I didn't mean to hurt him.

I tried, really I did, to seem like it wasn't bothering me. But it was impossible to not see it in my eyes, and when I left his apartment the previous night and I saw him sulk away from my bedroom window, it was clear that he knew something had changed in me.

It wasn't just that I missed Dimande. I did, but at the same time I didn't. All signs pointed to him lying to me about Pitre. Dejected and alone, I wanted to just crawl into a hole and die. Sitting in my room, I watched as the clock ticked on and on, hoping that Dimande would show up so I could kiss him or yell at him or cry in his arms.

Falling fast is the worst kind of fate. A heart takes time to open and bend, but when it's dropped into an endless sea of passion that ends as quickly as it began, it feels like a muscle that is so close to being snapped. The pain burns brighter than the sun but the relief is otherworldly.

Mamoru was a muscle I had learned to stretch and rest in the best and worst of times. Dimande was a shot of adrenaline straight to my heart.

I did feel guilt, though. The look on Mamo's face was painstakingly sad. I wondered if he thought I had stopped loving him. It couldn't have been farther from the truth. I still loved him just as much as I did the day I realized he was Prince Endymion and I was Princess Serenity, the difference now was that I loved our love a little less. The gloss and shimmer of it was wearing off in the eclipsing darkness of Dimande.

I heard someone coming up the stairs and assumed it was my mom, but when the door opened, I was surprised to see Minako standing there. Usually she was dressed in something sleek and stylish. Today, though, she opted for a much simpler look: A faded pair of blue jean shorts and an orange tank top. She looked like the Minako I loved.

"How are you feeling?"

I shrugged my shoulders. She sat down at the small table with me and looked me square in the eye.

"C'mon," she urged. "You can talk to me."

Why did I feel the sudden urge to bite? As a teenager, I never had this feeling of adolescent rebellion and now it was all I could do to contain myself from making a spectacle. Minako was one of my dearest friends, but I couldn't remember the last time we sat down and had an actual conversation. The darkness in my heart that had bloomed in Pitre's castle was bubbling all over me now, making me wonder what it would be like to reach out and slap her.

"I feel like we haven't talked in forever," I said somewhat pathetically. A cop out to what I really wanted to do. My throat constricted and I knew—I just knew—my tone was snotty and cruel. "Why do you want to talk now?"

And there it was. The needle. The sting. I saw her face wince and her eyes flutter. She rocked back on her bottom, swallowed and looked around the room while she considered what to say.

"I deserve that," she said calmly. "I wasn't a very good friend to you."

"No, you weren't." I was doing nothing to hide my consternation now.

"And I'm sorry for that," she said. "I am really sorry, I am."

She sighed and adjusted her jaw. In her eyes, I could see she was being truthful. They were clear and almost brimming with tears. Being stubborn was going to do me no favors—especially if Pitre came to Earth and attacked. I wanted my friend back. I wanted my life back.

"I know," I said softly. "And really, it's okay."

"It's not, though," Minako pressed on. "Look, Usagi. After all those years as Sailor Venus—all of the things I had to give up to fulfill my duty—I had this taste of something else. I had a new life that I had only dreamed about. I forgot about what was important to me and who I loved most, but it's not going to happen again, okay? None of that matters without the people you love, I just got lost in the moment. Can you understand that?"

I could understand all too well. I, too, had had a taste of something greater than myself.

"So tell me," she urged. "Tell me what happened. I can tell by the look on your face that…"

She trailed off as she searched for my expression. What was she going to say? That she could tell I looked like a forlorn lover desperate to return to the man that had tricked me? That I was confused about everything that had happened and about my feelings for Mamoru and Dimande? That I understood my choices were bound to have consequences I was not quite ready to pay for?

"It's complicated," I said, a cry lodging in my throat. "It's all really complicated."

"Life is complicated," she said gently. "Whatever happened, just know I'm not going to be angry with you."

"It's not good."

"It's okay," she reassured me. "I can take it."

I let out a deep sigh.

"Dimande…" I started. Another deep breath. "When I was in his castle, he told me this story about being dead and about his people. He talked about Wiseman and how he was betrayed by him, and how he knew what they did was wrong, but that he was changed. And I wanted to believe him so badly, Minako, I did. Because I felt alone and sad and he wanted to comfort me—he wanted me to show me that he was this better man and I wanted to believe that men could change."

She nodded her head and reached for my hand. Her palm was warm. Feeling it in mine felt right.

"Then he told me about Pitre and this miserable curse he was under. They were these two people who were bound to their fates because of who they were born to be, just like me."

"You were born to be something good," Minako said, her voice soft and understanding. I shook my head.

"But I'm not good. None of us are. Not really."

"Yes, you are." She reached her other hand on top of mine, cradling them in hers, her touch a reminder that I was loved.

"If you knew what I did, you wouldn't think so." Heavy tears lined my eyes and I fought back their release.

"We all make mistakes. I made a mistake by not being a good friend to you. Mamoru made a mistake by not making you feel loved. Whatever you did does not make you bad, because a truly bad person wouldn't care that their choices hurt others."

"But you didn't make this mistake," I choked.

"Usagi, what is it?" Her eyes pleaded to me. "Just tell me."

I wanted to tell her. I wanted to scream it. I wanted to tell Mamoru, too, to see if he would lay down and die or pick up his sword and fight for me. I wanted to stay and I wanted to go. I was being ripped in two and the thought of choosing just one path seemed impossible but I knew I had to do it—I had to because...because…

"I have feelings for Dimande." My voice was stone. Minako's eyes widened in disbelief.

"What?" She was surprised, but there was no judgement. Not like Setsuna when she had heard. The pressure building in my head eased a little.

"I think I might've been under a spell or something, I don't know, but when I was there I just couldn't stop myself from loving him."

She bit her lip and furrowed her brow. Leaning in closer, she looked at me sympathetically.

"Did you…" I knew what she was asking without her even saying it. Slowly I nodded my head and she started nodding hers too.

"I see," she said quietly.

"Are you angry with me?"

She considered my question for a minute, her eyes pinned to the table and to our hands still clasped together. She shook her head.

"We're not kids anymore, Usagi," she smiled. "Things sometimes happen like that and I understand."

Suddenly, I could feel the whoosh of relief swirl all over my body, and with it, the tears came, too. I launched myself over the table and grabbed her, hugging her so tightly I worried I might break her, and she returned my embrace. For a moment, it was just like the old times: Two friends discussing their lives the only way those close to one another can. With honesty and compassion.

When I finally let go, Minako grabbed my shoulders and smiled.

"Whatever you choose, you will always have me at your side," her voice was warm. "Now, let's figure out how we're going to fight Pitre. We don't have to tell the other girls about this if you don't want to—"

"No," I quickly interrupted her. "I do. They deserve to know the truth."

"I support you then." She beamed a genuine smile and I returned it. "Tomorrow everyone is going to meet at Mamoru's..." She paused on his name and gave me a knowing look. "Is that okay with you?"

I nodded. I needed to tell him, for his sake and mine. And while it seemed impossible, I was going to try and figure out the final result of the war waging in my heart.

"I'll see you then," I said. And I was sure I would.