Childe couldn't pretend anymore.
He took one look at Diluc.
Who looked ready to pry off the ill fitting glove.
"You died."
At the words, crimson eyes held his gaze.
Wide and hardly understanding.
So Childe told him everything.
When he felt the Firefly fading in his own arms.
When the Tsaritsa said something strange.
Even asked him why he hadn't killed Diluc yet.
And did absolutely nothing to help.
How cold Diluc's body felt against his chest.
How still and unmoving.
How terrified he was.
About the weighty guilt that nearly crushed him.
The shakiness in Childe's voice never left.
Even when he drove a certain question through.
"Did you know?"
And Diluc stood there.
Crimson eyes wide and shoulders falling.
As he took in every single word and emotion Childe poured.
"I died."
Diluc took one shaky breath after another.
Childe could see it.
How hundreds of pieces were falling into place behind the crimson eyes.
"That— that—"
Explains everything, he didn't say.
But Childe heard it.
The Firefly's already pale skin paled even more.
As if all the blood just drained out out of him with horror.
As if his whole world crumbled into ash in that single moment.
And buried his face in his hands.
"Oh," he breathed, "Oh, shit."
It took two seconds.
Two seconds for Diluc to shatter and tell him everything.
The words spilt out of him like a river.
How Diluc had been afraid of admitting it.
How over the years, his memory had been too spotty, fragmented.
How his father never failed to tell him to sleep, to rest.
How it was okay to give in if the pain was too much.
Or too difficult to hang on for a moment longer.
That if his Vision was at his side—
He'd never fail to wake up—
And Childe couldn't stand it.
He wrapped his arms around him.
Buried a hand in those crimson locks.
Held him tightly because he couldn't think of anything else.
He could feel Diluc shaking.
Felt his clothes getting wetter and wetter.
"The Tsaritsa called you a Phoenix."
The only sign that Diluc listened was the small hitch in his breath.
"But honestly? Don't ever die on me again."
Diluc lightly punched him as he snapped, "As if I want to."
And Ajax relished in the warmth that Diluc gave.
As ridiculous as it sounded.
Ajax relished that warmth.
Because Diluc was alive.
And that was all that mattered to him right then and there.
._._._._._.
It took time.
A lot of time.
But eventually Diluc felt calmer.
His mind settled.
And his heart still rattled at the thought.
But he forced himself to accept it.
He died.
Multiple times.
That he wasn't normal to even begin with, and he damn well knew it.
He couldn't lie to himself anymore than he already had.
He hated how he believed his father.
When Crepus would tell him that he just fell into a small "sleep."
That everything was fine and nothing to worry about.
Because he was so proud of his son.
And Diluc accepted it as it chased away that horrible melancholy smile.
Why he never told Kaeya his insecurities.
If he did, that would be admitting that something wasn't right.
Diluc truly regretted it now.
Crepus must've had his reasons for all of this.
At point blank, Diluc should hate him, but his heart couldn't.
He still loved his father.
Instead, he felt oddly resigned.
He needed to go back home.
To Mondstadt.
To confront his father.
To tell Kaeya his truths.
Kaeya deserved it more than anything.
But Diluc couldn't.
Not with the 'blessing' that kept him locked in place.
The words his father told were still engraved in his bones.
Words that told him to rest.
To give in when it became too much.
And Diluc grabbed those words and used it as a warning.
Overwritten them with determination and a burning passion.
He refused to play with the lie any longer.
He refused to take the easy way out.
And refused to die again.
._._._._._.
There was a horrible question on Childe's tongue.
One he shouldn't ask.
But his mouth moved faster than his mind.
"How many times?"
Diluc looked startled.
Still trying to process the last few days.
Childe wanted to take back the horrible question.
Since he, himself, was still reeling from Diluc's scattered confessions.
The Firefly's hands shook as he hugged himself.
"I… don't know. A lot?"
Crimson stared at cerulean.
"Are you scared of me?"
Childe shook his head.
"I'm scared for you."
Diluc smiled then.
And they said nothing more.
._._._._._.
It really hit Diluc a couple days later.
That Ajax was too young.
He forgot that the other was only two years his junior.
Younger than Kaeya.
Diluc began to understand why his family kept a lie.
Labeled Ajax as a toy seller instead of the rumors Diluc heard.
Of Tartaglia, the Eleventh Fatui Harbinger.
Of how violent and battle hungry he was.
Of how he'd smile in the midst of the chaos.
Diluc did notice those traits.
He saw it while in that small fishing village.
He felt that bloodlust in that botched up spar they had weeks ago.
But he knew how the Abyss nurtured that battle lust.
He also knew how much the other loved his family.
How he'd to anything to keep them out of it.
Ajax gave him nothing but honesty when Diluc first asked.
But it really hit Diluc then.
They were both young.
Too young.
Ajax, a Harbinger with a reputation so accurately brutal at only sixteen.
And Diluc, a dead Calvary Captain that certainly wasn't dead at only eighteen.
How much of a terrible wreck the two of them were.
Maybe that was why they latched on to each other.
Ajax stayed with Diluc as much as he could.
As much as he was allowed.
But Diluc knew who Ajax was.
And about the duty that the other had to the Tsaritsa.
As a former Calvary Captain, Diluc knew the weight of that kind of responsibility.
Which is exactly why he shoved him out of the room one day.
"A Harbinger shouldn't be on babysitting duty."
Ajax wasn't even caught off balanced when he stepped into the hall.
"I'm not babysitting!"
The look that Diluc gave him said otherwise.
Ajax returned it with his own frown.
Until Diluc smiled, "I'll be fine."
The frown on Ajax's face didn't lift.
They both knew that it was bit of a lie.
"Besides, I'll be highly unlikely to do something chaotic."
But Ajax eventually stepped back.
.
.
"Fine. I'll hold you to that."
._._._._._.
Diluc stood in the middle of a large hall.
A place that the Tsaritsa had set aside for him.
There was nothing to stop the snow that drifted in.
The roof wasn't planned in the blueprints apparently.
Diluc could feel the cold creeping through the layers he wore.
It was a bit too feathery for his liking.
Somewhat dressed like a Fatui member with the black coat.
The cream cotton clothes underneath barely peeked into view.
Mother's handmade scarf was the only thing he kept on his person nowadays.
It matched his crimson locks.
It kept him warm.
Maybe a little too warm.
But the cold clashed horribly with his warmth.
He couldn't just take off his coat.
Diluc huffed a heavy sigh.
He had been standing about for a while now.
He had the intent to start training the gleaming orb on his hand.
He asked Ajax what it was.
Because it certainly didn't feel like a "blessing".
Ajax laughed as he answered.
"Well, technically it is? I mean, Her Majesty grants these to those she wants to bless."
Somewhat, he didn't say.
But Diluc heard.
It was too bad that Ajax had his own duties to attend to.
Diluc looked at the Delusion.
It made him feel sick to the bone.
Like its power twisted violently against the kind warmth of his Vision.
Diluc didn't want to put his Vision down.
But he found himself unhooking his Vision and setting it down on the snowy floor.
His Vision flickered.
Even melted the snow around it.
"Just for a little bit," Diluc muttered under his breath.
He stepped away, gathering a distance in some wild attempt to ease that clash.
A sinking feeling in his chest only grew when he didn't feel as sick anymore.
The Delusion felt vicious.
Yet dormant.
As if it waited for him.
Diluc didn't want to use it.
Hell, he'd do anything to get rid of it.
But he needed to go home to his father.
To Kaeya.
And he'd do anything to get back to Mondstadt alive.
A surge of power ripped around him.
Tore at the air for just a moment.
And a loud crack resounded through his bones.
Diluc snapped his eyes open.
Swirled on his feet at the cloudy mess around him.
The dust and snow slowly settled away.
And Diluc's jaw dropped.
A portion of the training area fell apart.
Black flames sizzled out.
The inner halls of the Palace was exposed.
But Diluc's jaw didn't drop at the sight.
It dropped because he saw a kid in the midst of the mess.
Angrily brushing off the dust and snow.
The kid snatched a damaged giant… flat hat of some sort out of the rubble.
And swung it in Diluc's direction.
Lavender seared daggers into crimson.
"The hell is your problem?!"
._._._._._.
Childe heard a violent explosion somewhere in the Palace.
And he didn't even think.
The report he was supposed to look over scattered all over the floor.
Sadly stomped on as he spun on his heel and ran.
The poor subordinate that spent four days on it was devastated.
Not that Childe was around to see their face.
Besides, he hated reading those things.
It wasn't until he turned a corner that he could hear faint yelling.
Something about a wall being blown to bits.
And how Pulcinella would murder them.
Or any Harbinger would, really.
Childe certainly wasn't planning on murder.
As he drew closer, he could hear two voices somewhat arguing with each other.
"Are you okay? Hurt anywhere?"
"Do I look okay to you?!"
When he came upon the busted open hall, Childe cursed under his breath.
Diluc was there.
Right outside the training hall reserved for rookies.
He looked mildly shocked.
Maybe even confused with the way his posture seemed.
Hands held up in silent defense against the spitfire in from of him.
Probably very close to losing his rather stressed expression he adopted lately.
"I'm sorry— Ah, your knee is scraped."
"Stop treating me like a kid I'm not!"
Another person was there.
One that Childe definitely recognized.
Indigo wasn't covered by the giant hat for once.
Although, the lavender was rather alight with anger and frustration.
"Well, I'm sorry that you look like one—"
Childe nearly choked on his own breath.
The heavy sarcasm in Diluc's voice was something he'd never forget.
Scaramouche's eye twitched, "You wanna go there, insolent brat?"
Childe found himself moving faster than he did before.
He almost bodily threw himself between the two.
"Hey, Scaramouche! Aren't you in such a foul mood today."
If looks could kill, then Childe would've been electrocuted to oblivion.
"Step away, Tartaglia," Scaramouche definitely seethed, "That brat nearly crushed me with a damn wall."
Childe suddenly recalled the Firefly's promise of being "highly unlikely to do something chaotic."
And glanced at the large chunks of steel, stone, and ice scattered about.
Then the gaping hole that tore through the Palace's wall.
(Highly unlikely, his ass.)
Childe heard Diluc huff in objection.
And he laughed loudly to cover that up.
Scaramouche's face twisted a little more.
As if he had something violently sour on his tongue.
"Tartaglia, I don't care if you're a Harbinger or not, I will—"
To Childe's own surprise, Diluc stepped around him.
Even shoved him back a few steps.
"Wait! I'm the one you're mad at."
Diluc didn't even falter under the lavender.
"He has nothing to do with this."
Childe internally panicked then.
Even tried to get Diluc to step back.
But Diluc stayed rooted in his spot.
Hell, he didn't even budge.
Childe was three seconds away from grabbing Diluc's waist to hoist him away.
Until Scaramouche snorted.
Small shoulders shook.
Before bursting out in loud, echoing laughter.
Childe ended up sharing a wide eyed look with Diluc.
Because really, it was very off-putting and rather unsettling.
The disbelief in Scaramouche's voice was clear as he repeated Diluc's words through his laughter.
("'Nothing to do with this' he says! Ha! What kind of idiot protects a bloodthirsty battle freak?")
Then he grinned up at Diluc.
"Fine, I'll let you off on 'nearly crushing me with a wall' thing."
Childe felt a chill run down his spine when lavender met his cerulean.
"I can't wait to see what kind of 'fun' the pair of you bring."
._._._._._.
Diluc stared at Ajax.
Ajax stared at Diluc.
"You. Have guts of steel."
Diluc huffed ruefully.
"What kind of brother would I be if I didn't?"
Ajax could only grin at that.
._._._._._.
The Tsaritsa was not mad.
She really wasn't.
In fact, Diluc swore that she was internally laughing.
The next few days had the Sixth Harbinger grumbling under his breath.
About his ruined hat and dumb idiots making up their own orders contrary to his.
But when Diluc was in that busted training hall, Scaramouche dropped by occasionally.
Threw insults with advice all at once.
("Are you deaf, or simply dimwitted? Strengthen. Your. Control, damnit.")
It was weird.
("Huh. Well, I'll be. That wasn't pathetic for once.")
And oddly nice.
("Hmmm, you're not bad at all. For a brat.")
In a very Scaramouche way.
Really, Diluc had no other way to put it.
Even Ajax didn't know what to think of it.
But he did clarify one thing.
"I'm the youngest of all the Harbingers."
Diluc took it all in stride, "That explains a lot."
Ajax blinked at him, "Eh?"
The small grin on Diluc's face was there.
Even when he stood on his tip toes just to ruffle the other's hair.
It reminded him so much of Kaeya.
"Someone's gotta keep you out of trouble."
._._._._._.
Diluc sat next to Ajax.
Fiddled with Ruin Guard doll they planned to send to Teucer.
He didn't even spare a glance at the other as he spoke.
"Do you think toys would sell good with wine?"
Ajax didn't answer after a long moment.
The Ruin Guard's arms waved around pathetically as Diluc turned it about.
"Or, actually, maybe selling a toy would fit better with non-alcoholic drinks."
Ajax still didn't answer.
Diluc finally looked up and frowned, "What's with that look on your face?"
Ajax recovered his shock off the floor, "Don't you think that's a bit of an odd thing to ask?"
The pure nonchalance that radiated from Diluc was almost too strong, "No."
"Why does it sound like you're trying to run a winery behind my back?"
Diluc paused.
Stared at Ajax for a long moment before he answered, playing with the toy.
Brutally honest.
"I'm the son of a winery owner. I should know how to run one."
If Diluc looked a little longer, he would've noticed how Ajax's face fell.
Yet when he looked back, the expression was gone.
So Diluc didn't know.
He only saw how the other huffed and stole the Ruin Guard from his hands.
"What is up with Mondstadt's love of wine?"
Diluc laughed then.
Reminded of that one time Kaeya got drunk off his arse.
Completely underage but at least off-duty.
A dare that Kaeya purposely caused.
HIs father congratulated Kaeya for his first drink and hangover.
Then grounded both of them for a whole week afterwards.
It was funny now then at the time.
.
.
"Trust me, even I don't get it."
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