Chapter 19
Nebuchadnezzar, circa 2199
THEY WHISPER TO EACH OTHER as the fire crackles. Morpheus hears the hushed conversation over the flames, over the wind, over his own tattered and dog-eared thoughts. Turn the page. Rub the priceless parchment between senseless fingers. And only skim the paragraphs, summon vague ideas, as a philosophy student would before an exam. Like that student may, he reads over random words, sometimes only syllables of Descartes, Hume, and Reid, purely ceremoniously- he has memorized it all and hasn't the presence of mind to processes any of it. There are swirls of red on the page. His fingerprints. Trinity's blood. And then the books burn with distressing vigor. Curling into smoke, scattering into ash. He must keep Trinity warm.
Dear Trinity. She was the key to everything. He knew it from the beginning. She was the only one who believed. And the only one who was spared. It cannot be a coincidence. Like him, she was saved because of her faith. Only the faithful survive such tests.
He cannot be blamed for it. He tried to shepherd the others. But they doubted him. They questioned it. What more could he have done for them? He begged them to believe.
"One of the many things she didn't tell you, Neo, is that she stole that hovercraft. Though it still eludes the best of us exactly how she did it."
He looks straight into the younger man's eyes and speaks weightily, as if this felony were her greatest accomplishment. And though this is far from the truth - in the past ten years his Trinity has done far more dangerous things, and returned with far more precious bounty - it was an impressive feat, nevertheless. Neo should hear about it. He should know exactly what ilk of warrior he holds so intimately in his arms. Now is the time, Morpheus decides. Neo must be educated to know how fortunate he is to have won the heart of such a woman.
Not that The One is unworthy. No - banish the thought! Certainly, Neo is a great man - he must be a great man. But Morpheus cannot be too careful. He, too, is a great man. And yet Niobe… but Trinity is not Niobe. She is strong enough to do what must be done. She is strong enough to believe. Niobe would have died today with the others. What good fortune that she left before this harsh judgment purged his crew!
"It took security personnel three days to unscramble their software," he continues, eyes drifting down to where Neo's hands are diligently rubbing Trinity's under the covers. "Though I knew instantly who was responsible... just as I knew she would return unscathed. She is far too important to the cause to be lost on such a trivial mission. The machines must not have realized this, you see. If they knew how gifted she really was, the light daemons would have destroyed her. Surely you are familiar with her work on the IRS D-Base…"
"Morpheus."
"Yes, Trinity."
"Cover up. You're too cold."
"This isn't the time to be-"
"You aren't thinking clearly. It's a symptom of hypothermia. Draw closer to the fire."
"You have to trust me, Trinity."
"I trust you. But do this for me. Please."
Quite right. He knows she's right. It must be dementia. Dear Trinity. She is always taking care of him…
Now he is embarrassed. How impertinent to be saying such things now. The IRS D-Base? No, it will not do, not with her within earshot. And so he will have to speak to Neo later, in private. After they are rescued - and they will be rescued, there is no question that their faith will see them through. In fact, he is already several steps ahead. The prophecy requires him to be. Many consider his uncanny ability to focus a symptom of madness. Nonsense. He is always considering the future with wisdom and prudence. Clarity and objectivity. But regarding his Trinity... he cannot be too careful. He must protect her. From all things.
Nobody realizes how fragile she really is.
He will deal with this new development according to Zionist custom. There is no other protocol to follow if the Oracle has nothing to contribute. Naturally, he will consult her first. And barring advice to the contrary, he will take Neo aside and calmly, rationally, lay out the terms of his courting his first officer. For loving his daughter. Morpheus can only assume that she looks to him like a father. Though they have never said it aloud. Never mind. He will let his actions speak for themselves.
The discussion will not be complicated, and it needn't be confrontational. A simple understanding between gentlemen, that's all. Neo will treat her as an equal. His priority must be to keep her safe, especially in the Matrix, even if she tells him not to- which she will. Ignore that- she is independent to a fault. But every other order she gives him is to be obeyed. Unless of course her request interferes with his obligations as The One. But that would be a monumentally complicated matter and can be discussed if it should ever arise. Details, Neo. Most important is to understand that my Trinity is nearly as sacred as the scriptures themselves.
Most important, Neo, is to understand that she is the only thing left that reminds me that I'm still human.
No need to frighten him - because, surely - Neo is a great man. The One must be a great man.
Morpheus watches her whisper to him again in honeyed tones, a blanket wrapped like a hood over her head. Neo pushes them closer to the flames, and Trinity asks him to draw nearer, "Please, Morpheus. For me. It'll keep us warmer."
It is not the first time she has come to him for help. Yes, now he remembers. It has been floating around for awhile now. That's what almost broke her. That's what sent her out to the edge of the earth all by herself, though she'd never admit that he was the reason. She did it to punish him.
Will you help us, Morpheus? Please, you're the only one I trust to keep it a secret.
She was cloaked in Zionist clothing, barely eighteen. And her fingers were entwined tightly with those of her lover, whom Morpheus was shocked to identify as the oldest son of a senior councilman. Daniel Emery (the Third) was a fifth generation purebred, and was quite famously betrothed to a young lady of similar pedigree. Yet he was in love with Trinity. Madly. And she with him. Desperately. Somehow, they'd kept the affair secret for over a year. A year. Trinity always knew how to keep a secret. But it wasn't enough for them to steal away in the shadows anymore. Now they were engaged.
You're a captain- you can perform the ceremony. And take us aboard your ship. The pair of us. Get us away from the city, where he won't have to worry about his family…
For a moment Morpheus doubted that she'd ever been unplugged at all- because she was dreaming in Technicolor. Of course not. Yes, he wanted her. Every captain in the fleet wanted Trinity. But this boy? Even if he were allowed to renounce his hereditary seat on the council, which Morpheus couldn't imagine he'd be permitted to do, he wouldn't last a day in the sewers. Not a day, Trinity. It isn't what he was educated to do.
Then I'll stay here. I'll find work in the city. So long as we're together.
No, Trin, hold on. And the young man with dirty blonde hair took her aside. You can't give up the army. You belong out there. You're so gifted…you said it yourself… they need you. We both know they need you.
I need you. What about us, Daniel?
They argued, the way that lovers argue. Morpheus remembers it now. How close she came to marrying that young boy. To becoming the wife of a disgraced councilor's exiled son. She'd have children and a home and a disastrous marriage with a man she has next to nothing in common with. Nothing but love – the kind of passion that radiated from them both like moonbeams. How she'd kept this a secret, Morpheus couldn't imagine. But what was even more of a mystery, was how Trinity –rational, strong, intelligent Trinity- could ever have convinced herself it would work.
And that night was the last time he ever saw them together. A short month later Daniel set a date to marry to his other fiancée, and nobody was the wiser of his scandalous romance with a young foundling girl from the sewers. It was the evening before this much celebrated wedding that the young man returned to Morpheus and asked him to deliver a message. That he was doing this for her.
Will you tell her that? She won't see me. She won't take my calls. She listens to you, Morpheus. Tell her to go back to the Academy, join a good crew, like she's always talked about. Trinity can make a difference out there, and I won't be the one to hold her back. I just… I love her too damn much.
The captain agreed to deliver the message, but the next morning, Trinity was nowhere to be found. And neither was that scorpion-class vessel she pilfered from under Lock's nose. Morpheus can only imagine the misery poor Daniel went through; he saw him briefly at the Memorial, and weeks later at her homecoming. The shattered man stood stoically in the back of the crowd with his new wife, who had the air of boredom dipping from her every pore. If Daniel and Trinity even spotted each other, neither gave a single indication of it. But then again, they'd had a lot of practice at hiding their emotions in public.
It may have been the last time Trinity was in love. But Neo has no way of knowing this. He doesn't realize the last time she glowed so iridescently was over a decade ago. So long ago, in fact, that Morpheus had forgotten up until this moment. Until he saw it again, this time sparked by a very different sort of man. Someone like her. Someone who wouldn't hurt her.
Well, not if Morpheus has anything to say about it.
For his sake, The One had better be a great man.
Zion, circa 2188
I'M ON MY WAY to a temporary housing project after spending three days at medbay, recovering from malnourishment and… what the hell did the doctors call it? Post traumatic stress syndrome. Shell shock. Isolation sickness. I forget the rest of what's wrong with me. Doesn't matter. I'm walking. That's all I need. All my sock-puppets would agree – sanity is overrated.
I chuckle. Good one, Trin… but now that you're back in civilization, you should stop talking to yourself, or they might add few more disorders to that laundry list. Although, you know what they say. Old habits die hard…
"Trinity."
I recognize the voice, but I don't turn around. I knew he'd find me. I knew it the moment I saw him at the dock; it was written all over his face. I'll find you. And in spite of myself, I know my expression screamed back at him. Yes. Come and find me.
I continue to march along the catwalk, towards the small, filthy room to which I've been assigned, counting the numbers as I go. He's following me, and I walk faster, but only because I can't stand to wait a moment longer. I jam the key into the lock and rush in, slamming the metal behind us as Daniel takes me by the waist and pushes me against the wall. His mouth is on mine before I've even looked into his eyes. And after nearly ninety days of yearning for any human contact, tears pour down my cheeks as his hands pull at my clothes. I help him, bawling as I do. His tongue burns my skin as soon as I remove the fabric, and I don't think I've ever wanted him more. He's mine. Nothing will change that. He'll always be mine.
I thought of him every night I was out there. Every night. I yell out as we make love, which I never do; but I can't help it. I need to scream. To him. He needs to hear it. He has hurt me beyond words, beyond expression, and yet I have never taken more joy in his body as I do now. Perhaps it is because under it all, I know it is the last time.
Our goodbye doesn't last long – I'm too raw to play games. And I feel dizzy when I eventually fall back on top of him, onto his perfect chest, my hands tangled in thick, curly hair. "Trinity," he says my name the way I love to hear it. "My Trinity."
"Daniel. We… you know shouldn't have done this."
"How could you have left me?" His mouth drags over my sweat-covered brow. "How could you, Trin? On my wedding day. Do you have any idea… I thought I'd lost you."
I take his hand, and examine twin tanzanite wedding bands on his ring finger. "You have lost me," I whisper. "This was your decision. I didn't have a choice."
"I did this for you. So you could have a career. Do you know what my father would have done if we'd been discovered? He'd ruin both of us."
"I suppose I should be grateful."
"I didn't have a choice. I did it for us. Trinity…" He sits up and rests his hands on my shoulders, caresses my hair back from my neck. "I ask you to save some part of us. I love you. I'll always love you."
"You love me so much you'd let me be your whore?" I ask softly, and he doesn't answer. "You're a coward, Daniel."
I nearly killed myself over this man. And here we are again. I've had this argument with him one thousand times. I've shouted at him. I've pleaded with him. I've begged and cried and left my very last shred of dignity in his hands. And now it's adultery. I'm not proud of it. I resent him for it. "We shouldn't have done this," I say again. "You need to go home to Claire."
We sit a long time in silence, until he kisses my jaw, earlobe, lips, once more. He tells me once more, he loves me. Forever, Trinity. And once more, I watch him from a stripped mattress as he dresses in expensive clothes. Back to his life, leaving me in the ruins of mine. I'm losing him forever, and yet I can't move, I just watch him go. My eyes sting, my chest heaves, my heart breaks. Prickly fingertips, numbness, and pain. Why can't I breathe?
"Trinity."
I recognize this voice as well. I knew he'd find me. "Neo."
"You need to stay awake. Open your eyes, please." I force my lids open, though they're heavy. I'm drowsy. And warm. Shit. I'm freezing to death. "Trin, can you hear me?"
"Yes. Talk to me. Don't let me drift off."
"Bad dreams?"
"Hm?"
He wipes my cheeks. "Tears."
I haven't dreamed about Daniel in years. I haven't cried over him in much longer. "No. Not bad," I whisper thoughtfully. "Just saying goodbye. To… an old friend."
"You will not fall asleep again, Trinity."
Morpheus has moved closer, and from the corner of my eye, I see him throwing the last bits of kindling into the dying fire. Oh, God. This is it. We have half an hour at best. He sits down next to us, by my head. "You don't need old friends. The One is a great man. He will be an honorable man."
"Morpheus, get under the blankets," Neo says, and he must think our captain is halfway mad. He might be right. But I think Morpheus and I might understand each other better at this moment than we have in the past few months of complete lucidity. How does he always know? Is it my tone, a look on my face? Morpheus can always tell when I'm thinking of Daniel. And he rarely says a word; he just frowns.
"You have all my secrets," I murmur quietly, looking up at him. "You're the only one left who does, you know."
"Good."
"Always keeping an eye out for me."
"There are some things in this world that will never change, Trinity."
"And some things do change."
"Yes. I'm glad for it."
"Me, too." I glance at Neo's trademark bewilderment. "He's cute, hm?"
We laugh together, though we are both short of breath. It's been a long time since I've laughed with Morpheus. His hands cup my cheeks, and then he rests a palm on my forehead. "Good girl," he says softly – and he's the only man who could get away with such a comment and live. Only a parent could get away with that.
"Good girl," he repeats. "You were the only one who believed."
a/n: All reviews are welcome! Feel free to let me know how you liked/didn't like this version of Trinity's romantic past. It's a bit different from many of the others posted on and it's something I've been thinking about for a long time.
But of course, this is mainly a Morpheus/Trin chapter - I hope you enjoyed the pseudo- father/daughter dynamic.
Next chapter sees the return of Niobe/Ghost/Sparks/Zion... Rorie... Knight... ah, it's a party!
-Syd.