Love and Trust

He didn't want to leave her alone without someone close by two nights in a row. She would say he was being stupid, and maybe he was. Liz was a big girl and a fighter. The man in the parking lot wouldn't happen again because she wouldn't let it, but knowing that and not worrying over her were two different things. Especially now that he knew she was pregnant. It made things… complicated, at the very best, and had already caused a fight. He hated fighting with her. He already felt like he was continuously standing on the edge of the abyss, about to lose her all over again at any given moment when he said or did the wrong thing. He needed to make sure she knew that he wasn't trying to be unsupportive, just make sure that they were both on the same page. It was their baby, afterall.

Jacob hadn't told her that he was coming back to DC, and now that he stood outside of her door with half a dozen roses behind his back and an apology on his lips, he hoped that she was home. He waited, shifting his weight a little and was about to knock again when he heard the locks coming undone. She didn't look happy or unhappy, really, but more confused. "I thought you were staying in Boston for a couple more nights? Working on whatever it was that you were working on?"

"Hi to you too," he grinned. She didn't mirror it and he let it fade just a little, sighing softly, and he pulled the roses out so she could see them. "I thought I owed you an apology. I've been… freaking out a little."

Slowly Liz's expression softened ever so slightly and she reached for the roses and pulled them to her nose, taking a long wiff of them and her smile creeped into place. "You always did know how to apologize."

"It's a little late for dinner, but it was the first flight I could get back when I decided to come."

"You're sweet." Liz stepped back, motioning for him to come in and his grin returned in full force as he complied, bending down almost immediately to pet the dog that was scooting around his ankles. "I should have a vase in the cabinet right next to the fridge."

"Okay." He knew a hint when he heard one and moved to go get it. "Your hair looks good. What made you decide to go back to your natural colour?"

"Oh, you know…. I only dyed it because I was on the run. I'm not anymore."

"Makes sense," Jacob agreed and reached for the door to the cabinet, his gaze catching a familiar looking pamphlet shoved under a pad of paper. He moved it on impulse, brows drawing together as his eyes focused in on the pamphlet for the same adoption agency they had gone through when they were attempting to adopt a child together. A name was scrawled down on it. Liz had already called them. He couldn't breathe for a moment, almost like the world had shifted dangerously beneath him.

"Tom?"

He turned, holding the offending paper up and saw the colour drain a little from her face. "What the hell, Liz? We said we'd talk about it first."

She pulled in a shaky breath, squaring her shoulders and straightening her back. "There's nothing to talk about, Tom. I need to do what's best for my child."

"Our child," he corrected.

"My child," Liz growled and Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Listen, I get what you're doing. You're scared. You have every right to be, but you can't push everyone away right now and do this all on your own. I'm not some one night stand, Liz. You and me, we made this child. I should have some say in if we toss them into the foster system to sink or swim."

"Oh don't go there with me."

"Go where? The truth? You don't see it because you never lived it. You had Sam."

"Our baby would get a good home."

"You said you didn't want to be naive. Lizzie, listen." He moved, reaching out to her so that his fingers were barely touching her arm and she glared at him like he'd made some sort of aggressive move that she was ready to fight back on. His hand dropped and he stepped back immediately. "Please. I'm not trying to piss you off. I just want you to understand how dangerous this could be. You have no idea what the darker side of this could be and you need to. We need to talk about it."

"You always want to talk about it. I've made up my mind. I'm doing what's best, so just-"

"I get a say in this too," he snapped, his mind whirling with the worst years of his time in the system. The beatings, the threats, and everything that had helped shape him into what he had eventually become. He was trying so hard to start over, to be someone better. He didn't want his child to ever have to.

"No, you don't."

"You don't want the kid? Fine. I'll take them."

Liz snorted. "Don't be stupid," she grumbled, turning her back on him and putting the roses roughly on the bar. "Your life isn't any safer than mine."

"It can be. What do you think I've been doing? I've got something set up to make it safer. For both of us, if you want to, but… if you're determined you don't want our kid, I'll do what I have to. We're not sending them away to the system and hoping for the best."

"So what, you'd take the child and just leave? Go start over under some new name somewhere else? So what has all of this been?" She motioned around her. "You've been so determined to get back together."

"I've been trying to prove to you that I love you," Jacob corrected her, straightening his stance a little. "I haven't asked for anything in return, Liz. You know that."

"Just got a good time out of it then?" she snapped.

"Is this all this was to you? A good time? Liz, I'm talking about our child!"

"Don't yell at me!"

"Then could you please just have a real conversation with me?"

"How can I when you're being so unreasonable? Your handler's trying to kill you, Red hates you more than he wants to control me, and who knows who else is after you? I have my reasons, Tom. Just drop it."

He opened his mouth and snapped it shut again, pulling a long breath in through his nose to try to calm his temper. "Okay. You know, I think I should go."

"You don't have to do that."

"You said you were into empty anyway. I don't want to get in the way of that."

He started for the door, but she caught his wrist. "Tom…"

Jacob turned, doing his best to control his temper. "You know, I'll admit, I've been telling myself that things were good. That maybe, just maybe, you sought me out after everything because you loved me like I love you."

"Tom-"

"But you don't," he said, his voice trembling slightly. "You don't. You love the idea, the picture you've got in your head. The husband. I guess that's probably my fault." He turned, pulling from her grasp and opened the door, pausing and blinking hard to clear his vision. "Liz, I love you, but if you try to do this to our child, I'll fight you on it. I'll fight for custody. My record's clean now and I might even win it. I won't risk their future without a fight, no matter how much I love you."

He didn't wait for a response, but closed the door behind him, stopping only briefly when he nearly ran into Baz on his way out. Great. Reddington had his people living across from Liz. He wondered if she knew that. He sidestepped the other man and stormed down the hall without a look back.

Jacob walked from Liz's apartment to the docks, his chest tight with the emotional weight of the situation by the time that he got there. He'd never been one to let emotions get the better of him, but Liz was the exception to almost everything. He loved her. He didn't want to lose her, but if it came down to it, he wasn't going to risk their child growing up in the hell he'd seen. He just wouldn't do it. He didn't know exactly how to go about it, but he'd figure it out. He was a quick learner.

Things weren't supposed to be this way. He wasn't sure exactly how he'd expected them to turn out, but yelling with Liz about their unborn child had never made it into the thought process. He hoped that maybe if she had some time to think about what he'd said and let her own temper cool, they could come back and discuss it again. She knew he was serious. It wasn't a threat, just a promise. Maybe it would be the best thing.

He made his way down into the boat's cabin and went for a drawer in the back. He needed a cigarette. He'd been so good not to go for one, even with everything that had happened lately, but he thought he'd earned himself a short reprieve from quitting.

The former operative froze with his hands stuffed in the drawer, digging through clothes for a half-smoked pack he knew he'd left in there, and he heard something above him. He strained his hearing, the footsteps heavy.

Jacob moved at just the right moment, instincts kicking in as he dove for cover. Bullets ripped his little door to shreds and he found himself under the table, reaching for his own firearm that he often kept tucked into its holster at the small of his back and found nothing there. He had gone straight from the plane to Liz's. The barrel of a gun came into view and a man he didn't recognize knelt down to aim it at him under the table. The man motioned to him. "Hands."

Slowly and carefully Jacob showed them and crawled out of his space to get a better view of those that were attacking him. Three men, all armed, but they were in close quarters. He had a chance if he caught them off guard.

"Our boss wants a chat," one of the men said. "Come quietly and he might even make it quick."

Jacob snorted. They were Bud's men. They had to be. "Sure he will. Took you guys a while to find me. You must be slipping." He moved without warning, throwing his head back to collide the the man behind him. There was a satisfying cracking sound when he struck his nose, and he was released, swinging around for the second man and pulling him into the way of the third's bullet. The man went down and Jacob zagged left, barely missing the next one fired. He ducked low and bobbed back up, palm of his hand hitting the other man's chin hard and slamming him back. He threw him to the side and started up the stairs only to be caught hard in the chest by a boot, sending him crashing back into the cabin.

Jacob coughed hard, his attacker coming down without delay. He barely rolled out of the way, but couldn't go far because of the small space and the unconscious men he'd already taken out. Another kick caught him in the jaw and he saw stars as he rolled over, a boot landing hard against his back. Pain raced through him, muscles that had never quite healed right after bullets ripped through them protesting the blow and he was forced face down against the floor. The boot caught him hard in the ribs and he grunted before striking out, managing to swing around and land a hard blow to the man's knee. It gave and Jacob managed to get to his feet only to see two others joining the scuffle. This was not his evening.

One grabbed him, wrenching his arms back behind him, the other slamming his first into his middle hard enough to leave him gasping for air. The second hit left him sagging, held upright by his captor and the one that had been beating on him took a fistful of his hair and jerked his head up so he couldn't move at all. He struggled, feeling his body protesting as he did, and he heard footsteps above. That was interesting. Bud had come to him.

The individual that started down the stairs and into the cabin wasn't the man that had raised him though. Jacob blinked hard, wishing he could wipe at the blood that was trailing down his face. These weren't McCready's men after all. "Reddington."

The Concierge of Crime did not look pleased. "Tom."

"What the hell?" Jacob growled, struggling again. He almost got loose too, but was forced to his knees before he could. This was further than he would have ever thought Reddington would take it, no matter how angry he was. Jacob didn't question that he knew about the baby. The man probably had paid off any doctors Liz was seeing to give him a report.

"You seemed to misunderstand me when we last spoke. Perhaps I wasn't clear? You will not marry Elizabeth, nor will you remain in her life."

"That's her call, not yours," Jacob growled, looking for an escape and finding none.

Reddington smirked, his calm thin and cracking dangerously as he stood over the younger man. "I have gone to great lengths to make sure Elizabeth remains safe. Great lengths. There are days that I truly regret not ending your life the moment that I knew you'd crossed me. That call from Sam… I should have sent someone after you that day. Better yet, I should have paid you a visit myself. It would have saved her a lot of grief."

"You don't care how badly you hurt her as long as you get to keep her. Do you have a shelf, Reddington? Display her like a doll?"

The older man chuckled. "You think you're clever, don't you, Tom? Clever enough to pull her away."

"Liz makes her own decisions. She always has. She always will."

The smirk didn't falter as he stepped forward and the man behind him jerked Jacob's head up by his hair. He tensed, trying to pull, but he couldn't. Reddington put a hand on his shoulder and the grip was tight. "I won't let you take her from me and I won't let you take her child from her."

Jacob tilted his head. "How do you even-"

Reddington's movement was quick and Jacob felt his breath catch dangerously as the pain spread through him, starting at the point just below his ribs where Red's knife bit deep. The older man had pulled him close, those that had been holding him finally releasing him so that he sagged against his ex-wife's self-proclaimed protector. "I warned you, Tom. I gave you many warnings, and this is how it ends. You will not be in that child's life. You will not confuse Elizabeth any more. I sent Zamani last time because Elizabeth needed to see it for herself then, but now, I'm only too happy to do the deed myself."

"Sir?" a voice called from up on the deck, "Baz is on the phone. He says that Ms Keen left the apartment and she's heading this direction."

"Hmm," Reddington hummed softly to himself and Jacob gave a sharp cry as he pulled the knife from him, letting him go and he crumbled to the floor of his boat. He curled into himself, hand pressed to the wound and he coughed hard. He wasn't sure if he'd bit his tongue or if the damage was just that severe, but he tasted blood. He forced himself to focus enough to turn a glare on his attacker who was speaking to the men he'd brought with him. Funny, Baz and Dembe were nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he hadn't even confided in them what he was doing that evening. "Get the men that he took down out and leave him."

"She won't forgive you for this," Jacob coughed out, hoping that it might even be true.

"The target is big enough on your back that she'll never know it was me."

Jacob curled tighter into himself, the blood flowing even as he pressed his fingers into his t-shirt to try to staunch it. He was vaguely aware of the men moving around him as he faded in and out, bordering closely on unconsciousness. He wasn't sure how much time had passed or if they were even gone, but at some point he heard his name and the voice seemed like it should be familiar.

"Tom? Tom, open your eyes. You have to open them. Please?"

His lids felt so heavy that it took several tries to get them to open and slowly Liz came into focus over him, her hands covered in blood - his, he hoped - and she had one pressed against the wound and the other gripping a cell phone, giving the operator instructions on how to find them. Jacob watched her, feeling a bit like he was watching a dream play out through fog, and he reached up for her, his hand clumsy and heavy.

She hung the phone up, dropping it without a great deal of care, and caught his hand with her own newly freed on. "Shh. It's okay, just keep your eyes open. Help's on its way."

"Lizzie," he breathed, her name leaving him in on a pained breath. He could feel himself slipping. He'd been close enough to death before to know that he wasn't in good shape. He had to tell her, just in case. He couldn't die letting her believe that he hated her for what she felt like she had to do. Even if she never could love him again, that didn't change anything for him. "Love you. Love you both."

Liz offered him a strained smile, tears building. She opened her mouth to say something and a sob was all that she got for the efforts, so she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead. She lingered there, her touch gentle and it reminded him so much of happier days. He was floating, the pain further away now, and as his eyes slipped closed again with the feeling of her hand in his. She knew. At least she knew, and even if he couldn't, he hoped that she would tell their little one.

He woke to the sound of machines beeping steadily around him, the smell of sterile clean, and white walls. A hospital, his mind supplied sluggishly. He was in a hospital. Why?

Jacob shifted, his eyes fluttering a little as he tried to gain a better perspective. "Hey," a voice said off to his right and he forced his head to turn stiffly. Liz sat there, her nose in a book and she plucked the earbuds out of her ears, music sounding through them very softly. She offered him a smile and reached forward and Jacob found her fingers squeezing his. "How are you feeling?"

He tried to pull in a breath and instantly regretted it. "Hurts," he managed, taking a mental inventory and realizing that he couldn't. They had him on medication. He hated the way that stuff made him feel. It never quite got rid of the pain, but it did manage to muddle his senses and leave him just slightly sick until they dialed back the dosage.

"Yeah, having someone try to gut you will do that."

She pulled in a shaky breath and Jacob reached up slowly with his free hand, thumb moving to wipe at the tears that were trailing down her cheeks. "It's okay, Liz. I'm okay. Please don't cry?"

"You stopped breathing," she managed, her voice strained. "Right before the medics got there. You stopped right after you told me that you loved us both. Tom…" She squeezed his hand in both of hers and pulled it up to her lips, pressing a kiss to it. "I'm so sorry. I should have…" She stopped, her glassy gaze shifting to look him square in the eye and she pulled in a steadying breath and spoke carefully. "I told myself I'd tell you as soon as you woke up. I wouldn't let another second pass."

"Tell me what?"

"That I love you too. I do. I don't just see you as a role. I see you, no matter how hard I try not to." She smiled, the tears starting again, but she pushed through them. "You're sweet and you're caring when someone means something to you. You're… I don't know what you've been through, but I should. I want to. I want to know everything about you. I love you so much and when I saw you bleeding out… all I could think was that I'd never have a chance to say it again. Never have a chance to make sure you know."

Jacob tried for a smile and he felt like it might have been a little goofy. "I love you too, babe."

Liz beamed at him through her tears and leaned over carefully, pressing a kiss to his lips. "We'll talk," she promised. "We'll talk about everything and find the best option for our child."

"Okay," he agreed, feeling a little drowsy.

She kissed him again before settling back in her chair, her hand not leaving his. "The police were asking what happened," she prompted softly, her voice pulling him back from the brink of sleep. There was his FBI wife. The fact that that hadn't been the first thing from her said a lot.

"These guys were at my boat as soon as I got back. Fought, lost," he breathed closing his eyes and letting the memory replay. He had thought it was Bud. It would have made sense to have been Bud. He was putting together something as quickly as he could that would help him get Bud off his tail and that, and she knew about that in the vaguest of ways at least. Now he had another dangerous enemy to add to his list and that would just put her even more against the idea of raising the child. Not to mention that it would hurt her. He could handle it, though. He would have to.

"Who was it?"

Jacob squeezed her hand. "It doesn't matter. I'm going to take care of it."

"Tom-"

"Babe, I need you to trust me," he murmured, his gaze flickering up to catch hers. "Can you do that? I'm going to handle it."

He watched her expression shift from confusion, to annoyance, and finally into reluctant acceptance before she nodded. "Okay, but only if you promise to let me know if you don't think you can."

Jacob nodded, his smile tugging his lips. "Yeah. We're a team."

"Yeah, I guess we are," his ex wife murmured. "Get some sleep, okay?"

She didn't have to tell him twice. Jacob drifted almost instantly, the medication coursing through his system helping with that. He woke a couple of times, finding Liz sitting next to him, but as he opened his eyes to a dark room, the sun having set and someone had likely encouraged her to go home for the evening, Jacob found a very unwelcoming figure looming over him. One that he had not expected to be bold enough to come to his hospital room. He should have known better. "Reddington."

The older man pulled in a deep breath, his scowl set on his features. "I had expected a reaction from her, but not this," he said after a moment. "I thought - I'd hoped - that at least the love had faded and perhaps left something a bit more… primitive in its place, but Elizabeth was nearly inconsolable while you were in surgery. I thought perhaps I'd get another pen in my neck."

"You'd have deserved it."

Reddington snorted. "The greatest surprise, I must admit, is that she still doesn't know that it was me. Why?"

"Because you've hurt her enough," Jacob said evenly, shifting so that he was at least sitting up a bit more in the bed.

"So your revenge will come in a quieter manner, I take it?"

Jacob sighed, his eyes rolling a bit at the insinuation. "I love Liz. I don't want to hurt her, and no matter how insane it may be, you croaking would hurt her."

"Then I suppose we're back to our stalemate, aren't we?" Reddington murmured.

"I guess we are." He watched the older man tilt his head, studying him, and then he finally nodded, turning as he put his fedora back on his head to leave. "But Reddington?" Jacob called, stopping the man in his tracks. "If you hurt my family in any way - if you even look like you might - I will break your neck myself."

Reddington smirked a little at him and turned, leaving the hospital room. Jacob loosed a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and sank back against his pillows, pain spreading through him and he winced, letting his eyes drift closed again.

"It's been a while since I saw that side of you." His eyes popped open again and he saw his ex leaning against the doorframe where Reddington had just left.

"You heard?"

"I knew," she said softly. "Well, I knew the moment I talked to Red after you went into surgery. I was hoping you'd tell me, but at least now I know why you didn't."

"Are you mad?"

Liz moved into the room and took a careful seat on the edge of his bed. "You didn't lie to me, but… Tom, we have to be honest. Thank you for not wanting it to hurt me. I… I appreciate that, but I need to face this sort of thing. I need to know. I'll trust you, but you need to trust me too, okay? Two way street."

He smiled, reaching up and pushing a strand of her dark hair out of her face. "You're one of the few people in my life that I do trust."

"Good," she answered with a teasing smile and leaned in, pecking a quick kiss against his nose and laughing when he made a face. "Get some sleep. I've been standing guard. Jerk waited until I walked away to get some coffee to come in here."

"Coffee?" he echoed, looking back at the window and seeing it was still dark.

"Decalf. Pregnant, remember?"

He chuckled and took her hand, pulling it to his lips and kissing her palm. "I love you. Both of you."

"We love you too," she answered and squeezed his hand. "Get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't want you staying up all night," he answered sleepily.

"I won't. They brought a cot in."

"There's room here."

Liz choked out a laugh. "No there's not. I don't want to hurt you."

"Totally worth it."

He grinned at her as she sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes. He watched as she carefully swung her legs up and nestled down with him into a spot that he thought they might get yelled at by a nurse for if they were found, which they would be. It didn't matter though. He had an arm around her and she leaned into him, very careful not to put pressure on his injuries. A smile tugged his lips and he pressed a kiss to her dark hair. Loving her was worth it. Trusting her was worth it. It was all worth it, no matter the cost, as long as he had his family.

Notes: If any of you follow me on Tumblr you know how utterly offended I've been that Liz is trying to take his parental rights from him. It's been a big discussion over there and I did a little research. In the US (and in general) a father has the right to protest a mother putting the child up for adoption. If they're unmarried he will need to 1. prove that he is the biological father and 2. prove that he is willing to parent the child (usually through paying for the woman's care during the pregnancy). I could see Jacob being 110% against his child ever even having a chance of going through what he did, so while I hope that it doesn't come down to that in the show, he would at least have a chance to try for full custody of the child, especially since his record has been completely cleaned and Liz's is less than stellar now. He might even have a pretty good chance if he were to try to get custody.

Anyway, that's what sparked this story. That combined with Red swaying a little into dangerous and strange territory in Thursday's episode. Did anyone else find him more overbearing than usual?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! :D