"Adoption, huh?"
Tom looked up from the chair that he had folded himself in so that he could go over the book reports that needed to be graded by the time that school came back from Spring Break. The decision to spend a few days at Liz's dad's place in Nebraska had been last minute, but the young couple had decided they needed the break. The beginning of the adoption process had been more grueling than either of them had anticipated and they had still needed to tell Sam about it.
"Yeah," he said slowly, trying to gauge the other man's reaction. "Liz brought it up."
His father-in-law glanced behind him. "June has ahold of her, so she'll be a while. Why don't you set the papers down and we'll take a walk?"
Tom didn't move for a long moment, trying to decide just how nervous he should be over the chat. Sam shot him an expectant look and he gave a curt nod, shuffling the pages filled with ten-year-olds' analysis of Shiloh back into their folder, and unfolded his long legs to follow.
Sam was shut down tight, as if he were purposefully keeping any tells well under control as Tom shrugged his jacket on and followed him out of the front door. He hadn't said much when Liz had told him that they planned to adopt a child. He'd smiled, told them that it was exciting news, but now there seemed to be a weight on him the further they moved from the house. Tom remained silent and as patient as he could, following with his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets to keep from fidgeting.
Finally, Sam stopped and turned, pulling two cigars from his pocket and handed one over. "Just tell her I forced it in you if she complains. I'll play the new grandpa card if I have to," he chuckled and Tom felt a smile tug his lips. He'd been worried over nothing.
"I think she'll let it pass for this," he answered, lighting his own cigar and breathing it in deeply. He'd quit smoking the moment he found out how much Liz hated it, his wife never the wiser to the habit. It wasn't like it was the first time he'd had to, but the nicotine hit his system and he felt himself relax. He never remembered just how much he missed it.
"She seems pretty excited," Sam agreed, puffing on his own, and Tom saw his gaze shift to him from the corner of his eye. "Lizzie has always wanted a family, Tom."
"I know," he answered quietly.
"Mm. But this isn't just about her now. A child is a big decision. It's not just part of the job. When you make a mistake in the field it may stick with you for a while, but a kid… they're going to watch your every move. They're going to look up to you, Tom. Rely on you for more than just to keep them safe. Are you ready for that?"
Tom stilled, feeling the weight of the conversations settle on him and he swallowed hard. So this was the conversation they were having. Was the covert operative that had married Sam Millhoan's daughter capable of being a father? Capable of being a good father to an innocent little soul who would rely on him to teach them things that Tom himself was still struggling to learn. It was a question that he had pushed aside in the excitement that he had never expected to come with the decision to start a family. He had known that Liz would want children eventually, and he figured he would roll with it. Fake his way through it. But over cold spaghetti, with tears rolling down her cheeks and a confession that she wanted to give a kid a chance that he had never had, even if she didn't know that's what she was saying, he had been so excited. So hopeful. They were going to be parents. He'd never thought he would really want to, but the moment it left her lips it became real and he wanted it.
He pulled in a deep breath, the cigar all but forgotten. "Yes," he said seriously. "I want this, Sam. Not just for Liz to be happy, but for us. I…" The words were dangerous because they were raw and honest, and that terrified him to put them out there, but there were certain promises he'd made Sam before marrying his daughter. Promises he intended to keep. "I want a family with her," he confessed softly.
Sam's lips quirked upward and he took a drag from his cigar. "Alright then. That's what I needed to know. You're in for the shock of your life, kid, but it's a good one. I didn't get the earliest years with Lizzie, but there's nothing quite like watching them grow up, protecting them, loving them. Just wait until you see your kid walk the stage at school."
Tom cracked a grin. "That's a ways down the road."
"It'll be here faster than you think. Blink and they're all grown up, showing up at your place and telling you they're thinking about one of their own. You just make sure to be more than you think you can be for them and you three will be just fine."
Tom nodded slowly, catching Sam's gaze. "Thanks."
"Anytime. Seriously. I'm not perfect, but I've been there, and it's a hell of a ride."
"Worth it?"
"Completely."
It had been a long while since Tom had thought about that conversation with his father-in-law, but as he stood in his daughter's room, rocking her back to sleep after she had woken him up late that night, he couldn't seem to stop thinking about it. So much had changed since then. Sam was gone, the adoption had fallen through, Liz had learned who he really was, and somehow they had pieced themselves back together into something so much better than before. With no small amount of heartache and effort on their parts, things had worked out, and now he was holding his daughter and it was just so right. Maybe he hadn't been ready then when they had still been living amongst all the lies, but now with everything in the open and he and Liz truly on the same page, things were working out for them.
"You know all you're doing is teaching her that if she cries that Daddy'll come running, right?"
Tom turned to see Liz leaned against the doorframe, a soft and tired smile resting on her lips. He echoed it. "You calling me a pushover?" he teased quietly.
"Maybe just a little," she answered in the same tone.
"Just want her to know she's safe," he murmured, his gaze flickering to meet hers. "I was trying not to wake you."
"I woke up and you weren't there. This is the first place I checked."
His smile broadened as she padded across the room towards them. He watched as she pressed a kiss to the top of Agnes's fair hair. She really was perfect.
"You're amazing with her. You know that, right?"
Tom blinked, his gaze shifting from the sleeping little girl to her mother. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," Liz answered, her smile leaving him with an overwhelming feeling of peace.
"I was thinking about a conversation your dad and I had once," Tom murmured, and she tilted her head curiously.
"Sam?"
"Yeah. It was when we were planning to adopt. He… wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into."
"Well, I was a hell raiser," Liz laughed, her fingers lightly touching Agnes' chubby cheek, her expression soft and content.
Tom chuckled. "Not really what he was worried about," he said pointedly. "I think he was worried that I was just going with it, you know?"
"What'd you tell him that convinced up otherwise?"
"The truth."
His wife gave him a teasing smile. "Which is?"
"That I wanted to build a family with you," he answered, his smile a little lopsided as Liz looked at him.
"It's so weird to think he knew. I think there must have been so much about Sam's past that I never knew," Liz breathed, her gaze a little distant. "What'd he say when you told him that?"
"He told me that as long as I was more than I thought I could be, we'd be okay."
Pretty blue eyes flickered up to meet his, amusement dancing there. "He really cared about you, Tom."
"I know. I… well it's not like the man that raised me is a good go-to for how to be a good dad, so I'm glad I knew yours. At least for a little while."
"Me too." She loosed a long breath. "I think we're doing okay, considering the rocky start."
Tom hummed a soft agreement.
"You planning to come back to bed?"
"Yeah. In a bit. I just want to hold onto her for a few more minutes."
Liz shifted and popped up on her toes so that she could press a kiss against his scruffy cheek. She didn't say anything, but she didn't move away either. Instead they stood there in the middle of the nursery, Tom cradling Agnes, and their little girl sleeping peacefully.
