Run

Jacob Phelps had spent most of his life running, but when he had become Tom Keen - and when Tom Keen had done the unthinkable and fallen for the woman who was only supposed to be a job - he had promised himself that he would stop. He had twisted and manipulated and put himself in some dangerously precarious positions just to stay by her side. He had set it up so that if played his cards just right his assignment simply wouldn't end. He could always protect her. It should have worked. It had been working.

But then Raymond Reddington had come back into her life and everything had blown up in his face. All of those well laid plans had been scattered like broken glass, dangerous and biting at his feet. One wrong move would leave him cut and bleeding and Liz completely exposed to the whims of a man that Tom wouldn't trust if his life depended on it. He still wasn't entirely sure what Reddington's endgame was with her, but it seemed like she needed protection because of him and not whatever outside force that he had indicated when he had first hired the young operative on.

Tom had realized just how complacent he had become when Zamani had gotten the upper hand on him in his own home. There had been no getting to the gun hidden below the floor or even fighting back if he wanted to keep his cover. Reddington had sent him. It was the only explanation, and it had nearly killed him.

Now there were cameras in their home. He had no idea how he had missed it or when they had been put there. He didn't know if it was Berlin or Reddington or someone else entirely. Maybe Bud was growing suspicious. He couldn't imagine why, but if he was then the already dangerous game he was playing just became that much more lethal.

Even with that, the truly terrifying part was that Liz didn't seem worried by it.

The day had spiralled out of control before Tom could process that it was doing so. A man had threatened to kill his wife, and from the looks of her when she came through the front door - never bothering to call him and tell him that she was alive and okay, but instead leaving him to stew over all the things that could be happening while she was out of his reach - they had done a number on her. He hadn't had to play the part of the terrified husband when he saw the scrapes on her face and signs of injury. He felt it in every fiber of his being, and that within itself was a problem. He had to think. He had to get control of the situation or it would get away from them and likely get them both killed.

He hadn't been able to protect her. Everything he had done in the past two years had been to make sure that the woman he had fallen in love with was safe. Since Reddington had come back into her life she had been surrounded by danger and Tom felt like his were being tied a little tighter with each passing day. He had begged her to stop before it destroyed her, but she had immediately rushed right back in without a word to him. Reddington was all she could think about. He was all she could focus on.

Tom had tried to talk something like sense to her in the brief moments he'd seen her during the day, but she had been in and out so fast that it had made even his head spin. Part of him wondered what the hell she would have done with a legitimately normal husband, not one that had seen levels of darkness that she couldn't even dream of. That man would have run, as fearful for himself as for the woman that he loved. Thankfully, Tom wasn't actually that man, but he had at least been able to use it to vocalize all of the fears he should have felt for himself when his wife seemed utterly unmoved by the idea of her life being in danger. Liz had nodded and agreed at all the right places as the FBI tore apart their house - again - in search for the cameras that she had found video feeds for, and her husband knew he was slipping when it had taken a few minutes for him to realize that she wasn't agreeing at all. She was trying to handle him. Like he was some sort of foolish, naive civilian that couldn't possibly understand what was really going on there. And when she was gone again, back to the Post Office without really saying anything of any consequence at all, he finally sank down to the couch, utterly spent and he knew that she was digging down into her work to avoid what had happened. Just because he knew it didn't make it any easier to accept.

She came home late that night. Later than Tom would have normally waited up for her. He had, though, because even if he had tried to sleep he never would have gotten there. His mind was whirling and the only steady thought he seemed to be able to settle on was that they needed to get out of there. They had to run or Reddington was going to get her killed.

"Hey," she greeted softly when she found him sitting on the couch. It was well after midnight, but how much after he had no idea. He had been staring at the same page of the same book for what felt like hours. "Didn't expect you to be up."

Tom turned to look at her and for the life of him he wasn't sure what sort of expression was etched into his face. She flinched at it and he felt raw and exposed as he unfolded himself, laying the book down and never breaking eye contact with her. "Couldn't sleep," he admitted, his voice rough with emotions he couldn't name. He was afraid and he was angry. He wanted to kill Reddington for this and he wanted to run, hiding somewhere they would never be found. He could tell her everything and they could just disappear. He could keep her safe.

"I'm sorry," she said tiredly and he shifted in her place, neither coming closer or moving away. "You have every right to be upset-"

"Stop," he cut her off and she blinked at him. With great effort he reeled in the building rage. It wasn't meant to be directed at her, and he didn't want her to catch the brunt of it. He pulled in a steadying breath. "Babe, I need you to talk to me, not handle me."

She knew what he meant. Her expression told him that much, but she looked uncertain until he reached out for her. That's when the dam broke and Tom found his arms full of the woman he loved. She buried her face in his t-shirt and her entire body was trembling. Carefully he reached a hand up and stroked her hair, whispering softly to her as she cried, clinging to him like they were the only two people in the world.

"I've got you," he promised, his voice catching dangerously. "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, you know that, right?"

A short laugh escaped her and she looked up at him, face tear streaked and a forced smile on her lips. "I love you. You don't... Never change, Tom, please?"

He tilted his head a little in question. "I'm not sure I understand," he said slowly and she laughed again, tipping up on her toes and kissing him.

"I'm not sure how I could have ever thought you'd do anything terrible, you know that? You're so... I hope you never see how horrible it can be. Just everything. Sometimes I'm not sure I can process it, you know?"

Tom didn't trust his own expression in that moment, so he pulled her close again, wrapping his arms around her and burying his nose in her hair. Monster, she had called him once she was so certain that he wasn't after she had found his go-box. Okay, maybe telling her everything wasn't the best idea he had ever had. "I know enough," he managed after a moment. "Enough to know I'm afraid for you, Lizzy. This isn't... You've got to stop. You're going to get yourself killed." He pulled back and the truth tumbled from his lips. "I can't do this without you."

"I'm okay, Tom."

"This time. You're okay this time."

"I know you don't understand, and I wish I could tell you all about it, but what I do is important. We're saving lives. Innocent lives."

"At what cost? Your own?"

"That's not fair."

"You're right. It's not." He reached his hand to her face, thumb just shy of the marks her attackers had left there and he felt rage burning inside of him. She was too good for this mess that she found herself in. If they weren't careful, it could do real damage someday. Irreversible damage.

"Babe," she whispered, her hand covering his and her touch helped to ease the storm that was building in him. "I need sleep, and so do you."

Tom's shoulders slumped and he leaned forward, his forehead touching hers. "I love you."

"I love you too. I should have called-"

"Yes."

"And I shouldn't have gone off in the middle of our discussion earlier."

"Really shouldn't have." He let his lips quirk up just a little do that she would recognize the tease. He didn't want to go to bed angry about this. He would have to take steps to deal with all of it, but nothing could be done that night. Now, he just wanted to hold her and remind himself that they had gotten lucky this time.

"You're still upset," she murmured and took hold of his hand.

"Not at you. Just at the situation. I promise."

Liz squeezed his fingers and pulled him towards the stairs. He followed her up and to their room without a word and he had trouble letting her go so that she could get dressed for bed. He watched her move almost in a trance and he tried to imagine them in another life. He liked this life and he knew she did as well. He hated to pull her from it, but he would if it would keep her safe. Nebraska really did seem like the best choice. That wouldn't be too far removed from how they lived now. A little quieter, a little more safe. Bud wouldn't have anyone to watch them and Berlin would move on to another route to find Reddington. Reddington... Well maybe he would catch on to the fact that Tom was fulfilling his original contract. He would keep her safe and maybe Reddington would finally let him. Maybe they could live their lives.

"Babe?" Liz called and Tom looked up from the seat he had taken on her side of the bed. "You going to be okay?"

"I'm not the one all scraped up."

"Yeah," she murmured and Hudson whined at her feet, tale thumping the floor as she reached down to scratch his head.

"We'll talk about it later," Tom said, offering as much of a smile as he could muster. He reached out and she put her hand in his, allowing him to pull her closer and onto the bed with him. "You wanted to sleep, remember?"

"Need to," she agreed and crawled under the covers. He could feel her eyes on him as he did the same, switching off the light and pulling her close. She pressed her cheek against his chest. "I can't do this without you either," she confessed softly.

"You don't have to. I'm right here with you. Always will be."

"Promise?"

Tom paused, the words weighing heavily on him. He had spent so many years buried in his lies, but this was worthy of the truth. "Yes. I promise," he swore, pressing a kiss to her head.

Liz nestled closer, her voice proving that she was nearly asleep. "Love you."

"Love you too," Tom answered and wrapped an arm carefully around her. He would keep her safe. He had to. She wouldn't be happy about leaving, but that was only because she didn't understand. They needed to run, because he couldn't lose her now, and if they stayed on the course they walked now, he feared that was the only end in sight.

Notes: It's always bothered me that Liz didn't call Tom as soon as she got back to the Post Office after getting kidnapped. I understand that she was trying to help Red and I completely support that, but the last thing her husband heard while on the phone was that a man was going to put a bullet in her head. I think Tom was more than a little freaked out by that. Then after he begs her to stop she continues and breaks into the townhouse across the street from them and drives off with Mr Kaplan. Do we see her calling Tom? Nope. Next time we see her speaking with him, they're out in their car (likely to get away from the bugs that the FBI is clearing out) and he's begging for her to get away from it all before it destroys them. Working for Berlin, that would be the last thing that Berlin would want. It would also be the last thing his previous employer (Red) would have wanted, so that leaves me with the feeling that Tom just wants to get her out of there to get her safe and is willing to do whatever he needs to to make that happen.

Poor Tom. I think he would handle it a lot better if he could protect her from her side rather than the shadows where his hands are thoroughly tied.