Sacrifice

To say that Jacob had had a less than conventional childhood was an understatement. He had never known his biological parents, or even if they had abandoned him or died. He didn't know, and he really didn't care. He didn't connect with the multiple foster families he was shuffled around in his youth, and by the time he'd taken off for New York on his own at fourteen he was alone and more than a little frightened, even if he would never admit that to anyone else. The man that had raised him - the one that even many of the kids that he trained referred to as the Major - had taken a boy that had difficulty connecting with others and had taught him that he shouldn't want to. Those connections, that feeling that he needed to bond to something, it was a weakness, and one that could be used against others. He had taken a boy on the streets and made a soldier out of him and if Jacob could have ever been anything else without the Major's influence, there was no way to tell. The shell of Jacob Phelps had been filled with bits and pieces of the personas he took on and and he moved from one identity to the next without batting an eye. Family, friends, consistency... He didn't need it. He didn't want those distractions.

Until Liz.

Liz had changed everything. He had spent so damn long telling himself that only fools wanted a quiet life. He could be anyone, so why would he want a wife and a mortgage and a dog? Why would he want to be tied down? It hadn't made sense until her, but with Liz, for the first time in his life, Jacob had felt free. It had been more than he had known that he could want, much less that he did, and there was no going back now.

That was why he had reached out. For once, he just wanted to be Jacob, and he wanted the woman that he loved to know him that way. He hadn't been surprised when she didn't show, just disappointed, and there was no stopping that. He had sat at the little restaurant for well over an hour waiting on her, checking his phone for a sign that she was just running late. It had been a hope, but he had promised her that he wouldn't hold her to anything. Now he had to live by that.

The more she smiled, the more she flirted back, the more that Jacob had to remind himself that he shouldn't - couldn't - expect it to go further than that. He had no right to. Even if he knew every reason behind the actions that he took, even if they had been the best course of action he had known how to take with the cards he had been dealt, she didn't know that. She couldn't know that. He couldn't ask her forgiveness because he didn't deserve it.

He could, however, be there for her in whatever she needed from him. That had to be enough. It could be. Every time he tried to break away from her he found out just how much his world really did revolve around her. How much he really loved her.

As soon as he had heard her voice he had known something was wrong. Immediately the disappointment that had been left over from the fact she didn't show to dinner was washed away and Jacob had jumped into action. Liz needed him, and that was really the only way he had landed himself in the situation he found himself in. A shootout with the Feds - Cabal or not - was never a smart idea, especially if all you had were a couple of handguns and a Mustang to hide behind.

Jacob cursed as a bullet pinged too close for comfort and risked a glance over at Liz. Her expression was determined, but he could see the worry just beneath. They were pinned, and unless something happened quickly, they'd both be gunned down in the street. She couldn't clear her name if she was dead.

"Tom," she called from the other side of the car, crouching down again to shield herself. He risked a glance her way, and the expression in her eyes made him uneasy. The determination had given way, and defeat didn't look right on the strongest woman he'd ever known. "This isn't your fight, and you've done more than enough. Get out of here."

He frowned, returning fire. "I'm not leaving you, Liz."

"There's no reason to get both of us killed. Don't be stubborn."

"I am stubborn," he answered, a smirk replacing the frown. He took another shot, the bullet finally finding its mark and the Cabal lackie went down in a heap. "That hasn't changed. I'm not leaving you to fight this alone, Lizzy." Her name was nearly swallowed up and he stopped, brain spinning to try to come up with an answer as to why his breath had suddenly left him. He heard her scream his name - or, rather, the name he had first given her - and the world tilted dangerously, sending him to the ground. He blinked hard and pain started to work through the adrenaline rush as he leaned against the still-open car door.

Footsteps were pounding around the back of the vehicle and he gripped his gun, ready to take whoever was coming at him down. Liz's terrified expression came into view and she dropped to her knees next to him. "It's okay. We have a few minutes. They're down."

"Me too," Jacob breathed, looking down at where the blood had already begun to spread across his front. He winced, feeling the pain with every breath. He was really getting tired of catching the painful end of everything lately.

"Told you you should have gone," Liz whispered, her voice strained even though it sounded like she was trying to tease him. She reached forward, one hand pressing as gently as she could to stem the blood flow and the other against his face. "You're going to be okay."

"Yeah," he managed, leaning into her touch.

"Come on, let's get you up and get out of here."

Jacob shook his head as she started trying to get a better grip on him, the pain spiking and he choked against it.

"Tom, I just need you to-"

"Can't," he whispered. It hurt too much and he was too damn tired. Maybe this was just it. As long as she got out, he thought that wouldn't be the worst way to go.

"Yes you can. We've done this before and you had two more bullets in you." His eyes slipped open sluggishly when he heard her pull in an unsteady breath. Her eyes were glassy and her hand was nervously pushing against the wound as if she were going to keep him from bleeding out by sheer willpower. He wasn't sure that that's not what she had done last time. "Please, I need you to try."

"You need to go," he whispered, grimacing. "Run, Liz. Boat's at the dock. Key's... In my jacket pocket. Go."

"Not without you."

"You don't need me."

"Yes I do."

He blinked again, trying to clear his vision. He was hearing things. He had to be, but he knew he wasn't far enough gone for out and out hallucinations. Tears were streaming down her face and she leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his lips. "I need you to stay with me, Jacob," she said pointedly and he reached a hand up to her face, blood smearing against her skin.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Stubborn, remember?"

"Really stubborn," she agreed.

"Keen! What the hell happened? You were supposed to be gone by now."

Jacob cringed as he tried to shift, Don Ressler moving into his line of sight. The blond frowned, though he wasn't sure if he looked that bad or if it was just because he was there to begin with.

"Cabal's men caught us. Help me get him into the car? I'll have to call Red for a favour."

"Think he'll help him?"

"You do realize I'm still conscious, right?" Jacob groused. Moving had both increased the pain and kept him from passing out.

"Please?"

Liz was convinced her partner was a decent man, but Jacob was fairly certain that the look he was wearing said that he was contemplating pointing out all the positives of letting him bleed out on the street. "Fine," Ressler growled instead, stepping closer and the former operative cringed even before he bent down to help him up. The wound pulled, sending pain shooting through him. He choked out Liz's name before everything went black.

Reddington had come through. He usually did, even if he was more than a little irritable over the fact that it was Tom that he was calling in medical help for. Liz didn't give him details of the shootout, but she made it very clear that her ex husband had taken the bullet for her and that if he wouldn't help she would find someone that would. Exposure on that would be too great, and begrudgingly Reddington had done what needed to be done.

She had been a little surprised to see Nick, since Red hadn't mentioned that he had kept in touch with her ex after he had been medically cleared from the bullet to the chest that he'd taken from the Cabal, but it appeared that somehow he'd talked the surgeon into remaining on retainer for when he called. He had remained silent, not bothering to comment on the fact that her face was plastered on the television as someone wanted by the FBI or that the man that she had left him for had a few more scars than an elementary teacher probably ought to have.

Those hours, with Reddington trying to get her to focus on an escape plan and Tom in another room - possibly dying, she had no idea. No one would tell her - in surgery, had been impossible to force herself to concentrate.

They had passed, though, in a swirl of chaos, and Reddington had made arrangements to get them where they needed to go. That was how Liz found herself standing on the deck of the boat that Tom had bought, staring off at the water that surrounded them. She had been forced to give everything up that she had worked so hard for and now... Now she wasn't even sure who she was. Her name, her life before the fire, and everything that she had taken for granted for so long as true had been a lie.

"Hey, what're you doing up here so late?"

Liz turned, watching Tom slowly make his way up the stairs from the cabin. "Just thinking," she said softly. "I couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake you up."

He had a jacket in his hand and when he made his way over to her he wrapped it around her shoulders. "You want to talk about it?"

She sighed, leaning back a little and he took the signal to put an arm around her. It was a strange sort of relationship they were falling into - with so many things left unsaid and so many unsure between them, yet there was something consistent about it as well -, but it was one of the few comforts she had left. "I don't know," Liz murmured. "It's just everything... I can't put it into words that don't sound like I've gone crazy."

Tom chuckled a little, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "I know the feeling."

"You should be resting. Nick said-"

"Nick's not here," he countered. "I'm okay. I need to move around some anyway."

She leaned into him a little more and he tightened his grip. They had been on the run for a little over a week now, but it felt like an eternity. "I feel like I'm drowning," she confessed softly. "Like I don't know who I am or what I'm doing."

Her ex husband pulled in a deep breath, and she could almost feel him weighing his words carefully. "Your name is different, your parents were spies, and, yeah, that's pretty much disrupted your life."

"Thanks for that, Tom," she groused and caught herself. "Jacob," she corrected and his lips quirked up. She was trying and while he never said anything when she called him by the name she had met him under, she could tell that he appreciated it when she used his real name.

"Let me finish?" he said a little teasingly. "The name you were born under, your parents that you never really knew... It may matter to some people, but that's not what makes you you. Sam and the way he raised you, that was real. Your time with him, your experiences, those were real." He leaned back against the railing so that he could look at her as he spoke, and she didn't miss the small wince at the movement. He ignored it, though, and covered it with a smile. "You're still you, Lizzy, and we'll prove that."

Liz swallowed hard. He always knew just what to say. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

She watched him for a moment, studying him and the way he was watching her. He had been willing to sacrifice himself for her, and continued to do it as he put her trust in him. Even with the world falling down around them, he knew exactly how to make her feel safe.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

"Just thinking about you."

"Me?"

She nodded, gaze drifting up to meet his eyes. His eyes were one of the first features she'd noticed when she met him. Big and blue, they'd been hidden behind his glasses, but there was something deep in them. She hated when he shut down, when they went cold and walled off. Now, though, they were purposefully open and honest, just like they had appeared so many days of their marriage. He was trying so hard to let her read him in ways that must have felt uncomfortable to someone raised as he had been.

"Yeah you," she answered at last, reaching out to him and their fingers touched. "You've done a lot to help, and I haven't really said thank you."

He smiled, but didn't say anything as his fingers held onto hers and she tightened her own grip. "That's an understatement," she mumbled after a moment. "You've... I get it, what you've given up for me. At least a enough to understand that you did. Enough to know that-"

"It's fine, Liz. Hey? I did it because I wanted to. Because I needed to for you."

"You never need to take a bullet for me," she whispered and Tom laughed.

"Yeah, well, it's not like I go into the situations wanting to get hurt," he chuckled, and reached out, tipping her chin up so that she would look him directly in the eyes. "If it's you or me, Liz, I'm going to pick you. That's a choice that I've made."

"You don't have to protect me, you know."

"But I want to."

She reached up, her fingers against his face and she tipped up, pressing her lips against his. He kissed her back, leaning into it and she felt his arms coming around to hold her, pulling her closer. It was like all the things that she couldn't quite put into words were wrapped up into the kiss. The thank you's and I still love you's flittered wordlessly between them as they stood on the deck of the boat in the middle of nowhere with what felt like the entire world against them. In that moment, though, it didn't matter quite as much. They had each other.

When they finally broke they were both breathless and Liz wrapped her arms around him, careful not to hurt him. "New rule."

"What's that?" he asked, one hand tangled in her hair as he ran his fingers through it.

"We protect each other."

She could almost feel his smile as he kissed the top of her head. "I think I could get behind that rule."

"Good. It's non negotiable," she said. "That and no more lying, but I'm pretty sure that goes without saying."

That pulled a laugh from him. "Yeah, pretty much. No more secrets?"

"No more."

"Sounds good."

She looked up, and while a smile rested on his face, she could see the dark circles under his eyes. The hour was weighing on him heavier than he would like to admit. "Let's get you back to bed."

He didn't argue, which said more about how tired he was than words ever could. They made their way carefully down, peeling off layers and Tom eased himself into the bed. Liz watched his movements, trying to gauge if she wanted to have the argument with him about letting her take a look at him before they went back to sleep. "You okay?" she asked quietly after a moment. They had just promised not to lie to each other, and she was getting pretty good at spotting when he did.

"Just tired," he murmured, turning on his side to look at her. "Happens when someone puts a hole in you that shouldn't be there."

Liz snorted a laugh and moved closer. They had shared the bed since boarding their escape boat, but she hadn't gone out of her way to sleep close to him in the big bed. Now, though, she moved so that they were lying right next to each other and nestled closer. "Are we absolutely insane?" she asked quietly.

"Probably," her ex husband answered, gaze catching hers. "I love you, Lizzy."

She felt a smile take hold and she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You too."

His smile reached his tired eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Never stopped, no matter how angry I was."

"Me neither."

Liz shook her head, the smile lingering. "Definitely insane."

He was already drifting off to sleep, his expression relaxing and she found herself watching him for a moment. They had both sacrificed so much and it likely wasn't over. She would pay dearly for the answers that she was looking for. It had already cost them their life that they had been happy in, her job, and his, but the one thing she didn't think she was willing to give up for those answers was him. That was a price she wouldn't pay, no matter what she got in return.

With a sigh, Liz scooted closer and wrapped an arm around his, cheek pressed against his shoulder. "I love you, Jacob," she whispered and closed her eyes, letting herself slip into sleep listening to the sound of his breathing and the waves hitting the hull of the boat. For now, at least, they were safe.

Notes: So, if you're on Tumblr and you're a Keen2 fan, I'm sure you've seen some of the rumours floating about and how worried everyone is that Tom/Jacob is going to get injured again in the finale. I'm about 90% sure that he won't, but this little plot bunny took hold and I wanted to write it. If he did get shot helping Liz and they ran away to safety on his boat, it'd be a lovely parallel and, honestly, would set a healing tone for Keen2. I could get behind it as long as he didn't die and they ran together.