Chapter 18: The Voice Inside
A soft, familiar inward flicker brought Byakuya out of sleep, and he laid quietly in Renji's arms, his heart quickening and aching slightly as he recognized the sensation. It was something he had experienced before, something that had made his heart pound in anticipation, the same way it was now. He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Renji for a moment. Always a deep sleeper, the redhead only stirred sluggishly and mumbled something incoherent as the noble carefully worked his way free and slipped out of bed.
It was strange to feel warm floors beneath his bare feet, to tread on soft, rich carpet and to have a choice of thick robes to wrap around himself to ward off the chill of night. And the scents in the air were much sweeter as he left the bedroom with his feet still bare, and walked back across the room and out into the cool, moonlit gardens.
He wondered how many times he had walked out into these same gardens and enjoyed the calm, fragrant breezes and the brush of the wind against his skin...listened to the rushing sound of the tree branches moving, the koi splashing in the pond and cicadas buzzing contentedly all around.
I did not think that I would ever experience this again...this warmth inside and connection with the things that made this feel like home to me.
He remembered then, that other familiar feeling that had awakened him and brought him out this way. He continued across the garden to the back gate. As he reached it, he felt a touch of dark reiatsu that sent a chill through him. His head turned, and his searching eyes found Tsuyoshi watching him from a short distance away.
"Good evening, Cousin," he said, an edge of sarcasm in his tone, "You know, you shouldn't wander too far from your room. As tranquil as this place is, there are things about that might be dangerous for a weakling such as yourself."
"Coiled snakes, perhaps?" Byakuya suggested, his own velvet sarcasm returning, "I will watch my step, of course. But I think I needn't worry. Any snake that dared to lay its fangs on me or the ones close to me would surely encounter the hard sting of instant retaliation. I may be weak yet, but that weakness is fading."
"Should I be afraid?" Tsuyoshi asked, looking up at the bright moon, "You hadn't the strength to beat me before and you will not do it now. You are going to fall at my feet, Byakuya and I am going to kill you and have done with you, then finish off your son, your lover and the rest of them, one by one."
"Then, what will you do?" Byakuya asked softly, "Who will you hate next?"
A frustrated sigh escaped him.
"I do not understand how you became like this. I didn't feel this anger, this biting hatred from you when we were teens. Where did this come from? Because, when I look back, I do not see it. I remember that we competed fiercely with each other, but I saw it as a way that we bonded and connected while growing up and into our places in the family."
"Huh," huffed the other man, his dark eyes flickering spitefully, "I suppose it is easy to see things that way when you were the one who was always favored by that witless old man who preceded you. He never saw what was really there. He was an old fool who favored that weak, peasant-loving father of yours. No wonder you grew up to favor mongrels and foundlings...given the lovely example he set."
"My father was a tolerant man," Byakuya acknowledged, "I choose to think that he wisely judged people by their actions and words, more than by where they were born. But although he held these views, he still obeyed clan rules and married a noblewoman. My decisions to be with Hisana and then Renji were my own and not influenced by him."
"So, you were a deviant of your own making, ne?" Tsuyoshi spat, "That is what comes from being doted on, spoiled and catered to so much!"
"And what is happening inside you is what happens to those who do not see what they have, but always yearn for something that is not theirs."
"Oh, but that is just the thing, Cousin. Leadership is mine now. I won it from you ten years ago. Now, you are the one outside and looking in, scorned and forgotten and having to fight for every crumb of recognition."
"Was it really so difficult for you?" Byakuya asked quietly, "As I recall, while you weren't plotting against me, there were times of warmth between us. Have you forgotten, Tsuyoshi, what that felt like?"
A flash of emotion registered on the other man's face, then disappeared again. Tsuyoshi's eyes hardened and his lips tightened.
"Do not try to worm your way into my heart, Byakuya. It won't work. I will still kill you when we meet in battle...and I will do so without hesitation."
"Yes, I have no doubt that you will try...which is why the battle is necessary. You have tainted our family's name with your viciousness and self serving actions."
Sudden fury blazed into Tsuyoshi's eyes and his reiatsu rose ominously.
"I am not the one who has fouled our family's blood by mixing it with that of peasants!" he hissed, "You are a disgrace, Byakuya! I should kill you now!"
"Try it and you'll die right now," Renji's voice said from behind Tsuyoshi.
The clan leader turned on the redhead.
"Well, if it isn't the mongrel captain of squad nine," he said, condescendingly, "Shouldn't you two be off somewhere fornicating?"
He glared at the redhead a moment longer, then turned away.
"Enjoy each other and that little Rukon brat you fathered. I will enjoy destroying you all."
Renji shook his head and let out a hiss of disgust as the clan leader flash stepped away. When the man was gone, he turned back to look at Byakuya, who was quietly looking up at the moon.
"What are you doing out here all alone like this?" he asked, "Not to piss you off or anything. I know you're not a kid, but..."
"I understand," Byakuya answered calmly, "I may have recovered my core power, but I am still much weaker than you and that makes you worry."
"S-sorry," Renji said, lowering his eyes, "I'm not trying to disrespect you. I just..."
Byakuya moved closer to the redhead, slipping slender arms around him and seeking his warm, rough lips.
"You do not owe me explanations. I said that I understand. But do not worry. You heard him. Tsuyoshi is convinced that he is going to win. Given that, he will not overstep boundaries and harm me before the battle."
"You think anyway."
"Yes."
Renji's hand slid down to caress the his husband's warm, soft belly.
"Just don't too reckless," he said, kissing a pale earlobe, "We have a family to protect. I just got you and Ronin back. I'm not going to lose you again."
"You will not lose us," Byakuya promised, "I will defeat him."
"Yup," Renji agreed, moving in to kiss him again, "You will annihilate that guy."
XXXXXXXXXX
Tsuneo leaned over his sleeping daughter, offering her a gentle good night kiss on the forehead, then he stepped out into the hallway and walked towards his bedroom, passing by the room where the two attendants slept and the one next to his, where the door stood open and the room was unexpectedly empty. Curious, the vendor walked back into the front room and glanced into the kitchen, only to find them unoccupied as well.
He moved on to the front door of the cabin and slipped outside, closing the door softly behind him. On quiet feet, he circled the cabin, stopping as he spotted the person he was seeking, kneeling on the ground and leaned against the trunk of a huge oak tree, his arms wrapped around his midsection.
He marveled at just how strikingly beautiful the young noble looked, his hair and body moon touched and illuminated, as though from within. And as much as he wanted to move forward and comfort the young man, he found himself inexplicably breathless and frozen momentarily in place, watching. He shook his head to clear it and broke free of his reverie, stepping forward to join Kiyoshi Kuchiki under the oak tree. The young man realized suddenly that he was not alone and sucked in a surprised breath, then hastily wiped away the tears that had leaked onto his handsome face.
"My apologies," Tsuneo said in a low, quiet voice, "I didn't mean to startle you."
"No harm done," Kiyoshi assured him, "I am just not accustomed to being blind to the approach of other souls. It takes getting used to."
Tsuneo smiled kindly.
"Well, you won't have to bear it for long. Bya is going to defeat that cousin of his and you will be back at Kuchiki Manor, sleeping in your own bed again and sensing every soul for miles. Don't worry."
"I have complete confidence in Byakuya," the noble said softly, "I am not worried about that."
"No," Tsuneo agreed, "You are a very loyal person. But...you have just encountered something that very few people can understand."
He smiled again as Kiyoshi's wide blue eyes fastened on him.
"You know, just after I found your cousin and took him to the healers, I gave him a place to stay in my home for a few nights, until he found the glen and we built his home there. And while Bya was with me, he experienced something that I imagine must be akin to what you are feeling now."
Kiyoshi considered the other man's words for a moment, then nodded.
"Unable to see things that used to be clear," he whispered, "and deaf to sounds that used to fill the air around...still knowing that those things are there, but not being able to connect with them."
"It is a lonely feeling," Tsuneo acknowledged, moving closer and sitting down beside the younger man, "but let me assure you as I reassured your cousin. You are not alone."
Kiyoshi managed a tremulous smile.
"I know that," he said quietly, "And I am grateful...both for what you did for my cousin and leader, and what you are doing for me. You cannot begin to know how much your kindness to us means to me. I understand now why Lord Byakuya could turn to you, although his pride must have hurt greatly at needing to do so."
Tsuneo chuckled softly.
"I don't think I ever met the prideful side of your cousin. Bya was always very quiet, gentle and humble. I expect that, when reduced in power and cast out from his family, he became less bound by their expectations and more the person he always was inside."
"I think so too," said Kiyoshi, "The one good thing about his coming to you in Inuzuri is that, although he experienced great losses, he also was freed to act as he chose."
"And his choices always expressed what a just, honorable soul he is," added Tsuneo.
"Yes," Kiyoshi agreed, "And that is what made my choices so clear. Byakuya is meant to lead us. While he has disobeyed some of our clan's rules, he has also shown us that we must be more open minded...about other people and other things that are foreign to us. We have much to learn from them."
"You are very wise for someone still quite young, Kiyoshi Kuchiki," Tsuneo commented, standing and offering the younger man a hand.
Kiyoshi gazed up at him quietly for a moment, then accepted it. He climbed to his feet, then caught his breath again in surprise as Tsuneo's arm curled around him. His eyes widened and his heart skipped in his chest. Then, he took a steadying breath and settled against the vendor's shoulder, enjoying the feeling of being gently supported.
It is odd for someone who is used to standing on his own, the noble mused inwardly, but then, until now, I wasn't really alone, was I?
He came to a stop, biting at his lips and fighting the onset of fresh tears as he felt again the frightening empty space in his heart, where his zanpakutou's reassuring voice had been. Tsuneo's arm tightened around him and the vendor's low, calm voice worked quickly to chase away the chilling sensation.
"Come now, let's go back inside and I'll make you some hot tea. That will help you wind down and sleep for the night."
Kiyoshi nodded wordlessly, not trusting himself to speak, and let himself be led back inside the cabin and tucked warmly into bed. He looked out the window, into the darkness, letting the moon's light console him as Tsuneo left the room to make tea. He remained just that way, gazing out at the sky and letting his mind empty of thought until he heard the other man's step in the hallway and looked back at the door as Tsuneo rejoined him.
"Here you are," he said, smiling as he set the tea in Kiyoshi's hand, "That should warm you so that you can sleep."
"Arigatou," the noble said gratefully, sipping at the tea, then setting it on the nightstand and lying down, "Good night, Tsuneo."
The vendor paused, then reached out and captured one of Kiyoshi's slender hands and squeezed gently.
"Good night."
He turned away and had gone as far as the door, when Kiyoshi's voice sounded again, stopping him.
"Tsuneo?"
"Hai?"
"I do not wish to offend you," the noble said softly, "but I wonder if I might ask one thing more of you."
Tsuneo turned back and looked quietly into the noble's pretty blue eyes.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" Kiyoshi asked softly.
The vendor's lips curved into a gentle smile and he closed the bedroom door.
"Of course."
The young noble's heart skipped painfully as the other man approached him and slid into the bed, beside him.
"Do not mistake my meaning," he said, blushing.
"I know," Tsuneo laughed, pulling him to a warm shoulder, "I assure you, I am an honorable man."
Kiyoshi managed a nervous smile.
"And a good friend," he added.
"And a good friend," Tsuneo repeated, closing his eyes and burrowing his face in the wavy, sakura scented strands of Kiyoshi's black hair.
The noble's head turned and the dark blue ends of his hair tickled the vendor's cheek. Their eyes met and Kiyoshi moved very slowly, meeting Tsuneo's lips for a tender, heart melting kiss.
"Again, arigatou," the noble whispered, resting his head on the other man's shoulder and closing his eyes.
Tsuneo could neither stop smiling, nor sleep after that. He laid awake, most of the rest of the night with that gentle weight against his chest, warming him and the sweet touches of soft breath on his skin.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Are you still awake?" Renji asked, yawning, "You really need to get some sleep, you know. We have to be up early."
"I know," Byakuya sighed, curling more deeply into the redhead's arms.
"But you're worried about him, aren't you?"
"Yes."
Renji smiled.
"Don't be. He's in good hands, ne?"
Byakuya's head turned and he regarded his husband curiously. Renji let out a frustrated breath and laughed with a touch of sarcasm.
"I hate that you're making me say this, but Tsuneo is a good man," the redhead said grudgingly, "And even though it kinda pisses me off, he did take care of you when I couldn't. Your cousin really couldn't be in a much better place tonight."
The words made Byakuya smile helplessly.
"That must hurt you to admit," he commented, closing his eyes, "as true as it is."
Renji's eyes narrowed.
"You trying to rile me?" he growled softly.
"Is it working?" Byakuya asked sedately.
"You tell me," the redhead hissed, turning and rolling on top of him.
But the demonstration that followed left Byakuya Kuchiki far too breathless to answer.