Chapter twenty-one

Irina and Jack were on the porch overlooking the estate, enjoying the last moments of daylight as the sun sank on the horizon. Despite Jack's look of disapproval, Irina had poured them both a glass of wine, insisting that Jack would insult her cousin if he didn't try it. She sipped her drink slowly, determined to show Jack she didn't have a problem.

"Tell me more about Sydney," she said.

Jack smiled. "I think she's taking advantage of the fact that I'm clueless."

"In what way?"

He told her about ice cream after ballet class, and Pizza Hut, and by the end of it Irina was laughing.

"Jack Bristow, game theorist – outplayed by a seven-year-old!"

Jack joined in her laughter, then said, "It's strange. I'm so used to thinking of her as our baby, but she's growing up. She's got a mind of her own, and – she's this mini-person already. It's – terrifying."

"Just wait until she's old enough to start dating."

Jack frowned. "She'll never be old enough for that."

Irina's laughter only increased and she leaned back in her chair. It had been a long time since she had laughed this much. Jack looked at her, and slowly started to smile.

"Maybe when she's thirty," he said.

"And then only if the poor boy has passed your background check, am I right?"

"It's a father's right to be protective of his daughter."

Irina's hand moved to her stomach, and her laughter faded as she broke eye contact with Jack. Nadia would always be between them now, she thought, and wondered if she would ever stop feeling guilty. A mother was supposed to protect her daughter too.

"Irina—"

"How is work? Are you still on Project Christmas?" She forced a smile. "Don't worry; I won't be passing along any information."

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and downed what remained of his wine before speaking. "Yes, I'm still on Project Christmas."

Irina reached for the bottle to refill the glasses. "You know, I didn't tell them everything. Enough to prove my loyalty, but—"

Jack's hand caught hers mid-air. "They made me put Sydney in the program."

Irina sat very still, trying to understand what couldn't possibly be true. But Jack kept looking at her, and the expression on his face left no room for doubt. Irina pulled her hand free. "Are you insane? What were you thinking, agreeing to that?"

"What's the alternative? More time in prison while somebody else runs the project?" He lowered his voice. "This way I can protect her."

"Protect her? You're programming her! Look at what this life has done to us and you're programming her for it!"

"Well is it anyway wonder they picked her? Look at who her parents are." Jack's expression was stony. "They suggested you may have been training her already."

Irina couldn't reply immediately. She stood and walked to the other end of the porch. The sun was almost completely hidden behind the horizon, and the valley air was cooling fast. Irina turned around and looked at Jack. "Why did you come here, Jack? For a fuck? Couldn't you find anyone in LA?"

"You know that's not true."

Irina folded her arms across her chest; partly for warmth and partly because she was afraid she was going to lash out at Jack. "Which part?"

Jack slowly walked over to her. "I came because I love you, and I'm worried about you, and I'm trying to find a way to fix our lives."

Irina looked away. "I never did anything to Sydney. They wanted her tested; I told them I wouldn't do it."

"I haven't been – All I've done with her so far are the initial tests. IQ. Aptitude. Spatial awareness." He raised his hands as if to put them on her shoulders, but let them fall to his sides before he touched her. "I haven't – I don't intend to get as far as any actual training."

Irina leaned into him and waited until his arms were around her before she spoke. "I love you, too. I'm sorry I doubted your motives."

"Yeah, well, I think both of us have a lot to learn about trust."

She looked up at him. "I do trust you, Jack. But sometimes I forget you're not like other men – you're not like – I know I shouldn't but – I think I've forgotten what it feels like to be loved – to be touched in a way that isn't cruel – and I know you're different, I know but—"

"Shh." Jack touched his finger to her lips. "You don't have to explain."

He pulled her towards the centre of the porch and, still holding her close, began slow-dancing. She recalled countless other nights like this: a tiny apartment in DC, Sydney cradled between them; in front of the fireplace; in LA, surrounded by boxes that needed unpacking; the night before she left.

"Are you starting to remember yet?"

"What?"

"Love. Do you remember?"

She nodded, then closed her eyes and leaned her head on Jack's shoulder. A moment later, his hand slipped beneath her shirt. She smiled. "What are you doing?"

"Seducing you. Is it working?"

She laughed. "Maybe."

They danced in silence for a while, then she said, "I was sent to America to seduce you. That's all I ever was to them; a whore."

"You're not a whore. You're my wife." His arms tightened around her. "Wait a second; so how was it that I was the one pursuing you?"

"I was terrified of you. You were my enemy, and the thought of having to be intimate with you – of possibly marrying you – I didn't think I could do it."

"You were afraid? I was the one trying to figure out how to get the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen to go out with me."

She laughed again, relaxing in his embrace. "All I knew of you was what I'd read in a file. I wasn't prepared to like you."

Jack nipped at the spot where her neck met her shoulder. "And is that all you feel, Mrs. Bristow? Do you just like me?"

"Jack, how can you just forget what I did to you? How can you act as if it's nothing?"

All playfulness disappeared from Jack's voice. "Because when I thought you were dead, I was lost. It doesn't matter that I met you under a name. I don't love your name. I love you."

"I lied to you, and I stole from you—"

"And you loved me, and you gave me Sydney."

Irina didn't know what to say. She didn't deserve his forgiveness; she didn't deserve anything from this man, but here he was, offering his heart.

"I did worse," Jack continued, looking away, "I took your brother away from you. I should be the one asking how you can possibly still love me."

Irina gasped and, wrapping her arms around Jack, pulled him closer. "I do. You know I do."

"If I'd known—"

"Shh." She mimicked his earlier action and put her finger to his lips. "Maybe we should let the past be."

He nodded.

They looked at each other for a long time before Irina smiled and playfully tilted her head to one side. "So were you seducing me just for the sake of seduction, or did you have something else in mind?"

Jack grinned, and scooped her into his arms. "You know, you're still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

On the way to the bedroom, Irina said, "Do you think we'll be okay?"

"I know it," Jack replied.