Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
REVISED: format - 10/15/2006

Replaced Bride – Part IV
Friends Share in All Things

The bride wore fury. The groom wore panic.

The vows were quickly spoken, the agreements stilted and cold.

The blessing had been stammered. The rings had been exchanged, two simple platinum bands a servant had run out to buy at a moment's notice.

The wedding, Kagome sighed, was beautiful.

She beamed proudly at her best friend, clapping as Inuyasha leaned forward to peck her cheek. His hands shook, and he immediately moved as far away from his new wife as he could as soon as everything was finished and the certificate signed.

Sango advanced on the younger girl, pulling her immediately into a corner. And the words that she'd spoken two hours before returned. "I can't believe this! He threatened to adopt Kohaku if I didn't marry his brother!" she seethed. "And all because of you! Why did you have to do this to me, Kagome? I thought we were friends!"

"Friends share in all things," she muttered. "Even misery."

"I don't want to share your misery!" the newlywed shouted. The cowed priest did the first smart thing he'd done since he entered the manor; he walked swiftly for the door, his duty done. "Stop giving me these stupid excuses! What the hell does he have on you?"

"The same thing as he does on you," she shrugged. "He threatened to adopt Souta."

That finally deflated the bride's anger. She sighed, shoulders slumping. "But why did I have to get married, too?"

Kagome's eyes widened as she leaned forward, speaking earnestly now. Although her best friend would never hurt her (she hoped), she hadn't really wanted to speak of her thoughts until she'd calmed down. "Think about it! You don't have to worry about Bankotsu ditching the kids to go to work, you won't need to work two jobs… Kohaku will be able to go to college without any problems, and you'll finally have a stable life. Any other woman would jump at the chance!"

"I don't see you waxing eloquent about your own upcoming marriage," Sango pointed out tartly, glaring at the band on her finger as though it were a live snake.

"No, but I get the same things with Souta, too. Look, it's nothing bad, really. You've wanted to get married and not have to worry about anything; I'm your best friend. I know all your fantasies."

"That's why they're called fantasies!" The new wife of Kirishima Inuyasha sighed after her shout, crossing her arms in annoyance. "I haven't even told Bankotsu I was getting married. Christ on a motorcycle, but we've been together for how long now? I had a committed relationship, and you made me get married to some freak with ears!"

Kagome laughed nervously, threading her fingers through her hair. "But you don't love Bankotsu."

Sango glared. "You don't need love in a steady, dependable relationship. We had trust and reliability!"

"Ah-hah!" Her friend pounced. "What reliability? More often than not he dropped anything, even babysitting the boys, to go to some phantom job you don't even know about! And moreover, you haven't trusted him since he moved in with us. How many times have you told me you think he's cheating on you? Lack of love I can understand, I've seen that since I saw you two together." Her brows arched. "Now, on the flip side, Inuyasha doesn't love you, you don't love him, he's loaded, and he can't be any less reliable than Bankotsu or any less honest."

"Okay, that's just wrong. Since when have I ever criticized your relationships?"

"One name: Hojou," she shot back.

"Oh God. I need a drink."

Good. She's back to her normal self. She breathed a sigh of relief. The mention of Hojou always made Sango need some steadying wine. Really, it made her need it too.

"Bad idea. Remember what happened the last time you were near champagne?" she cautioned.

"As the new Kirishima Sango, if I decide I want some wine to get a nerdy thirteen-year-old-in-a-thirty-year-old-body out of my head, then I shall have it," the older girl said haughtily, with a sharp toss of her head. "Besides, I'll probably need some every hour to make it through the rest of my life," she muttered. "How could you make me marry him?"

She shot a look full of pure loathing at her husband's back. He didn't seem to notice, being fully involved in talking heatedly with his brother, who'd avoided him until the priest came.

More accurately, he'd made sure to stick around Kagome and Sango, both of whom he'd been able to subdue with threats of adoption. As the groom seemed to have an allergic reaction (namely fear) around his soon-to-be and now-current wife, it had been a most excellent means of avoidance.

"Okay, maybe a couple sips will do you good." She sighed, rubbing her forehead. Okay, so it wasn't the smartest thing to marry my friend off to my fiancé's brother, but it's for her own good. She'll forgive me in ten or twenty years. "Look on the bright side—Inuyasha won't cheat on you."

"Where do you get that idea?" Sango gave her a what-planet-are-you-on look as she snagged a lingering maid, ordering the biggest bottle of wine she could find. "And don't worry about glasses!" she shouted after her retreating back.

"Don't they mate for life?"

"Those are wolf youkai, my dear clueless priestess." Her tone oozed condescendence. "I don't know where you come from, but where I come from, dogs will get it on with anyone or anything."

Kagome frowned. "Well, that's a little depressing."

"Precisely." She crossed her arms, pouting a little. "This is the worst day of my life," she declared dramatically.

"Worse than your first time with Bankotsu?"

She hesitated thoughtfully. "Okay, the second worst."

"Hmm." Kagome went silent as a uniformed man sauntered into the room, opening a champagne bottle as he walked. Bowing with a flourish, he offered the now-open bottle to Inuyasha's bride.

She blinked as she accepted it. "Jakotsu? Is that you?"

"Yup!" He grinned. "We're all here!"

Sango groaned and immediately put the wine to her lips, drinking it like she would a bottle of water after running five miles.

"All—as in Bankotsu, Renkotsu, Ginkotsu…" Kagome's voice trailed off at his enthusiastic nodding.

"All of us are bodyguards for Kirishima-sama. Sesshoumaru-sama's father," he explained quickly, before she became confused. "Bankotsu kind of guards both, and he does a lot of that… um…" he blinked. "You know, intelligence stuff. Hey, did you really marry Inuyasha?" He peered at the woman guzzling champagne.

She coughed, nearly choking. "Uh—yeah," she mumbled, thumping her chest. I can see the headlines now—Bride Drowns in Champagne Minutes After Wedding.

"Oh, man." He sighed dreamily. "Those ears of his are sooo cute. I just want to… tweak them."

Blinking, Sango glanced over at her husband. His ears were adorable, and for some reason she could remember how they felt under her fingers. "I don't think you're his type, sweetie."

"Yeah," he pouted. "I never am. Oops, there's Bankotsu-no-aniki. Gotta go guard the boss!" He saluted with a wide grin before making his way out the door.

Kagome latched onto her best friend's arm as her boyfriend (was it automatically ex-boyfriend now that she'd gotten married?) headed straight toward her.

"Hey, Sang." He used the shortened version of her name easily, though there was a strained note in his voice. She smiled weakly.

"Hey, hon—er, Bankotsu."

"So… congratulations?"

She nodded simply. "Thanks."

He grinned a little, then abruptly stepped forward to kiss her cheek. "Kiss for the bride," he said laconically. She smiled tightly.

"Oi! Bankotsu! Get the fuck away from my wife!"

Inuyasha glared furiously, golden eyes molten with sudden rage. Kagome's eyes widened. Now, why on Earth is he so mad? she wondered curiously.

Surprisingly, the long-haired man took a step back, holding his hands up. "No harm done, Inuyasha-sama," he said calmly. "I'll get back up to your father now, shall I?"

"Yeah, you better fuckin' do that," he growled, moving with swift strides to put his arm possessively around Sango's waist. She blinked up at him, sufficiently mellow.

How much did she drink in those few seconds? her best friend wondered. And has he been drinking, too?

Sesshoumaru looked unsurprised as he walked over with languid grace.

"Yeah. See you later, Sango—ah, Sango-sama." Bankotsu bowed, giving her one last, searching glance before walking out the door.

Well, that wasn't so bad. He didn't seem very shaken up over it at all though… Hmm. Probably because these are his employers. Though the poor guy was probably stunned. She empathized, and sighed a little. All my fault, too. Well, it's for Sango's good. He wasn't that great of a boyfriend anyway.

"Bye, Bankotsu!" the girl in question chirped out cheerfully, waving the bottle to his retreating back. She offered it to Inuyasha. "Want some?"

Kagome's eyes narrowed as she realized the champagne was half gone. How did she manage that?

"Keh," he muttered, but grabbed the bottle anyway. Although he moved, taking his arm from her waist, his wife followed happily, her eyes fixated on his ears.

"They look so… soft…" she murmured as he began to drink.

He spluttered at the eerily familiar words, then swore loudly as she pounced, her hands reaching for the objects of her fascination. "Dammit, bitch, get off me!" he shouted, falling to the ground. Sesshoumaru looked down at them without pity.

"I suggest you take your foreplay to the bedroom."

"This isn't—ow!—fucking foreplay—ow!—you basta—ow!" He winced as the woman's elbows bumped his face. "Stop that!"

"How cute!" Kagome clapped her hands together, eyes wide in delight. "Look, they're getting along!"

Two pairs of golden eyes looked at her; one curious and faintly amused, the other furious. She shrugged and suggested timidly, "You could try rubbing her back. She really likes getting her back rubbed."

"Why the—ow—hell am I gonna do that?"

"You might distract her?" she offered.

He growled, somehow managing to get on his feet. Sango squealed in delight, wrapping her legs around his waist and pressing a noisy kiss against his cheek. "Look! No hands!" She spread her arms out to her sides, unbalancing him.

He swore, stepped fancy, and somehow managed to regain his equilibrium. "I'm going to lock you in the damn room and never let you out," he muttered. "How much did she have?"

"Half the bottle. We're not really great at holding our liquor," Kagome admitted with a smile.

He shot her a 'No, really?' look as he staggered to the steps, drunk wife giggling and wriggling in his arms. Then her eyes caught on his ears again, and she began to stroke them, completely intent on her task.

Sesshoumaru's arm came around Kagome's waist, twirling her to face him easily. She pouted, having been fully engrossed in watching her very drunk best friend and her new husband. "What?"

"We need you to get out of this house," he explained simply. She immediately glared, remembering now their conversation in the study earlier.

"I really don't want to marry you," she informed him.

"I know."

"I'd rather marry a pig."

"Perfectly aware of that."

"Sango and Inuyasha are going to have a blissful life compared to you and I."

"I know."

"You're a lot nicer when I'm drunk."

He stared at her. She interpreted his impassive face as a 'Where-the-hell-did-that-come-from' look.

"Well, I don't remember anything."

"I noticed."

"Which is why you're nicer."

"I see."

"Because I can't remember you being mean," she continued to explain.

"Of course."

"I really don't want to marry you," she repeated.

"I know." He backed up, falling gracefully into an armchair behind him and pulling her onto his lap. This was going to be long.

"You're arrogant."

"I know."

"Rude."

"So I have been informed."

"Omniscient."

He smirked.

"Filthy rich."

"I know."

"Completely underhanded."

"I know."

"You can't say anything other than 'I know'."

"Is that so?"

"Yes!"

He handed her a glass of champagne, though she had no idea where it came from.

"Thank you," she murmured politely, taking a sip.

"You're welcome," he uttered gravely.

She slanted him a look over the rim of her glass.

"I really don't want to marry you."

"So you've said."

Silence again. She sipped at her champagne again, then frowned when she realized the glass was empty. How odd.

"Feel okay?" he inquired solicitously. She frowned thoughtfully.

"I think so," she said solemnly, looking up at him. "Did you know that your little crescent…" She reached up to poke his forehead. "Is a different color from these?" She stroked the lines on his cheeks gently.

"Yes."

"Oh." She smiled brilliantly and set her glass down with care. "I'm really not good with drinking," she apologized.

He bit back a sigh. "I know."

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" She tried to glare at him, but failed miserably. Her eyes wandered to his ears, and she immediately leaned forward to stroke them.

After all, Sango was married and she stroked her husband's ears. So it was the thing to do, right? Right, her drunken mind informed her.

He purred even as he frowned at her. She giggled and repeated the gesture. He purred again. His chest rumbled, delighting her entirely.

"Ooh… so that's why she does it."

So maybe the wine was a bad idea… but it still worked. At least she'll be mellow when she hears. "Listen…"

"Hmm?" She continued to stroke his ears. He fought the crazy urge to purr. I'm a dog youkai, not a cat. This is beneath me. He slapped her hands away, but she just brought them back, unfazed.

"I didn't sleep with you last night," he told her bluntly.

She tilted her head and continued to stroke his ears. "I know. I slept with Sango!" She beamed as she remembered correctly. "We were both naked!"

"Except for your underwear," he muttered. "You don't understand. We. Did. Not. Have. Sex."

"Of course not!" she gasped, outraged. Her hands fell from his ears. "I don't sleep around!" Tears filled her eyes.

What the hell is with females being emotional when they're drunk? "I never said that," he soothed. Better just to lock her in a room until the ceremony. Then keep her locked in the room until the day she dies. Makes my life a lot easier.

One tear slipped. She sniffed. "Marriage is built on trust and reliability!" she half-quoted Sango.

"Is that so?" He hurriedly wiped the teardrop away. I hate the smell of salt.

"Yes." She nodded emphatically. "My friend has great knowledge on the subject. She's married," she informed him gleefully.

"Oh?" He knew exactly who she was quoting, having heard their conversation from the other side of the room. His hearing was impeccable.

"Yep. So you have to trust me when I say I've never slept around!"

"Okay." Good. She's not crying.

"Do you sleep around?"

"No," he lied. Well, didn't precisely lie. He was very picky with his bedmates. But she didn't need to—

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are!"

He glared at the insufferable woman gracing his lap. "I have no need to lie."

"Don't you want our marriage to work?" Her brow furrowed.

He bit back a sigh. "Not particularly." There. Blunt and truthful.

The tears came back. "But you're supposed to!"

"I don't want to marry you. My father wants me to."

The tears disappeared into a fiery glare. "I'm not that ugly!"

"You're not ugly. I just don't like humans."

"Yeah? Well for your information, I'm not human!" she snapped angrily.

He barely kept himself from sighing. She's a menace to my reputation. "Then what are you?"

"An angel!"

Now he wanted to smile. "Oh?"

She nodded firmly. "Hojou says so. Oh, God, Hojou." Her eyes widened in horror.

"Hojou?" He barely restrained the growl. She was going to marry him, not some sap-faced idiot who called her an angel. It was obvious he'd never seen her drunk.

"My husband," she blurted out.

His left eyebrow twitched slightly. "Husband?" he asked dangerously.

"Well, not really a husband. We, um, we got married when we were six." She straightened at his dubious look. "It's true! Father Sandbucket married us!"

"Father… Sandbucket?"

"Yes! He told us to kiss each other after we promised to stay sick and healthy."

"I see." The urge to kill abruptly faded in his chest. Well—not quite faded. More like the target changed from the unknown Hojou to his lovely fiancée. She was nothing like Kikyou.

She sighed, depressed. "He's going to cry when I tell him I'm marrying another man," she predicted gloomily.

Sesshoumaru grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. "Kagome?"

"Yeah?"

"I. Am. Not. A. Man." He bit out the words.

She frowned, and tentatively poked his chest. After a moment, she ran her hand over it searchingly. Then her hand moved lower. "Are you sure? You don't have breasts and I'm pretty sure that's—"

He grabbed her wrist and nearly broke it as he flung it away. "I'm a male youkai. Not a man."

She gave him an 'I'm-not-really-sure-where-you're-coming-from' look. "Is it that important to you?"

"Yes."

She sighed. "The things I do to make our marriage work."

He barely restrained the urge to choke her. "We're not married."

"We're not?"

"No."

"But I thought we—oh, yeah!" She nodded. "Sango got married to Inuyasha!" Her eyes suddenly returned to his ears. She immediately began to stroke them again.

He was not going to purr, dammit.. "Kagome?"

"Yes?"

"Move your hand up a li—yeah. Right there."

And he purred.