Notes: This is a request piece for devastatedzombie on Tumblr.
Trust
His entire body was trembling. He was hedging on forty- eight hours without sleep and it was starting to get to him. He had known earning Solomon's trust was going to be an uphill battle at best, but it had been nonstop. He'd been under just shy of two weeks and as soon as one task ended, the next was delegated out. He was one of the Major's operatives, he should be able to handle it. That had been Solomon's not-so-subtle way to remind Jacob that he was relying on the Cabal to shield him from Bud's wrath.
The key didn't hit the lock on the first or even second try. His hands were trembling. That wasn't a good sign. He needed sleep soon, but not yet. He had to manage to look like he hadn't been up two straight days. Solomon was a particularly anal bastard when it came to appearances. A shower and quick shave was all he had time for. Maybe a bite to eat if he were lucky.
The sensation that he wasn't alone struck him as soon as he entered the dingy little apartment he was renting out at the moment. His hand was on his gun as he flipped the light on, but a figure came flying up from where it had been laid out across the mattress that served as his little-used bed. "Liz?" he managed, quickly shutting the door behind him. She had already pulled the shutters closed sometime before he entered, and she turned, blinking rapidly like she hadn't meant to fall asleep there. How long had she been waiting anyway? "What are you doing here?" he hissed.
"I heard you made it in," his ex wife answered. "I needed-"
Jacob crossed the tiny room and pulled the curtains even tighter. "Did anyone see you?"
Liz blinked again. "Of course they didn't. Seriously, do you think I'd be that stupid?"
He stopped, the exhaustion getting to him and making him edgier than he should have been. He'd proven himself to Solomon. The man had no reason to watch his place, nor was he watching it. On top of that, Liz was good. No one would have seen her. He ran a hand through his hair, standing it up on his end. "Sorry. It's been a long couple of days."
"You look like you're about ready to fall over."
"I haven't slept much lately."
She crossed the space between them. They had seen each other once between their night on his boat and that moment, but there had barely been time to breathe. Now, though, she stood in his apartment, blue eyes fixed on him in the same way they had been when she begged him to take her away from it all. He reached out, his fingers ghosting over her cheek and along her jawline. She leaned into it. "You should get some sleep," she said distractedly.
"Can't. I have a meeting with Solomon in an hour. I need to hop through the shower and shave and get dressed." She laughed a little at him and he realized he'd just listed it off like it was all he could do to remember the order. In reality, he had been repeating it halfway to the apartment so he wouldn't forget.
"Have you eaten?" she asked as he was peeling his shirt off, wincing at sore muscles.
"Maybe yesterday? I don't remember for sure. I grabbed something last night I think."
"Go shower. I can at least put together a sandwich."
Jacob tilted his head a little. She shouldn't even be there. His entire cover was based on the idea that she had waved him off one too many times. It was a hard premise to keep with her standing right in front of him, clearly still worried about his choice to go under at all. He needed to tell her to go, but instead he simply nodded and mumbled a thank you before moving sluggishly towards the shower.
The cold water was supposed to wake him up, but it just left him shaking a little more than when he had gotten in and certainly more miserable. He got out, toweling off his hair and wrapped the towel around his waist before entering the main room.
"A sandwich I can handle," Liz teased, offering a smile.
His lips thinned out in an attempt to return it. "What are you doing here, Liz? I'm deep cover right now. That means-"
"I know. I was just... worried. I wanted to come check on you and we were in the area. I was careful."
Jacob nodded tiredly, taking a bite of the sandwich and moving over to the bathroom with the plate. He heard Liz follow, but didn't say anything as he set the plate down on the sink and reached for a razor that promptly slipped from his fingers. He glared at it, like that would do anything to help the situation.
Liz stepped in behind him, her fingers against the small of his back as if to let him know exactly where she was as she leaned over and picked up the razor. "Sit," she instructed, her voice leaving no room for argument and he took a heavy seat on the closed toilet.
Blue eyes watched her as she reached around for the shaving cream. "You're shaking," she explained in a slightly softer tone. "Cutting your own throat trying to shave isn't going to do anyone any good. Look up at me and hold still."
Jacob hesitated, an argument dancing on his tongue. "What are you here for, Liz?"
She frowned, but tilted his chin up. He let her, barely breathing as she smoothed the shaving cream over his face and carefully moved the razor across it. "I heard about the agent."
He had wondered about that. Before the former operative had gone under, Jacob and Ressler had discussed just how far this was supposed to go. Ressler was working with him off the books, but was still potentially responsible for certain things Jacob did. The younger man had explained as clearly as he could that Solomon would be incredibly difficult to win over. He could ask anything of him, and Jacob had needed to know what the limits were. He knew what he was willing to do to help Liz, but he knew he wasn't the only one involved in this. His actions would have consequences. Still, they couldn't plan for everything and Jacob had made a judgment call that even he hadn't liked.
"What did you hear?" he asked carefully.
She tilted his chin up so that she could reach his neck and Jacob couldn't help but tense. "That you beat a man nearly to death. An FBI agent."
"It was a test," Jacob answered carefully. "I had to make it look real. Did he live?"
"Last I heard." The razor stilled and her free hand moved to his damp hair, smoothing it back. "What would Solomon have done if you refused?"
"Put a bullet in both of our heads."
He felt her fingers tense against his scalp and she started back on her work. "You're in too deep, Tom. I knew that guy. We went to Quantico together. You met him once."
"I know," Jacob breathed out, the words quiet.
"What if he's just toying with you? What if he knows?"
"It's the best chance we have, Liz. We've been scrambling. We need someone on the inside and I'm the best option. Even your buddy Reddington knows that."
She frowned at him and tilted his head back and to the side, the blades running across his jawline. "So what? I get cleared and have nothing to come home to? If they ever find out Ressler is the one working with you to send you in, they'll tear him to pieces. The team will be torn apart and you... Tom, this guy is vicious. He'll kill you."
Jacob looked up to see tears standing in his ex wife's eyes and he reached a hand out to take one of hers. "We're going to be okay," he promised softly. "We'll get through this. All of us. I just need you to trust me. This is what I do, babe. This is what I'm good at. I can make Solomon trust me."
She squeezed his fingers and set the razor down, moving silently to the sink to run a washcloth under the water before handing it to him to wipe the remaining shaving cream from his face. He did so, conscious of her gaze lingering on him, and he stood slowly. "Do you trust me, Liz?" he asked softly, the words hanging heavily between them. She cared, that much he knew. She might even still love him, but trust, after everything, was hard-earned.
Liz stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, her forehead resting against his bare chest. "Yes."
"Then trust me that I am doing everything in my power to help you get your life back, okay? It may not be pretty, but I can get it done. I will."
"Can you promise you'll come back to me when this is over?" she whispered, her voice smaller than he was comfortable hearing from her.
"I can promise I'll do my best."
She nodded, tightening her hold on him and he pressed a kiss to her head. "I can't lose anyone else, Tom."
"You're not going to lose me. I... I love you, Liz. Always have and always will. And hey?" He tipped her chin up, catching her gaze and offering a small smile. "I trust you too."
That pulled a smile from her. "I know."
"Yeah? How's that?" he teased.
Liz leaned up, pressing a kiss to his lips. "Because you just let the woman that shot you and held you prisoner near your neck with a razor blade."
Jacob chuckled. "Fair," he acknowledged and cupped her cheek with his hand, thumb tracing her cheekbone. "I have to get dressed and meet with Solomon."
"I should get back to Red before he has a fit," she murmured reluctantly. She tipped up on her toes and kissed him again. "Be safe and take care of yourself."
"You too."
He watched her turn, starting out to leave down the fire escape she had likely come up. She pulled her hood up around her face and turned back. "I love you too, Tom," she said in a rush. "I'll see you at the end of this."
Then she was gone, the only signs that she had been there at all the half eaten sandwich still on the sink counter and a shave smoother than his own trembling hands could have ever managed. Jacob reached up, his fingers running along the smooth skin. It was amazing how far they were willing to go for each other after everything that had happened. He didn't have a lot of experience in real love, but if this wasn't it, he didn't think he knew what was. He was willing to give anything to keep her safe.
Jacob sighed as he grabbed a pair of slacks from the tiny closet and slipped a button up shirt around his shoulders. Now it was time to put that into action. Sleep had to wait until after his meeting with the Mr Solomon. The man was proving himself to be dangerous, and Jacob would be damned if he'd let him get anywhere close to Liz. This wasn't the first time he had chosen a job with a dangerous man to ensure that that same man didn't hurt the woman he loved. Hopefully, though, it would be the last time he had to. She had said that she wanted them to come home to each other. In the end, that's all he really wanted. If that meant that they were working assignments together or she got a desk job while he went back to teaching, it didn't matter. He just wanted to be able to love her. In the end, that's what would get him through this.
Notes: I'm really curious to see what role Jacob will play this season. I read a rumour that said that he would be using his skills to help Liz. I'm wondering if he'll go under cover with the Cabal. I guess we'll see the beginnings of it tonight! Who's excited?