Chapter fourteen

August 1982
Los Angeles

As uncomfortable as Jack felt at being the only male in a room full of ballerinas and their mothers, he refused to give in to his urge to leave and wait for Sydney in the car. Irina should be here, he thought irritably. What did he know about ballet?

Sensing someone's eyes on him, he slowly gazed down the row of chairs. Three seats away, an attractive blonde was smiling at him. His brow furrowed slightly, then he turned his attention back to the class.

Sydney was leaping across the wooden floor, as graceful as if she was onstage. Jack smiled, filled with pride and awe. His baby was growing up so quickly. When she reached the end of the room, she looked at him and grinned. Jack had no way of knowing that his open adoration of his daughter had more than one of the mothers constantly shooting admiring glances in his direction.

He decided Sydney was the most beautiful girl in the world.

Irina should be here, he thought again, but this time he felt no irritation, only the familiar sorrow that she was missing out on Sydney's life. He wondered, as he did every day, where she was and if she was okay.

The class ended, the students curtsying for their teacher, then rushing to their respective parents. Sydney skipped over to where Jack sat.

"Did you see me, Daddy?"

"Of course. You're even better than Anna Karenina."

Sydney frowned. "Who?"

Jack looked to his left at the sound of husky laughter. It was the blonde who had been watching him earlier. "I think your daddy means Anna Pavlova," she said.

He nodded slowly, unembarrassed at his mistake. Irina would tease him mercilessly, of course, but in his defense, he knew nothing about ballet except what Sydney told him.

These days, he had a lot of silent conversations with Irina, but refused to think too hard about the implications of that.

"I'm Angela Diamant," the blonde said, extending a well-manicured hand. "Taryn's mom. It's nice to meet you, Mr. Bristow."

Jack took her hand, immediately and unconsciously comparing it to Irina's. Angela's grip was weak, her hand tiny in his. He let go, then picked up Sydney's kitbag from the floor. "You too, Mrs. Diamant."

"Oh," she laughed again, "it's Ms." She lowered her voice and leaned closer to Jack. "I know this year must have been really hard on you. If you need anything—"

"Sydney and I are fine, thank you." He grabbed Sydney's hand and led her out of the classroom.

"Bye, Taryn," Sydney called. She looked up at Jack. "Are we in a hurry?"

Jack glanced down, immediately slowing his steps. "No, sweetheart. I'm sorry."

"After class, Mommy always let me have an ice cream."

Jack stopped walking and studied his daughter carefully. Her expression was one of pure innocence. Sydney wouldn't lie to him, would she?

"Okay," he said after a while, but made a mental note to ask Irina if he ever saw her again.

When they reached the car, Jack smothered a sigh as he saw who was leaning against the hood.

"Hi, Uncle Arvin!" Sydney waved, then ran to greet him when he opened his arms for a hug.

"Hello, Sydney." Arvin released her, then straightened. "Jack."

"Arvin." Jack unlocked the car and opened the door for Sydney. "Climb in so long, sweetheart. I'll just be a minute."

Once Sydney was out of earshot, Arvin said, "The Director wants to know when you're coming back."

"I don't know." Jack opened the trunk and tossed Sydney's kitbag inside.

""It's been two months, Jack. They understand the need for compassionate leave but—"

"But Laura was a spy, so it doesn't count?" Jack closed the lid of the trunk, carefully controlling his temper. He didn't want to think about returning to work yet. He wanted to spend time with his daughter and remember how things had been before.

He was also very aware that a part of him resented his treatment at the hands of his colleagues immediately following his wife's funeral, but he wasn't foolish enough to admit that out loud.

"Jack," Arvin's tone was sympathetic, "I realize you've had a difficult few months, and perhaps sending you on an assignment so soon after the investigation was not the best idea—"

"My daughter needs me, Arvin."

"Your country needs you."

Jack met Arvin's gaze. When Arvin looked away, Jack said, "I'm not ready yet."

Arvin nodded. "I understand. You've had a lot to deal with."

You have no idea, Jack thought.

"Emily wants you and Sydney to come over for dinner sometime soon. It's been far too long."

"We'd like that." Jack smiled. "Thank you."

Arvin looked at him a moment longer, and Jack wondered if he was going to say something else, but he just smiled and walked away.

Jack got into the car and turned to Sydney. "So, where do you want to get your ice cream?"

Cape Town

Irina was curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. An open book lay forgotten in her lap as she stared at the tracks the rain made on the window. Rain in winter, how odd, she thought.

She didn't notice Andrei enter the living room until he said, "Okay, that's it."

Startled, she jerked at the sound of his voice, the book falling to the floor. "What?"

"Get dressed. We're leaving in an hour."

"I'm not in the mood to go out."

Undeterred, Andrei crossed the room and pulled her to her feet. "You're never in the mood. Now go on, get ready, we're going out."

"But—"

"No arguments, Ira."

She scowled, then gave him a shove as she walked past him out the room. When she reached her bedroom, she turned and called, "Where are we going?"

"Does it matter?"

Irina sighed, then slammed the door closed to express her displeasure. She didn't want to go out. She'd been perfectly happy watching the rain. For a moment she was tempted to show Andrei exactly what she was capable of. It had been too long since she'd put her knife-skills to use.

Forty minutes later she returned to the living room.

"Beautiful," Andrei declared.

She rolled her eyes.

On the drive into town, Andrei announced they would be meeting some friends of his for dinner. Shortly after they arrived at the restaurant, Irina wished she'd followed through with her earlier desire to flay her cousin.

"This is Gavin," he said, introducing her to a man dressed completely in black. His hair was dyed black, and he wore John Lennon glasses. Andrei continued, "Gavin's a director."

Irina allowed Gavin to take her hand and managed to smile. Family or not, she decided, she was going to kill Andrei.

"Andrei tells me you used to act," Gavin said.

She nodded.

"You should audition for my next play. I'm doing—"

"I don't act anymore." She pulled her hand free and sat down.

"That's a pity. I'm sure you're fantastic—"

Irina caught the eye of a waiter and said, "Vodka. Please." She had a feeling she would need more than one drink to get through the night without giving into the urge to murder someone.

"—May I ask why you don't act anymore?"

Irina picked up the knife and turned it over in her fingers. "Because it's all an illusion," she said, "and an illusion isn't good enough."

Gavin looked at her, something resembling awe in his expression. "That's really deep."

Irina was used to being hit on. Sometimes it happened in front of Jack, and the more annoyed he got, the more amused she became. She had enjoyed playing to the attention, then returning to Jack's side to show where her affections lay. Tonight she was just irritated and by the time the main course arrived, she was on her fifth vodka.

Andrei excused himself for a moment, and Gavin took the opportunity to shift his chair closer to Irina's.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Irina's breath caught in her throat. Jack had told her that and she'd known it was his truth. Hearing Gavin say it was the final straw. She tilted her head and smiled. "Really?"

"Oh, yes."

"My husband says the same thing."

If Irina wasn't so furious she would have laughed at the expression on Gavin's face. "You're married?"

"Oh, yes," she mocked, and downed what remained of the vodka in her glass. Then she stood and made her way to the exit.

"Irina!" Andrei ran out after her. "Where are you going? What's wrong?"

She smiled and pulled her cousin into an embrace, dipping her hand into his pocket and stealing his car keys. Then she stepped back. "Home. Thanks for dinner."

"Wait, how will you get there?"

She held up the keys.

"Irina—"

"Don't hurry back," she said. "Gavin's such delightful company. I'm sure you two can find something to do for the rest of the evening."

"You're kicking me out of my own house?"

"You deserve worse," she said. "Don't ever set me up again."

Then she turned and went to the car, leaving her cousin standing stunned in the middle of the parking lot.

-- "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Jack says.

"I look like a whale!"

"No, you're beautiful." He kisses her, then rubs his hand over her belly. "And our little girl is going to be just as beautiful." –

Irina gripped the steering wheel and hunched forward, and wept.