Welcome back!

As always, if the once a week updates for this story aren't enough for you, I have plenty of other Inuyasha choices for you, from InuYasha to Naraku, with only Bankotsu and Koga in between for now, but I have many plans for the future, particularly where Bankotsu is concerned. So if you'd like to read Miasma, Catch The Rain or Perfidious, head on over to my profile. I'd very much appreciate it.

Onwards!

In The Jaws Of The Wolf

Chapter Twenty

Joji's loud cries for bolstering earned him quite a crowd of men, all just as eager to chase after the jewel shards as Joji was.

I watched the men hype themselves up with mounting discomfort. I hoped - I sincerely hoped - that the castle they were planning on raiding wasn't heavily guarded. I couldn't imagine losing even one of the men gathering around my mate's brother. They'd all become family - pack - since the war. We'd all gotten so much closer now.

I couldn't quite focus on my sewing again, even as others that had decided to stay here with Koga began to return to what they were doing before the appearance of the Northerners.

After sending someone from his new little group off to chase down the Northern tribe delegates, Joji came to join Akari and I back in his spot. He sat down heavily, a big grin on his face as he began to reassemble his cleaned sword. In the moment of silence that followed, he made no move to try and say anything as he worked.

I stared Akari down, waiting for him to say something, but for the first time since we'd met, he stayed silent.

So I took the first word.

"So, are you stupid, or...?"

The scarred Wolf just gave a snort. "What's stupid about it? We're acting before anyone else does."

"On a rumour? You're smarter than that, Joji. They're wanted everywhere. There'll be rumours cropping up everywhere there are people to listen. What makes you think this one's actually true?" Rumours were a dangerous game at the best of times. This was sending our Wolves into the unknown, not knowing what was on the other end. What if there was an ambush? What if there was nothing? Would Koga let these men come back after defecting like this for nothing?

"Of course I'm smarter than that." He pushed a peg back into the tang then leaned forwards, holding steady eye contact with me. "I have someone who can confirm the rumour."

The implication hit me hard. Hard enough that I was stunned silent for a long moment. "You- You really are fucking stupid. What makes you think I'm walking into a fight on a rumour?"

I wasn't going to do a damned thing there. I was barely okay with the idea of Koga using me to find jewel shards. What made Joji think that I was going to let him take me out on a story that we'd heard from people that we didn't trust who had heard it through the grapevine that there was a big shard somewhere in a castle? Absolute insanity. It had to be.

"No," I continued, holding a hand up to stop Joji's response. "I don't want to hear anything. I just- You're not getting me to go anywhere with you. This is my home and I'm staying here."

"Without your mate?" Joji challenged.

A cold shiver ran down my spine as my eyes snapped to Akari.

He refused to meet my eyes.

No. "Akari..."

He wasn't planning on going with his brother, was he? That was stupid. It was... It was absolutely Akari. That's what I loved about him. He was always going to be there for his brother, no matter what happened. Akari was fiercely loyal and his family was above all else. If Joji was going to run into danger, then Akari was going to be just a step behind him, ready to defend him. I didn't even have to ask him whether it was happening. I knew right away that it was.

Now I really had to make a choice, didn't I?

Could I make that choice, though? Half the reason I was still alive was because I could see the jewel shards. Would Koga let that chance go? Even if I was following who was essentially my husband. My demon husband - my mate. I... I couldn't go, could I?

I couldn't follow him.

"She's stay here, where it's safe," Akari spoke, before I could voice my fears. His tone brokered no room for arguments. Even Joji stayed quiet after that.

My eyes dropped to my lap.

None of us spoke much after that.

The Wolves were ready to leave by the time it began to get dusky out. The Northerners were the first to leave, with the rest of the group following behind, led by a pumped-up Joji, ready for whatever battle faced them.

Akari faltered just before he passed through the waterfall. He'd been quiet for most of the afternoon, avoiding eye contact, avoiding saying anything. I didn't know whether he was totally avoiding me or so deep in preparing that he'd all but forgotten me in the moment. I was sure he was at least subconsciously trying to avoid any possible attempts to keep him from going. We both knew that I would try if he'd given me half a chance to.

So I had spent the afternoon with Nao and Hakakku, trying to keep myself distracted with some close-to-the-den guard duty. Trailing around the den's perimeter to keep the rowdy Wolves that had chosen to stay but didn't like the idea of people leaving us out of trouble was busy enough work to keep me out of the den, away from Akari.

Before too long, though, Hakakku and I had been relieved and sent back inside to rest. Hakakku played a good game at keeping me distracted by recruiting me for helping him with food prep while the renegade Wolves darted around us, packing and preparing.

But now they were leaving. Essentials had been packed, weapons chosen, plans discussed.

I stared at Akari's back, willing him to turn around. Willing him to come back to me. Willing him to stay.

Was this how he was going to leave? Without even looking at me? Without saying goodbye?

Our relationship had been quick. Just a few weeks together. Was it too quick to form strong enough attachment for him to bother with emotional goodbyes? I'd been married to Ando in less time, but Akari and I were closer than I had ever been with Ando. What we had wasn't arranged. It wasn't two people being forced together out of convenience. I loved Akari. Even such a short amount of time, I truly did. If the situation was reversed, I wouldn't be able to leave him without a goodbye.

How could he do this now?

My heart just about skipped a beat when he turned around, as if willed to by my thoughts. His eyes searched me out in the crowd, his grip tight on the spear he held.

When he did find me, he strode towards me in a quick, purposeful stride. Halfway to me, he dropped his spear. It clattered to the stone loudly.

My feet shuffled on the stone. I was making my way towards him before I even realised I was.

We met in a tight hug in the middle of the den.

This wasn't him choosing to stay, I had to tell myself as he squeezed me. This was him telling me goodbye.

"Dan-"

I covered his mouth before he could carry on. I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to feel it. "No words. Nothing we'll regret." I didn't want to hear any sweet words or promises from his mouth. Not a single one. I didn't want his last words to me to be something he couldn't live up to. I wanted to remember this moment. The moment we were just holding each other close.

"Just survive," I breathed into his neck. I could live knowing that he was out there somewhere, alive. That was all I needed. "Survive, even if you can't come back to me."

His grip on me tightened.

"I love you," he whispered, muffled by my hands still clapped over his mouth.

I felt the prickling in my eyes, and was totally powerless to stop the tears from falling. His rough fingers stroked gently at my wet cheeks, wiping them away no matter how many more came.

"I love you, too," I sobbed. I loved this man more than anyone else I had ever met.

"I have to go."

I jammed my fist against my mouth to stop myself from sobbing out loud again when he pulled away again.

"Survive," I called after him, giving a watery smile when he lifted his hand and disappeared out through the waterfall, leaving the den for good. He was gone. He was actually gone. "...Please."

"He didn't leave you here to just waste away."

The sharp voice that broke through the troubled thoughts buzzing around in my mind had me dragging my gaze from the view of the den's boundaries below us. I'd climbed up to the top of the waterfall after a fitful sleep, hoping I would be able to see the moment he came back. If he came back. I'd been here since sunrise, with little company throughout the day. Now the last orange of the light was starting to leave the sky.

It had been over a day now. Had he found that castle? Was he fighting for the shards? Was he on his way home now, triumphant? Was he... dead?

Koga growled down at me, his fangs gleaming an orange tinge in the low light of the sunset. I expected yelling, and winced as I prepared for it. Koga always yelled when he wore that expression. Instead, he thrust his arm forwards, holding out a chunk of cooked meat to me. "Think I don't know what you're doing? You haven't eaten since he left."

I hesitated before taking the meat from his hand. The smell told me it was boar. It was only just warm. Must have been a heavy lunch. I'd noticed the hunting party go out mid-morning. "I think I'd be surprised if you noticed anything beyond the end of your nose right now, Koga," I shot back at him, his frustration feeding mine.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" His hackles shot right up and his sharp fangs bared even more.

I didn't feel a trickle of fear. In fact, I could feel the anger starting to pulse through me even harder.

"What's that supposed to mean?! Are you serious?! You've spent the last week doing nothing but licking at superficial wounds! InuYasha hurt your ego, and instead of doing something about it, you just turned in on yourself. You haven't noticed a single fucking thing that's happened in the den since we got back." I rose to my feet, turning on him and standing toe-to-toe with the tall demon. "Where were you when we gathered and buried our dead after the war with the Birds of Paradise?"

Where was he? He was sulking in the damned den.

He knew that all too well, and my question was met with silence.

I wasn't done.

"Where were you when we were giving speeches to departed spirits?" Sat silently at the back.

"Where were you when we mourned together as a pack?" Sulking.

"Where the fuck were you when you let half of our pack go to chase a rumour of a jewel shards with only the words I could care less to go with?!" That one was what I really wanted to know. "Where the fuck were you? Because that wasn't the Koga I know speaking."

He was silent. Guilt and frustration consumed his expression. He looked like he'd been slapped in the face and finally realised just what he'd been like in the past week.

I shoved the lukewarm chunk of meat against his armoured chest. "If you want to lecturer me on personal responsibility, sort your own issues out first. I don't owe it to you or anyone to listen to your crap." I span on my heel, stalking away from Koga, ready to go take my anger out on something else. Target practice sounded like a really good idea. Maybe I could picture Koga's face on the target.

Koga didn't seem to have any care for my attempts at trying to get away before our argument got big. He grabbed my upper arm and span me back around to face him. "What do you want from me?!"

"What do I-? Nothing, Koga. I don't want a damn thing from you." I pushed him away from me. "But your pack wants something from you. They want a leader they can rely on. When are you going to stop licking your wounds and be that leader for them, huh? Go be their leader!"

He looked furious. I was ready for him to explode on me, scream back at me like I had screamed at him.

But he surprised me. Instead of biting and yelling back at me like I expected, he swooped down and picked up the hunk of meat that he hadn't caught when I shoved it at him. He held it out between us. "You are pack. I have to look after you, too. I think right now you need that more than anyone else here."

I froze.

There was no apology there. Not out loud, at least. But I knew Koga, and knew an apology wasn't likely to ever be uttered. Koga was more a man of actions than words. His apology was in the peace offering of food he was holding out to me, in telling me he had to look after me. A promise that he would get over himself and start acting like the leader he should be.

I believed that promise. Koga was many things, but he was definitely a man of his word.

So I reached out for the meat, to accept the food and the promise. I'd damn well hold him to it.

Information Corner

Koga's height - So, I actually had to pick which height I was going to give Koga. The anime and manga have different heights for the characters. In the manga, he's on the lower end of 5'8. Tall for a man in Japan, but in the anime, he's just over 5'10, which is even taller. As I'm going with the anime for just about everything else in the fic, I'll go with the tall anime height. Just for a comparison, that means he stands at the same height as Sesshomaru, who's been shown to pretty much tower over everyone but Naraku, who is 5'9 in the manga, and 6'1 in the anime. Dan is a pretty tall chick herself for the Japanese - she is Kikyos anime height (5'6), which actually makes her taller than InuYasha. Just a little something for you there, though Kikyo's height is so inconsistent in the anime. It bugs me

Review Corner

LadyAmazon - Definitely pack being divided, I'm afraid. There's a lot going on right now in the pack, and not a lot of it is good

I love writing arguments, and writing a big blowout with Koga is one of life's greatest pleasures. Especially when Koga surprises people.

Since I started writing these fics, I've done a lot of analysing characters. Since I started Catch The Rain, I've been comparing the way Koga and InuYasha react to things, and I've noticed some pretty interesting things. InuYasha is a lot more argumentative in general, and Koga is pretty relaxed when he isn't arguing with InuTrasha. He's a little more emotionally in tune with himself than InuYasha is, and is pretty good at deep, emotional talk, even if he is sometimes very flash about it coughShoutingFromTheTopOfAMountaincough. So, while I do enjoy the InuYasha-like caricature Koga can sometimes be, I like his emotional maturity (occasionally) too.

I... may have cut this chapter short because I'm a wimp. Next chapter we'll be working on Kagura's plot. I was supposed to fit it into this chapter, but it went on a little too long. I like long chapters, of course, but I don't want one super long chapter compared to all the rest, so I chose to split it into two chapters. Next chapter is going to be an emotional one.