Chapter 24:

Dr. Collins had her routine check up on her ICU patients this morning, getting the information from the nurses' night shift. She was lucky to be informed about the fact, that Danny Taylor's blood gases had improved and that she would be able to get him off the respirator. This was a good sign, actually more of a good sign than she had hoped for.

She had decided to do this herself. Of course she could have assigned one of the nurses to do it. But she had been taking care of him so far and he did know her. She didn't want him to go through this process with someone he didn't know after all. It would be difficult enough for him.

When she entered the room some minutes later, she most definitely knew that it would get difficult for her. He winced as soon as she entered his room and she had to be gentle with him. He wouldn't listen to her if she didn't, not even talking about trusting her. He didn't know her very well and after the trauma he had been put through, trust was a thing he definitely wouldn't give away that easily for a long time to come.

She tried to find the right tone for her words – telling him what she would do. She couldn't get too emotionally attached and neither could she be too rational. She needed to find the right balance between it, finding a way through his emotional barricade and reaching him with her words.

„I'm gonna remove the tube now, Mr. Taylor. It's a rather easy process, but it's uncomfortable and it's most likely going to hurt – but just for a moment. I know it's hard, but I want you to try to relax."

She stopped explaining the process to him, giving him some time to think about her advice and calm down. She had expected the reaction of agitation and she knew this wouldn't work if he wouldn't be relaxed. She was in need of his cooperation on this one and it was her responsibility to make him see that.

But it didn't work out the way she had wanted it to. He had been frightened from the beginning – uneasy at least – since she had entered the room and she could completely understand that. She suspected that the last time somebody had entered a room with him being unable to get away, held back in place on a bed, had been while he had been tortured. No wonder he was afraid.

"I'm not going to hurt you and this is gonna be over in a minute, but I really need you to relax. The more you tense up, the harder it gets for me to remove the tube and I really don't want to hurt you. You have to work with me – not against, I need your help with this.

She was aware of the fact, that the level of pain medication left him partly unaware of his surrounding – which actually was a good thing. The discomfort and the simple pain he was still forced to experience made it inevitable. However she seemed to have reached him now – his features finally relaxing and the expression on his face telling her, that he was willing to help her.

"Alright, I'm gonna explain to you what is going to happen next. I will take off the tape now and then I want you to breathe in deeply. I know this is difficult, but you have to try. As soon as I tell you to exhale, you need to do so and I'm going to remove the tube. It's an unpleasant sensation – as I already told you – but it will pass by in a few seconds. Try to breathe normally and deeply afterwards – you really need to focus on that. If you start hyperventilating I will be forced to put the tube back in – I believe neither of us wants that."

She waited another few seconds before she removed the tape, never losing eye contact with her patient and keeping a close look on his reactions. There was still the – rather elaborate – possibility of him feeling threatened by her actions and reacting with panic. But so far it went well. She gave him a reassuring smile while she was working, hoping to soothe him.

"I want you to breathe in, now."

She was carefully taking the tube into one hand and kept a close look on him. He was tightly holding on to the bed underneath him, grabbing the bedsheets with his hands – like his life was clinging to it. But she knew it was a perfectly normal reaction, it was the effort of getting the own breathing working – against the tube.

"Okay. Exhale."

She could feel his reaction and quickly but gently pulled the tube from its position. She knew it was extremely discomforting, even painful if not done the right way – too roughly – and his facial expression clearly told her that he felt that way right now. She was relieved as she heard him take in a deep shuddering breath, but then he started to cough.

"It's okay, it's fine. You have done very well. Please try to relax, try to take a deep breath."

He was having troubles following her order and she was pretty sure he was on the edge of panic. She could see it in the way he was reacting. She was forced to hold him down, as his body seemed to reach out to finally get some oxygen. But she needed to keep him from moving and aggravating any of the slowly healing injuries.

"Calm down, you need to calm down. Breathe – deep and slowly. It's gonna be okay – just breathe."

It took some more very long uncomfortable moments, but it seemed to finally work. He took a breath – as shaky as the first one – and a few of the same kind were following, until his breathing was slowly normalizing. She let go of his shoulders and took a step backwards – giving him some more room and smiled.

"Very well. You have done good, very good."

She could see his face contort in concentration, which definitely was not an effect of the effort of deep breathing. She realised what he was up to – he was trying to form some words, ask her something, demanding to know about the miserable situation he was trapped in. And although so far she had no knowledge about his memory and it would have been a good thing to find out, to estimate the psychological consequences of the assault, but she stopped him.

"Don't. Just don't try to speak right now. The tube has been in place for almost a week. Your throat is sore from the pressure put on it by the tube and you will have difficulties for at least another day or two. Just don't try. Give it some more time – it's gonna be okay."

He frowned – a reaction which made her understand that he was unwilling to obey to her proposal. Obviously she wouldn't be able to keep him from trying anyway and she could understand his wish. After the trauma he had been put through and the realisation of a completely different surrounding when he woke up again, it was most normal for him to search for answers.

But he wasn't in much of a shape to form any word after all, though he tried really hard. She knew it was a frustrating thing – to know what you wanted to say, but not being able to. She had become quite good in guessing patient's questions by single words announced to her under great difficulties.

She was still astonished everytime she had to remove a tube. The discomfort and aftereffects of that medical treatments were wide spreading. She had done this some several hundred times in her career – placing and removing these things and she still couldn't even imagine what it must feel like. Of course she had heard from patients, but that didn't make the imagination any easier. She just hoped she never would be forced to experience.

"Week...?"

He whispered the one single word and as she had expected it, it was too much an effort to form any more words. His voice was low, raspy and she could hear that it had been most definitely painful and exhausting. It wasn't much of a surprise – taking his current condition into consideration – but still she felt sad about it. She still did – everytime she had to listen, but she smiled at him none the less.

"You have been taken here eight days ago. Since that time you have been unconscious. This has been Monday morning, the 16th."

She could see confusion on his face and he wasn't to blame for it. Losing a whole week just like this, without even knowing about it - was a hard thing to take. But she wasn't supposed to keep the truth from him, she needed him to find out what had happened to him. He tried once again his voice almost not able right now. She needed to lean in closer to understand him.

"Before?"

She was surprised by his question, but she didn't let it show. She didn't want to push him. He would remember sooner or later and even if he would not – it would definitely be better for him.

"Don't you remember?"

"No."

She wasn't sure about his answer, but she didn't insist. He had been through a very hard and trying time and he really didn't need to be pushed into remembering by her. He would need time and a lot of assurance. She would not talk against him – she had no right to do so. She smiled at him for another time and then turned to leave.

"That's okay. I'm gonna leave you alone now. I will tell your co-worker he may come back inside, if that's okay with you?"

He nodded slowly without saying another word, obviously feeling exhausted. The process she had forced him through hadn't actually left much of any other outcome. But she was happy she had him breathing on his own again. His recovery process had begun and he would need a lot more time to get better, but he would. And as she hadn't even been sure he would recover after all, this was a very, very good outcome of events. An outcome she was relieved about.