FORTY WAYS TO SCARE A NINJA
This Season's Issue: Forty ways to scare off Sabaku no Gaara
1) Dye his hair pink
E.G: Gaara: (acting cool while leaning on a tree)
Me: (from tree) tee, he, he (pulls out pink hair dye from nowhere) (starts dying Gaara's hair)
Random people: (look to Gaara and whisper)
Gaara: Hmm? (looks at reflection in random puddle of water) ARGH! I'M A PINK LLAMA!
2) Poke his gourd (…? OH YEAH! Poke his gourd and you poke the demon; demons do not like to be poked…)
E.G: Me: (looks at Gaara's gourd) Oooooo… (pokes his gourd)
Gaara: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Shukaku: ARGH! I HAVE BEEN POKED! I HATE POKES 0.- (attacks people)
Me: …
3) Poke him (same reason as above)
E.G: Me: (pokes Gaara for no reason)
Gaara: ARGH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Shukaku: I DON'T LIKE TO BE POKED DAMN IT! . (kills more people)
Me: …
4) Tell him Yashamaru is hiding in his closet
E.G: Me: GAARA-KUN X3
Gaara: …
Me: I LIKE YOU X3
Gaara: …what ever… (goes to closet)
Me: NO! DON'T OPEN THAT CLOSET (makes a dramatic face)
Gaara: …why?
Me: Yashamaru is in there.
Gaara: ARGH! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!
5) Take him to and wait for the perverted error page to show up (I'm scarred for life TT.TT)
E.G: Me: (goes to tee, he, he (calls Gaara) GAARA!
Gaara: …what…
Me: LOOKIE, LOOKIE! X3 (shows Gaara the website)
Gaara: …and?
Me: explore the site a little, I got to go, BUBI (bolts away)
Gaara: (surfs the site and perverted error page pops up) ARGH! MY EYES! MY ADORABLE PANDA EYES!
6) Glomp him
E.G: Me: GAARA-KUN X3 (glomps Gaara)
Gaara: ARGH! GET OFF ME WOMAN!
7) Call him fluffy
E.G: Me: AWWWWWWWWWW X3
Gaara: …?
Me: YOU'RE SO FLUFFY X3
Gaara: NO! I AM MEANT TO BE EVIL! NOT FLUFFY! I'M THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF FLUFFY! I MUST NOT BE FLUFFY! (shaves his head)
Me: OxO;;
8) Kiss him (fan girls: WHAT?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!)
E.G: Gaara: (trying to act cool since he's paranoid)
Me: HI!
Gaara: ARGH!
Me: AW X3 You're so cute when you're scared X3 (kisses Gaara on the cheek)
Gaara: ARGH!
Fan Girls: NOOOOOOOOOO!
9) Squeal in his ear
E.G: Me: GAARA-KUN X3
Gaara: Go away you idiotic pest…
Me: GASP! TT.TT (screams in his ear) YOU MEANIE .
Gaara: (goes deaf) x.X
10) Give him wedgies (O.o)
E.G: Me: tee, he, he (sneaks up behind Gaara)
Gaara: (is very bored)
Me: WEDGIE TIME! (Gives Gaara a wedgie)
Gaara: O.o (is in too much pain from the wedgie X3)
11) Hang him by his underwear from the tallest building in Suna
E.G: Gaara: (still recovering from his wedgie) Oh… the pain…
Me: tee, he, he (grabs Gaara and hangs him by his undies from the tallest building in Suna)
Gaara: ARGH! PAIN!
12) Make a scary face using a flashlight
E.G: Me: tee, he, he (gets flashlight ready)
Gaara: (paranoid)
Me: BOO! (makes a scary face with the flashlight)
Gaara: (shrieks like a little girl)
Me: …where have I seen this before?
13) Soak his underwear in meat like in 'Cheaper by the Dozen'
E.G: Me: tee, he, he (goes into Gaara's laundry basket and pulls out Gaara's undies, how do I know they're his? I saw them when I gave him a wedgie X3) (Soaks them in meat)
Gaara: (is watching) NO! NOT SENOR UNDIES!
Me: …you name your underwear?
Gaara: (nods)
Me: …
14) Unleash the Inuzuka clan on him afterwards
E.G: Gaara: (walking down Konoha streets wearing meat soaked undies)
Me: (whispers to Kiba) PST! Bring the rest of the clan to –enter address here- road, I have a treat X3
Kiba: KAY X3 (does as he's told)
Gaara: (enters –address here- road and comes face to face with the Inuzuka clan)
Kiba: I smell…MEAT!
Rest of Clan: GET HIM! (Chases Gaara)
Gaara: O.o ARGH! (runs away)
15) Make him smush a bug in front of Shino
E.G: Me: (finds a cute little buggy) (places in before Shino and Gaara without them seeing)
Shino: Oooooo! A BUGGY X3
Gaara: ew… (smushes the buggy)
Shino: NO! GR! BUGGIES! GET HIM! (unleashes buggies on Gaara)
Gaara: O.o EEP! (runs away)
16) Invite his demon over for tea and fairy cakes in a pink girly room
E.G: Me: SHUKAKU X3
Shukaku: WEEEE! TEA AND FAIRY CAKES X3 (hops into NoCareChakara's fluffy pink room and sits on a pink chair and drinks tea in a pink cup and eats strawberry pink fairy cakes…)
Gaara: (eye twitches uncontrollably at the all too girly sight)
17) Tell him Kimimaru is barney in disguise (When he is level two of Orochimaru's seal; he turns purple and looks like a dinosaur x.X)
E.G: Me: OMG! IT'S KIMIMARU!
Kimimaru: (anime sweat drop)
Me: GASP! YOU'RE NOT KIMIMARU!
Kimimaru and Gaara: …?
Me: YOU'RE BARNEY!
Gaara: (shrieks) (runs away like a girl)
Kimimaru: …
18) Squeeze him like a squeaky toy and wait until he pops X3
E.G: Me: GAARA-KUN X3 (squeezes Gaara)
Gaara: O.o (pops)
19) Suffocate him with a hug X3
E.G: Me: GAARA X3 (hugs Gaara around the neck)
Gaara: x.X (is being suffocated)
20) Tell him to go to sleep
E.G: Me: GAARA! GO TO SLEEP!
Gaara: (somehow gets a chipmunk voice) NO! NO! I CAN NEVER DO THAT! IF I DID, SHUKAKU WILL GET OUT AND I WILL SLOWLY BE EATEN AWAY UNTIL I AM NO MORE! SO I CAN NOT DO THAT! YEAH!
Me: (also gets a chipmunk voice) Yeah well, NOW THERE ARE A LOT OF ME! (makes clones) AND THEY ARE ALL TELLING YOU 'TO GO TO SLEEP!' OH YEAH! THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE SAYING!
(Go to this site for the real version… youtube, search 'Speed Talking, Naruto' or just 'Speed talking' and scroll down to where there's a piccy of Shikamaru shaking Pakkun off his leg
21) Tear up his teddy bear
E.G: Me: tee, he, he (nabs Mr. Teddy)
Gaara: NO! MR. TEDDY!
Me: (evil grin) (tears up teddy)
Gaara: (screams like a girl) (faints)
Me: …
22) Hypnotize Temari and Kankuro to call him fluffy
E.G: Me: (hypnotizes Temari and Kankuro) you are under my complete control…
Temari and Kankuro: YES MASTER…
Me: Now, go over to your panda eyes brother and call him fluffy…
T and K: YES MASTER… (do as their told)
(T and K find Gaara)
Gaara: …what do you want?
T and K: You are fluffy…
Gaara: HOLY CRAP!
23) Laugh like a maniac
E.G: Me: OMG! GAARA!
Gaara: …pest…
Me: NOT JUST A PEST!
Gaara: …?
Me: THE ULTIMATE PEST! BWAHAHAHAHAHA gag, cough, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Gaara: OxO
24) Scream 'I LIKE PIE' in his ear
E.G: Me: (creeps up behind Gaara)
Gaara: (currently freaked out)
Me: I LIKE PIE! (laughs manically)
Gaara: ARGH!
25) Ask Anko to eat all his favorite cheese (WHAT IS WITH THIS WOMAN AND THE PROCECED GOODNESS KNOWN AS CHEESE?-!)
E.G: Me: Anko-chan?
Anko: HI!
Me: …um, can you-
Anko: Eat someone's favorite cheese? (insert Anko's happy/crazed face here)
Me: (nods)
Anko: WHO!
Me: Sabaku no Gaara
Anko: OH! CHEESES OF SUNA! (Goes off to eat Gaara's favorite cheese)
Gaara: (finds Anko eating his favorite cheese) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (faints)
26) Use whipped cream and cherries to make him look like a clown X3
E.G: Me: (is loaded wiv whipped cream and cherries) tee, he, he.
Gaara: (paranoid)
Me: (pops out in front of him) HI X3
Gaara: stay back, BACK I TELL YOU!
Me: FEAR ME! (pulls out whipped cream and cherries)
Gaara: I SHALL NOT GIVE IN! (pulls out bottled cheese and crackers)
(insert western show down music here)
Me: DRAW! (shoots Gaara)
Gaara: (shoots NoCareChakara) (misses)
Me: (hits Gaara)
Gaara: (falls over dramatically while saying 'No!' in slow motion) (falls unconscious)
Me: (smirks in triumph) (works her magic)
Gaara: (wakes up) Urgh, my head… (pulls out make up mirror) (A/N: O.o) (sees face) ARGH! (faints again)
27) Cover him in honey and throw him into a bee hive (O.o)
E.G: Me: (buys honey while Gaara is still unconscious) tee, he, he (goes back and covers Gaara in honey)
Gaara: (still unconscious) (is covered in honey)
Me: (insert evil smirk here) (tosses Gaara into a bee hive)
Gaara: (wakes up to a buzzing sound) Urgh… my head… (tries to rub head but is very sticky) What the? (sees bees) ARGH! (runs out of the hive and is chased by bees)
Me: Ok Shino, pay up.
Shino: (rewards NoCareChakara)
28) Put a rubber glove on his head and call him a chicken (…no comment…)
E.G: Me: (finds a red rubber glover) Ooooooooooooooooooooo… (thinks evilly) (goes off to find Gaara)
Gaara: (is busy trying to act cool while leaning on a tree)
Me: tee, he, he (puts the glove on his head)
Gaara: WHAT THE FUCK?
Me: SABAKU NO CHICKEN!
29) Unleash 100 fan girls on him :3
E.G: Me: (finds 100 fan girls) (stands before Gaara with an evil look on her face)
Gaara: OxO (starts running)
Me: SICK 'EM GIRLS! (unleashes the fan girls on Gaara)
Gaara: (runs faster)
30) Feed his teddy to crazed fan girls
E.G: Me: (steals Gaara's teddy and feeds it to fan girls)
Gaara: (walking down the street) (finds fan girls with foam on their mouths) (sees Mr.Teddy's ripped face and shrieks like a girl)
Fan girls: OH MI GOSH! GAARA!
Gaara: (wakes up and runs for his life)
31) Sell his undies to hopeless fan girls
E.G: Me: (at auction) BUY THE SABAKU NO GAARA'S UNDIES RIGHT HERE! THAT'S RIGHT, THE SABAKU NO GAARA HIMSELF WORE THESE UNDERPANTS! (holds up undies)
Hopeless fan girls: GIMME!
Me: (after big auction, settles deal at 10 million) SOLD TO THE HOPELESS RICH BITCH!
Hopeless rich bitch: I HAVE YOUR UNDERWEAR GAARA!
Gaara: (sneezes) I feel a disturbance… IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAW!
32) Auction off his teddy
E.G: Me: (still at auction) BUY SABAKU NO GAARA'S TEDDY BEAR RIGHT HERE, IT MAY BE TORN, BUT AT LEAST GAARA TOUCHED IT!
Fan girls: MINE!
Me: (after another big auction settles deal at 10 grand) SOLD TO THE CRAZED FAN BOY!
Crazed fan boy: IT'S MINE! MINE! ALL MINE! 0.-
Gaara: …my teddy bear senses are tingling… (follows senses to find Mr. Teddy in the arms of a crazed fan boy) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Fans: GET HIM!
Gaara: (cries while running away)
33) Auction off his gourd
E.G: Me: (STILL at auction) AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST OF OUR GAARA AUCTION, SABAKU NO GAARA'S GOURD! THE VERY GOURD HE WEARS 24/7!
Random person: then how did YOU get it?
Me: … DO I HERE 10 billion?
People: ME!
Me: (another load of auctions and sells the gourd for 100 billion)
Gaara: (somehow gets back) MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! (cries)
34) Tell Shukaku to eat him X3
E.G: Me: (whispers to Shukaku) PST! Shukaku, eat Gaara for me would ya?
Shukaku: …sure… (eats Gaara) (thinks for a second) (spits him out again) HE TASTES LIKE A CHICKEN'S BUTT! SHOWER DUDE! (returns to Gaara)
Gaara: NO! SHOWERS ARE EVIL!
Me: …
35) Tell Naruto he plans to burn down Ichiraku ramen!
E.G: Me: Naruto-kun?
Hinata: ONLY I CAN CALL HIM THAT 0.-
Me: O-O;; anyway, Naruto, did you know that Gaara plans to burn down Ichiraku ramen?
Naruto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (attacks Gaara)
Gaara: ARGH! (flees for his dear life)
36) Stab his teddy (aren't I just peachy to Mr. Teddy X3)
E.G: Me: (somehow gets Mr. Teddy back) (begins stabbing him for no reason)
Gaara: (sees it all) (faints)
37) Use Sexy No JUTSU on him (…uh oh…)
E.G: Me: GAARA-KUN X3
Gaara: NO!
Me: WATCH THIS! (does Sexy No Jutsu) (turns into a naked man)
Gaara: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! MY EYES! MY ADORABLE, SEXY, AWSUM, KAWAII, NEAT, PERFECT FABU-
Me: GET ON WIV IT!
Gaara: …Fabulous, EYES!
38) Buy a Yashamaru costume and wear it to his house X3
E.G: Me: (buys Yashamaru outfit) (goes to Gaara's house) (rings the door bell)
Kankuro: I'LL GET IT! (opens the door) ARGH! (faints)
Me: … that wasn't supposed to happen…
39) Put on your angry face (YES! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY FEMANINE FACE OF DOOM! coughs gags anyway…)
E.G: Me: Gaara-kun… (sympathetic voice)
Gaara: WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU WORTHLESS BITCH?-!
Me: (sniffles) Gaara-kun… I MARCH MY ASS OVER HERE TO TELL YOU I'M SORRY AND YOU CALL ME WORTHLESS!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-! (puts on angry face)
Gaara: (cowers) OxO
Me: (rants on Gaara)
Gaara: (wants his mummy)
40) All of the Above
E.G: …
OH NO! TYPOS! TToTT!
Sorry guys. In my last chapter, I missed out Sasuke's 'Use Sexy No JUTSU on him':
Me: SASUKE X3
Sasuke: …damn…
Me: LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! (does Sexy No Jutsu) (turns into a naked man…)
Sasuke: ARGH! MY EYES! MY STRAIGHT EYES!
Well…that's sorta it. Sorry I forgot TT.TT I was in a hurry 'cause my documents thing started working again and I didn't have much time to get it all ready. So, nya, sorry.
BTW: NoCareChakara Me
ICYWW (in case you were wondering): The perverted page is a picture of all the Naruto girls posing in…um…in their birthday suits… (Shudders) including Temari (poor Gaara TT.TT)
OMG! I FORGOT THE DISCLAIMER! NO!
Disclaimer for all chapters: I DON'T OWN NARUTO! SO DON'T THINK I DO! DON'T SUE!