Flying to the Med. Bay on caused my worry and fear to grow. What was wrong with me? Could Ratchet fix it? Why did it include these two? What is the weird buzzing/tingling? Why did it always act up when around said twins? I couldn't stop the single tear slide down my cheek from the hurricane of emotions roaring inside of me.
The two Lamborghini's below me kept pace with my speed. Their own worry could be felt around them, an aura surrounding both of them. It caused me freak out more, the tips of my fingers prickling with cold energy. I curled my hands and pushed the increasing energy back to where it gathers.
All three of us entered the hangar. The bot we were looking was standing at his normal spot, tinkering with something on his table. When he heard the transformation of Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, he turned around. His eyes flickered to each of us and stayed on me in the end. "What an unsuspecting group surprise. What are you two doing here?" Ratchet hardened his voice for his last question regarding the twins.
For the first time that I have been around them, Sideswipe showed nervousness and confided in his brother. Said bot didn't say anything, acting unsure as well, and glanced over at me, just for a moment.
My hand flew to the center of my chest as the buzz bloomed in reaction of his gaze. I growled under my breath and looked over at Ratchet for some assistance. The CMO came to my rescue, kind of. "I think I now know why you are in here. Azar, I believe we need to have a discussion, with Sideswipe and Sunstreaker."
"Yeah, I think so too. It's starting to get irritating. And Sideswipe decided to join in on the fun of shocking me as well," I hissed and glared at said bot who tried to act innocent.
Ratchet dipped his head. "He shocked you too?" He received a nod to confirm his question. "Did the same buzz start afterwards?" Another nod. The medic hummed and turned to grab a tablet off of the table behind him. He scrolled through whatever data was on the device before coming to stop and handing it to the twins.
"Azar, have you heard of sparkmates, er, soulmates?" Ratchet continued with his questioning.
Confused, I nodded and glanced over at the twins. Shock was evident on their faces when they heard what the neon bot said. They returned to reading a couple moments after. "Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything that is going on?"
The CMO sighed as the gears in his head spun. "It's a cultural thing for us Cybertronians. Sparkmates are rare now since the war has spilt or offlined many. And for you to have that kind of connection with the twins is even more rare, shouldn't even be possible with you as an organic."
Sunstreaker stopped reading and motioned for Ratchet to slow down. "Are you saying that she is our sparkmate? A human?" Disgust filled his voice. In reaction, I puffed out my chest and flexed my claws. His brother elbowed him in the side and shook his head to deter him from saying anything else. Nothing that the yellow bot would say couldn't be worse than what my own mother has said to me.
"Technically yes and no." Sunstreaker rolled his eyes at the answer he got. "Like I stated, it shouldn't be possible." Ratchet turned his attention to me. "I wanted to talk with you, Azar, about this situation tomorrow but it seems like Primus has forwarded that to happen today."
"From the information that I have gather and what's left over from the war, this kind of situation between a Cybertronian and organic has happened only twelve times before. Well, the recorded ones. There could be hundreds more but all on that data pad is all that I have to study. The only reason those twelve could bond with a Cybertronian is the fact their sparks/souls were on the same 'frequency'. Only on two occasions was it near death experience, for the organic but all have survived." Okay, that didn't ease any tension of what is going on for me.
I landed a little wobbly on the table closest to me and began pacing. My hands shook in fear and nervousness, unable to contain what I felt. "What's does this-" I pointed firmly at my chest- "mean then? What is the buzz?"
Both of the twins glanced over me with worry in their eyes; as much as Sunstreaker fought it, he couldn't hide his true feelings. Sideswipe moved from his brother's side over me. His hands held up in surrender, trying to show he was no threat. A pointed look from me stopped him in his tracks.
Ratchet fake cleared his throat to ease the tension growing. "Well, the buzz is from the transfer of spark essence from them."
That surely caught the yellow bot's attention. Said Cybertronian snapped his head to stare at Ratchet. "What?!" His voice echoed throughout the hangar and rung as if it was inside of my mind.
Fright struck me straight at the heart as I gaped from his sudden outburst. The medic's body immediately tensed and his eyes locked onto mine. He made careful, timid movements over to me as my legs began to shake and scooped me off.
White noise overcame everything else in hangar. I struggled to breath and gripped tightly onto Ratchet's chest plating for support. The shouting match began once more inside of my head.
Tears fell freely down my cheeks. A soothing stroke to the top of my head surprised me but I did nothing to stop the motion. Instead, I pushed myself more against the petting. It was the only thing I could focus on in this state of mind.
What felt like hours later, the voice of Ratchet could heard over the white noise and yelling. I mentally latched onto his voice, using it as a helper and protector. Until finally I could hear and focus on other noises of the Med. Bay.
Thankfully for all those in here with me, that episode didn't last long nor did it get out of hand. I relaxed against Ratchet chest plating and purred lightly to alert I was now better. The bot stopped petting me which I didn't mind, surprisingly. "What happened to her?" Sideswipe carefully questioned, his voice quiet and soft.
"I learned the hard way not to yell suddenly when she is around," Ratchet grounded out and sounded… protective over me. Sideswipe only made an 'oh' sounded and quieted down afterwards. "And Sunstreaker, you heard me. You somehow transferred your spark essence to her. How? I don't a solid answer besides you two shocking her."
After gathering my bearings and sitting up, I cleared my throat to bring the attention to me. "What is spark essence though and why do I have it in my chest?"
"It's, for human terms, soul essence. You probably shared some of yours with them and formed a bond." A bond?
"What kind of bond?" Because soulmates are mostly romantic and I… don't deserve love or anything good in my life.
"Romantic, to say in the least. Bonds for Cybertronians are very special and you have a deep connection with each other. Your sparkmate is, figuratively, your other half." I cringed and felt guilt build up inside of me for the two that got dragged into this mess.
I stood up on shaky legs and peered sorrowfully up at him. "Is there any way for us to break the bond?"
Silence. Did… did I say something wrong?
"Azar, you…" Ratchet was lost for words and held me eye to eye with him. "That's not… why?" Is all he can form and put into a one word sentence.
"To say in the least, I don't des-erve love. I don't de-serve someone to be there for me. They also don't want a monster as their soulmate," I answered and couldn't stop my voice from cracking. It was the truth. They don't want me, a killer of thousands, the monster parents tell to their kids at night.
Pity grew in his eyes. I felt more gazes on me and found the twins staring at me as well. Sorrow evident in their orbs. Even Sunstreaker seemed to feel the same. "Midnight, we may not know any of your past but we know you do deserve love. Without asking, you saved Anna and Sunny. You protected them and got injured," Sideswipe stated and moved towards me.
Blood rushed to my cheeks in embarrassment. "But I don't. Like you said, you don't know what I did in my past. I've done some… horrible, nasty things. All I'm doing is trying to some good before Jasper gets fed up with me and kills me off."
"Azar, I know you don't think you do but give it a shot, for yourself. Here-" he passed me over to Sideswipe who gently took me in his hands. I stared at him in semi-playfully betrayal but felt my nerves begin.
"How about we go for a drive?" Sideswipe offered. "And we show you some secret spots around the area."
My eyes flickered between the two, anxious about whether or not. Should I lower my guard and allow for this bond to grow? I still don't believe that I should have a bond with them. But time will tell them they shouldn't be with me. "Sure but I'm flying. The inside of a Lamborghini isn't that big for my twenty-four foot wing span."
Sideswipe smiled, not his usual smirk, and held out the hand I was standing on. I took this silent invitation to take off and hovered by the open hangar door. The two transformed and pulled out onto the gravel outside. I glanced back at Ratchet, to ensure it was okay.
"Go, be free. If you need me, I'll be here trying to gather some more information." With a gentle curl of the corner of my lips, I took off after the two. This was the first time in a week that I was going off base, even though with an escort it was better than nothing.
Down below me, Sunstreaker called out to me. I dove to be close with them and noted the buzz grew at the close proximity. Oh, how I'm going to miss that when they realize they don't want to be with me. "Follow us, we're going to an isolate place in the forest."
"Alright but don't worry about speed, I'm pretty fast." After announcing that, I tilted my wings in a gentle glide upwards and leveled out around a hundred or so feet above them. Sideswipe sped in front of his brother to be leader and headed towards the way off of the base.
The wind felt amazing after the lack of flight during my time here. A few clouds blotted the sky, not enough to block out the sun. There was a soft breeze bringing in the smell of rain many miles off to the east. Maybe a possibility of a storm, oh that would be fun. A wide smile was brought to my face at the thought.
All three of us left the base, on a mission. They drove slowly at first then timidly speeding up until they were skidding around corners. I easily handled how fast the two were going even on the straits and dove down to be close with the two. These roads were just a bit small for me to have my wings fully unfurled but that didn't matter too badly for me.
After some time, Sideswipe revved his engine as a challenge. His brother returned the gesture. I scoffed with the same smile growing on my face and turned with them on a tight corner.
Three cars appeared around the bend. The first in line slammed on his/her brakes at the sight of my form. The others followed suit, probably in confusion until we passed them and those two saw me fly by. Luckily, no one rear ended each or run off the road.
We continued on path with no breaks as the twins raced each other and I kept equal pace with them. Why waste energy on a race that I would surely win?
I headed up more in the sky for extra room and barrel rolled. Excitement bloomed in my chest; the sun kissing my skin; the wind in my air; and all of my fucks out there for anyone to have. I swooped quickly towards the two before doing a couple loop de loop.
Before the sun just started to touch the horizon, the Lamborghini's turned onto a dirt road. This small, pot hole filled road forced them to have to slow way down and carefully drive. I slowed down with them and glided like a feather over the top of the trees. Some of the pine branches brushed against the underside of my wings, drawing out another smile.
The ability of flight isn't something I hate or despise unlike my other powers. Nor do I take it for granted either. This is the one thing that I will admit that I like for what Jasper has given me.
This road Sideswipe is leading us to was extremely windee to the point the wide supercars had trouble around some corners. I, on the other hand, didn't let the slow speed bring my mood down; instead, I twirled and had some fun of some air tricks as they shimmied around tight bends. It was an amusing sight to see.
All of us reached the end of the road when the sun's rays barely shined. The moon blazing brightly with stars flittering in around its small statue.
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker transformed after a good hour of straight driving. I landed at the edge of the small clearing we made it to and gazed upon the mountain ranges. As far as my eyes could see, trees covered the land. This was freedom and no one could take that away from me. Over my cold, dead, scaled body.
My wings furled tightly in their spots as a soft breeze ruffled my hair. "What do you think?" Sideswipe questioned and came over to stand next to me.
I turned my head peer to the side up at the tall bot. "Well, Sideswipe, anywhere with a view is beautiful. Humans crave for things like this and even pay top dollar for it," I answered truthfully and breathed in the fresh air.
He chuckled lowly and sat down, not minding the pine needle covered ground. "I agree with you… Also I told you can call me Sides for short and what's with Hatchet calling you Azar?"
"Yeah, I know but I don't feel like I shouldn't, you know? For Azar… I gave you guys a fake name to hide my identity from the military. But Azar is my real name," I hesitantly responded. "I'm… considered dead to the general public and to those who knew me before I disappeared."
Sunstreaker joined us and only stood next to his brother, giving the ground a disgusted expression. With their close proximity, I could barely focus on anything but the tingling racing around in my chest. "Why are you considered dead?" he spoke up and changed his gaze onto me.
A sigh escaped me as I had to remember the exact reason once more. "Long story short, my mother who leads Jasper took me there to train me as a soldier. My father who leads Aztec couldn't find me and had the police searching for me. They failed as you can see and Zayden built his team to find me after learning of Jasper."
Silence as they digested the information I gave them. "Wait a minute. You're saying that your carrier leads Jasper and your sire leads Aztec." I could only nod, my voice stuck in my throat. "They're at war… They're fighting over you, aren't they?" Sunstreaker brought up really good points.
"Yes," I croaked out and scratched at the underside of my arm, a nervous habit of mine. "I side with none to protect those I love. I fight against my mother in hopes of defeating her or worse case, killing her off for the better of others. I don't want to end it that way, but if I have to, then, like most of my life, my hand is forced."
Sideswipe brushed his finger tips against the area between my wings. My anxiety washed away from his touch, a blanket of safety covered me. "We can't do anything about the past, but we promise we will kill any who try to hurt you." I internally scoffed and knew they would leave soon after seeing the true monster.
"Don't worry, I got that covered. William asked me a few days ago to join him on taking down a Jasper base and I plan on going. My wing and hip sare healed and I know I'll be at near capacity for my powers. No human or creature from Jasper can stand in my way of taking them down." I couldn't help but lean into his strokes.
Why was I putting down my guard? Allowing him to see me vulnerable? And why was this not as alarming it should be to me?!
"Hey, we've been assigned to go on that mission as well. This time we get to see what you can do. Hey, you think you could show us some of your… powers. I've heard of them but never seen them."
I glanced over at him to see pure curiosity in his eyes and gave in. Heat raced to my finger tips, flames dancing along the nibble limbs and under my control. Both of them watched the fire with interest. Pride and confidence grew in my chest while under their gaze.
The red bot used the hand he was petting me with to reach out to the flames. What's with everyone wanting to touch something that burns? I created a small ball of fire and had it float just out of his reach. "No touchy-touchy. High temperatures melt metal." He stopped his advancements and embarrassingly rubbed at the back of his neck.
"Right. No other human can do that, it's just so memorizing." I fed the ball more energy and had it dance around Sides and Sunstreaker.
Light had ceased to exist. The moon and my fire were the only light source for miles. Us three sat in each other's presences. I was enjoying it, that was making me internally crazy. Why was I, a killing machine, milling around with two robots who are my soulmates? It made no sense. I glanced down at my hands in bewilderment and wondered what was wrong with me.
Sunstreaker timidly nudged my shoulder with his finger, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Everything alright?" Was I? I just learned that I was bonded with two alien robots. The bond meant to be romantic but knowing in the end, they were going to leave. So what was the point of getting attached.
"Yeah, just processing everything that I learned about. All of this is… alien to me," I laughed lowly at the ironic word I had used.
"Ha, nice choice of words. I guess we kind of understand. We'll wait as long as it takes for you to get use to things," Sides promised and caresses the top of my head. I felt something warm in my chest, a feeling that was more foreign. My fingers brushed against where my heart sat. What was this? What am I feeling?
The yellow bot bumped his index and middle finger against my shoulder again. "Are you sure you are alright? It seems like you have more on your mind than learning we're your sparkmates."
"I don't like the warm feeling in my chest," I spilled as if I was talking to Jacob or Mia… or like we were old friends. "It's like as if a kitten was curled up there." My gazed settled on him. "What is it?"
"'A kitten curled up there'? Warm and fuzzy, I'm guessing. It could be love possibly, or appreciation, or anything on that line. Are you not use to these kinds of things? Have you even been in a relationship before?" Sunstreaker pressed and sat down on his haunches. His blue orbs glowing brightly down at me.
Nervously, I scratched at the back of my neck and meekly answered. "No, I was stuck in a Jasper the day before I turned seven and stayed there since I was sixteen. All I learned to do was kill and destroy. There was no love or compassion in there… only death." I sighed and stood up, unable to handle their intense stares.
"I don't know if I can do this. I know I get attached quickly but everyone leaves. You two aren't any different, I can't handle someone else leaving me. Just, forget about this. I can't do this." My wings unfurled as a want to escape over came me and they carried me off of the ground.
Sideswipe caught my leg before I could get out of reach. "Mid-er Azar, please. We won't leave you, we promise. Give it a shot, give us a shot. Anything you give us, we'll return it tenfold." The pure emotion and truth in his eyes stopped me from wanting to escape.
My eyes flickered all over the place, trying to find any sign of deception but couldn't. Why do I always get myself into these kind of situations? "Fine," I gave in. He released his hold on my leg and I landed on the ground in front of him. "I'll give it a shot. Just… give me time and space to try and figure out my footing."
The bot smiled widely at me and his twin had the slightly tip of his lips. "Of course, anything you need or want. Right, Sunny?" He purposely dragged Sunstreaker into this by using his nickname.
Said Cybertronian smacked his brother upside the head. "Don't call me that."
Maybe this risk will turn out good in the end. For the gods sake, I hope so.