Ron walked up to Hermione, a big stupid looking smirk on his kisser, as she was doing her homework at the breakfast table. Harry was sitting next to them but he was busy eating so he didn't pay any attention to the red-haired Moronic Weasley.
"Hey baby how's it hanging?" Ron said Butthead-style. Mione rolled her chocolate eyes and focussed on her arithmancy homework. Harry looked embarrassed.
"Hey baby wanna see my new trick?" Ron smirked stupidly, his chemical blue eyes popping like birdseggs. He looked very proud of himself for some reason. Mione sighed and looked at him condesendingly.
"What is it, Ronald?" she sighed, tossing her coffee tresses in irritation. Harry gave her a secret grin.
"Let me show you!" Ron said and bent over, his butt pointing towards the ceiling in the Great Hall. There was a bang like a bomb hitting the latrines in a soviet prison camp. The noise and the stench was awful, but through it Mione could hear the noise of Ron's butt-belch rattling like a machine gun. And it seemed to be speaking... words...
"Willl...lll... yoo.ouu...goo..oo..oou...ttt...wi..iit...tthhh...me...miii.oooo.nneee..." the buttgas spoke, forming stinky words. The horror finished, the stink hung in the air, and Ron stared at them with a proud grin on his inbred face. All the students in the great hall started laughing, but Ron was so stupid he didn't notice.
"What the hell?" Mione shrieked.
"Don't you like it baby?" Ron asked, his ugly freckled face crumbling. "Fred and George gave it to me. Speaking fart powder. It's the newest hit from the Weasel clan!"
"Oh Merlin Ronald you repulsive little toad. Go away!" Mione snapped wrinkling her perfect seashell nose. Harry too was glaring at Ron, his cut emerald eyes flashing and blazing in irritation behind his crystal glasses, as he saw how upset Mione was.
"That wasn't very funny." Harry sneered at Ron.
Ron's freckled kisser was all maroon and angry. "How dare you suckers say that you don't like my magic farts! I hate you both! Your both so smug and rich! Your just like Malfoy! Lavendar Brown says my farts are really funny! They always make her giggle! She's not like you you stuck up frigid cow mione!"
Mione's honey eyes narrowed. "Go to your precious tramp then!" she snarled, shuffling closer to Harry as he put his arm around her.
Ron stuck his nose in the air. "FINE I WILL" he said and marched off.
Then he slipped in some owl crap, fell down and broke his nose. Everyone laughed, including Harry and Hermione.
From that day onwards, it was just Harry and Hermione, Ron wasn't their friend any more, he spent all his time with his tart- LAVENDAR.