Just

He had never been the jewelry sort, short of a watch for convenience's sake. It got in the way, snagged at the most inopportune times, and left witnesses something to notice. He had never seen the point of it, even when it became part of his cover.

Like the ring.

It was just a ring. It didn't mean anything, not really. Plenty of people wore rings of all sorts, and the fact that it consistently rested on his left ring finger didn't mean that he was tied to any moral obligation. No matter how deep he got, Jacob was an operative. It was about time he remembered that. He had gotten tied up so tightly in an operation that he had just about lost himself to it. He had been willing to losing himself to it.

Maybe this was the kick to the ass he needed. A reminder of who he was, what he was, and that the lie he had told himself was just that. He was an operative in a deep cover operation, not what his wife thought he was. Liz didn't love Jacob. She didn't even know Jacob, and if she did she would hate him. She wouldn't hold the same affection for the man that has grown up on the streets without a family and had tumbled his way into the Major's ranks as she did for the innocent elementary school teacher that she had married. He had once thought that he could tell her - someday - but the discovery of his go-box had proven that wrong. Jacob Phelps was nothing more than a monster in her mind.

That should have been his wake up call, but instead he had just buried himself deeper into Tom Keen and into the life that they had built. He had never been overly fond of Jacob anyway, but Tom was someone that he liked playing the part of. It was surprisingly comfortable, like the life he might have lived if he'd been born into different circumstances. They had planned on having a family together before she had taken the dream he hadn't known he had wanted until then and ripped it away.

He had never felt quite so betrayed in his life, and he wasn't sure what to do with that. She said she loved him - or loved Tom, at least, and if he were smart he would start putting some difference between his role and himself, at least in his own mind - but the fact that they had invested so much time and hope - yes, even Jacob had been foolish enough to hope that he might finally have a family - for her to unilaterally decide that it was off... It hurt. More than someone that had long since learned to brush off the stings of life knew how to handle.

Maybe that's why Jolene's offer seemed so appealing. It made sense. Let off some of the stress with a woman that he cared nothing for so that he didn't blow everything to hell because he was was allowing his emotions to get the upper hand. The fact that he had given everything to this marriage - some that she knew and so much more that she couldn't possibly know - shouldn't matter. He needed to focus, and he was risking a dangerous slip in the middle of the rising frustration with everything. It would be better for the job this way.

Jacob sipped on the amber liquid in his glass and set it down hard on the bar, his lips twitching into a frown as his eyes caught the ring on his left hand. It was just a ring. It meant nothing.

And it meant everything.

No matter how much he told himself that Liz was the job, he knew that he'd gone too far for that. He had put himself in a precarious position between two of the most dangerous men in the world - three, if his actions ceased to make a better profit for Bud - to keep her safe. To make sure he could stay close. Tom Keen loved his wife, and if he admitted it or not, there was a lot of Tom Keen in Jacob Phelps. He loved Lizzy, and even if she would never know that he had slept with the pretty teacher while away, he would, and he would know that he had betrayed her in a way that couldn't be rationalized as a way to make sure she was safe. Not really. Not if he were being honest with himself.

Tom - because since he was being honest, he should at least acknowledge that he had made that decision to become Tom Keen when he and Liz had exchanged vows, and he was going to continue in that life as long as she would allow him to - tossed back the rest of his drink and slipped his ring back onto his finger. It was more than just a ring. It was a symbol. A symbol that he had chosen her and that needed to be true above everything else. He loved her too much to forget it now.

Notes: Oh Jacob... I really do think that he wanted nothing more than to sink into his life as Tom and never resurface again. I don't blame him, honestly. I really can't.

Who else is excited for tonight's show? The hiatus of doom is over for four weeks! :D