Annoyingly Positive

He had always been the type to laser focus on something and barrel ahead until he either got it or ran into a brick wall. At least now she knew that was all him and not some sort of act. It didn't make it any easier to take.

"Tom, I swear if you say or do one more thing in the next hour - maybe two, depending on my mood - that has to do with the baby, me being pregnant, or could be linked to that in any way I'm going to throw my mug at you," Liz warned testily, stopping her ex husband in his tracks. She held up her half-emptied mug of tea to press her point and he offered her that lopsided smile that was supposed to make him look innocent. She knew him too well for that.

"I'm just trying to-"

She reared the mug back threateningly. "Sit down. You're driving me insane!"

Tom took an immediate seat in the arm chair that had been set up catty corner to the sofa that Liz had finally just accepted. His nervous energy filled the room to the point that Liz gave a loud and frustrated sigh. "You're impossible sometimes."

"I'm not doing anything," he argued. "You told me to sit and I am."

"How am I supposed to relax if you don't? You're making me nervous with all of your nervous energy," she grumbled.

"Liz, you're the one that said you wanted me to stay here to help out," he pointed out reasonably. She still wasn't sure just why that tone made her want to throttle him sometimes. It was definitely not because he made a valid point.

"Help out. Yeah, but you've been doing everything. I can't eat or sleep or move around or even breathe without you going into overdrive mode." The few moments that he wasn't jumping to her every need he seemed to have his nose buried in a parenting book. Sometimes it was just too overwhelming for her, especially since they were still discussing their options. She didn't want to break his heart, but that's what he was setting himself up for.

"I'm not sure what you want, Liz. Just tell me. I'll do it."

She swallowed hard and sighed. She hates that kicked puppy look he got so well. She was still undecided on if it was put on or not. Finally she reached out and he immediately took her hand. "I know you're trying, but you're smothering me," she said at last, doing her best to voice the tangled emotions and thoughts.

"I don't mean to."

"I know." She squeezed his fingers and studied his fallen expression. "Tom?"

"Hmm?"

"I know that you're… determined to look at the positive side of this, but my fears haven't changed. Our lives are still dangerous. The whole Gina thing just proved that." She saw him grimace at the mention of the botched last-ditch effort that he was still healing from. He had never made the soundest decisions when he was desperate. On impulse she gave his hand a tug and he stood from his seat, letting her guide him over to the couch with her. He took a seat and she leaned in, feeling his arm snake around her shoulders. Despite everything, she couldn't help but feel a little safer like this, and from things he'd said, she thought he might feel the same. No wonder he was so determined they could protect their child.

Liz sighed, letting her eyes close. "You know what I'm afraid of with all this. Reddington, your enemies, my enemies, and everything in between-"

"That's not all there is," he argued softly.

"-but I don't know what you're afraid of." She risked a look up at him. "I promise not to use it against you." He snorted a laugh and she pulled back. "I'm not blind, Tom. I know I do it."

A small smile tilted his lips, the uncomfortableness hidden just on the other side. He slouched down in his place and she took his hand, doing her best to be patient. "For letting them go, I'm afraid they'll end up in the same places I did," he said thoughtfully, his face carefully blank and his eyes closed. "I'm afraid that he or she will inherit my… That they'll have trouble connecting and people won't understand. That they'll land in the system and never get out."

"Adoptive parents don't just give their children up like that," Liz said immediately and the thought of the adoption case she'd worked flashed through her mind. The Cyprus Agency and how it had all begun. Maybe some did.

Tom tried for a smile. "I was passed around a lot. No one bothered to take the time with me, and after a while you stop trying." He swallowed hard and she could see the subtle signs of struggle in the way that his jaw clenched. She just wasn't sure if it was against his own rarely-spoken of childhood or if it was for the truths he was speaking. She supposed there wasn't a lot of difference at the moment. "And on the flip side, I'm scared I'll make a bad dad. It's not like I really know how to be one."

That caught Liz by surprise and she found herself staring. "You would be a great father," she murmured. "I've seen you with kids. You're amazing."

"I fake it pretty well," he chuckled.

"I think it's more than that." She loosed her grip just long enough to reposition her hand and lace her fingers through his. "I know it's more than that."

He leaned into her a bit, his seemingly endless positivity washing away. "How about you, Lizzie?"

"You know how I feel about it."

"I know your fears about keeping our kid. Do you not have any about letting them go?"

It was Liz's turn to grimace now. Those were the fears she didn't let herself dwell on. They were selfish, she'd told herself, and she didn't have any room for that. She had to protect their child from Reddington, from the dangerous life that both she and Tom lived, and from… "I'm afraid that it won't be enough," she whispered, her voice breaking a little. "I'm afraid that they'll find her and they'll hurt her, and because we were trying to protect her, we won't even know until it's too late." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm afraid that no matter what I choose, it'll be wrong."

She felt Tom shift and suddenly he was brushing away tears that she hadn't even realized were slipping down her cheeks. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to the side of her head and they sat there in silence for a few moments until Liz's tears had run their course. Finally, she blinked her eyes open and leaned into him again. "This is what I needed."

"Honesty hour?" he teased softly.

"Support."

She heard him sigh and pulled her close. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," she answered. "Tom, what if there is no right answer? What if we've doomed our child?"

Her ex husband chuckled mirthlessly. "I don't know, Lizzie."

She snorted and nudged him hard. "This is where you're supposed to be annoyingly positive."

"Missed my cue, huh?"

"Some operative you are."

He grinned at her. "Former."

"Yeah? Not everything you remembered?"

"No, it was everything I remembered, and this is better. This is what I want."

Liz rolled her eyes and smiled nestling in closer. There were so many obstacles in their way. The Cabal, his handler, her criminal record, Reddington, and that didn't even touch on the emotional land mine that was their own romantic history. It all piled up, threatening to drown them beneath it. She was halfway certain that they'd both have to be crazy to try to fight it, but, somehow, in moments like these, she felt like maybe they had a fighting chance. It was that annoying positivity of his rubbing off on her.

"Her," Tom murmured after several long moments of silence.

"Hmm?"

"You said her earlier."

Liz cracked a smile. "Just a feeling."

"Hypothetically-"

"Tom…"

"Just humour me? Hypothetically, if we were to keep her, what would you want to name her?"

Blue eyes blinked open and she pulled in a breath. "I don't know. I've always thought Sam for a boy, but… I guess I never had a name picked out for a girl. I don't know why. I've always wanted a little girl." She could almost feel his smile. "You have one all picked out?"

"Hope."

The laugh escaped before she could stop it and Liz wrapped an arm around his middle, feeling him shift to accommodate her changing position. "Hope," she repeated softly.

"Love it or hate it?"

She felt the tears building again and she buried her face in his t-shirt, his fingers working their way through her dark hair. "Love it," she managed, and she knew that if they did give their baby up, it was going to be the hardest thing she would ever do.

Notes: I received a prompt today and the plot bunny took hold and wouldn't let go. I really didn't plan to write this today. Really I didn't... They're just so darn cute.