Chapter 4

Alec was laying in bed, staring up at the intricate designs etched into the ceiling. When had his life become so complicated? Just less than twenty four hours ago he thought he had it all figured out. Now he was sitting in a pool of confusion. First it was his parents trying to ruin his vacation plans, and now it was Jace. Oh God, Jace, Alec thought, rubbing his temples warily. What was he going to do about him?

Jace was kissing him. Alec was frozen in shock, his mind screaming for him to react, for him to do something... anything. Kiss him back, push him away. Anything but just standing there like a damn statue.

And so without thinking, Alec did something. He went with his most primal urges, and he kissed Jace back. Or rather, he allowed Jace to kiss him. He relaxed his mind, his body, and tried to give in to the moment, letting things take their natural course.

Jace brought his hands from around Alec's neck up to his face, caressing his cheeks, moving his fingers up into Alec's hair and then back to his cheeks. He licked and sucked on Alec's lower lip, seemingly relishing the taste, moaning and begging for Alec to grant his tongue entrance.

Alec was tingling all over, his body begging him to continue, begging him to take things to a more private place and to press on. But he couldn't. This just didn't feel right to him. This was Jace. Jace was like a brother to him. Much like Izzy, Jace was his bestfriend. He had never thought about him in a romantic or sexul manner before. Sure he was an attractive guy, but... He just couldn't, no matter how turned on he was starting to feel in that moment, he had to stop.

Alec slowly pulled away from Jace, not wanting to seem too freaked out, although he was. Both of them were a little out of breath from all the dancing and kissing. He didn't know what to say to his friend. What could he even say? He knew they would have to talk about what had just happened between the two of them at some point. But that would have to be at a different time, and definitely at a different place. He wasn't ready. Right now he just needed to think.

"We should get out of here, it's getting really late." Alec said. It was the only thing he could think of. Jace nodded in agreement, and Alec reached out, taking his hand, leading them out of the club and back to the limo, the two gaurds following closely behind.

Alec was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of someone knocking on his door. He really wasn't in the mood for any visitors, he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. However, he called out, inviting the person to come in, and was greeted by a very somber looking Izzy.

"Hey big brother," Izzy greeted, walking over and plopping down on the bed next to him.

"Hey," Alec returned. He moved over on the bed and lifted up the blankets, making room for Izzy as well. She gladly snuggled up next to him.

They both layed there for what felt like hours, but in reality were only a few minutes, staring up at the ceiling, neither of them saying anything, both seemingly waiting for the other one to speak first. Finally, Izzy loosing her patience, broke the silence. Letting out a heavy breath, she turned to face Alec. "Alec, are you going to tell me what happened between you and Jace?"

"What?" Alec replied, snapping his head towards her, confusion painting his features. He had honestly thought that this little early morning visit was about her crazy love life...not his. How wrong he was.

"Did he tell you that something happened between us?" He asked, thinking it was best to find out what she knew first.

"Well, yes actually. He told me that after I left you guys last night, you danced for a while, and then he kissed you. After which you had abruptly left the club, and that you haven't said a word to him since."

"Oh. Ok...that uh...that sounds about right."

"Well?" Izzy pressed, her expression saying she needed to hear his side of the story.

"Well what Izzy?" Alec's voice rose. He was feeling a little frustrated. He really just wanted some time alone to clear his head, and figure out how best to talk to Jace. "What do you want me to say? My bestfriend just up out of nowhere and kissed me. I mean... what the hell. Is he gay now? Honestly this whole thing is just so weird and confusing." Alec groaned dropping his head in his hands.

"God, Alec. You can be so clueless sometimes.," said Izzy. "Honestly. You never see what is right in front of your eyes."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Alec asked, annoyance clear in his voice as looked up at Izzy.

"Oh nothing. Just that Jace has had a crush on you ever since we were kids, and you seem to be the only one who hasn't noticed it."

"What?" To say Alec was suprised would be an understatement. This couldn't possibly be true. Could it? Jace was straight...right? Wasn't he? He had never specifically told him this but...

"But I've only ever seen him with girls." Alec noted in a high pitched squeak.

"So?" Izzy chided. "Maybe he's bisexual. But that's not even the point. The point is that you need to go and talk to him. And soon. He is really freaking out, Alec. He thinks that he's ruined things between you two. I've never seen him so upset."

Alec took a deep breath then knocked on the door. He was standing outside of Jace's bedroom. After his conversation with Izzy that morning, he'd spent the rest of the day locked up in his bedroom, seriously rethinking his life. How could he not have noticed that Jace had a crush on him? Was he really that clueless? Alec scolded himself. He just couldn't believe it. Was he really so wrapped up in himself that he didn't notice what was happening around him? What was happening with the people he claimed to cared about. He really needed to get out of his own head every once in while and pay attention, he thought, else he continued to miss the important things.

"Who is it?" Jace called out.

"It's me. May I come in?" Alec asked, his nervousness clear in his voice.

The door opened some moments later to Jace standing in the threshold, wearing nothing but a pair of red and black plaid pjama pants. It seemed like he'd had the same idea as Alec, and had spent the day in bed as well. Alec couldn't help but take in the physique of the man that stood before him. Jace looked kind of sexy like that, he thought; bare chested, his golden blonde hair all disheveled...the muscles in his arms flexing as he folded them over his broad, tan chest. Jace was indeed a very handsome man, anyone would be attracted to him. So why hadn't he noticed this before? Alec wondered. Maybe he had just never took the time to notice.

"You know you can sit down right?" Jace offered. He was sitting on the edge of his bed watching Alec, who seemed to be conflicted as he stood in the middle of the room, looking from the bed to the chair in the corner. Finally, seeming to have made up his mind, he sat down on the bed next to Jace, fiddling with his hands nervously in his lap, not daring to look at Jace.

After a few beats, Alec looked up tentatively, catching Jace's eyes. He looks so sad, Alec thought. Jace's eyes lacked their usual spark of mischief. Alec felt his heart sank. He would definately have to try and fix that.

"Jace, listen I..." Alec began, but Jace raised a hand, cutting him off.

"Just wait, let me talk first. Please." Alec, frowned but nodded in response.

"I've been in love with you ever since I can remember." Jace started, pausing to gauge Alec's reaction. The prince seemed surprised at the revelation but didn't respond, so he continued. "I've always admired you. You're the kindest most genuine person I know. Even when we were kids and my dad died and everyone kept telling me that they were sorry, or how everything would be ok...you were the only one who knew what I needed. You didn't give me meaningless speeches. You simply told me that you would always be here for me no matter what."

"And I ment it. I will always be here for you Jace."

"I know that, and I don't ever want to ruin our friendship Alec, but..." Jace trailed off. He stood up in one swift motion, pacing back and forth in front of Alec. He appeared to be searching for the right words to say.

"I think that was when it started," Jace continued. "I've always loved you, as a friend, as a brother. But after my dad died and I had no one left...the only thing that kept me going was you. I mean, the king and queen and Izzy did what they could, but if it wasn't for you Alec... I... I honestly don't know. That's why I became your personal guard. So I can always be close to you, be there for you."

"Oh, Jace," Alec whispered, tears starting to fill his eyes.

He moved to get up, but Jace stopped him, moving to kneel in front of him. He reached out his hands taking Alec's in his, caressing Alec's knuckles with the pad of his thumbs. "I've tried Alec." Jace held Alec's gaze. "Believe me. I know that this is alot for you to unpack, not to mention that kiss last night is probably in the papers by now. Which I'm really sorry about, not really... Will you just, maybe think about it, about us?"

Jace had never felt more vunerable in his life than he did in that moment. He knew what he was doing to Alec wasn't fair, and he honestly hadn't planned on coming clean about his feelings for him. He was satisfied, or atleast he thought he was, just being Alec's personal body gaurd, his protector, his friend. But last night, dancing with Alec, holding him in his arms, being so close... He just couldn't help but get lost in the moment, lost in Alec. And now, after that kiss...he had to atleast try.

Alec was a wirlwind of emotions. He knew he loved Jace, but as a friend and as a brother, nothing more. Maybe if he tried he could fall for him. But then what would be the point of that? In a year's time he would be expected to find a woman and get married. Damn it. This was just too much, Alec thought.

"Jace, listen, even if I wanted to see if there could be something between us, what would be the point? I have to marry in year's time. And to a woman at that. I care too much about you to put you through that." He was pleading with Jace now, begging him with eyes. Begging him to let things go back to how they were less than twenty four hours ago, when they were best friends, brothers. What was he suppose to do? How could he say no? This was Jace. He'd promised that he would always be there for him no matter what.

"I know all of that Alec. That's one of the reasons why I never told you how I felt, because I knew that in the end we could never be together. Atleast not permanently. And I still know that. But, and hear me out, I've thought about this. I want you to spend your last year with me."

"What?" Alec was a speechless.

"Spend this final year of your 'freedom'..." Jace gave the word air quotes. "...with me. I don't expect you to suddenly fall in love with me or anything, nor do I want you to. If you did, I know it would be hard for you to leave me when the time came for you to get married. I know thats why you've avoided relationships."

"And you're ok with this, with basically being a year long fling?" Asked Alec.

"Being with you for a year is better than not being with you at all. Just think about it ok. Give me a chance. I promise to make this year unforgettable. And when the time comes, we can both walk away...no regrets."

Alec didn't know what to say. Jace brought his hands to his cheeks, pulling Alec's head down and captured his lips in a soft, and gentle kiss, baring his heart.