Chapter 10:
The surrounding had changed around him, but he wasn't even frightened by the sudden and unbelievable change. He had just closed his eyes for a moment and all of a sudden the forest he had just been in seconds ago was gone.
It was a beach and he had the strange feeling he knew this place from somewhere, had been there before. It was warm around here, but not hot – it was comfortable. He was sitting in the warm sand, looking at the calm sea and smelling the fragrance of salt and water all around him.
He felt sheltered – as sheltered as he had felt in the forest and this place actually was even more comfortable. It reminded him of his youth, his childhood – the days, when life had still been easy, when he had simply been a boy playing with his elder brother and being loved by his parents. It reminded him of lucky, carefree and innocent times – times long gone.
He felt the urgent wish to get up, get out of his shoes and walk throught the wet sand and the water down at the shore. Logic told him that it was the middle of winter and that this was the atlantic ocean – it was most definitely freezing cold. But the sun was shining right now and he felt comfortable – why shouldn't it be the same with the salty water?
He felt like he needed to be here, like this place had just been designed for him, like someone or something had realised he wasn't completely comfortable with his former surrounding and had transferred him to this place. If it was even possible, he felt better around here, better than he had done before.
He was grateful for the sounds, he really had missed them in that forest – it had simply been unnatural. But right here and now he was able to hear the water – the soft waves rushing over the shore and creating this soothing tone, people could fall asleep very easy. He had missed that sound – although Manhattan was an island, it had nothing to do with the experience and memories he knew from his childhood days.
It was just beautiful around here, though it was as surreal as the other place. There was nobody else around – he was all alone – and once again he didn't feel concerned about it. At this new place he barely seemed able to remember what concern felt like – what an unpleasant feeling was after all, what pain was. He was free of all these things around here, rid of them and the starting process of forgetting about them was simply just wonderful.
He didn't care about the fact that there were no people, no houses – no sign of civilization after all and no further sound than the water connecting with the shore. He enjoyed it – this moment all for himself – without thinking about it, without bothering or worrying.
He was sure that if he would give it some time, he would even forget the name of all these unpleasant emotions he had been forced to cope with before he had been allowed to enter this place. He was overwhelmed by the numerous different things there were to feel – agitation, fear, sadness, grieve, desperation, hopelessness, anger, uncertainty, embarassement, frustration...
There were so many of them and although they were a normal process and part of everyone's life, they seemed completely pointless around here. There was no need to feel them, not at this place, not now and hopefully not ever again. He smiled by that thought – an honest, content smile.
He got up from the spot on the warm sand he had been sitting at, slipping out of his shoes and doing what he had been planning on – slowly walking down to the beach and carefully testing the temperature of the water. It was unlogical, but the water was warm, in the same comfortable way the sand and the sun had been.
He just stood there for a moment, having the water flow around his feet, closing his eyes to focus all his senses on the sound of the rushing water and the fragrance of the salty sea water. It was a moment of peace – a moment of inner silence, he hadn't been able to grant himself in a long time.
He had to admit that he was tired. All this comfortable feelings he had and the complete lack of anything he was able to complain about had left him tired. He just wished to lay down, close his eyes and take some moments of relaxation, but something very deep inside of him told him it was dangerous to do so, although he had no idea why this would be.
This was a safe haven and he was all alone – nobody would attack him here, nobody would harm him... He pushed the nagging feeling aside, sat back down, leaned back, falling into the sand and closed his eyes. Just a moment, just one more moment...