Sorry for the lack of updates and sorry for the length and general crappiness of this update - I'm really not feeling the fanfic writing urge, but I wanted to get an update done.
As always, thanks for the feedback!
Mmm, warm. "Sorry, I was freaked out," I've had this dream before, well dream/hallucination; it's where Spencer tells me that she is gay and wants me. I like this dream, and not just because it ends with sex, but there is something so phenomenal about the person you're in love with telling you that they reciprocate those feelings.
The dream sucks, because it's never real, and I know it's not really happening, it's tainted throughout, there are all these little signs that give it away. The colour of Spencer's eyes is usually the first one, well, the colour and the depth, then there's her touch, it feels as fake as it really is. And then there's…
Wait, but, this feels real. Her voice sounds right and, ugh, I feel like crap, I think I'm awake. I'm awake and Spencer's in my room, at night, talking to me, and, "I didn't want to deal with being gay," stating the obvious, and, "but I couldn't deal with not being with you," and I think I just felt my heart give a little squeeze. I'd give anything for this to be real, it's perfectly feasible that it isn't; although I'm awake, this could all be a hallucination.
"I'm not easy." Did, I just speak? Whoa, I…wait, oh for fucks sake, my nose is still numb, what the fuck is that about?
"That's not what I've heard." Did she just? I think she did, okay; reason number five thousand nine hundred and seventy two to love Spencer…
"I meant to be with,"
"I know, but we're already friends, that's the hard part," ugh, I don't know why I'm so tired and generally lethargic, "so lets just start there and see what happens." Internally I'm doing summersaults. I wish I could express how much I love Spencer right now, but I'm so tired.
I lean forward, snuggling my head into her lap, and she's so warm, and pure and I'm so tired and, hmm.
I'm so confused about what happened that night; I remember Paige, coke, warmth, scary cold, and then warmth again.
I remember having nightmare about nothing at all, then having the fear just dissipating, flitting away. And that's where the warmth comes in; every time I felt myself begin to relax again it was because of this unlocateable warmth.
When I woke up, it all started to make sense, the warmth was coming from Spencer – I didn't even remember her turning up, I hope she didn't see me doing any charlie – all night when I had been cocooned in warmth, I had unwittingly been cocooned in Spencer. Wrapped in her arms, with her protecting me effectively from myself.