Safe

It was embarrassing. The painkillers that they had given her weren't very strong, but they were making her so sick that she had made Tom pull over twice on the drive back to her apartment from the hospital. A part of her knew it wasn't only the drugs, but she couldn't focus on that then. Not with Tom right there with her, going into full doting mode. It was sweet, and a part of her could admit that, but the part of her that was still spinning from the news that she was pregnant with his child wasn't sure she was ready to tell him. At least not until she had a better idea what she was going to do about it. There was no reason to break his heart of she decided to give the baby up or something like that. The more she saw of the real him, the more she was sure that his devastation over the failed adoption hadn't been an act. He wanted a family. He wanted to be a family with her. The fact that she wanted the same didn't necessarily matter. They lived such dangerous lives. Bringing a child into that… The idea was terrifying.

"Liz?"

She blinked, startled out of her thoughts, and realized that they were parked outside of her apartment building. How long they had been stopped, she wasn't sure, but she found him watching her patiently with just a little worry laced into the expression. "I'm okay."

"Feeling sick again?"

"No, just a little loopy."

Her ex husband's lips quirked just a little at the edges and he shut the car engine off and stepped out. Liz watched him as he circled the front of the car and opened her door. Her gaze drifted up as he squatted down so he wasn't standing over her. "I'm here whenever you're ready."

The words jolted her hard and she found herself blinking at him. He meant to get out of the car. Rationally she knew that, but apparently the medication was sending her emotions into overdrive. Slowly, carefully, she pulled in a breath to try to regain some control. When she thought she was steady she reached out and Tom took her hand, standing and moving to help her get out of the car with as little stress to her battered ribs as possible. She leaned in as he wrapped an arm around her, and she loosed the breath in the form of a sigh. Slowly and carefully they made it up the stairs, Liz's eyes squeezed shut half the way there, and it felt like an eternity before she heard him fit the key into the lock and turn it.

"Glad that we at least got your bed together," Tom chuckled as he closed the door behind them.

She hummed a soft agreement as she started for the room, the floor seeming to sway under her. She didn't even know she was tilting until Tom was there to catch her. He didn't say anything as he helped her into her room, pulled back the comforter, and helped her into bed. "My clothes are… I haven't unpacked most of them yet. I have some shorts and t-shirts in the suitcase in the closet. Could you grab me a pair?"

"Yep," he answered and she watched him shuffle immediately over to do what she had asked. She eased back against the pillows, listening to the sound of his voice as he chattered about something. Liz found herself smiling at the sound. She had tried to keep her emotions in check when it came to Tom, not wanting to fall too quickly and get them both hurt if she suddenly found herself pulling back. She had been as honest with him on the docks as she could be: she didn't know what she wanted for her future. Everything she had wanted felt so out of reach after everything that happened. She just knew that at that moment she had wanted him. She still did, more than she likes to admit to herself.

"I didn't know you still had this."

Blue eyes slipped open and she saw him grinning at her with a green t-shirt in his hands, the name of the elementary school he had taught at encircling the apple in the middle. She had made claims on it while he had been in the hospital after being stabbed by Zamani and he had never asked for it back. Liz felt the blood rush to her face. "I, uh….never could quite bring myself to throw that one out."

His grin only grew and she sat up carefully, taking it and the shorts from him. It took some effort and she moved slowly, but she was a lot more comfortable once she was changed. By the time she was done he had taken Hudson out and returned to the room with a mug of tea. He set it by the bedside and lingered as if he weren't sure exactly what he should do. "What?" she prompted tiredly.

"I'm just worried about you. Would you mind if I just made a pallet out in the living room? That way if you need anything, I'm right here."

Liz reached for the mug of tea and sipped at it. Camomile. Of course it was. Sometimes it frustrated her how thoughtful he really was. Red had told her that Tom had to work for it, and maybe he did, but he'd proven that he worked for it because he cared, not because he had to. "I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor," she huffed after a moment. It wasn't like they didn't share a bed half the time anyway.

"I don't want to hurt you," he murmured softly.

"You won't," Liz answered in the same tone. "I sleep better with you anyway."

His smile returned and she took a final sip of her tea before setting it on the table next to the bed and slipping further under the covers. She watched as he shrugged out of his coat and toed off his boots, tugging his t-shirt over his head before slipping into the bed with her, careful not to jar it too badly. Liz scooted closer, wincing as she did, but settled in with her head against his shoulder and an arm draped over his middle. His fingers played idly with her dyed hair and she loosed a breath, her own fingertips brushing against scars that she had left on him in darker days. He shivered a little and it pulled a smile from her. "Tickle?"

"Doing that on purpose isn't smart," he teased. "If I jump it's going to hurt you."

"I'm okay," she breathed. "Tom?"

"Hmm?"

"Is it weird sometimes?"

"Is what weird?"

"That we're here after everything. That… that somehow we… Do you ever feel like we're moving too fast?"

She could almost feel him grimace, even if she couldn't see his face at that angle. "That's really up to you," he said softly. "Like I told you at the hospital last night, you get to say how fast this goes. I'm here for the long haul if you'll let me."

"I remember when everything came out, when I found out who you are, I felt so… unsteady. Like I didn't know which way was up. You had always made me feel safe, and I don't think I trusted myself when it looked like I'd misjudged it so badly."

"Liz," he breathed, voice hesitant and his fingers had stilled in her hair. "I-"

"You still do," she said quickly, before she could tell herself why she shouldn't. "Make me feel safe, I mean. Thank you for staying. For taking care of me. You didn't have to."

She heard him loose a breath and his fingers started back in their soothing motion. "I love you, Liz. I'm… I'm just sorry I couldn't do more."

"Not your fault that people hate me." She felt sleep tugging at her and she nestled a little closer.

"Hey, Liz?"

"Hmm?"

"You're the first person that ever made me feel safe too."

She found herself laughing a little at that as her fingers ghosted over his scars, the raised skin reminding her what she had done and the irony in his words. "Not sure I'm the best one to keep you safe."

"Only one," he answered firmly. "I love you, Liz."

"You too," she whispered. "Will you stay tomorrow?"

"I'll stay as long as you want me to."

She nodded, and as she felt the room slipping away as sleep made claims on her, she could almost see that park that she had always dreamt of, a tiny hand in hers, and the little girl looked up with her big blue eyes and her daddy's smile. For the first time in a long while, she let herself admit that it was Tom who had hold of their little girl's other hand, and, even if it was only for a moment, she felt safe.

Notes: This has been my little glimmer of light in a really stressful day, so major thanks to AnonAuthor for the prompt!