Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! So don't think I do! DON'T SUE!
Want you all to know: All characters are not used due to hate. I only use my favorite characters in this series to pick on.
Want to know the order of this fanfiction? Well, it goes 'SENSEI', 'KONOHA SHINOBI', 'SUNA SHINOBI', 'KUNIOCHI', 'SHINOBI', and then back to 'SENSEI'
FORTY WAYS TO SCARE A NINJA
This Season's Issue: Forty ways to scare off Haruno Sakura
1) Tell her that she has bubble gum stuck in her hair
E.G: Me: SAKURA! HEY SAKURA!
Sakura: (is TRYING to spy on Sasuke) WHAT!
Me: Before you confront Sasuke and explain your deep, meaningful and SAPPY feelings for him, I just thought you would like to know that you have bubble gum stuck in your hair.
Sakura: WHAT! WHERE! (searches like crazy) (comes out of hiding)
Sasuke (who has recovered): Sakura, what are you doing?
Sakura: Uh… nothing Sasuke-kun ;;
Sasuke: Hn (turns around and leaves)
Me: (evil smile)
2) Tell her she is stalked 24/7 by Lee-
E.G: Me: Hi Sakura w
Sakura: What do you want! (mad about last time)
Me: SHEESH! I WAS TRYING TO HELP! I could've sworn it was there ya know!
Sakura: (crosses arms) yeah right…
Me: ANYWAY (getting mad) I just thought you should know, that since Tsunade-sama told him to pick you up one time for a mission, Lee's been stalking you.
Sakura: OxO Oh… My… God…
3) Watch her run for her life everytime she sees Lee-
E.G: Me: Hello Lee, do my eyes deceive me or is HARUNO SAKURA (emphasized) coming around the corner?
Lee: MY YOUTHFUL SAKURA! (says hi as he jumps out in front of her)
Sakura: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (runs away)
Lee: (starts crying) Sa-Sakura-san?
Me: Aw! POOR LEE! (plots Sakura's downfall)
4) Replace all her clothes with jumpsuit green ones after-
E.G: Me: (goes to the store to buy green dye) (gets a Gai green and dyes all Sakura's clothes)
Sakura: (coming out of shower) Ah… (relaxed sigh) (opens wardrobe) ARGH! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CLOTHES?
5) Point and laugh at her when you see her
E.G: Sakura: (is forced to wear the green suit colored outfit around Konoha)
Me: (sees Sakura approaching) (points and laughs hysterically)
Lee: OH! MY BEAUTIFUL SAKURA! YOU HAVE ADOPTED THE COLOR OF YOUTH!
-insert number 3 again here-
6) Turn her room green, jumpsuit green
E.G: Me: (goes to store) (buys Gai green paint) (paints Sakura's room)
Sakura: (coming in from shopping for new clothes) ARGH! (screams her head off)
7) Convince Gai to pose in a toothpaste add and force her to watch it
E.G: Me: (still thinks Sakura was too harsh on Lee) Gai-sensei?
Gai: Yes youthful NoCareChakara?
Me: I was wondering, since your teeth are SO youthful and great, why don't you pose in a toothpaste add?
Gai: YOSH! SOMEONE REALIZES MY YOUTHFULNESS OTHER THAN MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT! I SHALL SIGN UP!
Me: (evil smile)
Gai: (signs up) (does the add)
Me: (barges into Sakura's home) HIYA MRS. HARUNO! I HAVE SOMETHING I NEED SAKURA TO SEE!
Mrs. Haruno: Alright.
Me: (grabs Sakura and puts her in front of the TV)
Sakura: WHAT THE HELL?
Me: (turns on TV and makes her watch Gai add)
Sakura (and other voices around Konoha): OH MY GOD!
Lee (who is also watching): (cries youthful tears) YOU GO GAI-SENSEI!
8) Tell Ino she is Sasuke's girlfriend
E.G: Me: INO-CHAN!
Ino: Hi NoCareChakara! What's the sitch? You look sad.
Me: Sak-hic-ura… sniff… Sasu-hic-ke… sniff… GIRLFRIEND!
Ino: (gasp) FOREHEAD GIRL GOT SASUKE-KUN BEFORE ME?
Me: (nods)
Ino: ARGH! (screams in rage) (chases after Sakura)
Sakura: WHAT THE HELL, INO! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!
9) Tell Tsunade she called her an old lady
E.G: Me: TSUNADE-SAMA!
Tsunade: (spits out her sake at the dramatic entrance) WHAT?
Me: SAKURA CALLED YOU TSUNADE NO BAA-CHAN!
Tsunade: (gets VERY mad) She did, did she?
Me: (nods)
Tsunade: ARGH! (joins Ino in their Sakura hunt)
Sakura: ARGH! WHAT IS WITH YOU TWO! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!
10) Give Jiraiya her address
E.G: Jiraiya: (peeking at bath house)
Me: JIRAIYA-SAMA!
Jiraiya: ARGH!
Women in bath house: AIE! (beat Jiraiya to a pulp)
Me: Uh oh… gomenasai Jiraiya-sama…
Jiraiya: (grumbles) what is it…
Me: I have the address of a pretty Kuniochi… (waves address paper in her hands)
Jiraiya: GIMME!
11) Tell her Naruto fantasizes about her daily-
E.G: Me: SAKURA-CHAN!
Sakura: What is it? (doesn't know that it was her who caused the pain yesterday)
Me: I have REALLY bad news-
Sakura: Oh no, not more stalkers! IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT LEE-KUN AND JIRAIYA-SAMA DO IT!
Crowd: (turn to Sakura)
Me and Sakura: OH GOD, GROSS! NOT THAT WAY YOU DISGUSTING… SICK… EW!
Crowd: (turn away embarrassed)
Me and Sakura: (shudder in disgust)
Me: Anyway, no, it's not Lee OR Jiraiya related-
Sakura: oh thank Kami…
Me: However…
Sakura: OO
Me: … Naruto fantasizes about you daily…
Sakura: OxO
12) Watch her run away-
E.G: Me: O.O
Sakura: (runs for her life)
Me: (once Sakura is out of hearing range) tee, he, he…
13) Make sure she runs into a tree
E.G: Me: (catches up to Sakura) WAIT!
Sakura: NO! I WANT TO GO HOME! (clenches eyes shut)
Me: DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES! YOU'LL RUN IN TO-
Sakura: (too late…) (runs into a tree, head on)
Me: … something… (inside self: HELL YEAH!)
14) When she wakes up in hospital, give her a Naruto plushie-
E.G: Sakura: (head is throbbing) Ow…
Me: (told Tsunade that it was Naruto posing as Sakura who said it and Tsunade healed Sakura) How are you feeling?
Sakura: Shouldn't I be a pulp by now? Tsunade-sama almost killed me last time-
Me: I told her the story.
Sakura: what story?
Me: never mind, HERE! LOOK WHAT I GOT! (gives Sakura the plushie)
15) Watch her have a heart attack-
E.G: Sakura: (has a heart attack)
Me: OH MY GOD! SAKURA! (inside self: (points and laughs) HA!)
-insert ER like scene here (I learn a lot from that show :P)-
16) When she wakes up, make sure Naruto is standing over her-
E.G: Me: Ok, Naruto, she'll be REALLY happy that you're here.
Naruto: Thanks for letting me come, NoCareChakara-chan!
Sakura: (waking up) Ow…
Naruto: YOU'RE A WAKE SAKURA-CHAN!
17) Watch her have her second heart attack-
E.G: Sakura: ARGH! (has a heart attack)
Me and Naruto: HOLY CRAP! SAKURA!
Naruto: TSUNADE-SAMA!
-insert dramatic scene here-
18) Then tell her Congratulations on having the first ever blonde and pink haired child-
E.G: Me: (puts on a mid-wife outfit and prints out the edited picture)
Sakura: Ow… my head, chest, and overall EVERYTHING hurts…
Me: Congratulations Sakura-chan!
Sakura: Eh? NoCareChakara? Is that you?
Me: Yes, and it was a HONOR delivering your child-
Sakura: WHAT?
Me: They baby is going down in HISTORY, SAKURA-CHAN!
Sakura: WHAT THE HELL? I HAD A FAMOUS CHILD? I'M ONLY THIRTEEN!
Me:
Sakura: (mortified face)
Me: Here's a picture.
Sakura: Why is it famous anyway? (looks at the picture) (goes VERY wide eyed)
Me: BECAUSE SHE'S SHE FIRST EVER BLONDE AND PINK HAIRED CHILD!
19) Watch her have her third heart attack
E.G: Sakura: (has, yet again, another heart attack)
Me: TSUNADE-SAMA! SHE DID IT AGAIN!
20) Kiss Sasuke in front of her-
E.G: Sakura: (is out of hospital) Now, time to catch up on my Sasuke hunt-
Me: (is talking with Sasuke since we made peace) well, I gotta go visit Sakura-chan, bye! (kisses Sasuke on the cheek)
Sakura: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SASUKE-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!
21) Watch Sakura foam at the mouth and faint (just like in the bell test)
E.G: Me and Sasuke: O.O
Sakura: (foaming at the mouth, WIDE EYED) (faints)
Sasuke: O.o
Me: … Do you think she'll be mad?
Sasuke: (NODS)
22) On her birthday, call a stripper-
E.G: Sakura: (huddled in the corner) Everything is fine, you are still seeing sunshine. Not going insane, because I am not in vein… (chatting over and over again)
Me: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAKURA-CHAN!
Sakura: ARGH!
Me: WHOA! Don't do that! You might give yourself another heart attack!
Sakura: (shuts up)
Me: Anyway, LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR YOU!
Stripper comes in the room…
23) Make the stripper Lee-
E.G: Sakura: OxO Oh… My… GOD!
Lee: Sakura-san, a very reliable source on the phone told me that it is youthful to perform this task…
24) Tape Sakura's eyes open-
E.G: Me: Forgive me Sakura-chan… this will be painful.
Sakura: EH?
Me: (tapes Sakura's eyes open)
Sakura: WHAT? WHY?
Me: Because I was paid four billion to do this :3
Sakura: … figures…
Me: TAKE IT AWAY LEE!
25) Watch Sakura foam at the mouth and faint again
E.G: Sakura: (foaming at the mouth)
Me: O.O (inside self: oh… god… who would've thought Lee was GOOD at this sorta thing?)
Sakura: (faints)
Me: Okay, you can stop now Lee-
Lee: BUT THE RELIABLE SOURCE SAID NOT TO STOP!
Me: OxO Oh Kami, what have I done?
26) Ask Anko to eat all her cheese (can't leave this one out, can I?)
E.G: Me: ANKO-CHAN!
Anko: Cheese for me? (Crazed face)
Me: YEP!
Anko: WHO?
Me: Haruno Sakura
Anko: ALRIGHT! (Eats all of Sakura's favorite cheese… OMG! IT'S RED CHEDDAR! YEY!)
Sakura: (comes into kitchen) OH MY GAWD! MY CHEDDIE WEDDIES! TToTT
Anko: (Mouthful of cheese) O-O?
27) Tell Tenten Sakura is really a stick of bazooka bubble gum (I LOVE THAT STUFF!)
E.G: Me: (dancing and singing with the music on her iPod) Oh yeah! Yo, my mums, she gave me a dollar-
Tenten: She told me to buy a collar-
Me: But I ain't buyin' no collar-
Tenten: Instead I bought some-
Both: BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM!
Me: My moms, gave me a quarter-
Tenten: She told me to tip the porter-
Me: But I didn't tip no porter-
Tenten: Instead I scored some-
Both: BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM!
Me: Yo, my moms, gave me a dime-
Tenten: She told me to buy a lime-
Me: But I ain't buyin' no lime-
Tenten: Instead I got some-
Both: BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM!
Me: My moms, gave me a nickel-
Tenten: She told me to buy a pickle-
Me: But I didn't buy no pickle-
Tenten: Instead I bought some-
Both: BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM! BAZOOKA, ZOOKA BUBBLEGUM!
Me: Hey Tenten, did you know that Sakura's hair is made of this stuff?
Tenten: WHAT? (runs off to eat Sakura's head)
Sakura: (screaming) AIE! TENTEN! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! MY HEAD IS NOT BAZOOKA BUBBLEGUM DAMN IT!
28) Tell Neji that her hair is really strawberry sour straws-
E.G: Me: NEJI-KUN!
Neji: … (translation: OH MI GAWD! HI!) (looks to Tenten and Sakura) … (translation: why is Tenten-chan biting Sakura's head?)
Me: She is biting Sakura's head because her hair is made of strawberry sour straws.
Neji: … (translation: OMG! I LOVE THEM! GIMME! WEE!) (pounces on Sakura and bites her hair)
Sakura: AIE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO! IS GAI GIVING YOU CRACK?-!
29) Give her sour straws after the incident to replace the last ones
E.G: Me: (comes to Sakura's house) Hi Sakura, you feeling better?
Sakura: My head still hurts…
Me: … (inside self: Is the weight of your large forehead squashing your brain?)
Sakura: I still don't understand why Tenten and Neji attacked my head…
Me: Well, I came to give you something (changed the subject)
Sakura: What is it?
Me: (pulls out a pack of strawberry sour straws) Here you go!
Sakura: O-O (thinking: wasn't Neji referring to my hair as 'Sour num-nums?')
Me: Neji told me to give them to you to replace the old ones.
Sakura: (looks to her head… her hair is cut unevenly because Neji and Tenten bit the ends XD) GIMME!
30) Invite Neji, Lee, Ino, Tenten, Tsunade and Naruto to her birthday-
E.G: Me: HIYA SAKURA-CHAN!
Sakura: Hello NoCareChakara.
Me: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Sakura: Oh, thank you!
Me: Look at all the people who came to your party! (takes Sakura into the living room)
Sakura: O-O
Neji, Lee, Ino, Tenten, Tsunade, and Naruto: Hi Sakura
Sakura: OxO (thinking: oh Kami…)
31) Take her cake and put picture of a baby with blonde and pink hair on it-
E.G: Me: TIME FOR CAKE!
All: YEY CAKE!
Sakura: (thinking: I'm getting a little suspicious of NoCareChakara… why else do these things happen when she's around?)
Me: ALRIGHT SAKURA! (brings out cake… it has a picture of a blonde and pink haired kid on it…)
Sakura: O.O
Lee: What an adorable kid!
Ino and Tenten: KAWAII!
Neji: … (translation: AW!)
Tsunade: (…is it just me or does that look a little like a Naruto and Sakura mix?)
Naruto: THAT'S ADORABLE!
Sakura: O.O;;
32) Watch her faint into her cake
E.G: Sakura: (faints…into her cake)
All: O.O
Me: I think she's still dizzy from the sour straw and bubblegum incident…
33) Make Sasuke and Kakashi do the chicken dance in front of her-
E.G: Me: I know what will cheer you up Sakura!
Sakura: (has woken up) What? (thinking: I'm SURE she has something to do with it!)
Me: Why don't I invite Kakashi and Sasuke to the party?
Sakura: SASUKE-KUN! SURE!
Me: Alright! (calls Kakashi and Sasuke)
Kakashi: Hello NoCareChakara, Sakura. (is still shaking as hell at NoCareChakara) Happy birthday Sakura.
Sasuke: (recovered a few weeks ago) Hello NoCareChakara.
Sakura: HIYA SASUKE-KUN (goes starry eyed)
Me: -.-U OH! Guy's, do remember 'THE TIME'?
Kakashi and Sasuke: (burst out laughing)
Sakura: O.o
Me: THAT WAS THE BEST!
Sakura: What was?
Me: SHOW 'ER GUYS!
Kakashi and Sasuke: (do the chicken dance)
Sakura: OxO;; (thinking: so… WRONG!)
34) Watch Sakura rock back and forth in the corner of her room while muttering 'find a happy place'
E.G: All: O-O is Sakura ok?
Me: (shrugs)
Sakura: (rocking back and forth in a corner) find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place…
35) Whisper 'BOO' in her ears in a creepy voice when she watches 'The Grudge' movie you lent her last week-
E.G: Me: (two weeks later) Hey Sakura!
Sakura: (glare) (thinking: IT IS HER!) Hi… (fake sweet voice)
Me: Hey, you know that movie you wanted to borrow from me a month ago?
Sakura: You mean 'The Grudge'?
Me: YEP! Here, I just got it back from Iruka. Here (gives Sakura the movie)
Sakura: Gee, thanks!
Me: Enjoy! I have to help Ayame at the Ichiraku ramen stand. JA NE! (leaves)
-ONE WEEK LATER-
Me: (sneaks into Sakura's room at night)
Sakura: (watching intense part of the movie) (munching on popcorn)
Me: (evil smirk)
Sakura: OxO (scared of the movie)
Movie: (REALLY INTENSE PART!)
Me: (whispers) …boo…
Sakura: ARGH! AIE! AIYA! AI! ARGH! AIIIIIIIIIIIE!
36) Watch her have her fourth heart attack
E.G: Sakura: (has another heart attack)
Me: (calls Tsunade-sama) TSUNADE-SAMA! SAKURA'S HAVING ANOTHER HEART ATTACK!
Tsunade: (over phone) WHAT HAPPENED?-!
Me: She was watching the grudge when she got freaked out at the really intense part!
Tsunade: bring her in
37) Bite her hand like a dog
E.G: Sakura: (wakes up in hospital) Ow… again…
Kiba: Are you alright Sakura?
Sakura: Kiba? I half expected NoCareChakara to greet me.
Kiba: (looks sad)
Sakura?
Kiba: Sakura… NoCareChakara fell off a tree and doesn't remember who she is (lying, DUH!)
Sakura: That's horrible!
Kiba: I know… on top all that, she thinks she's a-
Me: BARK! (bites Sakura's hand)
Sakura: AIE! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
38) Dye her hair red and take her to the petting zoo, make sure you stay around the 'BOVINE' exhibit-
E.G: Me: Thanks for helping me in my time of need Sakura.
Sakura: Sure thing (thinking: I guess I was wrong about accusing her)
Me: Hey, I got an idea!
Sakura: what?
Me: Let's dye your hair red to avoid all bubblegum and sour straw incidents in the future! Who knows when those two will snap again!
Sakura: True. Alright, dye away.
Me: (dies Sakura's hair)
-NEXT DAY-
Me: HI SAKURA!
Sakura: Hi NoCareChakara
Me: Let's go to the petting zoo! They just got a LAMEL! A BABY LAMEL!
Sakura: NO WAY! LET'S GO!
Both: (go to the zoo)
Me: I think they put it in the bovine section… just for today.
Sakura: uh oh… (thinking: where there's bovines… there's bulls… GULP)
39) Film her being chased by a big scary bull
E.G: Me: I'm going to film it!
Sakura: (jittery) g-g-g-g-go-goo-good for you…
Me: THERE IT IS!
Sakura: Where?
Me: (gets camera ready)
Bull: (snorts) (charges at Sakura)
Me: WHAT THE HELL! THAT'S NOT A LAMEL!
Sakura: NO DUH!
Both: (run away)
Bull: (chases us)
Me: LET'S SPLIT UP! IT'S BOUND TO GET CONFUSED AND START TAKING OPTIONS! IT'LL GIVE US TIME!
Sakura: ALRIGHT! LET'S GO!
Both: (split up)
Bull: (chases Sakura without hesitation)
Sakura: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!
Me: (makes a clone) (gives clone the real camera)
Clone: (goes up in a tree and films everything)
Me: RUN SAKURA RUN! IT'LL WEAR OUT BEFORE YOU DO! (inside self: Lee's debt has been paid…) (inside self: evil laugh)
40) All of the above
E.G: …
Sakura: (fuming angrily yet cowering in fear) YOU! EVIL! WOMAN!
Kakashi/Sasuke/Gaara: We know.
Me: X3 evil face of innocence