Hollowed in the Moonlight
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or Lupin or Tonks. I also don't own the song "Second Star to the Left, Go Until Dawn" that belongs to Copeland.
All this time away from you
with you would be better
all those days of summer fun
I missed you more than ever
I shouldn't miss you like I do. The curses of being what I am-I can't even love without regret. I sit in this hellhole wishing I were with you in the summer sun kissing and drinking butterbeer and eating licorice wands like I did when I was a child. You make me forget all that I know is real. I can never love; it costs too much. What would you do if you married me? You could not have children. What would you do if I lived with you? When the moon is high above I wouldn't be able to sleep in our bed.
So I pray that you will be content without acceptance of my love, the love that is so real in my heart, but denied for your safety. I want to tell you everything, but would you understand? Would you understand how it feels to be denied your own flesh? No, you would not, but you tell me you don't care. All the times you grabbed my robes and tried to make me admit I love you come flooding back to my mind as I sit in between two men sweating in the underground waiting for the moon to rise so they can taste human flesh. These are my brothers, but they don't know what its like to be me. They can't, because they have never loved like I do. The burning in their eyes is filled with only hatred, I hope they don't see the love in mine; they might care to taste my blood if they knew.
Still I wonder, were I to deny you, would I ever be happy? Can I ever be human without your love? It's the strongest thing I feel and you fill the void that was destroyed when I lost everyone who ever made me feel love. You are replacing that love, but its different now, and I'm afraid I'll hurt you. You are capable, and brilliant, but you are fragile in my hands and I could crush you without knowledge of it. I would rather you hate me than me hurt you.
And yet…
The world is not complete without your touch. I would have it right now more than anything in the world, because your love is the only thing that keeps me alive.
absence make the heart grow weathered
But fonder still you know I never will stay silent
I haven't lost hope for you yet, my love. You come back today, out of the underground, and I feel I should be there to see you, but I can't stand to hear you say you don't love me again. I know you do, that's the worst part. If you didn't love me, I could understand, but you do. I see it in your eyes. I know why you would push me away, I probably would do the same if the places were switched, but you can't deny love when it's the only thing that keeps this failing world together. It's as precious and yet as breakable as a freshly baked cookie out of Molly Weasley's oven. I have sat so many times in that kitchen and cried for you. I even lost my ability to change my appearance; did you know that?
I wish I could see you at Christmas, but I know what would happen. You would deny me again, so instead I will hold your love dear to me. This flawless love will grow until I can find a way to change your mind.
it was a big mistake to let me have my way in the first place
it was a big mistake to let me memorize your face
I was hoping to see you at Christmas, if nothing more just to see you. But I know why you didn't come, as does Molly though she questions me about where you are. She tries to push my buttons to find a weakness in my flesh, but what she doesn't understand is the weakness isn't in this flesh its in my damnable fur every time I see the moon.
My anger is pointless, but it comes as a result of a lack of you. You, who warm my spirit, have become the most needed thing in my life in these past couple months. While I have become more aware of who I am, I have also become more aware of my love for you. How can I deny I don't see your face when I sleep? How can I pretend you aren't the most forward in my thoughts? This love, it's all my fault, I know it is, I let myself fall into this feeling just like I let myself hear you say you loved me. I know it was what I wanted, but I wish I didn't want it.
I'm jealous of you moon tonight you get to see her
alone beneath the stars and everything I fear
I feel the transformation coming. I cry myself to sleep for the nights I miss with you sitting in this dark secluded abomination of a living quarters drinking my potion and dreaming of the moon. I wish I could see you under this sky. Your pink hair, and blue eyes would burn in this light, but I can't see you. The realization of this burns my soul to the point that all that is left is the hatred of the thing that made me this way: the thing that denied me your affections, the thing that is exactly as I am now. I wish I could get away from this deathly feeling like the life is being stripped of me in the moonlight, like life is being extinguished as your eyes fade and disappear. Murder, burning flesh, claws on bone, it's all I can think about now, now that the moonlight has robbed me of your face and myself.
all my strength was tranquilized
and everyday I get weaker
but stronger when I think of how we never sat silent
Dumbledore gave me a task today. I just hope that I see you in the end. I hope the conclusion to another year will be your hands in my hair that burn pink again. I try to believe that I will feel your touch again, even just a handshake, but the knowledge of what you said still affects me. My hair color is extinguished, my eyes are like stone, and my otherwise beautiful personality, that you yourself said was a treasure, is lost in the pain. All I can hear now is the buzzing in my ears of the loss of what I wanted to be. The loss of what I wanted in my life. I wanted you. So I go to do this task and hope some day you will see past the fear and look at me with hope.
"Wotcher Harry." He is my top priority now, but I feel myself pining for you as I run up stairs in Hogwarts castle crying as I rush to Dumbledore's office to beg of your whereabouts and well being. Without you I am just this sobbing girl, don't you see? Age, wealth, and strength matter little when love intervenes. Tell me that you love me and that will be enough, tell me you are safe and I wont cry anymore. I will wait for you to talk again in my ear and tell me everything is all right, just promise me you will be there; it's the only thing that keeps me from falling apart.
it was a big mistake to let me have my way in the first place
it was a big mistake to let me memorize your face
I can't believe I am saying this, but I whisper my heart in your ear. Too much has happened now, and I can't run away anymore. I want to have you in my arms. I want to dream of your face without the feeling of guilt in the back of my head. I want to kiss you and feel the only right thing that has ever happened in my life. I want to be allowed to love you, and I want to tell the world I do.
You are whispering in my ear, sweet words of longing. The barrier has been breached and now I look into the face of my wolf man. Mine. You are mine. I love you, Remus Lupin.
I love you, Nymphradora Tonks.
Now will you dream of me when we sleep in our bed as the days pass until the next new moon?
A/N: First of all the last line is said by both Tonks and Lupin if anyone was curious. Second, I wanted to make a contrast of the worlds Remus stood in, one that was dark and gloomy filled with Werewolves who cared about nothing but eating flesh, and the world of Tonks' face with pink hair, blue eyes, and the sparkling sun. I hope that came across well enough. Also, this is the second in my MWPP series. If you want to read the first one it is called "Started With Tears, Ended With Kisses" and you can find it on my page. Hope you like it, and don't be afraid to tell me what you think!