Pitre was beating us and not by a little, by a lot.
Every attack we threw, every time we thought we had the upper hand, his power continued to grow. It was as if he had an endless reservoir hidden deep underneath his skin. Was this what darkness did to a man's soul? And not the darkness I had succumbed to: This darkness permeated every pore on his body, it blotted out the memories of the man he once was and replaced them with bitterness and condemnation. At least when WIseman used me, he left me and my soul intact, poisoning instead my mind over my heart.
Saphir and I were on our backs, trying to stand up after another fierce energy field ripped out of Pitre and flattened our line of defense. Behind me, I heard the scouts scrambling to get to their feet. Each energy blast was bigger than the last, each with spikes made of pure energy that ripped through our skin and clothes.
One bolt hit me square in the gut and sent me flying backward. My brother followed not too far behind.
"Pitre…" Saphir grimaced. "He's too damn powerful."
"How could he have possibly gotten this strong?" I gritted through my teeth, nursing a flesh wound right above my diaphragm.
"This wasn't the kind of power Wiseman gave us." Rubeus chimed in from behind. He managed to get to his feet and pulled both of us up. "This is what Wiseman was. This was his true force."
"How do we defeat him?" Saphir asked as another crack of energy burst above us. One of the scouts let out a scream.
"I don't know," Rubeus grimaced. "I don't know if we can."
Sailor Saturn rushed by, her glaive a bright purple, and screamed as the blast whipped toward Pitre. He swatted it away, but it burned his hand. She was the only one of any of us who had managed to do anything to him and I could tell she was holding back her power. She looked over her shoulder.
"Everyone, we need to get out here!" She said to no one in particular. "The only way I can destroy Pitre is if I destroy this entire place."
"Not without Usagi!" Mamoru's voice carried from behind. "I won't go without her!"
"You're stupid to not leave," Pitre smiled as he wiped a small trickle of blood from his lip. "Even if you can defeat me, once I am gone, this entire place will collapse. You won't be able to find her in time."
Fear gripped me. We were in a winless situation. To save Usagi meant one of us would have to abandon the fight and search for her in Pitre's castle of traps and each room was undoubtedly outfitted for Pitre's dark purposes. Even if we could survive the search, at the rate Pitre was going, his seemingly endless power would destroy those left to fight.
Rubeus shot off another attack and Pitre. He caught it in his hand, swirled it around and made a swirling ball of energy. As he moved it back and forth from one hand to the next, the red glow of it splashed across his face. Another sweeping round of attacks flew out from the sailor scouts, but it was no use. The ball in Pitre's hand grew as quickly as a lightning bolt and a wave of water crashed into him, acting as a shield. As soon as they did, the ball expanded even more and changed in color.
"He's absorbing the attacks." I could hear the fear in my own voice.
Saphir looked at me, his eyes wide.
With a flick of his wrist, he shot it back. When it washed over us, the roar of its power was deafening. A thousand pieces of what felt like glass pricked into my skin, sending me hurling back again onto the floor. The light was so bright I was forced to close my eyes against my better judgement, but each time I tried to peel them open I was met with a whipping wind and a brilliance that burned my corneas.
"There is nothing you can do!" Pitre cackled over the rushing wind. "There is no hope, only destruction. Only death."
The light receded and the wind died down, revealing all of us strewn across the circus ring in varying states of distress. Mamoru was the only one managing back to his feet, and as he stumbled toward Pitre, the clown laughed.
"Pitre, you don't have to do this." Mamoru winced as he gripped his shoulder. "You can choose a different path, it isn't too late."
Pitre smiled and extended his hands once more. The lot of us couldn't survive another attack like that one, not so soon. Mamoru was provoking him, and for what?
"I love your idealism, I really do Tuxedo Mask." Pitre's tongue mockingly rolled over Mamoru's alter ego. "But the wheels are in motion and I'm afraid they cannot be unturned. Because now that I have my power back, there is nothing that will stop me. I will destroy this world and make everyone suffer just as I have suffered, and I will begin anew as a supreme ruler where no one will laugh at me ever again."
"You were hurt and abused, you didn't deserve what happened to you," Mamoru pressed on. "What you went through, to be cast away like that and alone–"
"Save your monologue for someone who cares." Light appeared in Pitre's hand.
"I can relate to you, you know." Mamoru hobbled up to his knees. "My parents, they died when I was young. They were taken from me, too, and I miss them with all of my heart. That made me bitter for a long, long time. But when I met Usagi–when I met the Sailor Scouts–they helped me realize I could love again like that."
Pitre stilled, his expression falling flat. The ball of energy still glowed in his hand, but it, too, remained motionless. Something in Pitre's eyes shifted. Was it a trick? When he tried to convince me of his plight, he had harbored the same soft glimmer of hope. Back then, I believed it to be genuine. But I learned too late it was all part of his well manicured facade.
"You could never relate to me," Pitre said quietly. "I was ripped from my life. I was sent here against my will."
"As was I." Mamoru finally stumbled to his feet. "Before now–before this–I was Prince Endymion. And an evil woman wanted what we had and destroyed everything. Her actions forced us to abandon our lives and start over, and even in my new life I was cursed to lose love all over again. But I found Usagi and if you let her, she can heal you and make things right."
"All of that love she gave you and you tossed her aside." Pitre's smile creeped upward again. "That's not what I call love."
"I took her for granted." Mamoru choked up. "I took everything for granted because it's been so long since I was forced to see what it all meant to me. I chased after my own desires, which I don't regret, but I selfishly blocked everyone else out. Pitre, you must understand that now that she is gone there isn't a single thing I wouldn't do to have just one more moment with her. Just like you would do anything to have one more moment with your mother."
It was the same argument I had, one I still harbored deep within me. If Mamoru truly loved Usagi the way he said he did, he would've never abandoned her. He would've always put her first just like I planned to do. But I too had been selfish. I put the Black Moon Clan's revival above everything else: My brother, Rubeus, Esmeraude. Even Usagi. I planned to pluck her out of this world and have her by my side regardless of the costs.
Had I poisoned her the way Pitre had me? I gave her no choice. I didn't ask what she wanted. She was so much more powerful than all of us and yet somehow one step behind. I was no better than Mamoru.
"My mother did not send people to Hell." Pitre's breathing grew ragged and his expression morphed from twisted amusement to conflicted confusion and back again. Pitre wanted to believe he was the only one who had suffered. Chaos had taken a bite out of all of us and, in turn, left us all with his unfortunate imprint.
"Neither did Usagi." The words escaped my lips before I could even comprehend them. Mamoru turned to me, confusion sprawled across his face. "We sent ourselves there with our actions. We turned away from good, Pitre, whether we understood it or not. Our anger should lie with Nehelenia, not Sailor Moon."
"How quaint. The two forlorn rivals are now ganging up." Pitre dropped his hands as the ball of light dissipated. "Funny, considering both of your interests are in direct competition with one another. Dimande, I thought you wanted to run away with your new beloved. Or was I incorrect in that assessment?"
I shook my head. "Usagi should choose what she wants because she is owed it and I will support her no matter who she chooses. She deserves a choice, just as you do, just as I did. The Black Moon Clan did not deserve its fate after being tricked. Your mother and you did not deserve to be enslaved. But we now have a different choice, Pitre, a path of our own making. Will you choose to honor your mother by slaughtering others? Or will you choose peace?"
All of this time I had been searching for revenge. Selfishly, without regard for how it affected others, I had truly not learned my lesson. I had a chance to be revived and start over–albeit under false pretenses–but a chance nonetheless. And I used it to trick a woman who I now loved, to drag back allies who would've rather remained dead and to put trust in a man who I knew was lying to me.
Had I just allowed myself to rest and strip away my armor of anger, I might still be peacefully floating in the river. Usagi might be free to make her choice without my influence. The world would not shatter under Pitre. I thought it was the Black Moon Clan that needed redeeming, but all along it was I that needed a change of perspective.
"End this now, Pitre." I held back tears. My heart was bursting in anger and regret. "End all of this. Rest without the hate in your heart. Let the scars of Nehelenia heal. If you do this, you will be no better than her."
Something struck a nerve in him. His look of indifferent amusement soured and his pupils expanded, leaving a sea of black.
"I am better than her," he seethed. "I am everything she could never be."
"You are a monster, just as she was!" I yelled. "Just like I am!"
I didn't need to look to know that Saphir and Rubeus were watching me. Hot tears spilled down my cheeks and fire roared through my bones. Pitre was a monster and I was, too. I did not deserve Usagi's love–hell, I didn't even deserve her forgiveness. Not after what I had done.
I had once told Usagi we are all villains and heroes in one story to the next. In mine, I had been the prince too proud to let his people fail. Gallantly, I fought for them. Now I could see clearly that no matter how altruistic I believed it to be, in the end I was always fighting for myself, and I did not care who I had to use or what lies I had to tell to get there.
With each lie, I painted myself the hero because it was the easier thing to do. In the light, though, my lies had all but evaporated.
I was the worst kind of monster: The kind who knew better.
My words throttled Pitre. His face turned white as stone and black smoke twisted around his bony frame. From his lips came a cry so visceral, so feral that the mere sound of it made me want to scream myself. Years of anger and agony spilled out like rushing water. Another plume of smoke engulfed us, followed by whipping winds that knocked us all down again. Mamoru went flying backward but I continued to hold my ground.
Explosions rocked all around us and a shard of light slammed into Mamoru's chest. Saturn quickly regained her footing and shielded him, throwing her glaive out and defecting an onslaught of attacks from Pitre. She flung one back and it sliced open Pitre's face, spilling bright red blood on his shirt. Despite it, Pitre remained smiling.
Until he wasn't. Amidst the dust and smoke and the roaring of the wind and explosions, Pitre stilled. I followed his eyes and my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. Usagi was there, encircled with light.
"How did you get out?"
If I thought she was angelic before, seeing her like this made her simply divine. Pitre's power reverberated in the bones, but Usagi's warmed the heart. Each ribbon of light brushed out all around her and penetrated the sheet of black swirling in Pitre's evil wind. Suddenly, the wind felt calmer.
Usagi rushed over to Mamoru. She cradled him in her arms, whispering to him and caressing his face. How badly I wanted her to do that to me and deep in my soul I knew she would not. The truth was I did not deserve her love, and seeing them together now I understood what I had long tried to ignore. Love does not die overnight. Soulmates find one another no matter the circumstances. She may have wanted me in more ways than one but she could never love me the way she did him.
I was always destined to fail. Maybe if I had just been honest from the start I could have…
"You wrongly assumed I was powerless without my crystal," She shouted to Pitre "You're wrong."
What happened next seemed more like a blur of light and sound than anything else. Light burst from Usagi, wrapping around the crystal before illuminating every corner of the circus tent, splitting through the thick fog of Pitre's evil power. And then it formed around her. The nearly opaque bubble was a brilliant gold that sparkled with thousands of prisms bursting from it into the air. Every muscle on Pitre's face ebbed as her power engulfed his.
Whatever outcome he had hoped for in his final battle against Sailor Moon, this was not it. Confidence blinded him to the cold, hard truth: She had defeated so many like Pitre and he was no different than the rest of us. We were all people so consumed by greed and hate that it became venom, and all along her strength was an antidote.
He lunged at her, his fingers extended as he tried to crack through her forcefield of light. Not even a hint of worry appeared on Usagi's face. But the harder he pressed, the stronger the darkness became, and when I saw her flinch, I swore I would not let him win.
Usagi belonged with Mamoru. I belonged in Hell.
Just as her light was crushing Pitre, her light had crushed the evil in me.
His hands slapped against the forcefield and clawed at her. As he ground in, his body contorted and twisted. A long, black crack appeared from his hand and snaked all the way around the bubble keeping their two gigantic powers separated. If he managed to compromise the forcefield, I knew the outcome would be dire.
So when I saw his hand move, when I saw the forcefield bend, I did what any man in love would do. I scrambled to my feet, unnoticed by Pitre or Usagi, and ran as fast as I could. Each step was one closer to a deathwish but it was one I was willing to take. The past few days had been the best of my life. Our sweet kisses, the conversations of a life we had dreamed of together, the promise that a soul so dark and twisted could be saved: These were the redeeming memories that no matter what happened would give me the strength to go on.
The moment my body collided with hers, I felt his collide with mine. Sharp and jagged, his hand was as strong as a blade. And with one last breath, I extended my hands across his broad chest and mustered all of the light she had given me. It had to be enough, it just had to be. I had to save her because she had saved me. Muscle split and I felt a bone crack, a metallic taste burned in my mouth. I heard a scream. And then, darkness.
When I opened my eyes, I was floating, drifting in a sea of green, unashamed of my nakedness. When I opened my eyes, I was alone.