FORTY WAYS TO SCARE A NINJA:
This Season's Issue: Forty ways to scare off Hatake Kakashi
1) Glomp him
E.G: Me: OMFG! IT'S KAKASHI!
Kakashi: …oh shit…
Me: (glomps him)
Kakashi: HOLY MOLY!
2) Call him cute.
E.G: Me: OMG KAKASHI!
Kakashi: NOT YOU AGAIN! (cowers behind a couch)
Me: YOU'RE SO CUTE X3
Kakashi: ARGH!
3) Call him fuzzy.
E.G: Me: OMG KAKASHI!
Kakashi: LEAVE ME ALONE DAMN IT! (shakes fist)
Me: YOU'RE SO FUZZY X3
Kakashi: GET AWAY FROM ME!
4) Call him cute AND fuzzy.
E.G: Me: OH KAKASHI-KUN X3
Kakashi: NARUTO! HIDE ME! (clings to Naruto for dear life)
Naruto: GET OFF ME!
Me: KAKASHI! YOU'RE SO CUTE AND FUZZY! X3
Kakashi: (screams like a little girl)
Naruto: …
5) Black mail him.
E.G: Me: tee, he, he (types up stuff on the computer)
Kakashi: (still hiding with Naruto) can I use your computer?
Naruto: Sure, Why?
Kakashi: I want to check my email.
Naruto: Ok.
Kakashi: (opens email account and finds an unknown email) Huh? (opens it and reads it)
Email: I know where you live Hatake Kakashi, I know what you got under your mask…
Kakashi: HOLY CRAP!
6) Snuggle up next to him he's asleep.
E.G: Me: tee, he, he (slips into Kakashi's bed)
Kakashi: (hours later) Yawn. (turns over) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
7) Sell his underwear to a crazed fan girl.
E.G: Kakashi: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FRIGGIN UNDERWEAR!
Me: (at auction) SOLD! For 1,000 grand to the crazed fan girl!
Crazed fan girl: YES! I HAVE KAKASHI'S UNDERWEAR! I SHALL RULE THE WORLD! (maniacal laughter)
Me: … (sweat drop)
8) Say that Jiraiya isn't making more Icha Icha books.
E.G: Me: OMG! ICHA ICHA PARADISE! (sniffs sadly)
Kakashi: GET AWAY FROM ME!
Me: Too bad Jiraiya-sama isn't making more…
Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
9) Tell him that Jiraiya died in a terrible fire and all his books went with him.
E.G: Me: Did you hear what happened to Jiraiya?
Kakashi: No, now SCRAM!
Me: He died in a terrible fire.
Kakashi: WHY SHOULD I CARE!
Me: His books went with him
Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
10) Feed his Icha Icha book to a fishy.
E.G: Kakashi: WHERE'S MY ICHA ICHA PARADISE BOOK!
Me: (whistles out to Kakashi holding book) YOU WHO! KAKASHI, LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT! (waves book)
Kakashi: GIVE IT! (visible eyes burns with anger)
Me: …NOPE! (throws it into a pond where fishies eat it)
Kakashi: YOU EVIL, EVIL DEMON!
11) Tell him he's gonna die in seven days.
E.G: Me: tee, he, he (dials Kakashi's phone number)
Kakashi: (phone rings) (picks it up) Hello?
Me: (in raspy voice) You're gonna die in SEVEN days…
Kakashi: (screams like a little girl)
'The Ring': …
Me: …
12) Shred his Icha Icha Paradise book in front of him
E.G: Me: (whistles to Kakashi) HEY! KAKASHI-KUN, I GOT YOUR BOOK!
Kakashi: GIVE IT BACK! I'LL DO ANYTHING!
Me: …NA! (puts book in the shredder)
Kakashi: (faints)
Me: …wuss…
13) Lock him in a room with Gai
E.G: Me: GAI! OMG! THERE IS A FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH IN THAT CLOSET! (points to closet)
Kakashi: …no one's that-
Gai: YES! THANK YOU OH YOUTHFUL ONE! I SHALL DRINK IT RIGHT AWAY!
Me: Why leave Kakashi out? It'll make me sad (makes puppy dog eyes)
Gai: ANYTHING FOR YOU! (grabs Kakashi)
Kakashi: ARGH! PUT ME DOWN!
Gai: (runs into closet)
Me: (locks the door) OPS! IT WAS IN THE OTHER CLOSET! SORRY GAI!
Gai: NO PROBLEM! X3
Kakashi: LET ME OUT! I DON'T WANT TO DIE WITH HIM!
Me: tee, he, he.
14) Lock him in a room with the crazed fan girl from # 7
E.G: Crazed fan girl: I WANT TO SEE MY KAKASHI! 0.-
Me: I know where he's hiding…
Crazed fan girl: (nabs my shirt) TELL…ME…
Me: (points to closet)
Kakashi: (from closet) TRAITOR!
Crazed fan girl: KAKASHI! (bursts into the closet and glomps Kakashi)
Kakashi: (screams like a little girl)
Me: …(locks door)
Kakashi: SO CRUEL! TTTT
15) Set his underwear on fire
E.G: Me: tee, he, he (takes out lighter)
Kakashi: (sitting on bench reading book)
Me: (lights his pants)
Kakashi: (sniffs) What's cookin'?
Me: …your underwear…
Kakashi: ARGH! (runs around in circles with his bum on fire)
16) Make him wear a dress, take a picture of it and send it to everyone in the world
E.G: Me: TRY THIS ON (holds up a red dress)
Kakashi: …no
Me: PLEASE! (makes puppy dog eyes)
Kakashi: NO! I MUST RESIST THE EVIL PUPPY DOG EYES! (fails and nabs dress from me)
Me: YEY X3
Kakashi: grumble, grumble (fume, fume)
Me: (takes out camera)
Kakashi: (comes out wearing red dress)
Me: (takes picture) BWAHAHAHA!
Kakashi: NO!
Me: (shows the world)
The world: (erupts with laughter)
Kakashi: (faints)
Me: …wuss…
17) Introduce him to your cheek pinching nanny x3
E.G: Me: NANNY!
Nanny: yes dear?
Me: meet Kakashi X3
Kakashi: …yo…
Nanny: WHAT A CUTE LITTLE BOY!
Kakashi: …(inside head: NOT A LITTLE BOY DAMN IT!)
Nanny: OH! I COULD JUST EAT YOU UP! (pinches his cheeks…hard)
Kakashi: ARGH!
18) Hypnotize Gai to fall in love with him
E.G: Me: (swinging watch from side to side) You are getting sleepy, sleepy, sleepy
Gai: (snores)
Me: when I snap my fingers, you will awaken and will be madly in love with Hatake Kakashi… (snaps fingers)
Gai: OMG! WHERE'S MY KAKASHI?
Kakashi: (who was hiding there the whole time) (screams like a little girl)
19) Ask Anko to eat all his favorite cheese x3
E.G: Me: Anko?
Anko: yea
Me: can you eat all of Kakashi's favorite cheese?
Anko: what's in it for me?
Me: free cheese
Anko: GIMME! (runs to Kakashi's house and eats the cheese)
Kakashi: (finds Anko eating all his favorite cheese) WTF! NO! MY PRECIOUS CHEESE! (cries) TT.TT
20) Unleash 100 fan girls on him
E.G: Me: (has 100 fan girls on leashes and finds Kakashi) (grins evilly)
Kakashi: Um…ok, breathe in…and breathe out…
Me: BWAHAHAHAHA! (unleashes fan girls on him)
Kakashi: (screams like a little girl and runs for his life)
21) Ask Lee's squirrels to attack him
E.G: Me: Lee, I hear Kakashi hates squirrels…
Lee: NO! HE SHALL PAY! (eye twitches and orders fluffy squirrels to attack Kakashi)
Kakashi: ARGH! SQUIRRELS ARE ATTACKING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
22) Give him a pet squirrel after the incident
E.G: Me: (visits Kakashi in hospital) HIYA!
Kakashi: …just kill me now…
Me: I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU! X3
Kakashi: …joy…
Me: (holds up cage with fluffy squirrel in it) I CALL HIM SQUEAKERS!
Squeakers: (hisses and foams at the mouth)
Kakashi: ARGH!
23) Dress as a clown for Halloween
E.G: Me: (buys a clown costume) (ring on Kakashi's door bell
Kakashi: (opens the door) (shrieks) (faints)
Me: …wuss…
24) Send him pictures of his mum in a bikini (pure evil)
E.G: Me: Jiraiya?
Jiraiya: yea?
Me: take pictures of Kakashi's mum in a bikini and send it to him would ya.
Jiraiya: …what do I get out of this?
Me: to peek at women without getting in trouble
Jiraiya: I'M IN! (does as he's told and does extra peeking) (emails pictures to Kakashi)
Kakashi: (opens email from Jiraiya) ARGH! MY EYES! MY EYES!
25) Tell him his house is haunted
E.G: Me: Kakashi?
Kakashi: FUCK OFF!
Me: you do know your house is haunted, right?
Kakashi: …(shivers)…haunted?
Me: YEP! THERE'S A GHOST IN THE CLOSET X3
Kakashi: (gulps and opens the closet) (scary face pops out at him) (faints)
Me: …
26) Tell him zombies are attacking and they already ate Pakkun
E.G: Me: OMFG! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
Kakashi: WHAT NOW!
Me: ZOMBIES ARE ATTACKING KONOHA! THEY ALREADY ATE PAKKUN!
Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
27) Introduce him to your mental uncle
E.G: Me: UNCLE X3
Uncle: (twitches from craziness) yes… (twitches again)
Kakashi: (sweat drops and backs away)
Me: meet Kakashi X3
Uncle: ARGH! (attacks Kakashi for unknown reason)
Kakashi: (screams like a girl)
28) Give his phone number away to every fan girl alive
E.G: Me: tee, he, he (opens up a booth) HERE YE, HERE YE! GET KAKASHI'S PHONE NUMBER HERE! BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!
Fan girls: OMFG! (buys a phone number)
Kakashi: (sitting at home and phone rings) Hello?
A weird fan girl: OMFG! THIS IS KAKASHI! HOLY SHIT! MARRY ME!
Kakashi: (slams the phone down) (rings again)
A weirder fan girl: HOLY FUCK! MARRY ME AND HAVE MY CHILDREN!
Kakashi: (slams the phone down and throws the phone out the window)
29) Tell Naruto he's made of ramen
E.G: Me: Naruto! GUESS WHAT X3
Naruto: …YOU AGAIN!
Me: DID YOU KNOW THAT KAKASHI IS MADE OF RAMEN?
Naruto: …YEY! (goes off to find Kakashi) (finds him and bites him with craziness in his eyes)
Kakashi: HOLY MOLY! NARUTO! GET OFF ME!
30) Tell Sakura he's Sasuke in disguise
E.G: Me: SAKURA-CHAN X3
Sakura: HEY X3
Me: I know something you don't X3
Sakura: TELL ME X3
Me: KAKASHI-SENSEI IS SASUKE IN DISGUISE!
Sakura: REALLY! OMG! (glomps Kakashi)
Kakashi: (shrieks like a little girl)
31) Tell Sasuke that he's Itachi
E.G: Sasuke: …so, you're saying that my sensei was just Itachi in disguise?
Me: (nods)
Sasuke: …LET ME AT THE BASTARD! (runs off to find Kakashi with anger in his eyes)
Kakashi: (is being attacked by Sasuke) ARGH! BREATHE DAMN IT! BREATHE YOU CRAZY NUT JOB!
32) Brush his hair
E.G: Me: Can I touch your hair?
Kakashi: no
Me: Yes
Kakashi: no
Me: yes
Kakashi: no
Me: FINE! I'LL BRUSH IT! (pulls out hair brush and begins brushing it)
Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
33) Ask Neji to eat all his chocolate
E.G: Me: Neji-kun?
Neji: … (translation: HI X3)
Me: Can you eat all of Kakashi's chocolate for me?
Neji: …(translation: YEY! FREE CHOCOLATE! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!)
Me: FETCH!
Neji: …(translation: THANKIEZ X3) (goes to Kakashi's fridge and eats chocolate)
Kakashi: (sees Neji eating his chocolate) (faints)
34) Feed his book to fan girls
E.G: Me: (whistles loudly) HEY! FAN GIRLS!
Fan girls: (turn to me)
Me: (waves Kakashi's book in the air) ITS FEEDING TIME!
Fan girls: GIMME! (attack each other as me tosses the book to them)
Kakashi: (mourns his poor book) TT.TT
35) Tell Choji he's made of meat
E.G: Choji: GIMME MEAT!
Me: Kakashi is made of meat.
Choji: GIMME MEAT!
Me: (gives Kakashi to Choji)
Kakashi: ARGH!
36) Ask Tenten to eat all his ice cream
E.G: Gai: TENTEN! NEVER EAT ICE CREAM AGAIN!
Tenten: WAH! TToTT
Me: Tenten? TT.TT
Tenten: yea…(sniffles)
Me: You can eat Kakashi's ice cream…
Tenten: YES! (eats Kakashi's ice cream)
Kakashi: SCREW YOU! (attacks Tenten)
Tenten: EEEEEEEEEEEP! (tosses Ice cream at him)
Kakashi: ARGH!
37) Pull his mask down in public
E.G: Me: (pulls down Kakashi's mask in public)
Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Fan girls: (begin drooling and glomp him)
Me: …I should join you… (is talking about fan girls)
38) Tell Ino that he's made of cheesecake
E.G: Me: (sparring with Ino) HEY INO!
Ino: WHAT!
Me: I KNOW YOUR WEAKNESS…(insert heart here)
Ino: NO!
Me: And Kakashi is made of it…
Ino: …KAKASHI-SENSEI IS MADE OF CHEESECAKE?
Me: (nods)
Ino: (squeals and attacks Kakashi)
Kakashi: (screams like a little girl)
39) Take all his underwear and sell it on eBay
E.G: Me: tee, he, he (takes Kakashi's underwear and sells it on eBay)
Kakashi: why is my underwear on eBay?
40) All of the above
E.G: …
Me: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY TORTURE X3
Kakashi: …evil…YOU EVIL WOMAN!
Me: (grins happily) I KNOW X3
BTW: NoCareChakara Me