Can't Live Without Her

It had hit like a blow to the gut, knocking the breath out of him and he still didn't feel like he had gotten it back. He hadn't expected it and he hadn't prepared for it. Hell, he hadn't even known what it meant at first, but slowly he was coming to the realization that he had only played at up until that point. It had never been real. He hadn't known that it could be, at least not for someone like him.

She was more beautiful every time he saw her. It was in the details that he learned, the little quirks that became more evident the longer he spent with her. In the way that she could go on for an hour about something she was passionate about and the way that her eyes lit up as she spoke. Her laugh pushed away every danger looming in and he found himself making excuses to spend more time with her every chance he got. It had been a mistake, that first meeting, but one he wouldn't give up for the world.

Bud was furious. He had broken protocol to reach out to him and demand that he get out. The client was livid, he'd said, and he was going to kill him. He had brushed it off and sidestepped the accusations. It was fine. He knew what he was doing. He was in control.

But he wasn't. He knew he wasn't when he found himself waiting for her call, for a returned text. This was more than a job now. He had never known there could be something more than the job.

"Tom?" Dark blue eyes blinked hard and came to focus on the woman he didn't want off his mind. She gave him a small, almost hesitant smile. "You looked like you got lost in your own world for a minute."

He felt an easy, real smile tilt his lips. "Just thinking."

Her expression turned a little more mischievous and she nudged his leg with her foot. "What about?"

"You," he answered, leaning against the table between them. It was probably a good thing that it was there. The look she was giving him was testing his level of self control and she knew it. She always knew it. It was funny that way. Somebody finally being able to get a read on him should have sent him running, but she had him anchored there and digging in deeper every time someone tried to pull him away. She didn't - and couldn't - know everything, but she knew things about him after a few months that he hadn't admitted to another soul. Not even Gina.

"Really? You planning to share or…?" The statement was innocent enough, but there was something about the devious look in her clear blue eyes.

"We really should've gotten this to go," Tom half grumbled as he took a long drink from the coffee cup and the liquid burned all the way down his throat. It was worth it to give him half a chance to stand and grab for the to-go cups to get them started out the door.

"Are we going somewhere?" she teased, grinning openly at him by that point. She reached forward, her hand against his, and tipped up on her toes to press a kiss to his lips as she took the empty cup and emptied her own coffee into it. They had decided they needed to get out, get a cup of coffee - something to get them out of her place or his and the movie nights and dinners that they already had a habit of doing - but it would seem that plans had changed. And when Elizabeth Scott put her mind to something, she made it happen. Something told him they weren't going back to his place just for a movie.

They were just down from his place when Liz laced her fingers through his as they walked, leaning into him. "You never answered my question."

"You distracted me," he chuckled the words that would have been just as much an explanation as an answer. He felt her gaze on him, though, and he ducked his head a little.

"Something embarrassing?" she asked.

"Just… new."

She hummed and he stopped, pulling her to a stop with him when she didn't let go of his hand. He regretted taking the coffee at all as he had to loose his hold on her to have a hand free to move to the side of her face. The kiss was gentle and he felt her hand slip around the the back of his neck to pull him in deeper. Neither of them paid a great deal of attention to the fact that they were standing on the sidewalk with the whole world that didn't matter moving around them.

"I love you, Liz," Tom confessed as they broke. "That's what I was thinking about. What I finally…." He squeezed his eyes closed for half a beat, willing himself to be as honest with her as he could in the situation that they were in. "I'm in love with you and I'm terrified of that."

"Why?"

He blinked. "Why what?" he asked. He wasn't sure which would be worse for her to ask about: the fact that he just told her that he loved or asking him to explain why he was so terrified.

"Why are you scared?"

Tom pulled away a little, his hand moving to the back of his neck in a nervous motion. Because he'd never felt like this about anyone before, not even close. Because he wasn't sure what would happen if the client that had hired him decided to make a move against him or if Bud tried to recall him in earnest. He didn't want to think about this life that he was somehow building crashing down. Finally he ducked his head a little, that shy little smile that was only partially put on these days pulling at his lips. "I guess I'm just afraid that if I admit it I might lose you."

There was nothing at first and the knot that was forming in his gut was starting to make him sick. Finally her hand slipped down to rest against the side of his face and she tipped up on her toes, her kiss pulling him back in and he found himself following for more when she broke away. "You're different than anyone I've ever been with," she said softly, the words riding out on a breath. "It's…." She shook her head, smiling a little. "It's right. I don't know how to describe it, but I just know it's right. I'm not scared at at all. I'm not going anywhere. Are you?"

"No. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good."

Tom felt the grin tug into place and he leaned in and stole another kiss. She laughed against him and her hand dropped back into his to tug him towards his apartment. His smile didn't fade as they rounded the corner and she all but dragged him up the five flights of stairs, barely giving him a chance to fish his keys out of his pocket and fit them into the door.

Their laughter filled the little studio apartment and they slid the coffee cups onto the counter. Tom picked her up off the floor and she wrapped her arms around his neck, returning the kiss. When it broken he found himself staring up at her, all the mischief and amusement dancing in her eyes and she kissed the tip of his nose. "I love you too."

She just knew. Tom thought he might understand that. He'd heard others say it and he hadn't given it much thought before. It hadn't clicked and it hadn't made sense, but with Liz everything shifted just into place, like a puzzle piece he hadn't known was missing. He loved her, but it was even more than that. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Somehow he had to find a way to make that work. He would, because he didn't think he could live without her.

Notes: This was requested over on Tumblr to the prompt of "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified."

This is my daily note that the Keens deserved better than what this show gave them.