Smile

He was in LA when he got the call with the news that broke his already shattered heart into pieces. He sat on the flight back home, not noticing the attractive young woman on the seat beside him, who fluttered her eyelashes every time he looked her way. He didn't see anything except for the one thing, the one person he had just lost. The one woman who had meant everything to him. The one woman who still meant everything to him and always would.

He pursed his lips as he thought, thinking of her was painful, not thinking of her was far worse. His heart, mind and soul were consumed by raking pain that he knew would never entirely go away. He did the only thing that he could, he smiled at the memories he had of her.

His apartment seemed dull, lifeless, just like he felt. So he changed and went for a jog to numb the pain, but it didn't help, the hot shower and drink he had before he went to bed helped lull him to sleep, but just as suddenly it was morning and the pain was there again.

She was there when he walked into the bullpen and he did the only thing he could manage, he smiled. It hit him then that a smile hid many emotions and he was good at keeping his feelings to himself. If he had been open then this situation would never had arisen, but he hadn't, for someone who was often in the line of fire, he lacked courage and gumption when it came to matters of the heart. His heart was broken, he sighed, shook his head and focused on his work to get himself through the day. A day of being constantly in her warm, vibrant company and he savoured every moment while at the same time he hurt every moment knowing that it would all come to a sudden and brutal end, soon. Sooner than he cared to think about.

He didn't miss the opportunity six weeks later when he was asked to go undercover, in Hawaii. It was hot, sunny, the beaches were great and apparently so were the women. Maybe if he met a woman, she could erase the memory of the one he was leaving behind, the one who had broken his heart. Maybe that wasn't fair, maybe she didn't break his heart, maybe he broke it all by himself.

He sat on the beach and looked around him, today was his day off but it would have been easier to get through the day if he had been working. The undercover was great, he could enjoy a life in Hawaii print shirts, instead of shirt and tie. He could live the life owning a surf store right on the water's edge. His partner in the store said that he deserved a day off not having had a day off since he arrived one month, three days, four hours and thirty six minutes ago, here he was sitting on a golden sandy beach.

He looked around him, noticing plenty of slim bikini clad women giving him the eye and looked out to the sea instead, he wasn't interested. The only woman he wanted wasn't his and never would be. He sighed, he did a lot of that as a pretty woman sat beside him and tried to coax him into joining in a game with some of her friends who were splashing about in the emerald water. He did the only thing that he could as he gently let her down, he smiled.

Going off with them would have eased everything for a time, but then he would be alone again and all his thoughts and demons would come back and haunt his soul, his mind, his heart. No woman could ever replace the woman who stole his heart, and he didn't want them to either.

One month, six days, twelve hours and ten minutes later the case was over and he was on a flight back to DC. The call came just as he landed at the airport, from his best friend who could not let the day pass without telling him. Telling him about the woman he loved and what today was for her. He had to sit down, he couldn't believe she was getting married. He had dreamt of her wedding day so many times, but then he had been there too, right by her side and today she was marrying someone else, someone she loved and certainly not him.

One hour, three minutes and twenty seven seconds later he pulled up in a cab at the church. He got out just in time to see her emerge on her new husband's arm and his face fell crestfallen, his heart breaking all over again. Still he did the only thing he could do, he smiled as he reached them, congratulating them both, forcing the smile to meet his eyes, to be genuine.

She took him aside after the photographs had been taken and said "All you had to do was say, you never said, you never told me….I love him, I will be happy with him and I just hope that you can be happy, find someone else. We were never together"

"We might have been…I could of…." he replied

"But you didn't….and now it's too late…I will always love you…. as a friend" she told him pulling him in for a hug and he knew that his smile had not fooled her one bit.

One year, seven months, eight weeks, fourteen days and nine hours later he congratulated her again on the birth of her son, wishing every moment that he spent with her that this was their moment together. That the little boy was his, he did the only thing he could, the only thing he knew how to, to get through this nightmare occasion, of joy for her but anguish for him, he smiled.

Three years, four months, seven days and ten hours later, he climbed the stairs to his bedroom that he shared with his wife. His wife who he met the day after the woman he loved had a baby. His wife he married a year ago today, who loved him unconditionally and was waiting for him in their bed. With each step he neared the room, his heart still belonged to the woman he had loved since the day she had stormed into his office, thinking he was personnel and always would. He reached the bedroom, the light shone on the auburn hair of his wife and she held her hand to him to join her, to love her on this their special night. He sat down, and reached for his wife, her clear green eyes looking into his and he smiled before lowering his head to kiss her, to love her and make her his. Later he lay with her in his arms, staring up at the ceiling and thinking of the woman who held his heart. Would he ever be over her? His mind cried out to the heavens, never was the reply. This was his life now, Sue had her own life, this woman, Sherry in his arms was his. He did the only thing that he knew how to when she woke and looked up at him, trusting him with her love, her heart, her soul, he smiled, before burying his true feelings in his heart forever, kissing her softly and making her his all over again.

The End