A/N: A thousand apologies it has taken me so long to get this chapter out. The last few weeks have been really busy and I really appreciate your patience. I hope this has been worth the wait.

Chapter sixteen

October
Cape Town

His hands are warm on her skin, his touch gentle as he kisses his way down her body. She arches her back, offering all of herself to him.

"Tell me you love me." His breath tickles, and she smiles.

"I love you, Jack."

He covers her body with hers, takes her wrists and holds her arms in place above her head as he begins to move inside her. "Do you, Laura?" His face hardens, changes, and it's Gerard who says, "Well, Irina? Do you?"

He laughs as she tries to free herself from his grasp but her limbs are strangely heavy and she can't move.

"Forget Jack," he whispers in her ear, "you belong to me now."

Irina jerked awake, and it took a few minutes to realize that she was in her cousin's house, far away from the horror of Kashmir. She looked around the room and when her eyes finally adjusted to the dark, she assured herself she was alone.

Her pulse still racing, she rolled onto her side and closed her eyes.

It was no use. She knew herself well enough to accept that she would get no more sleep tonight. Sitting up, she reached for the bedside lamp. A flick of the switch later, the room was bathed in a warm yellow light. The clock on the table told her it was just after three.

Irina slipped out of bed and wrapped a nightgown around her body. It was summer, but the house was in a valley and the air was cool this time of night. On her way to the kitchen she passed the entrance to the dining room, and paused.

She had intended to make tea, but tea wouldn't help her forget. She entered the dining room, randomly selected a bottle of red wine from the wine rack, took a wine glass from the cabinet, and returned to her bedroom.

Once she had poured a glass of wine and settled back in her bed, her eye fell on the book that lay on the bedside table. She reached for it and began to read.

Los Angeles

"'There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it—'"

"Daddy, can we have a tea party?" Sydney interrupted sleepily.

"Of course, sweetheart." Jack glanced down at Sydney and smiled. They were lying together on her bed; Sydney curled up against him as he read to her in what had turned into a nightly ritual. This was the third time they were working their way through Alice's Adventures in Wonderland but Sydney refused to let him read anything else to her. He looked back at the book: "'—a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep—'"

"Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Who will look after me if you die?"

Jack shut the book. "Sydney, honey, I'm not going to die. Don't worry."

"Will I have to go live with Uncle Arvin and Aunt Emily?"

The Sloanes were Sydney's godparents, but lately there had been something in Arvin's behavior that didn't sit comfortably with Jack. Until now, it hadn't occurred to him that Arvin would have to raise Sydney if something happened to him.

It was not a pleasant thought.

Jack hugged Sydney. "Nothing's going to happen to me, sweetheart. I promise."

Sydney smiled, and Jack thought she looked so small and fragile, and the burden of guilt he'd felt since accepting the Director's orders regarding Project Christmas became even heavier.

"Good," Sydney said," I like Aunt Emily, but I want to stay with you forever."

As Sydney fell asleep in his arms, Jack thought about how to make things right for his family.

Cape Town

Irina lay curled on her side, and stared at the mountain through the open window. There was a steady pain in her left wrist; experience told her it was broken. Her head hurt . . . her entire body hurt. Still, though she couldn't remember what had happened, she knew she hadn't been tortured. She slowly rolled onto her back, then froze when she saw a woman sitting in the chair next to the bed.

"It's good to see you're awake."

"Where am I?" Irina looked around the room to see what could be used as a weapon.

"Groote Schuur Hospital." The woman moved closer to the bed. "Can I call you Sonya?"

"Why would you want to call me Sonya?"

The woman frowned, then made a note on the chart she held. "It's your name. Can you tell me what year it is?"

Sonya. Of course. That was the name on the passport Katya had given her when she left India. She stared at the woman, slightly less suspicious than before. "1982. Who are you?"

"Laura Harper. I'm a doctor here."

The sound that escaped Irina's lips was something between a sob and a laugh. Laura. She could run as far away she liked, could wear any other name, but her past would never leave her in peace.

"Sonya, do you remember what happened?"

"No." She closed her eyes. Bright lights. Noise. Nothing.

"Sonya, you were in a car accident."

-- An icy road. Panic as the car sinks slowly beneath the surface. Cold. --

"You wrapped your car around a tree. You're fortunate to be alive."

"Was anyone else hurt?"

Laura shook her head. "There was no one else involved."

Some of the tension left Irina's body. "Okay. Good."

"We ran some blood tests. You were above the legal alcohol limit." The doctor paused. "Your cousin seems to think you're suffering from depression."

"I'm fine," Irina said. "My cousin doesn't know what he's talking about."

"People who are 'fine' don't drive their cars into trees."

Irina felt a chill pass through her. "I'm not suicidal."

"Nevertheless, you have a problem. You're an alcoholic and that needs to be dealt with before someone else ends up getting hurt."

Irina said nothing.

"Sonya, when I examined you I saw some things that disturbed me. I don't know what it is you've been through, but it's clear to me that you need to speak to someone about it. Whatever it is that happened to you, you need to deal with it before it kills you."

Irina looked out the window again. A long moment later, she looked back at Laura. "When can I be discharged?"

--------- excerpt from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.