas! A fucking deal! You basically killed yourself right in front of me and you just expected me to be okay with that? Seriously?!"
Dean's spoiling for a fight, looking forward to countering any argument Cas can throw at him, because for once he knows he isn't the one in the wrong… But an argument never comes, instead Cas gives him one of his long ass stares that reveal far too much without saying a word, before dropping away to stare resolutely at the floor.
"No," he folds like wet cardboard left out in the rain, "of course not but-"
"But nothing!" Dean shakes him again. "Why is it you who always leaves huh? Why do you think that's ever okay?"
Cas - pliant, guilty, subservient, willing to take whatever verbal abuse Dean dishes out Castiel - stiffens in his grasp.
"You deserved to live Dean!" He cries, ripping himself out of Dean hold and pushing him away. "You deserved to - to have a life!" The sob comes out of nowhere and takes over, Cas' voice breaking just like it did that dreadful night, "one where you could be happy-"
"I'M NEVER HAPPY WITHOUT YOU!" Dean screams until his lungs burns, because how dare Cas pretend not to know at this point? "You mean the world to me Cas. I would sacrifice the world for you and the only reason I haven't, the ONLY REASON!" he closes the meagre gap between them, a pointed finger held like a knife to his throat, "is you told me I'm not a killer, you said that's not who I am. And I believed you. For the first time in my entire life, I believed it Cas!"
They're frozen in place, barely any inch of space between, only their heavily panting breaths filling the air. Staring into timorous blue eyes Dean feels a moment of triumph, because for once his long-time angel companion has no excuse. But it fades quickly in the wake of the utter devastation rapidly taking over Castiel's face. It's a reminder of things past between them, memories he's shelved. He never wanted to see that look again, caused by anyone, but especially not by him.
Dean nods, doing his best to ignore the wetness shining in his eyes. "Without you," and now his voice breaks, the anger giving way to despair, "I'm miserable." He chokes, swallowing down the sob that surges upward, "life means shit if you're not in it. So, thanks," he firms up, "but no thanks. Screw your happiness. If you get to bail on me then so do I."
There's a pause, a second of contemplation where Dean weighs up whether he should wipe the tears from Cas's face first or his own, then Cas flings himself at Dean, no words, no warning, not even eye contact, because those bright blue eyes of his are shut tight. He's crushing the shit out of him, and Dean instantly returns the favour. Because he doesn't want to be angry anymore.
Dean knows he could have done more with his freedom post Chuck, heck he didn't even visit the beach like he'd always wanted… But isn't sorry in the slightest. He hadn't been living. He'd been existing. Trying to honour the memory of the angel who gave everything for him.
"I love you"
The words tumble out. It's nothing more than a whisper, barely discernible amongst the sobs they're sharing, yet his angel must hear it loud and clear because he melts into a puddle of goo in his arms –
A puddle of Black goo.
Cas is ripped from his arms and flung backwards into the empty void tearing through the scenery behind him.
….
"NO!"
Dean launches forward, hands reaching out meeting nothing but air.
"Whoa, hey take it easy."
"Sam?" Dean blinks, forcing his eyes to focus.
Not waiting for him to get his bearings, with a fist in his jacket his brother grabs hold and drags Dean up off the floor
"You're… you're okay?" Sam declares giddily. "You're alive?!"
Standing unsteadily on his feet Dean looks around. He's in the barn. He's standing in the barn where they fought those vamp mimes. There's dried blood, still tacky, with hay sticking to his boots and the back of his jacket. His heart sinks.
No.
Spinning on the spot, slipping on the blood and guts smeared floor, Dean runs outside with the ease of a man who wasn't just mortally impaled by a rusty nail.
"Damnit CAS!" He screams up at the stars.
"Cas?! Cas did this?"
Dean snaps his head around, glares long and hard at his little brother and throws both hands in the air. "Who else?"
"Well," he looks dumbfounded, "Jack?"
"Yeah, ok." Dean nods, feeling suddenly disconnected.
He buries his face into his hands, wipes away the tears he feels trailing both cheeks and without another word runs over to baby.
"What are you doing?" Sam follows.
"I'm calling the bastard." He throws out, rummaging through her trunk.
"You're calling… Cas?"
"Summoning." He marches back into the barn, arms laden with ingredients. "If he can pop out of the empty to save my sorry ass he can make the time to explain himself."
"Dean, wait-"
"No." He snaps, setting up what they need to trap an angel.
"Maybe you should think about this, I mean if Cas was able to come back whenever he wanted don't you think he would have by now?"
Dean bites his inner cheek and makes a low hum of agreement. "Won't know until we try."
"Are you hearing yourself? We've done this. We've failed at this! You're only hurting yourself, be reasonable-"
"I've been reasonable for six months Sam." Dean turns on him, "I've given life a go. Moved on, tried to do better and you know what? It still hurts. It will always hurt. You may be able to move on without him and build a brand-new life, but I can't!"
Sam freezes, a look of fear on his face the likes Dean has never seen before. He wants to ask what it means but there's too much, everything is just too much and right now all he wants to focus on, all he can focus on is his stupid ass angel. Taking the opportunity while Sam is processing to finish setting up the spell, he has the holy oil all ready and adds the final ingredient to the little wooden bowl.
"Castiel" Dean slices his palm while calling into the darkness. "Castiel I command you to show yourself!"
…
1 month later
"You made it!" Donna runs over, smile engulfing her face and takes Dean in the biggest hug. "It's been too long! How are you boys? Tell me everything!" She steps back but doesn't let go, guiding them toward the picnic table already laid out with the kind of food only Sam would enjoy.
"Well Sam got engaged." Dean announces loudly as she drags them passed several groups of hunters gathered at the rear of Jody's new lakeside cabin.
All turn heads as Donna squeals and letting Dean go rushes Sam in a hug of his own, her words of congratulations running together in excitement. Sam blushes. Dean thinks it's hilarious.
Jody appears next, handing each of them a beer. "Well, who would have thought, a Winchester getting married." She says as if there was no doubt.
"Well, we were going to keep it low key." Sam glares at Dean, but there's warmth in his eyes which gives him away.
"Eileen know what she's in for?" Jody nudges him, sliding a sly look to Dean. "I mean it's essentially shared custody, right?"
"Ah nope, I'm out." Dean holds up both hands in surrender, smile bittersweet. "My job is done. Time he was responsible for himself."
"I've been that for a while, Dean just has trouble letting go." Sam gives all three of them a bitchy look before slinking off to greet a group of faces Dean recognises from the bunker a while back.
"How are things with you Dean?" Donna asks quietly, her face softening with the words.
It knocks the air right out of him. Sounds want to come out, phrases like I'm fine and you know me, on the tip of his tongue. Jody looks at him like he might break.
Seven months since Chuck. Seven months since they saved the world and everyone in it. The first week of Jack's godly takeover he spent locked in his room, resolutely staying away from the booze, people, and anything that could hurt him more than he already was. By the time he was ready to step outside of the bunker, a month had passed by. Months two-five proved even harder, despite his best effects to put on a brave face. Everywhere he looked people where happy and getting on with their lives, but as much as Dean was pleased for them, a little resentment always remained. Why was he the only one to lose someone? Why was he the only one who came out of this with a significant part of himself missing, a part no victory, no success could ever replace. Everyone wanted to help, the wellbeing phone calls were awkward as hell, but nothing, not even pie was going to fill that gap in his life, the permanently empty space at his side.
He refuses to talk about what happened in month six.
"I'm fine." He forces out with a tight smile, taking a deep breath to keep his own tone level and even. "Really. Better every day." The grin he adds is because it's true. He is doing better. "As long as the monsters keep a low profile, and no one tries to end the world," he shrugs, "I'm… happy."
It's scary, saying it out loud. Despite everything they know, all they've been through and survived, to think he can actually be happy, it doesn't feel real. Even now, in a safe place, a beautiful and calm safe place surrounded by his friends and extended family, he's still expecting all the good in his life to be ripped away any minute. Anxiety is not something Dean's ever had time for before but left with nothing to fight and no crisis to avert, the fear, worry and unease is, in a way, his new enemy, one proving increasingly more difficult to fight. Sam suggested therapy when he said he'd prefer another apocalypse because then at least the odds were none of them would survive to deal with what came after. Facing death together is far easier than facing life alone, especially without the one person who makes him feel whole. Freedom fucking sucks sometimes.
The rumble of an approaching car breaks the moment, distracting them all from the sombre mood Dean deep dived them into. All eyes look towards the cabin as the engine cuts out.
"Guess that's my queue." With a pat to Dean's shoulder, Jody breaks away and heads toward the BBQ grill where Bobby is staring at the burning coals with a judgemental scowl.
Donna gives him an apologetic smile before following quickly on her heels, leaving him alone. Charlie catches his eye from across the jetty and waves him over. There's a rowboat moored up, bouncy on the water, and it looks like her, Stevie, and the dude they're talking to are thinking of taking it for a spin. Dean begs off with a polite smile, sips his beer and quietly waits.
It's Eileen who appears from around the side of the cabin minutes later, arms full of grocery bags which Sam immediately takes from her. Dean smiles, watching the ease with which they work together, the sheer uncomplicatedness of their relationship. Eyes roaming the yard he sees that kind of ease everywhere in the extension of friends and family Jody's gathered to celebrate here today. With the early afternoon sun warm on his back, the high-pitched hum of dragon flies dancing over the lake, Dean closes his eyes and for a moment he feels at peace.
That peace is swiftly broken by a loud bark. Opening his eyes, his gaze is drawn to the dog racing towards him, dragging a dishevelled blur behind her. They collide, Miracle breaking free of her handler at the last second and jumping up to give Dean a welcoming lick before dropping andmoving on to her next victim.
"Your dog is disobedient." Cas grumbles, handing over the untethered leash.
"Well hello to you too Cas." Dean smiles at him fondly, immediately reaching up to run a hand through his un-styled hair, a futile attempt to tidy the wayward strands.
Cas only went to help Eileen at the store, but it feels like he's been gone a lifetime and he won't lie to himself - it hurt. Any time Cas isn't in his sights is a reason to panic as far as Dean's concerned. Initially his solution was simply not to let Cas out of his sight ever again. Idiot couldn't go getting kidnapped or killed or making stupid deals then could he? But Sam had deemed it unhealthy, and like with everything, his brother decided it needed to be fixed and he'd be the one to fix it. His argument was that never letting Cas out alone would eventually piss them both off, not to mention be classed as abusive by anyone's standards.
But Dean didn't give a shit what anyone thought. And he told Sam that -
"Screw them. Screw everyone. Cas died. Now I have him back and there is no way I'm letting anyone take him from me again Sam. No way!"
Sam rolls his eyes like he can't be done with his melodrama. "Yes I know, but-"
"No buts. We don't owe anyone. If anything, they owe us damnit."
"I sense you are arguing about me."
Cas' presence takes them both by surprise. He's a spry little mouse, despite not being back to full strength. It's been three weeks since Dean completed the summoning ritual. Twenty-one days since they found Cas in a New Orleans hospital, nineteen since they brought him home.
Turning to glare at him, Dean snaps, "not everything is about you."
"I don't want to be the cause of disagreement between you." Cas ignores him, giving the sad eyes, fear and disappointment waring for dominance while successfully making Dean feel like shit.
"You're not Cas." Sam tells him firmly. "Dean is the cause of disagreement between us."
Dean swings back around to scowl at Sam. "Oh really?" He bites his lip, shoving down everything else he wants to say. "Fine. I have a problem, ok? What do you want me to do about it, huh?"
Unfortunately, Sam did not take that as the dismissal he intended. Smiling, his annoyingly practical little brother went on to suggest he practice being apart from Cas in stages. Which is how Cas ended up riding to the cabin with Eileen and helping her fetch supplies for Jody's non-world ending BBQ instead of Sam.
The smell of charred meat fills the air. With a slowly warming beer in hand and the sun shining brightly overhead reflecting off the lake in his peripheral, Dean wants nothing more than to drag Cas into his arms and never let go. As if reading his thoughts, Cas body slams into him, rising on his toes to take him fully in his arms and give the biggest hug. Reciprocating fully and without hesitation, Dean's more than happy to stay wrapped up in one another for the rest of the evening, but someone calls his name, and he reluctantly lifts his chin to acknowledge them.
"So, this is the great Castiel I've heard so much about." Donna smiles at them softly, approaching with a hint of caution.
Dean leans back and spins Cas around, so he's face to face with her and watches her pull him into a hug of her own, giving Cas absolutely no choice in the matter.
"It's er… just Cas now." He answers awkwardly, arms pinned at his sides, a look of fear in his eyes.
"Dropped the 'of god' part." Dean adds helpfully.
Donna's face when she finally puts him down communicates puzzlement, but after a beat nods knowingly. "Yeah, fair enough."
It had been Sam's idea, or at least his prompting. On day five of Cas' return, which was three days after leaving the hospital, but only two days being back together in the bunker, he approached Cas about putting together appropriate, non-popstar related ID, a necessity if he was to be a permanent resident of earth. Dean's dorky little angel had thrown an uber fit at the suggestion, stating categorically that he wanted to denounce everything to do with Chuck, including his name. Plus, since Jack was now God, and Jack was technically 'of them', Mr literal got hung up on the logic of it all.
Selfishly, Dean didn't want a complete change for him, so convinced Cas that 'Cas' was just fine on its own. Weird maybe, but fine. Dean told him it made him unique. Or in the case of short for Cassandra. It still meant 'man's defender' which Dean quite liked for him. A surname was still needed, and Dean didn't hesitate telling Sam to use Winchester. Because no way was Dean being kept away from him ever again, not in any circumstance.
"Burgers are ready" Jody calls out across the yard in true mom style, drawing the attention of the crowd.
All three look over to see her behind the grill, Bobby at her side, monitoring the process as people help themselves. His gaze meets theirs and abandoning his post, shuffles on over.
"You boys made it." He smiles at Dean and goes straight in to hug Cas. "Glad you're back kid."
Bobby holds him longer than is considered polite hugging time, patting the back of his head. Dean swears he sees his eyes glistening ever so slightly when he pulls away. From the confused frown it's clear Cas has no idea the kind of impact he's had on people over the years, even this Bobby can tell how special he is, had said as much the first time they met on the other side of the rift the night Jack was born.
"I'm glad to be back too." He smiles, shy and hesitant to accept the praise.
"How did it happen? I mean if you don't mind me asking."
Cas and Dean look at each other in that moment.
"It's a…" Dean starts.
"…long story." Cas finishes.
"Well, I think we have the time," Bobby grins, looking between the pair of them and indicating everyone gathering around the picnic tables nearby.
Dean stares at the expectant faces suddenly looking their way. "Oh, I don't know-"
"Dean is probably the best to tell it. I was unconscious for most of it." Cas sells him out before making his way over.
Glaring long and hard at his back, Dean knows when he's beat. "Fine." He holds out his empty bottle. "But someone's fetching me another beer."
…
One month earlier
"You know, you boys really need to learn that the story isn't all about you anymore."
Holding his still bleeding hand above the little wooden grinding bowl, Dean stares at the Angel stood before them.
"Balthazar?" Sam breaks the silence, saying what Dean is thinking only with less exclamation marks.
"Expecting someone else where we?" Balthazar grins like it's the most natural thing in the world, wiggling his borrowed eyebrows with unfiltered glee as he strolls around the barn poking at the odd dead vamp body with his shoe.
Once over his initial shock Dean's expression hardens, and he voices the only question he needs answer to. "Where's Cas?"
"Ooh good question." Balthazar turns that stupid smile directly on him. "Where is dear little Cassie?" He skips, full on skips over to the wooden beam Dean was doing his best not to look at and bending down touches the bloody nail sticking out of its surface. "Nasty Business," he mutters giving it a look of disgust.
Dean breaths deep and blows the air out through his nostrils. "He was just here!"
"Well, if he was just here, why are you asking me?" Balthasar continues with the innocent charade, strolling over to the other side of the barn to prod another vamp-mime corpse.
"I wasn't." Dean follows him, prepared to beat it out of him if that's what it takes. "I was trying to summon Cas, but your stuck-up ass showed instead. So, what gives?"
"And how are you even alive?" Sam pipes up, coming to stand side by side with Dean.
"Well that I can answer," he points at Sam, "you see the empty got rather upset after that very explosive visit from your infant -"
"Jack." Sam corrects.
"Yes of course, Jack," Balthazar curls his lip at the name, "nothing against the lad, so far stella work all round." He gives them a mocking thumbs' up.
Dean snarls, "don't you have to call him God now, worship him and stuff?"
"Actually no," The dick angel smiles wide. "You see you two and dear old Cassie apparently gave him this crazy sense of morality." He waves his arms wide, faux appalled. "Jack is rather altruistic in his godly duties. Unlike dear old dad, who incidentally I hear is set about writing another series of those awful books about the two of you."
"What?" Dean hopes he didn't hear right.
"Wait, you're saying Jack got you out of the empty?" Sam interrupts, completely ignoring the Chuck news apparently.
"Well, yes and no." Balthazar hums thoughtfully, pacing up and down while he tells his story. "Because of Jack going boom we were all awake for the first time in years, centuries for some and the empty was not best pleased. I mean who can blame them, family reunions - always testy affairs, everyone getting hung up on who killed who-"
"Get on with it." Sam and Dean shout in unison.
"Okay, okay, so our beloved Castiel turns up, and as you can imagine some aren't exactly pleased to see him, given he's the one who sent them there in the first place of course. Things get a little heated if you catch my drift?"
"And?"
"And that's as much as I know." He stops and stands facing them both, no teasing smile or hint of one in sight. "One minute we're in utter chaos, the next Cas and all of us other angels who had once followed in his disobedient little footsteps are out."
Dean waits for more, but nothing comes. "That's it? You all escape the empty, don't question it and then just go back to being the same douchebag angels you always were?" He looks away, unable to meet anyone's gaze. "So, Cas is alive. Has been this whole time?"
That angelic bastard sat on his cloud and watched him go through hell. Probably heard every damn prayer he'd sent out in those weeks exiled in his room, not to mention the months of sleepless nights that followed.
"Not quite."
"I'll kill him." He whispers before registering what Balthazar said.
"Bit late for that."
Dean feels Sam stiffen at his side. "What?"
Balthazar tenses, all hint of joviality gone, as sombre as they've ever seen him. "Castiel is on Earth."
"Where?" Sam gets there first.
Despite his initial anger, the pull to see him again is so strong Dean could care less what Cas thought or was thinking when he decided not to tell him he was out of the empty. He just wants to know he's safe.
Balthazar looks them over, apparently weighing up the merits of helping them or disappearing into oblivion.
"Alright, because despite everything, I do still like you two, plus Cassy really likes you and I like him so," Balthasar stretches out a hand and before either Winchester can react he's zapping them away.
Dean opens his eyes to bright white lights coming right at him. The blaring of a loud horn filling the air.
"What the fuck!" He tugs on the wheel and pulls baby out of the truck's barrelling path.
Its horn continues to blare as it passes, before fading into the distance.
"What just happened?" Sam shouts as he uncurls in the passenger seat.
"He zapped us."
"Yeah but where, and why?"
They pass a sign 'Birmingham fifty miles.'
"Alabama." Sam mutters after a second's thought, then searches through his pockets.
Dean watches him with desperate interest in between keeping an eye on the dark road ahead. Sam pulls out his phone and unlocks the front screen. The opening page lights up and tells him everything he needs to know.
"What?" Dean asks when he sees the reveal on his brothers face but still he says nothing.
Turning his head slowly, Sam picks his words carefully. "I think its Cas."
…
They pull up outside Tulane Medical Centre, New Orleans. The hospital mentioned in the article on Sam's phone. Dean parks Baby across the street, pulling up in a frenzy and jaywalks towards the entrance.
"Dean!" Sam chases him, shouting his name over the honking of many a car horn. "Hold up, just wait!"
"Wait?" Dean spins around the second his feet hit the curb. "You want me to wait when Cas is in there?"
"That's not-"
"No Sam!"
"Dean," Sam uses force and drags him to the side, away from the main doors. "I'm not letting you go storming in there just to run your mouth and fuck this up! Not this time."
They stare at each other, a knowing look passing between them.
Dean's breath is catching in his throat, each exhale harder than the last. "What do you want from me Sam?" He screams, prepared to have it out right here and now, "he's been gone six months. I thought he was dead, and he's been here? This whole time he's been here…"
"We didn't know."
"Because we didn't look!"
"Look for what? What were we supposed to look for Dean? Cas was taken by the empty-"
"Jack brought everyone back. He brought them all back Sam!"
"But not Cas." Sam speaks resignedly, like he finally gets it.
"I've spent the last six months trying to live like I should want to. For him. Because Cas gave his life for mine."
Dean's out of breath and it shows in his deep red cheeks and heaving chest. Sam looks contrite, blaming himself no doubt for not seeing what he'll consider having been right in front of him the entire time.
"We don't know what we're walking into," he changes the subject, moving onto more practical matters and Dean couldn't be more thankful for it. "Balthazar didn't exactly give us details."
"Because he's a dick." Dean nods, face asking Sam to tell him something he doesn't know.
"Of course, but maybe he held something back on purpose."
"Like what?"
Sam frowns, thinking face on. While he waits, Dean takes in their surroundings for the first time since they arrived. It's the middle of the afternoon on a Thursday. The street is filled with people, some wearing scrubs, some in business suits, some with bandages or casts, all are hustling their way to one part of the hospital or another. None one is paying attention to them, which means his meltdown just now probably didn't get much more than a head turn or sidestep of avoidance either.
"Cas is in a hospital. Has been for almost six months if Balthasar is to be believed." Sam clicks his fingers, bringing Dean's focus back to him. "That means only one thing."
"I don't -" He starts shaking his head, but Dean's brain catches up to Sam's quicker than he expected, eyes widening with realisation and then immediately closing in resignation. Holding back a growl of frustration he lifts his chin and looks him dead in the eyes. "Cas is human."
…
Cas is asleep when they finally make it into his room. Breathing slow and steady, but alive. Taking the chair next to the bed without hesitation Dean is in awe. Just seeing him again, to be able to touch him again, it's more than he had hoped for. He lets temptation get the better of him and covers the lax fingers placed neatly on top of the covers with his own.
"He's cold," Dean swallows around the lump in his throat, feeling the iciness and absorbing it into his own being.
"His chart says exposure." Sam mutters nonchalantly standing at the foot of his bed with clipboard in hand, acting exactly as he would on any case, and not like there's nothing short of miracle happening here.
"In Louisiana, in springtime?" Dean flicks his gaze over to his brother, sceptical.
"Hyperthermia can set in even in mild temperatures if the conditions are right." He continues in the same tone, heading out the door stating his intention of finding a doctor to get more details.
Dean's eyes watch him go, then stray back to Castiel.
"You know it was written that Castiel was the first angel to develop human emotion."
Dean jumps at Balthazar sudden appearance, whispering right down his ear.
"Jesus Christ!"
"Not quite," the angel quips, stepping back with a giggle.
"Jack gave you back your wings I see." Dean sneers, not taking his eyes off Cas.
"Actually no, I died before the Angels fell. Never lost them. Would have sent myself straight back to the empty if I had. Terrible way to live."
With an eyeroll at the arrogance, Dean shakes his head and chooses to move them along. "Can you heal him?"
Balthazar looks at Cas, at Dean's hand covering his. "You think he'd still be here if I could?"
Dean stares at Cas. "What about Jack. Where's he?"
"He's… everywhere. It's the new world order, a new heaven, no more obedience, all the walls torn down. Freedom for all of Daddy's misfit creations." He looks straight at Dean, "Of course that kind of freedom comes with a price."
Dean feels the anger rise and fall just as fast, then shakes his head. "Look I don't care what it costs, just tell me how to help him."
"Castiel, the whole of Castiel isn't here, a part of him is still trapped in the empty. Paying the price for all his misdeeds no doubt." Balthazar walks around to stand beside the bed on the opposite side to Dean and looks down.
"Trapped how?" Dean asks, not following this at all. "And if that's true how did he save me?"
"The empty is an ancient being Dean. Like the OG death, they are far more powerful than your tiny human brain can ever comprehend." He says cold and uncaring. "But I do happen to know what's left of the tiny pieces that make up Cas' grace are fading away in there. How he managed to escape it's clutches to come to your rescue yet again I have no idea, but we both know our little Cassie never has been one to follow the rules."
"Okay, okay, enough with the monologuing." Dean sighs, "how do we get him, the whole him, back?"
Balthazar winks out and appears behind him, leaning down, lips mere inches from Dean's ear once again he whispers, "we don't."
Dean turns to ask exactly what that is supposed to mean but meets empty air. A sudden clatter in the corridor draws his attention and he looks over to see a young man standing in the doorway, meal tray in hand.
"Weird right." He comments, then before Dean can say anything hands over a peanut butter and grape Jelly sandwich wrapped in cellophane. "He hasn't woken since he got here, but it's in his notes so I keep on bringing them, just in case."
Dean holds the sandwich questioningly, but the boy disappears before Dean can question him and is replaced with Sam who strolls right on in to loom ominously at the end of Cas' bed, constipated look firmly in place.
"What?" Dean asks with dread.
Sam had been talking to the nurses, that's what. Cas has been in a coma since he arrived, no known cause. He was found like the article suggested, hyperthermic and unconscious in Layfette cemetery No 1, by a photography student setting up a shot by one of the tombs famously featured in any tourist's macabre holiday snaps. She looked away for a second to set the timer, and when she looked back up, there was Cas, stark naked, lying crumpled and curled up under a stone angel sitting vigil. The photograph is Pulitzer Prize worthy apparently.
Dean's just thankful this girl wasn't the kind who went around marrying random naked man she stumbled upon and did the right thing by calling an ambulance. Daphne, Cas's second wife by all accounts - bested by Amelia on a technicality of Cas being remade in her husband's image and preceding the Jinn queen of Syria - isn't someone he's thought much about since that night in the asylum, but now they know Chuck was controlling the story he's almost certain Daphne was an angel.
It's been bugging him ever since their finale confrontation in the bunker. Chuck made it known he had beef with Cas for ruining his story. Before Dean had always assumed Cas had been brought back out of love, because Chuck knew Dean needed Cas, but now he knows the truth he realises it wasn't love at all. It was pettiness.
Chuck hated to lose, and every time Cas died because he was following his own path trying to do the right thing, even if he'd been doing the wrong thing, that meant Chuck wasn't in control, he wasn't getting the ending he wanted. So, he brought him back to try again. As infuriating as Cas has been over the years, it's that stubborn I'll always think for myself attitude that's kept him bouncing back year after year when all other angels bit the dust and stayed that way.
Well Dean doesn't listen to others either. Dean is stubborn and a fighter and he will not sit by and let his friend stay trapped like this a second longer.
"Sam" he says calmly, the air charged, heavy with words not yet shared. "I'm going to the empty."
…
Dean opens his eyes, and for the second time in as many days he's confused as to where he finds himself. Just minutes before he'd been sitting by Cas' bedside, setting his plan into motion. Judging by the emptiness laid before him, the yearning darkness stretching out everywhere in every direction, his quest to enter the Empty has been a success.
Dream root and one of Rowena's spells, so simple they put it together right there behind the curtains in the hospital room. Sam hadn't argued. Hadn't so much as thrown out a quip about Dean being insane. But then he had been the one struggling on the outside, with Dean trying his hardest to look like he was living happily while the whole time wanting nothing more than to die, because living without his best friend by his side was not living. It was existing at best. Sharing a time and space with the memory of what was and what could have been.
"Cas? Castiel!"
"Oh goodie. You're here."
Dean spins in circles, trying to pinpoint the source.
"Why am I here?" A voice responds, deep and serious.
Cas.
As if by magic Cas appears before him. Dean starts to run towards him-
"Good question. Better question. Why are you here and awake?" It's the first voice, nasally and high, but it's coming from Cas. Closing in, he sees there are two Castiel's facing off against each other.
"Am I'm dead?" The second Cas asks, his Cas - he knows because of the voice, the fear he sees clear in those bright blue eyes.
"No. Which is very, very frustrating for me, as I'm sure you know by now."
"Why am I awake again?" He demands. "We had a deal."
The peace of eternal sleep and nothingness was not appealing to Dean and by the looks of him it wasn't to Cas either, but he seems resigned to the fate all the same. Cas is looking at his doppelganger. A single tear slips out. Dean can hear his thoughts. He really doesn't want to die. He wants to go home. He wants to be with his family. With Dean.
The emotion Cas is filling him with is heart breaking and Dean's drowning in it. He hears the next question but before he can react-
"What's up, Dean?"
Dean jumps back, connection severed for now. "Meg?"
"No. Just borrowing my favourite visage. I thought my Cas mask would be too distracting for you."
"You're the empty." He eyes her suspiciously.
"Really? What gave me away?" A throne appears out of the black and rolls towards them, scooping her up.
Meg holds out her hand and a glass of wine appears. "What can I do for you Dean Winchester?"
Dean looks over at where Cas is standing, frozen, facing nothing now.
"Oh that? That's a memory. Nothing to worry about."
Dean puts a hand subconsciously to his chest. The sensation revived.
"Wondering why you can feel him? A little bonus for you. Make the experience real."
"Why?"
"Context." She shrugs, swirling the wine in her glass before taking a sip. "So let me guess. You are here to ask for his freedom?"
"You let him go before."
"That little gnat has been bouncing in an out of here like a yo-yo for centuries." Meg sniffs indignantly. "I should be used to it by now."
That renders Dean speechless, and the empty knows it.
"Ah yes yes yes, disobedient little angel he is, always causing trouble that one. Somehow would always be on the cusp of being mine but be snatched back at the last second." They say, "I was so satisfied when I finally caught the slippery fish. Should have known he would be the one to wake me from my eternal slumber. I won't make that mistake again."
"I know you released him and the other angels," Dean looks back over at the image of Cas, "but you kept what makes him, him. Why?"
The empty regards him quietly.
"I don't know how but somehow even unconscious he saved me. But he can't wake up without what you kept. I'm here to ask for that part back."
"Well, well, aren't you fascinating." The empty, still in the visage of Meg, leans forward and taps his cheek. "Tell me - what makes you think he's still an angel?"
"What?"
Meg glares him down. "Castiel was an Angel. He was made alongside his brothers and sisters at the start of creation, willed into existence by God himself, just like the Archangels who came before him. From the beginning Angels are taught to never, ever question. Their sole purpose is to serve and obey the will of their father, he who gave them life. Disobedience is the most egregious sin. Then along comes you, the righteous man, who took it upon himself to teach him what it means to be free, to be loved. And you think he can still be an Angel?"
Meg clicks her fingers and a very tired Cas pops into existence before them.
"Dean?" Cas blinks at him, "what, what are you doing here?"
Seeing Cas, hearing Cas, it sends his insides doing flips, but Dean shoves all that down and plasters on a smug if slightly embarrassed grin. "Apparently with Jack in charge there's no rules, which is kind of cool if a little reckless… but I guess the kid gets that from me."
Cas is clearly not impressed with that logic, judging by the frown aimed his way, but there's a slight lip quirk that says he doesn't disagree.
"Well, well what do we have here?" Meg pops up between them, pretending she's not set this whole thing in motion.
"He's leaving" Cas tells the entity.
"No, he isn't." Dean tells them without taking his eyes off Cas, unrepentant.
"Yes. He is." Cas seethes back.
"I'm not leaving without you. Not now, not ever. I'm sick of being the one left behind, by Sam and you. It stops now."
"I see why you like him," the Empty smiles soppily.
Cas glowers at Meg and then turns his look at him. "Dean this was not wise."
"You saved me! Now I'm here to save you, you stubborn idiot!"
"I saved you because I love you!" Castiel screams at him.
"Well why do you think I'm here?!" Dean screams back.
Cas snaps his mouth shut. Stares at Dean with wide unbelieving eyes. Dean may not have said the words. But it's as good as and he's waiting for one of them to be whisked away into oblivion, since that how these conversations between them usually end. Cas seems to be of the same conclusion because he's looking around fretfully too.
The Empty is laughing.
"Don't you see Dean? This is all your fault. Castiel is broken. Exiled from his true family, even in death. He wouldn't even be in this situation if you hadn't interfered with the natural order. Castiel wasn't built to feel or to think. God made his toys and built his worlds to his own blueprints. The angels were his servants. They were never destined for freedom."
Dean may not seem like he takes things seriously a lot of the time, but he is taking in every word right now. To hear that his friend, his truest friend in the whole wide world is considered a mistake – that's just so wrong.
"Cas isn't broken. He's my friend. I-" He stutters, swallows… "I need him. With me. It's where he belongs." He flicks he's gaze over to Cas, hoping for Cas to confirm that's what he wants. "And he needs me. We won't throw him out with the trash when he messes up, like he doesn't matter."
"You have messed with the general order of things and now you don't like the consequences you expect me to just make it better for you?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"You want him as yours?"
"Yes."
"Truly?"
"Yes dammit. Just give him back!"
"Well okay then." The Empty clicks their fingers.
..
"Dean?" Cas shifts on the mattress.
There's confusion clear in his gaze as he looks around the sterile hospital room.
"Yeah, hey," Dean voice breaks in disbelief, just like it did the last time he was present for one of Cas' resurrections. "It's okay, you're okay." He reaches out, palm cupping first his arm, then making its way up to his neck and finally resting against his cheek.
The previously sluggish and lifeless eyes gaze up at him and suddenly spark blue. Like someone flipped the switch an electric current flows visibly outward, encompassing the rest of Castiel's still idle body. Dean and Sam cover their eyes, they can only imagine what it must look like from beyond the curtain. Staff will come running any minute if they're paying any kind of attention.
"Hey," he breaths softly once it's over, "there you are." Seeing Cas blinking furiously up at him Dean breaks out into a very relived smile.
"Dean?" Cas breaks the silence drowning the room, head rolling from side to side over the pillow to get a better look, squinting he asks the stupidest question, "what are you doing here?"
Hearing his name is one thing, pouring hope into his soul, but why is he like this?
"What do you think I'm doing here?" He laughs wetly, relieved, and so emotionally compromised he doesn't care what he sounds like.
Cas frowns, forehead scrunching up in pain. "Please don't shout."
"I'm not-" Dean cuts off, dropping his voice to a whisper. "I'm not shouting okay, see?"
"You in pain Cas?" Sam steps closer so Cas can see him too, leaning over Dean's shoulder and crowding his personal space.
Cas's eyes move up to find him. "Sam." He repeats like he's reminding himself. "My head hurts. It's not pleasant."
"I'll go see if I can find a nurse okay, sit tight."
Sam leaves quickly and Cas looks tiredly back to Dean. "How can I sit tight when I'm lying down?"
Dean's smile drops, but the question causes a blossoming familiarity in his chest all the same. "He means don't stress. He's handling it."
"Oh. Okay that's good. I don't feel up to handling anything right now."
It's stupid but the comment hits him hard. "Fucking hell, Cas."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my deal with the Empty." Cas says out of nowhere. "I didn't want to worry you when there was nothing to be done." He relays with a tired calmness that can only come from millions of years of living.
"Yeah, well true as that maybe…" Dean sniffs, brushing off the logic and hating that in their relationship, no matter what flowery shit Cas comes out with he's still the emotional one, "how could you think that I wouldn't-" Dean gasps suddenly, tears that spilling fast and free down his cheeks, "want you… with me always."
"I'm just glad you're alive." Castile says matter of fact.
"Yeah, me too."
Cas is crying now too, silent tears, lips trembling. Dean notices, and he doesn't want to punish him, punish either of them anymore than they already have. Life is too short for their bullshit. Grabbing hold Dean pulls Cas up and to his chest. "Don't you ever pull this crap again." With one hand in his hair Dean presses a kiss flat to his cheek. "I love you, you fucking idiot."
…
They've been driving for a half a day; Cas had fallen asleep an hour out of Baton Rouge and yet to wake up. Dean pulls in for gas in Mount Pleasant, and before getting back on the road Sam hands him a coffee since he's determined to make it as far as possible today to ensure they reach the bunker in good time tomorrow.
"He doing ok, you think?" Dean asks once they hit the road again, Cas not having made a peep during their stop.
Dean leans up to look at him through the rear-view mirror, watching Sam check on him.
"Seems so. Weird isn't it?" Sam opens thoughtfully. "I thought once Chuck was gone things would be different, but here we are collecting Cas from yet another resurrection."
"Yeah, well let's hope this time it sticks." He hums.
"So, are you guys a couple now or what?"
Dean chokes on his coffee. "What the fuck Sam?"
"I mean it's not too late to make it a double Wedding, Eileen would be cool with it."
"I swear if you don't stop," he pauses, mindful of waking Cas. "He just got back. I'm no relationship expert but I'm pretty sure since this is Cas we're talking about, going slow is on the cards."
"Ah so you guys are in a relationship."
"No, yes… well – oh shut up." Dean grouses behind his cup when he sees Sam laughing. "We're what we always were I suppose. But now we have the time to just be us, I guess."
Sam is still grinning like an idiot.
"What?"
"Nothing, just happy for my big brother."
"You're such a Bitch."
"Jerk."
"Ass-butt" Cas mutters, rolling over on the backseat without opening his eyes.
Dean and Sam exchange a stunned look before bursting into laughter.
…
Dean sharing their story drew quite the crowd in the end, resulting in everyone, even those who hadn't met Cas before today welcoming him back with gusto. Bobby took advantage of the moment to commandeer control and build a fire pit with the left-over BBQ coals, which he had roaring by the time Cas got through everyone. As the afternoon moves into evening, the booze keeps flowing and the polite atmosphere devolves along with sobriety in raucous laughter and camaraderie.
"You doing okay?" Dean slides up next to Cas, who he finds after a little bit a searching sitting alone and out of the way on the front porch steps.
"Your friends are all very nice." He tips his head towards the back of the cabin, where the campfire can be seen burning brightly, and the odd crackle of firewood can be heard over the hum of overlapping conversation.
"They're your friends now too." He says lightly watching Cas watching the stars now shinning down upon them. "I mean they knew all about you – before, you know. You're kind of legendary." He grins at the perplexed frown he makes when that hits, "I'm sorry you never got chance to meet most of them before now."
The frown smooths out into a sly grin, "I like that you talk about me."
"Yep. My nerdy little guardian angel." He laughs at the indignation Cas flashes him. "But remember Chucks stupid books are on the internet, and if this Charlie is as bad as our Charlie, I guarantee everyone here will have a copy emailed to them by the end of the night."
He sighs his humility away. No use to keep whining about it. Chuck is still out there too, powerless, human, living the life he had wanted to experience but without his God powers safety net. If Balthazar is to be believed there's more books to come. Dean wouldn't be surprised; they've given him plenty to write about. Just the thought of Chuck writing about Cas getting taken by the empty has him downing the whiskey he's been nursing since Bobby poured it.
They fall into silence, and Dean joins Cas in watching the stars.
"You didn't answer my question." He says quietly.
Looking over, Dean sees he's got that twin sad-happy look on his face. Like a child faced with the candles on his birthday cake, full of hope but too scared to blow them out in case his wishes won't come true.
"I'm happy." Cas smiles softly, meeting his gaze for the first time since sitting down.
Dean chuckles, drops his chin to his chest, smile bittersweet. "Yeah. Me too."
"Really?" Cas sounds genuinely surprised.
Before giving his usual flippant response, Dean pauses and gives the question serious thought. "Yeah, really." He smiles wider at the suspicion written clear in Cas' stare. "Look, don't get me wrong, I'm still fucked in the head."
"And my powers are still fading." Cas commiserates, probably thinking he's being helpful.
After they hugged it out in the hospital bed practical Sam magically chose that moment to return and ask all the questions Dean was too scared too. Big reveal - Cas isn't an Angel anymore, at least not the kind that sits on his cloud ignoring the issues of the world like his bag of dicks brothers and sisters up in heaven, but he isn't human either, despite the headaches and tiredness and hungry he inexplicably feels from time to time.
"Soon the most I'll be good for is changing the channel on the television when you misplace the remote." He continues.
"That does come in handy." Dean agrees, avoiding the core issue, but seeing the wistfulness on Cas' face decides to bite the bullet, "but you're more than that Cas. To me. You're more. I want you to know that." He swallows, fidgets in place, and tries to focus on the bonfire flames in his peripheral. "I want you to know something else too."
"What?"
He gives him a smile and grabs his hand. "Through the good, the bad" he cocks an eyebrow, "and the downright crazy," his hand risers, cups Cas' cheek, "we've survived through it all. That means no matter how much I hate your taste in music or cars or movies, powers or no powers, you're perfect. Dorky and perfect."
Cas is staring at him. "I'm not dorky."
Dean laughs out loud. Cas tries to duck away but the hand still holding his cheek won't let him. The moonlight shines down upon them, highlighting his blushing cheeks.
"What happens now?" He asks quietly.
Dean looks down at him seriously, thinking about his dream of leaving the hunting life behind, of crystal-clear waters and sand between their toes.
"Blue-skies Cas." He sighs, once again looking up at the stars and imagining the infinite possibilities before them. "Nothing but blue-skies."
"Hey!" Claire screams, making them both jump and pull apart prepared to fight. "Put him down Dean and get your old ass over here. I got the tequila!"
Shaking said bottle in the air, she runs from someone's truck towards Kaia, Patience and Alex who greet her with resounding whoops.
"Are they going to get drunk?" Cas asks like he's enquiring about Dean's favourite flavour of pie.
"Yep." Dean nods, nonplussed, wondering how it can be that the teens are now adult woman in their twenty's and when the hell that happened. Looking back at Cas, seeing him as he always has and excited about the possibilities that await them, he stands up and holds out his hand. "Time to test your new constitution for alcohol."
"Based on my bodies repeated desire for sleep, I predict it will not be good. Are you going to protect my dignity?" Cas doesn't budge, not even an inch.
"No one's going to touch my Angel." He grins down at him.
"Well technically-"
Dean glares and for once Cas takes the hint and shuts up. Taking his hand, allowing Dean to pull him up, together he and Cas walk hand in hand over to Bobby's bonfire and join the party.