Chapter 11: What Matters
Byakuya sat quietly in a chair, in his bedroom at the safe house, studying his face and trying to remember the person he had been before. But try as he might, he could no longer see the physically strong, frighteningly powerful person he had been. He couldn't get past the visage in the mirror in front of him, the poor, simple teacher whose existence was about protecting his son, keeping Ronin and himself alive and safe, and giving the children of Inuzuri a chance to survive into adulthood.
It was much simpler, being that person. People loved and respected me, powers or no. Their feelings for me were genuine. There was no posturing or paying homage to pride. When everything is taken away and all a man has is himself...his true self, what need is there for pride?
Yes, at that point, pride becomes meaningless. And all that is left is the man's true worth, based on what he can do with what he has. As much as those ten years in Inuzuri were difficult, I did not struggle alone.
No...I was never alone.
From the moment that Tenrai Keibatsu swallowed up my reiatsu, people from Inuzuri, people with hard, lonely lives, people who were already struggling...accepted me with open arms. They cared for me until I was able to give something back. They guided me to that teaching position and helped me to make the most of what I had left...
"Bya?"
Byakuya gazed quietly into the mirror, looking at Tsuneo's reflection in the mirror and feeling a swell of gratitude inside as the vendor entered the room and closed the door behind him. He crossed the room and sat down on a bench seat next to the noble's chair. Byakuya turned and looked calmly into his eyes.
"Renji and Ronin are getting ready," Tsuneo told him in a quiet voice, "I was hoping that we might have a word before the wedding."
"Of course," Byakuya replied, glancing down as Tsuneo's hand captured his.
"That kimono that your cousin gave you is beautiful," the vendor observed, admiring the royal blue top that tapered gently down into the navy blue bottom portion, the sakura tree embroidered into the back, and the fall of pink blossoms that decorated the back and sides, "Would you like me to help you get dressed?"
He almost refused, his mind going back to the night they had spent together, and not wanting to hurt Tsuneo by teasing him. But he looked more deeply into the man's heartfelt offer, understanding the thought beneath it. And recognizing it for what it was, he felt compelled to accept.
He said nothing, but stood and calmly looked into the mirror as the vendor's hands bared him, then dressed him again in the lovely kimono.
"This belonged to my father," Byakuya told the other man as Tsuneo dressed him, "He wore this kimono when he married my mother, and it was always intended that I would wear it when I was married. I do not know how my cousin managed to lay hands upon it. But I am very pleased that he did."
Tsuneo smiled at him in the mirror and continued to adjust the kimono, to make sure that all was in place. Then, he pulled the hair tie out of Byakuya's hair and began to brush out the long strands.
"You are beginning to look more like you did back then...when I looked up and saw you in the sky, surrounded by white light and fighting that man, Tsuyoshi."
"That was a long time ago," Byakuya said softly, "I barely remember being that person."
Tsuneo smiled.
"You never stopped being that person," he said, touching Byakuya's cheek lightly, "Everything you did from that point only proved what a strong person you are, powers or no powers, Bya. You were never a simple teacher, but always a leader...someone who helped others to grow stronger, even as he struggled to find the strength in himself. And even though I tried to help you settle in and become that simple person you wanted to be, I never forgot who you really were. And that was the person I loved."
Their eyes remained locked in the mirror, and Tsuneo's smile deepened.
"I am honored that you gave me that one night with you, Bya. We both admitted that night that you were not the person you were pretending to be. You are, and have always been that angel I saw fall out of the sky. I took care of you, and I loved you, but you never belonged here. You never belonged to me."
"Tsuneo, I am sorry."
"Don't be. There is nothing to be sorry for. You needed me, and the truth was, I needed you too. I was lonely after losing my wife. Our friendship filled some of that empty space. But I am glad that you and Ronin have reconnected with the man you love...Ronin's father."
"You are?" Byakuya asked, frowning uncertainly.
"Of course," Tsuneo answered, squeezing his hand gently, "I remember what it is to be in love, to have that one person who knows you better than anyone else does, who sees you clearly, even when you can't see yourself at all. You and I are good friends, and if you truly were 'Bya, the simple schoolteacher from Inuzuri,' then we could have made each other very happy. But beneath everything, you and I always knew that you are something much more, that you weren't meant to stay here. You and Ronin have to go back to where you belong. You have to reclaim what is rightfully yours. Just...know as you do that no matter what happens, you always have a place in Inuzuri, people who care about you. The people of that town, the children you taught...and I...will never forget you, Bya. You will remain in our hearts, and I hope that we will see you from time to time."
Byakuya froze, realizing suddenly that the door to the room was open and Renji was standing in the doorway, looking at the two of them and not saying a word. Anger flared hotly beneath the red-brown surface of his eyes, but he held it carefully in check.
"Abarai?" Byakuya said quietly.
"It's not lucky to see each other right before the wedding," said Tsuneo, frowning at the redhead.
"Byakuya and I don't need luck and superstitions," Renji said in a low, controlled tone, "We are soul bonded. Nothing is going to separate us again. Nothing and no one."
Tsuneo lowered his eyes and nodded.
"That is as it should be, Abarai-san," he said calmly, "Bya, I will take my leave of you now. Kiko and I will see you in the gardens."
Byakuya nodded silently and watched as Tsuneo left, closing the door behind him. There was a long, uncomfortable silence as the two men considered their words carefully.
"I imagine that I owe you an explanation," Byakuya said finally, "About Tsuneo..."
"You don't owe me an explanation," Renji said, anger and hurt beneath the words, but again, held carefully in check, "I left you. It doesn't matter why. And, I am assuming that...the night he referred to happened before you knew about the Assassin's Circle and the reasons why I had to leave."
"Yes."
Renji bit at his lips, searching for words and trying to beat down the angry flames that licked at his insides, just thinking about another man touching Byakuya.
"You are angry," Byakuya said softly, "I understand."
"Yeah," said Renji, his voice barely containing the fury, "Well, I am sure you were angry too...when you saw Shuuhei comforting me. I guess, in a way, I deserve it. I did leave you."
Byakuya shook his head and sighed softly.
"But you never stopped loving me. And even though you don't think that you have a right to the anger you feel, it isn't wrong for you to feel that way."
Byakuya swallowed hard, a shiver going through him as he felt the hand of fate swinging towards them.
"I will understand if you feel that you cannot go through with the wedding," he said softly, "Perhaps we need to step back and give this more thought."
"Do you love him?"
Byakuya's heart ached at the pain beneath the words.
"I love the kindness in him, and the fact that when I was at my lowest and weakest, he helped me to survive, to heal, to begin to find my strength again. But that is love in the way of a friend. You heard Tsuneo. He has always known that I wasn't the simple Inuzuri schoolteacher. If I was, then maybe I could have loved him as he wished I would. But neither of us ever fooled himself into thinking that he and I would be more than friends. I gave him that one night...to honor the dream that couldn't be...to open a doorway to my return...to acknowledge that I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I cannot be sorry for my choice to be with him that night, all things considered. But there is nothing between Tsuneo and me but friendship now. I give you my word."
Renji gazed at him silently, taking in the sight of him, for the first time, looking more like the lover he had lost than he had since Renji had first seen him in Inuzuri, as he had watched the setting sun and seen the shooting star that opened his eyes. He stepped forward, his eyes locked with Byakuya's, his reiatsu still boiling at the thought of Tsuneo laying hands on him.
"You are still angry."
"Furious," Renji admitted, "It doesn't matter one damned bit why it happened. I want to break the guy apart for touching you."
Byakuya lowered his eyes and sighed softly in resignation.
"I will go and make our apologies," he said softly.
He turned to go, but caught his breath and froze as Renji's hand wrapped around his wrist and held on tightly. Byakuya looked down at Renji's hand, where it held his wrist, then back at the redhead, questioningly.
"Renji?"
"I may be angry," Renji admitted, "I wouldn't be a man if I wasn't pissed off about what happened. But...that is just my wounded pride speaking. You know what I'm talking about, ne?"
Byakuya stared at him wordlessly, unable to even breathe.
"You kicked yourself for making the mistake of letting pride keep you from coming after me, the day I left you. And even though I'm pissed, and I want to break something, I am going to take a piece of advice you gave me a long time ago. I don't remember when it was or why you said it exactly. I just remember making some stupid blunder, and you shaking your head and telling me, You know, Abarai, I know you have seen other people make that mistake before. It is time to go from being a smart fighter to being a truly wise one. If you see someone make a mistake...learn the lesson and don't make that mistake yourself. You will save yourself, and me, a mountain of aggravation if you just take the lesson and be glad you earned it without blood, sweat or tears. It is a gift, Abarai. Do attempt to make use of it.
"I think I said that more than a few times,' Byakuya said, blushing slightly, "But I think we can agree that I was not so wise in many things myself...and we have paid for that several times over, ne, Renji?"
"Yeah," agreed the redhead, his reiatsu calming marginally, "And that's why, even though I'm not happy about what happened, I'm not going to be stupid enough to put this wedding off for another day. The truth is, we don't know how many days we have. That's a lesson we have learned the hard way, Byakuya. So, I want to make every day count. I am going to marry you, and you, the kid and I are going to make each other so happy, we'll forget that there was a time when we weren't together."
Byakuya moved closer to the redhead, accepting the warm arms that wrapped around him with a grateful smile.
"You have changed a bit," he acknowledged softly, "You have grown much wiser than you used to be."
"Yeah," Renji chuckled, shaking his head, "Well, having your life shot to pieces and losing the one person who means the most to you will do that. And that's why I'm not letting this 'second chance' go by. I am going to forget my pride, my anger, my hurt feelings, and I hope you'll do the same. We both hurt each other...and we both got hurt on the way to getting wiser. But we're together now. We have our son, and we are going to get back what that bastard took from us...no matter what it takes."
Byakuya smiled gently and shook his head.
"We already have the most important thing that he deprived us of," he said quietly, "We have each other...our family and our nakama. And whether the Kuchiki clan ever accepts me back, that is more than enough for me, Renji."
Renji let out a short laugh.
"Huh, well, even though I'm right with you on that? I am so looking forward to us kicking that snaky bastard's pretentious ass! You have no idea how irritating that guy has been to deal with! He drove me and the other taichous to the brink of wanting to kill him ourselves. And as much as your clan elders criticized you for breaking the rules? They will probably be really glad to see you lay waste to that idiot. I'm telling you, Byakuya, I think I'd rather have been in Inuzuri, starving and piecing out a living teaching school than putting up with that man's shit!"
"Would you, now?" Byakuya asked, bringing his face close to Renji's and cautiously seeking his lips.
"Whoa, stop that!" Ronin called out from the doorway, "You're not even supposed to see each other before the wedding! You especially shouldn't be kissing."
"Sorry," said Renji, reluctantly releasing Byakuya, "Force of habit. I can't seem to be around this guy and not want to kiss him."
"I must confess," Byakuya said, blushing more deeply, "I seem to suffer from the same affliction."
"Well, then I'll have to take..."
Ronin paused and gazed at Renji quietly for a moment. Renji smiled back at him.
"What is it?" he asked, looking back at Ronin.
"I just...I wasn't sure what to call you. You're my dad...and so is he."
Renji sighed and shook his head.
"Well, that is a problem, ne?" he acknowledged, "But...I don't mind sharing that name with Byakuya. I'd be honored. When we're together and you have to differentiate, just call me Renji."
"Okay," said Ronin, smiling, "Then...It's time for us to go, Renji. They're about ready to start. I'll come back for Dad after I escort you in."
"You've got it," Renji said, following his son to the door, "Byakuya, I'll see you out there."
"I'm looking forward to that," the noble said softly.
The two left the room, and Byakuya turned back to take one last look in the mirror. He picked up the brush and smoothed a section of hair that had been ruffled by Renji's hands as they had prepared to kiss. He was setting the brush down as a flicker of movement in the mirror caught his eye, and an arm wrapped around his throat.
"Be very quiet," Tsuyoshi warned him, "I am willing to settle for just you. But if you fight me, I will kill every last one of them, Cousin."
Byakuya's hands rose to his cousin's restraining arm and held on, trying to loosen the man's arm enough to allow him to breathe.
He heard footsteps in the hallway outside the room.
Ronin!
"Very well, then, I will go with you," Byakuya managed.
Tsuyoshi guided him to the window as Ronin's footsteps drew nearer, then paused outside the door. Byakuya did not resist as Tsuyoshi forced him out the window, then started to follow.
"Dad?" Ronin said, tapping on the door.
"Dad?" Tsuyoshi repeated, turning his deadly gaze on his cousin.
"He is...adopted," Byakuya said quickly, "a child of the Rukon. He is no one."
Tsuyoshi narrowed his eyes and shook his head in disgust.
"How very like you, Cousin. You just can't seem to stop bringing Rukon trash into the family."
"I am no longer a part of the clan."
"Dad? Are you okay?" said Ronin, trying the door handle.
"We had best leave if you want to escape," Byakuya said softly.
Tsuyoshi took hold of Byakuya, holding him tightly as he flash stepped away. Behind him, the bedroom door opened, and Ronin stepped into the empty room.
"Dad?"