Protect You
Perception was a funny thing, with its ability to sway opinions and feelings in completely opposite directions with new pieces to the puzzle being presented at any given moment. Some people cared more about it than others, and some controlled others' perceptions of them with more skill than they should. It was something that Liz had been fascinated with when she was in school, but there were moments in her life that brought it around on a very personal level for her.
During her first marriage she had found herself with a desire to protect her husband from the darker sides of the world that her work kept her in. He had projected so much naivety and innocence, she had thought the things she saw on a day to day basis would have broken him. After everything came out, she had assumed it was because Tom was talented controlling others' perception of him. People saw exactly what he wanted them to see and no more. In truth, he was well aware of that darkness. More than that, he lived in it. Worked in it. He told her once that before her, it was all he'd thought there was.
There was a time after their first marriage ended that Liz had had trouble seeing any vulnerability at all. Looking back on it, that was how the boat incident had gone as far as it had. Tom had done too good of a job at projecting the perfect, cold operative and she'd been too willing to believe it. Anger was a much easier emotion to handle than the gut wrenching pain that those days had brought. It had helped push back the hurt, so they'd lied to each other and to themselves. He couldn't be broken. He couldn't be swayed.
Liz snorted a soft laugh at the thought as she shifted in the chair she had settled into, a set of fake passports in her hands and all the lights off in the apartment she shared with her family. Perception. It really was a funny thing. Even after everything - maybe because of everything - she still wanted to protect the man she loved. She always had.
Her fingers traced over the seals as her mind wandered, the silence leaving her alone with her thoughts in the middle of the night. Tom wasn't as fragile as she had once thought, but he wasn't as strong as he made most believe. Like she'd found with most things concerning him, there were truths wrapped up in the lies of their first marriage. He might not have been naive, but the darkness affected him. Once he was willing to let just a little light in, once he let himself care about something more than the job he'd known for so long, it affected him. Before he had been able to slip in and out of personas, staying ahead of it, pushing it back, but once he decided to stay, he'd tethered himself in a way, and some things would catch up with him.
All the questions about his biological family. All the pain he'd shoved aside for so many years. She'd heard it in his voice when he spoke about meeting his mother, or questioned what his own father would be like. Tom had stopped running and these very real pains were catching up with him. He couldn't hide from them anymore.
"Hey, babe. What are you doing out here? It's late."
Liz turned, finding Tom lingering where the hall opened up into the living room. He stood a little bleary eyed, but his expression growing increasingly more concerned the longer she didn't answer. Finally she offered him a smile and reached a hand out for him. "Yeah, I was just thinking."
He moved to take her offered hand, and his gaze fell on the passports she'd been looking at. She squeezed his fingers reassuringly. "I haven't changed my mind."
Tom loosed a relieved breath and she pulled his hand down to kiss it. He circled the chair so she didn't have to crane her head back to see him and Liz didn't let go of his hand. "I love you," she said quietly and his smile was real.
"I love you too."
She pursed her lips together thoughtfully for a long moment, trying to piece her thoughts together in a way that would make sense to him. She wanted to protect him. She wanted to support him through all of his questions and hold onto him as he sorted through what they meant to him personally. She wanted to be for him what he'd been for her. Selflessly. Because she loved him. She just wasn't sure how to put that into words that didn't sound completely out of nowhere.
Liz stood on impulse, pulling him down into a kiss, her fingers still locked with his and she felt him melt into it. She wasn't sure how to tell him everything she was thinking of that night, but she could show him. Every time there was a new challenge, they would face it together. No matter what happened, no matter what questions that he decided he did or didn't want answers to, she would support him. She would stand by him, just as he had for her. They would protect each other no matter what came their way.
Notes: This is entirely Krism23's fault. It stems from a conversation that we had about Liz protecting Tom and how we've seen her go to bat for him to physically protect him, and how (if Red is the one that lines everything up with Tom connecting with Howard and such) amazing it would be for her to take Red aside and, very sternly, tell him that he better not be setting her husband up for disappointment. The Keens protecting each other in all aspects makes me absurdly happy.