Chapter 9: Truths and Regrets
Byakuya laid quietly in a large, soft bed, with his head rested gently over Renji's heart, a pale hand beneath his cheek, feeling the soft pulse of life beneath it. His other hand reached across the redhead's warm torso and had entangled his fingers with Renji's. The redhead slept silently, and he did not move, except for the soft inhale and exhale of his breathing. Byakuya had never seen his lover so still and quiet. He hadn't been able to sleep all through the long night because of the strangeness of it. That, coupled with the intense emotions associated with being in Renji's arms again after their long separation, left him unable to close his eyes.
His heart ached at how they had been torn apart…how Tsuyoshi's lies and manipulations had shattered the beauty of their love. His heart had been more destroyed by Renji's seeming betrayal, than his body and powers had been when Tsuyoshi used Tenrai Keibatsu to bring him down. Neither betrayal had been expected, and one piled on top of the other had been crushing. If it hadn't been for Tsuneo finding him and taking him to Inuzuri, he knew he would have died.
But somehow, he had been saved. He had been saved and had slowly recovered, thanks to the help of Tsuneo and the Inuzuri healer…but mostly to the presence of the one thing that had not left him as his life came apart.
Ronin…
That little, beautiful reminder of their love had remained with him, and had grown into the strong young boy who was the best of both of them.
But what will Renji think when I tell him?
What will Ronin think?
Will they hate me for lying to them?
"Byakuya…"
Renji's fingers moved, brushing warmly against his.
"It's all right now. They are gone."
He lifted his head slightly, as Renji's brown eyes opened and looked at the place where the noble's head had been pillowed. His breath caught and tears filled his eyes.
"Oh god," he moaned, half sobbing and burying Byakuya's mouth in hard, penetrating kisses, "Oh god, oh god! I thought that they would never be gone!"
He sat up and dragged the noble into his arms, holding him painfully tightly against him, his body shaking as he loosed the grief he had borne alone for the past decade. His fingers threaded through Byakuya's silken, black hair, and his nose and mouth took in his lover's taste and scent and the weak traces of his reiatsu. Byakuya's arms anchored him, the noble's mouth meeting his firmly, and the dark eyes locking on his and registering love and forgiveness.
"Byakuya!" Renji moaned, tears streaming down his face and wetting the noble's face as they held and kissed each other, "Byakuya…Byakuya. Oh god, let this be real this time. If it's just another stupid dream, I'm gonna die. I know I'm gonna die! B-byakuya!"
"You aren't dreaming, Renji," Byakuya assured him, "I am here now. I am here and I won't leave you again. I promise."
"You're really…here?" Renji said, tracing the lines of his face and staring at him through tear-glazed eyes, "I thought for so long that you were dead. I thought my lover was dead. I thought that if you were dead, I should have died too because of the soul bond, but…I…I thought it was just the curse of the Assassin's circle, that even though you were dead, I was still alive, and I had to go on living in this hell without you!"
"That's over now," Byakuya assured him, "The Assassin's Circle is gone now, and we are together again. I am going to get my powers back, and then you and I will be able to go home again."
The redhead gave a shuddering sigh and buried his wet face in soft, sakura scented hair.
"Kami, you smell good, Byakuya!" he sighed, sniffling softly, "I thought I'd never breathe you in like this again. Look, I know I was the one who did the leaving…and you got hurt really badly. I wish I could undo everything, Bya…I wish that…"
"Stop," Byakuya whispered in his ear, "I understand now. And Renji, I think…a part of me always knew that there was something more to what happened…something I didn't understand at the time…something I could only learn when the time came for me to know it. You do not owe me apologies for leaving me to protect me…or even trying to move on. We all took the actions we had to at the time. And truly, I am in as much need for forgiveness as you are. Renji…I…there is something I have to tell you. It's the reason that I called you to the manor that day, the day you left me."
Renji brushed the tears away from his eyes and nodded.
"Okay…what was it?" he asked, frowning.
"I was going to tell you as soon as I opened the door…but you…you had that expression on your face, and I felt everything begin to die inside me…then you told me you were leaving me, and you left before I could get the words out. I wanted to follow you, to stop you. But Tsuyoshi, he told me to remember my pride…and I stopped, and I let the moment pass. Maybe if I had said the words, if I told you, you wouldn't have left me!"
"I don't understand," Renji said, looking confused, "What are you talking about? Byakuya, what were you going to tell me that day?"
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Ronin looked back at where Kiyoshi stood with his sword drawn, watching as Tsuyoshi drew his own weapon and moved forward threateningly. His heart ached, but he remembered his promise to his father and his concern for Kiko and flash stepped away. Tsuneo knelt in the bushes, frowning as he saw again the face of the man who had tried to kill Bya. He felt a stab of worry for the young shinigami who faced him, but he had sensed that Kiyoshi had significant power.
And Tsuneo was not without his abilities, peasant abilities though they might be.
"Well, well," said Tsuyoshi, glaring at Kiyoshi and holding up Tenrai Keibatsu, "If it isn't my other traitorous cousin! I should have expected to see you here, Kiyoshi. But…you will not be here for long!"
"The only traitor here is you, Tsuyoshi!" Kiyoshi said, raising his sword, "But if you think that it will be easy to kill me, think again."
"I took Byakuya down," the frowning clan leader reminded him.
"Yes, you did," answered the younger noble, "But you forget, my cousin. You broke the bonds of love and loyalty, and fouled your heart with betrayal. Byakuya loved and trusted you like his own brother. The two of you grew up, side-by-side. That made it all the more easy for you to get inside his defenses. It was the coward's way to steal what was not rightfully yours."
"You are wrong!" Tsuyoshi hissed, "I should have been made heir, and you know it! Soujun Kuchiki was weak. He was weak and he brought forth a weak, peasant loving son! Byakuya only ever brought our clan embarrassment and disgrace…first by marrying that Rukon mouse, and then by creating the soul bond with his peasant, male subordinate! He may have had respectable powers, but he didn't have what it took to maintain his place at the head of the family."
"Only because you pretended to be his ally and then stabbed him in the back!" cried Kiyoshi, "You may have shattered his sword and his powers, but you have not shattered mine. And I have advantages that Byakuya did not. I know what a vicious snake you are! And I have become well versed in the use of the weapon you wield. To steal my blade's and body's powers, you must make physical contact. But you will find that hard to do if when you touch me, all you connect with is mist!"
Kiyoshi's sword glowed with bright blue light and his eyes shone like bright star sapphire.
"Breathe, Sorateiou!" he cried, sending his extended blade into shikai.
His sword glowed a brighter blue for a moment, then dissolved into a fine mist that gathered around him, both surrounding his body and swirling towards his enemy. Snarling angrily, Tsuyoshi flash stepped away.
"Do not make the mistake of thinking me a fool, Cousin! I know that wherever that mist touches, you can unleash a horrific blue fire attack on it. But see now how Tenrai Keibatsu swallows up that mist…eats it's power…the way it will eat yours when I cut you!"
He raised his sword to slash at the incoming mist, but made a sound of surprise as the mist particles altered their path to avoid being touched by his blade. Try as he might, he could not reach a single droplet.
"I applaud your efforts, of course," said Kiyoshi, with calm sarcasm, "However, I exert my control over every drop of mist that comes from my sword. And as I have trained with my zanpakutou, my skill at controlling the paths of those droplets has grown exponentially. So I can ensure that no matter that you slash at the cluster of mist, you will not touch one droplet directly. But…with one small command, I can alter my attack…and give you a taste of that fire that you were expecting!"
He flash stepped away as Tsuyoshi shot forward, then turned and raised his hands. The cloud of mist swirled and dissipated, then re-formed over the traitor's head.
"Oozora no hinote!" cried Kiyoshi, turning the mist to into a swell of heavenly blue fire that surrounded Tsuyoshi and exploded.
Tsuneo blinked and squinted, blinded briefly by the shine of Kiyoshi's attack. As his vision slowly returned, he saw movement to Kiyoshi's right and reacted immediately. He pulled a handful of odd black dust from his pocket and cast it at whatever was moving towards the young noble. The dust flashed bright white, alerting Kiyoshi to the incoming attack and giving him time to flash step away. As he moved, Kiyoshi loosed a hard blast of blue kido fire, that forced Tsuyoshi back and momentarily blocked the traitor's view. He flash stepped to Tsuneo and took his hand, then the two disappeared from the area before the light from Kiyoshi's attack had faded.
"Damn you, Cousin!" he hissed, sheathing his sword, "You may have escaped me this time. But I will find you, and I will find Byakuya…and I will suck the life out of both of you!"
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"Byakuya, what were you going to tell me that day?"
Tears misted the noble's dark gray eyes as he remembered standing in the courtyard at Kuchiki Manor and listening as Renji's words shattered his heart.
"It was a miracle," he said softly, letting his fingers run down the long strands of his former lover's unbound red hair, "It was our miracle, Renji. Everything we wanted had come to pass, but in that moment it all broke into pieces and fell apart."
He took a steadying breath.
"Renji…about Ronin…"
"Don't worry about it," Renji said, touching his face lightly, "After what I did to you, you had every right to try to find someone else."
"No, Renji, you're not understanding me."
Renji frowned in confusion.
"Renji, I did not make Ronin with another lover."
"What?" the redhead said, his eyes widening in realization, "You mean that…?"
"I mean that…what I had called you to the manor to tell you that day, was that the soul bonding had been successful. Ronin…the heir to the Kuchiki clan leadership…is our son, yours and mine!"
Renji's face paled and he went silent for a moment, absorbing the noble's words.
"Kami…you were going to tell me that you were pregnant," he breathed, his expression becoming tormented again, "You were going to tell me that we were having a baby…that the clan would have to allow us to be married. You were about to hand me everything I ever wanted…and I…"
"Renji…stop. I will grant that, being in ignorance of the placement of the Assassin's Circle on your body, I was devastated. But knowing how my cousin set us up so meticulously, how he slowly gained my trust over time, and then turned on me…how he corrupted your body so that you would have to leave me…you are not to blame for the hell that rained down on us that day. That was my cousin's doing."
He took Renji's face in his hands and kissed him lightly on the lips.
"And now, we have a chance to undo the devastation that betrayal caused that day. If you can forgive me for not telling you about Ronin, for disappearing and letting you believe I had taken my own life…if you can forgive me for blaming you for the fact that I lost everything, I think that there is yet hope for us."
"Byakuya," Renji said, brushing a tear away from the noble's eye, "You didn't do anything that needs forgiveness. You didn't tell me that day, because I broke up with you before you could say the words. You let everyone think that you were dead so that you could protect yourself and our baby. And you had every reason to blame me…to hate me, after what I did to you. It is painful as hell to have lost so many years with you and our son. But none of that is your fault. You were just trying to keep Ronin and yourself alive and safe. It was what I would have wanted, if I had known…and it's certainly nothing to be sorry for."
Byakuya gave him a sad but grateful smile.
"I am relieved that you feel that way."
"Hey," said the redhead, letting his cheek rub lightly against Byakuya's, "That guy, Tsuyoshi, really did a number on both of us. I'm just glad that now the truth is out. We got rid of the Assassin's Circle, and now we can put ourselves back together."
He gazed into Byakuya's eyes, his own softening with relief and affection.
"And you know what this means," he went on.
Byakuya looked back at him questioningly.
"It means we are a family," he finished softly, "You, Ronin and me…we're a family."
"You mean that…even the way I am now, you still want to be with me?" asked the noble, "Renji, I lost everything. I have no noble name, no powers…I have nothing to offer you. At least before, I was…"
"Stop it," Renji said, pulling him close and kissing the words away, "I don't care about any of that."
"But that's why you fell in love with me. You admired my powers and abilities. You worked for years, trying to surpass me. Now you say that my powers don't matter?"
"They may have made me notice you," the redhead admitted, "But that's not what made me love you, Byakuya."
Renji placed a warm hand over the noble's pounding heart.
"This is why I love you, Byakuya. It isn't the Kuchiki name, the fact that you're drop-dead gorgeous or any powers you have. It's your heart. You always tried to hide it, because you weren't supposed to let anyone know it was there. But I saw it as I studied you…as I pursued you, trying all of the time to grow stronger, myself. I wouldn't be half the man I am now…if not for you. You challenged me, you mentored me, and you loved me. That's why I grew as strong as I did. And now…you gave me a son…a beautiful son."
"But you missed out on most of his childhood, because of…"
"I will make up for that now."
Renji chuckled softly.
"Well, if the kid will let down his guard a little. You know, he doesn't like me very much right now."
"What are you talking about?" asked Byakuya, "Ronin barely knows you."
"Yeah?" Renji laughed, "but he came in after I knocked you out and kinda misunderstood things. He almost ran me through with Senbonzakura when I tried to leave with you. That's why I had to bring him along before."
"Yes," Byakuya said solemnly, "Ronin is very protective of me."
He looked into the redhead's eyes meaningfully.
"He is very like his father in that, I think.
"Damned straight," Renji said, gently pulling Byakuya onto his lap.
Byakuya parted his thighs and settled against the redhead so that their awakening lengths rested against each other. Renji fed humgrily on the noble's soft, pale lips, sinking inside his mouth and tasting the sweetness he had craved for so long that it had nearly driven him insane. His hands slipped beneath Byakuya's yukata, sliding it off his shoulders and baring him fully. He followed the contours of the noble's slender body, relearning him slowly before Wrapping his arms around the noble and lowering him onto his back. He brought his body down onto Byakuya's, holding him down and tracing every inch of what he had missed so much with searching fingers and gentle touches of his lips. Byakuya's eyes misted and his fingers traced the bold, dark patterns on Renji's shoulders and chest, and he smiled at the fact that, even if he closed his eyes, he still remembered every one of them.
The redhead's mouth returned to his, and the two fell to exchanging deep, unhurried kisses, enjoying the simple joy of being able, once again, to touch and explore each other, to experience and appreciate each other's unique beauty. Their hips moved, rubbing their hungrily leaking members against each other and making the two men expel soft, feverish moans into each other's mouths as they continued kissing, and their desires began to ignite.
Renji caught his breath as a cool, slender hand took hold of him, gently positioning him. He pushed inside in slow, careful thrusts, smiling at the rising flush on the pretty skin of Byakuya's face and throat, and the soft, beautiful sounds of pleasure the noble made as he was deeply penetrated.
When he was fully inside the softly panting noble, he paused to brush a cluster of tumbled black hair away from his eyes and to admire the beautiful face that he had only been able to see in his dreams and nightmares for nearly a decade.
"I love you, Byakuya," he whispered, wrapping a hand around the noble's length and entangling the fingers of his other hand with his lover's, "I love you so much…and I don't care how much time passes or what happens. I'm always going to love you."
"I love you too, Renji," Byakuya breathed, closing his eyes as Renji began thrusting, "I will always love you."
They stopped speaking…letting the thrust and penetration, the kiss and the caress express the simple truth, that despite everything that had tried to break them apart, they were still alive…were still connected, and they were determined never to let anyone come between them again.
"R-ren…oh kami, Renji," Byakuya panted, holding on to the redhead's strong shoulders and thrusting feverishly into his lover's stroking hand as Renji thrust in harder and faster, "Renji! You are...the love of my life! Renji!"
The redhead's thrusting length found the sensitive cluster of nerves inside the writhing noble, striking it several times in quick succession and reducing the overwhelmed man to near senselessness.
He screamed Renji's name, his pearly nails digging in to the redhead's tanned skin as hot seed erupted out of him and pulsed hotly onto their bared flesh. Renji took hold of the noble's pale hip and thrust deep inside, holding himself there as he released into Byakuya, leaving him breathless and panting, damp with sweat and hazy eyed, filled and pleasantly sated.
"Marry me," Renji said suddenly, making Byakuya blink and catch his breath in surprise.
"Wh-what?" the noble managed, still breathing heavily from exertion, "What did you say?"
Renji smiled down at him and kissed the noble's trembling lips.
"I said, marry me…right now!" Renji repeated.
Byakuya sat up slowly, barely able to think as the heat of Renji's release continued to burn inside him.
"I…I can't," he whispered, his face paling, "not like this."
"Why not?" Renji asked, taking his face in both hands and kissing the noble's pouting lips.
"Because…" Byakuya went on, "Renji, I told you. I have nothing to offer you. M-maybe after my powers are restored…after I…"
"I told you that crap doesn't matter!" Renji said firmly, "We love each other. We have a son together. That's what you have to offer…and that's all I want."
Byakuya stared at him, his face going white and his eyes filling with tears. He tried with everything he had left to find the pride to stop himself, but in the end collapsed into Renji's embrace, crying soundlessly.
"I'll take that as a 'yes,'" the redhead said, anchoring his lover securely in his arms and holding him tightly as a decade's worth of grief spilled out of the broken noble onto Renji's hair and skin.