Alive

Tonight I'm losing my layers, I'm letting you know

So won't you come back into me where you belong?

She saw him everywhere. Sometimes it was in the beginning stages of wakefulness where she could almost feel his breath on her neck, his voice in her ear telling her they had just a few more minutes. Or in the kitchen as she turned, expecting him to tease her about burning the toast or grinning as he told her that eggos did not belong in a frying pan. He was everywhere and at every turn in whispers and glimpses.

The first thing she had done after getting out of the hospital had been to move. That perfect apartment that Tom had found for the three of them was her nightmare made real all over again and she couldn't live there any longer. Reddington had offered to have someone pack her things up for her, but she'd turned him down. She didn't want anyone but her touching his things. His clothes, his books, his turntable. Memories hit like another blow to the head and Agnes had hugged on her mother as Liz had just sat on the floor - too clean, too perfect, like their lives hadn't ended that night - crying. They'd stabbed him again and again and the blow had left her too stunned. All she'd been able to do was stare as he'd fought for his life, one of his records playing in the background like a sick and twisted joke.

Somehow she had gotten it packed up and she and Agnes had moved.

Liz couldn't have done it without her little girl. She was her light in the darkness, that smile a carbon copy of her daddy's. She had asked him to tell Agnes about her when she thought she was dying, but now it was up to her to do the same for him. No matter how much it hurt she showed Agnes photos and videos and told her stories. Her daddy had been brave. He'd been determined and devoted. He had made her laugh and he had made her so very, very happy. He'd loved them both more than anything. She should never believe he wanted to leave. He'd fought so hard for them.

They said time healed wounds, but that hadn't been Liz's experience. If the wound was deep enough the sharp, jolting pain turned to a steady ache. Always there. Always an unwanted companion. She'd lost him before and that ache hadn't elevated until she'd realized the truth: wrapped up in all the lies were the truths that mattered. He loved her. More than anything. They'd come back to each other and built something true. A real family, just like they had both wanted. And now he'd given his life for her.

The wound didn't heal, but the mask became easier to wear. She smiled when people spoke to her. She laughed at their jokes. She started answering phone calls again. She didn't cry in front of anyone but Agnes. Liz worked hard for that, and three months after being released from the hospital she looked like she was starting to gather the shattered pieces of her life.

"I told you that we're fine," Liz huffed into the phone as she scanned the tiny playground at the park, never letting Agnes out of her sight. "We don't need you to send a car. You need to be focused on the blacklister. Ressler said-"

"Your team is perfectly capable of tracking down our newest number," Reddington said softly from the other side of the phone. "It's you I worry over."

"I know, but we're fine. Settled into the new place and everything. You'll have to come see it when you get back. Agnes helped me paint her room pink. It's both terrifying and adorable all at once."

"You let your two and a half year old daughter paint?"

Liz's eyes followed the little girl as she started moving further away than she usually did. "Ish? She held the brush and I helped her with the rest," she explained as she stood.

"Is everything alright, Elizabeth? You sound distracted."

"Yeah. Agnes is just…. hold on."

She heard him call her name but she was already focused on her daughter who had apparently seen something in the tree lines that had snagged her undivided attention. "Agnes, honey?" she called, but the toddler didn't sway. Instead her steps quickened and she called out something to the trees.

Liz's heart stopped as Agnes let out a happy squeal and a figure in the deep shadows reached for her, scooping her up. Liz wasn't armed, but she'd take the bastard down with her bare hands is she had to. "Don't you dare touch-"

And then she stopped, feeling lightheaded as the figure turned, Agnes in his arms, and Liz realized what Agnes had said.

Daddy.

"Elizabeth!" Reddington's panicked voice drew her attention and she realized he was still on the line.

"Sorry," she choked out and she watched him put a finger to his lips, shaking his head very slightly. "She saw a puppy. You know how she gets with dogs. I'll call you back."

She ended the call and her vision blurred. He was there, suddenly, familiar touch against her bare arm and he'd shifted Agnes so that he could steady her. She looked up at him, his name riding out on a breath. "Tom."

He was thinner than the last time she'd seen him, with dark circles that showed sleepless nights, and stress lines that had taken the place of smile lines. But he was alive. Alive. And real. That or she'd really lost it.

"Daddy!" Agnes cheered and she reached to the face she knew so well from photographs.

"Hey, baby girl," he murmured, kissing the side of her head, and that voice was unmistakable. As were those dark blue eyes that came to focus on her, all the love they had known in them even now and she could almost hear those words that were etched into her brain as his hand lifted to stroke her cheek.

My Liz.

And the dam broke at his touch, tears flowing openly and freely and she launched herself at him. He caught her with his free arm and she felt him press a kiss into her hair. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"How?" she managed.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you everything, but we hotta go."

"Go?"

"Was that Reddington on the phone?"

"Yeah."

"Is he in town?"

She didn't like the urgency in his voice, and Agnes must not have either. She reached for her mother and Tom eased her over, his expression dark. This wasn't over and Reddington had more to do with it than Liz had dared let herself consider. "No."

"Then we have a little time. Not much. Babe, I will tell you everything, but we have to go. Do you trust me?"

He held his hand out to her and she swallowed hard. "Yes," she answered after a beat and took it, feeling his long fingers close around hers. She didn't know what was happening, but he was alive and they would face it together.

Notes: I've been devastated since Wednesday night. Utterly devastated. I think I've finally gotten to the denial stage though, because the alternative is screaming and crying. They took her dream from her. They have left The Blacklist hopeless for its heroine. That's just... cruel beyond words.

This plot bunny took hold last night and I have a larger idea for it. I'm working on a multichapter for another fandom right now, so I don't know if I'll end up writing this. Honestly, I don't know what's going to happen with the Blacklist right now. I'm still very broken over it. For those that have followed this set of stories for the years I've been writing on them, I love you. Dearly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Feel free to drop me a line here or over on Tumblr. I'm not going to close the story out just yet, but I'm not sure what's happening with it moving forward. I'll make that decision once I have my feet under me again.